Siezing the day... whatever the day may bring !

[Julslynne]

Thank you ladies for your kind words of support.

Weigh in last night and I put on a pound. Gutted but totally my own fault so no one to blame. Given myself a shake however, and determined to get back down to basics. Will cut out the bars for a bit they seem to send me a bit do laly tap, and get me craving.

Note to self ALCOHOL IS NOT YOUR FRIEND ! Considering how much I used to drink on a weekly basis having one slip in four weeks is amazing. It's true what they say doctors, social workers and lawyers best alcoholics around lol Stress relief, yes and no. Most definitely not if it is going to cause me to put a 1lb on. I'm not having that so back to basics it is.

My boss was in a foul mood yesterday, she gets snippy when she is under pressure and makes people's lives a misery. It is such a come down after last week when she was on a high with the good work that we did. Why I allow her mood to get to me so much I don't know, but it really gets under my skin and makes a hard job that much flaming harder.

Anyway today is a good day to wear earings and kick a**. Onwards and downwards.

May the 4th be with you

( Best alcoholics) Add nurses to that one hun lol. Glad your back on track. Keep trundling on. Xxxxx

 

[Clarabow]

Welcome back .. hope you enjoyed your holiday Jules. Head back into it now and away to go xx

 

[Clarabow]

Positive day today. Up early finished paperwork. Student report to be signed off this morning. Big piece of work out of the way. Day of really interesting training ahead, which is always good.

Back is feeling half human, which is a major result after last week. No major lapses. Doing good

 

[Julslynne]

Another week left of my hols clara but I've been checking in from time to time to see how your all doing. Back next tues. Xxx

 

[UmmZakaria]

Yay to a successful day xx

 

[Clarabow]

Well i have had a bit of a breakthrough. Feeling unwell last night, headache all day, tired and crampy. Really fed up. Loss of only 2lb in class. BUT and boy is it a big BUT, I did not lapse or turn to food at all. I thought about it briefly as it is the hardwired default choice for me to medicate with. Then I thought out of the blue, which quite surprised me ,,, nah I'm not even hungry and I dont fancy anything! I'll give it a miss. WHAT A RESULT IS THAT ?

Huge thing for me, that type of achievement. I am also coping in work without turning to food for compensation. I did not think I would be consistently able to do that. So I am pleased with that.

In class last night counsellor mentioned that some of us had very little experience or practice at managing a normal weight and achieving weight loss. I can honestly say I have never had any experience of being a "normal" weight since I was a child. Some of my earliest memories are of being huge and fat. By the first year of junior school I knew I was fat and different and yes UGLY . How sad is that for a child? This was compounded by being taken to the GP at 8 and put on my first diet, I can remember part of the recomendation was to eat only 8 oranges on a Sunday. Barking or what ! School lunches were weight watchers soup and ryvita lol Great!

Looking at pictures of me as a child makes me really angry as I see a bonny girl who looks quite normal really. A bit larger than some of my peers but not outlandishly so. In secondary school the weight really started to pile on and then I started looking quite huge. I was one of the biggest in my school, no looking back I probably was the fattest in my school. And no ladies that is not in my head I was 13 to 14 stone in school in a size 16/18/20.

Hell of a thing to grow up with and it certainly made its mark. However, being Fat has made me the wonderful, loving, funny, intelligent and giving person that I am today.( that is on a good day, on a bad day I am a grumpy, impatient and intolerant old troll lol ) Without those experiences I would not have learned to love others or myself. I have learned important lessons over the years to cherish myself and consider myself beautiful. Thank god for the BBW community, the big beautiful women community for those not in the know. I have had wonderful partners who have adored me and thought I was the sexiest thing since sliced bread. Also I have been blessed with wonderful friends and a great family.

Anyway there is a point to this ramble, though I hadn't expected it to ramble this way lol Though I sometimes struggle with lighter life, I sometimes lapse I have every faith in myself that I am making progress with my weight. Little victories such as not eating when I have a headache, are major changes in thinking for me. And as the counsellor said anything that we get good at needs practice and repetition. The more we are able to stay abstinent and stick with the feelings and experiences that would cause us previously to eat, the more we are able to learn that we dont need to resort to food in troubled times. That was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me. So I am going to cherish my opportunities to build by abstinence muscles. The more often I win, the smoother my journey will be and the stronger I will be.

Here endeth the ramble.

Hope your weeks are going well, onwards and downwards xx

 

[HannahNewton]

Wish I had time this morning to comment at length but my desk awaits!!

You sound in a really good place right now so pleased the group work is resonating with you. xx

 

[LadyT]

Brilliant post chick and very brave to share that level of detail! There is no shame in being overweight which I suspect you didn't feel due to having enough confidence to join the bbw community! O had looked around it In the past and thought how stunning some of the women are, the confidence is remarkable! I however on being obese felt none of that, just fat and ugly, something my lovely estranged hubby used to enjoy taunting me with, but that's ok because look at me now is all I have to say!

