So here we go

fat2go said:
One wonders about all this you know...Having the dubious ability to go from 'Full of hope, promise with the will to succeed' to something that's the complete opposite in just a matter of hours. How can it be that you feel so strong and so determined and so happy that you're doing so well to suddenly succumbing to every little whim to overeat or eat the wrong stuff.

None of it makes sense really...One minute you're stood in the shower, in tears, because you're stood in the shower because you've unable to clean yourself properly after going to the toilet. And from that humiliation, from that despair you suddenly snap and go about fixing that one thing that really does repulse you about yourself- the obesity, the fat the health problems. So on your merry way with good intentions and you begin to do well, you lose weight, your food intake lessens, the food you're eating is healthier...you quickly become happier, your clothes fit a little better, energy returns, you're happier, you're more determined....you're succeeding but....but for whatever reason or reasons, none of that is good enough.

All hell breaks loose, your memory stops working- you suddenly forget how awful you felt just a few weeks before...Suddenly everything bad about being obese doesn't actually matter and you start convincing yourself you don't care about being 'x' amount of stones overweight and it's fine to shovel 5000 calories a day down your throat, it's totally nonsensical and beggars belief.

Does it simply mean I'm too weak? ... Probably.

Triggers? Well, if life suddenly biting me on the arse is a trigger then yes but I can't just use this as an excuse, life, in general, bites us on the arse several times a year. Strength is what's required....Too weak? Hmmmm

Today has been another long struggle...I'm unhappy that I've had to eat to a plan, I'm not wanting to do this right now, I'm having to and feeling like that is dangerous...but at least I recognise this. I have a friend, who I've not known for long who has been an amazing source or inspiration...She's a very, very special person and it has been her words and her encouragement which has stopped me from going under completely...Sadly there are people who are close to me who don't really seem to care if I'm doing well or not...Saboteurs? Maybe...but maybe it's just they don't understand how difficult all this is.

I will fight though, I am battling and trying very hard to keep going, to become refocussed and I understand I have to get through this tough time and, better still, learn from it. I'm feeling sorry for myself but there's no room in life for feeling sorry for myself, just buck up and get on with it all.

To quote from a film....... "Get busy living or get busy dying"
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Hi - glad to have u back - but sorry that ur feeling down - once again u've eloquently expressed how I and I'm sure many others feel about our bodies, our minds and at times our helplessness particularly with our relationship with food. The only thing I disagree with - is that ur weak - no way - it takes guts to do what u've done so far and even more to write ur latest post.

I think ur being very hard on urself - u have done well - yes u have had a slip up - u've mentioned that ur under stress at work and not getting support from those around u - and we all know how closely our emotions are connected to food. I'm glad to hear u have a good friend who's supporting u.

Isn't it strange how easy it is to fall of the wagon yet how hard it is to is to get back on? And similarly, when we're on plan we feel so well and upbeat and can't imagine how or why we'd revert to our old habits.

You've shown us that ur a deep thinker and I can brood over things but at times like this - I wonder if we need to stop beating ourselves up and just be kinder to no. 1 and get back to the job in hand!

I'm sure lots of others will read ur post and will recognise the situation - cos they'll have been there themselves - some of them (like me) more times than they'd like to remember. You may think that at my weight I have it easy - but it's all relative as they say - and I truly have felt despair about my weight at times.

By posting today - perhaps ur ready to get back on plan? If that's a step too far right now - how about starting the process by eating 3 meals and as many healthy snacks as u need - this may help u get some control back - until ur ready to get back on track.

It's good to read that ur up for the fight - again an evocative word but very apt.

I think it was ur WI day today - and perhaps like us all couldn't face going to class? But I'm sure ur consultant and group would be supportive - I hope u will be able to go back soon. Would ringing ur consultant help?

Please keep posting - whether ur on plan or not - we're here to support and remember to take care of you.
 
Just had another thought - have u had a look at the 'Strugglers & Restarters' threads? May be worth a browse?
 
It's really good to see you posting again, fat2go. I am sure it's a big step in the right direction.


There is certainly no reason to call yourself weak. You are up there with CJ in the strength of willpower stakes. That's for sure.


it could be that your body is fighting back because of how much weight you have lost in such a short amount of time. I am going to find the article I read that explains how it does that. It was new to me and others may find it interesting.


You are frank and honest about your feelings and thoughts and i am sure that it is immensely helpful for everyone that reads your thread.


Let us know how your day goes today. Draw extra strength from the support there is here for you and soon we will be seeing that enthusiastic, positive fat2go back on track and forging ahead. :)
 
Yep - just got to keep battling

At the moment I've stopped wanting to do this and I'm doing it because I 'have to'. Little or no enthusiasm right now but I am staying on plan - and that's the key I guess.

Having a Red day today - just made myself a huge salad for work with a couple of SW Scotch Eggs - just toast and Marmite for brekki (a couple of syns for marg) and I'll have a cheese and onion sandwich when I get home later.

I'm sure the 'want' will come back soon and if I can get through these tough times then the rest should be easy. Not had a weigh in this week because of meetings and working late :( I suppose that tied in nicely with the fact that I would have gained...hmmm...

Anyhoo, thanks for all the positive support, I really would be lost without it...Not only lost but I'd be off plan too :eek:

Have a good day all
 
fat2go said:
Yep - just got to keep battling

At the moment I've stopped wanting to do this and I'm doing it because I 'have to'. Little or no enthusiasm right now but I am staying on plan - and that's the key I guess.