Well done on the loss and well done on not choosing to turn to food xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[SunshineCass]

Ash well done Clara, a 2lb loss and you stopped yourself from lapsing, amazing. I rapidly gained weight in secondary school and was the biggest- a size 24 and nearly 6ft tall I was a magnet for evil comments. Still like you said it makes you the person you are today. Have a lovely day Clara you deserve it xxx

 

[MagdaX]

Oh don't even get me started on my school days...
It was less than pleasant to say the least. I was easily the biggest girl in the whole school and was always defined by my obesity.

It seems worlds away now but I think those times were the beinning of my self hatered.

Aaaanyway..
looks like you're cracking the shell hun and working through your 'issues'
Such an exciting time...

 

[Clarabow]

Thank you ladies for your input much appreciated. xx

 

[Clarabow]

It really saddens me when absolutely stunning women feel so bad about the way they look just because they are larger than what society has said they should be. ( I'm not talking about weight loss for health reasons here, as I do acknowledge that being overweight and obsese has serious medical consequences, and people do have personal preferences as to how they look. )

So many of us have suffered at the hands of "friends", family, society, husbands and partners due to their intolerance of the extra pounds. It's one of the few areas of acceptable social discrimination left.


Can relate to your experience Lady T with the husband, a partner of mine who I was living with once said to me "I'd marry you if you weren't so fat!" This is a man who had first been attracted to me when I was fat,I was fat had always been fat since he first knew me, so there were no surprising weight gain in store for him. AT this point I realised what a totally abusive little toad he actually was. Relationship didn't last long afterwards lol


Part of me worries about loosing the weight, what will there be to obsess about then ? Saggy skin, hips out of proportion, knobly knees, droopy boobs? I am sure there will be somehting to worry about. After all god forbid that a woman could feel allright about herself. The whole beauty industry would loose millions lol Mind you I have funded quite a lot of it, cos dont you just love all those pretty colours, bottles and perfumes

Whilst I have enjoyed being a larger lady, and have felt wonderful and glamorous, I appreciate this is not the case for all. We all have our own personal view of what we should look like and what we want to be. The time has come now however, to shift the weight for my health. My poor little knees can no longer stand the weight on them. It is not healthy to be very overweight, it damages so many of the vital organs and joints. Many of my friends from the BBW community are having to loose weight due to health concerns. Many have opted for bariatric surgery. This has not always been successful, which is really sad as it is touted as the panacea for all weight loss ills. When you are very large, it's the issues in your head that cause you to eat rather than the need to cut down. With lighter life at least the program acknowledges that and gives you the opportunity to address those issues, whilst shifting the weight quickly and safely.

Clarabow, sponsored by lighter life rofl Another good day yesterday. Swine of a day in work, but abstinence reigned supreme. Whey hey !

Onwards and downwards ladies.

 

[Clarabow]

I SOOOOOOOO WANT TO EAT ! i've got a really bad head. It wont help any though will it.

This to will pass !

 

[UmmZakaria]

Hey lady... step away from the cake! How are you doing???
I hope you're head is feeling better xxxxxxxxx

 

[Clarabow]

Head has been a nightmare all day. But I didn't lapse. Getting there. I went and had my nails done instead. A nice surprise for me, as totally unexpected.

Home now and watching a film relaxing. Crisis over. Headache still there so early night. How you doing with things ? Well I hope xx

 

[LadyT]

Aw hope your head gets better soon hunny. Definately in need of an early night chick, look after yourself xx

 

[weebles]

WOW, just read the last couple of pages. Very brave to put this down and share. Can relate to so much of this- and all along in my life, until now, I thought I was the only one who thought these things.

Congrats on the weightloss and I mean that with all my heart. You are correct: 2lbs is nothing to be sniffed at! You are doing so well and what you don't lose in lbs is then made up in inches. Why are we so consumed about lbs anyways? Cause were are programmed to...BMI charts dictate, GP's dictate , our friends.....all numbers. Everyone seems to compare themselves to the 'scale' of things? Just a thought.

How is the headache? OH..and kuddo's for not giving into temptation. We all know how hard that is Some days it can be a constant battle. You getting your water in?

xx

 

[Clarabow]

Thanks for that Weebs. Haven't done much writting or chatting for a while, so I think I am making up for it lol. All the group work must be getting me back into the swing of things.

I think you may well be right about the water, need to up it quite a bit. I did well with it yesterday and the headache was a lot better. There was water on our conference table and glugged it all morning.

Had our team planning day yesterday. Boy did it go well. I did the presenting, just my cup of tea. Some hard work was done and a good outcome was reached. I am fortunate to have a great team around me at the mo, all very comitted and hard working a real blessing. They then got to relax and have lunch together. I resisted temptation so a good day was had.

Got to round the day off with a spa with one of my mates. Perfect day

 

[Clarabow]

Saturday night. Kings Speach and sparkly water. Cant fault it. Not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips. Who'd have thought. What a result!

 

[weebles]

Well done! Enjoy the movie - I hear it is a good one.
xx