Having a Red day today - just made myself a huge salad for work with a couple of SW Scotch Eggs - just toast and Marmite for brekki (a couple of syns for marg) and I'll have a cheese and onion sandwich when I get home later.

I'm sure the 'want' will come back soon and if I can get through these tough times then the rest should be easy. Not had a weigh in this week because of meetings and working late :( I suppose that tied in nicely with the fact that I would have gained...hmmm...

Anyhoo, thanks for all the positive support, I really would be lost without it...Not only lost but I'd be off plan too :(

Have a good day all
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You are definitely not alone hun, im also feeling like this is a 'must' and not a 'choice'.I too am hoping the want comes back.Have a good day x
 
fat2go said:
Yep - just got to keep battling

At the moment I've stopped wanting to do this and I'm doing it because I 'have to'. Little or no enthusiasm right now but I am staying on plan - and that's the key I guess.

Having a Red day today - just made myself a huge salad for work with a couple of SW Scotch Eggs - just toast and Marmite for brekki (a couple of syns for marg) and I'll have a cheese and onion sandwich when I get home later.

I'm sure the 'want' will come back soon and if I can get through these tough times then the rest should be easy. Not had a weigh in this week because of meetings and working late :( I suppose that tied in nicely with the fact that I would have gained...hmmm...

Anyhoo, thanks for all the positive support, I really would be lost without it...Not only lost but I'd be off plan too :eek:

Have a good day all
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Hi - I was so pleased to read ur post - can see it's a struggle but ur drive and determination are winning thro'. Well done for getting back on track.

Isn't this site great - seems there's more than enough support for anyone who needs it at any one time! (and we'll all need some at various points along this journey!). Take care.
 
Ouchie

I was using my super sharp slice new toy thing to slice onions and my thumb got in the way...Nice bit of 'claret' to go with my Cheese and Onion sandwich lol...

Had a little breakthrough today...wore my shirt tucked in :D It's casual smart at my work, I usually wear a shirt and I don't have it tucked in, but today I did...Felt comfortable enough to do that so that's a little tick in the box!

Quite enjoyed my red day today, it was especially nice to come home and have something 'proper' to eat for supper. I've decided to do the same again tomorrow, with just one difference...no human skin mixed in with the onion! Will make myself a SW chilli on Friday morning and they'll be more than enough to have Saturday as well. I will have it with rice though, so back on the EE plan from Friday. I've already earmarked myself for Shepherds Pie Sunday and Monday - can't get enough of that...too nice!

So, three days into the week and despite everything, I've remained on plan. Continuing in my attempts to refocus and it helps also when someone remarks how much better I'm looking (as someone did today). It's a little lift but I keep focussing on the wrong thing by thinking about just how far I've got to go :( No weigh in this week so I can't gauge where I stand at the moment...I really really hope that I'm into the teens when I get weighed next week, going to be real upset if I don't. Despite knowing the demon is lurking close by I believe I'm pretty safe with staying on plan up to, and including, next Tuesday. We have a taste night next week and I'll be taking in SW Scotch Eggs and maybe some SW Ferrero Rocher as well. I have my own take on the latter so it'll be interesting to see what people think.

So there we go...Baby step by baby step and I feel just that tad more positive and a tad more belief has returned...Work hard through the tough times and enjoy those times when the demon is not with me :)

Now excuse me, I need to go change the dressing on my thumb :(

Be good to yourself!
 
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fat2go said:
Ouchie

I was using my super sharp slice new toy thing to slice onions and my thumb got in the way...Nice bit of 'claret' to go with my Cheese and Onion sandwich lol...

Had a little breakthrough today...wore my shirt tucked in :D It's casual smart at my work, I usually wear a shirt and I don't have it tucked in, but today I did...Felt comfortable enough to do that so that's a little tick in the box!

Quite enjoyed my red day today, it was especially nice to come home and have something 'proper' to eat for supper. I've decided to do the same again tomorrow, with just one difference...no human skin mixed in with the onion! Will make myself a SW chilli on Friday morning and they'll be more than enough to have Saturday as well. I will have it with rice though, so back on the EE plan from Friday. I've already earmarked myself for Shepherds Pie Sunday and Monday - can't get enough of that...too nice!

So, three days into the week and despite everything, I've remained on plan. Continuing in my attempts to refocus and it helps also when someone remarks how much better I'm looking (as someone did today). It's a little lift but I keep focussing on the wrong thing by thinking about just how far I've got to go :( No weigh in this week so I can't gauge where I stand at the moment...I really really hope that I'm into the teens when I get weighed next week, going to be real upset if I don't. Despite knowing the demon is lurking close by I believe I'm pretty safe with staying on plan up to, and including, next Tuesday. We have a taste night next week and I'll be taking in SW Scotch Eggs and maybe some SW Ferrero Rocher as well. I have my own take on the latter so it'll be interesting to see what people think.

So there we go...Baby step by baby step and I feel just that tad more positive and a tad more belief has returned...Work hard through the tough times and enjoy those times when the demon is not with me :)

Now excuse me, I need to go change the dressing on my thumb :(

Be good to yourself!
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You sound more like urself - so that's good to hear - as u say baby steps, one day at time and all that..... hope the thumb heals soon - good job u were on a red day or u'd have had use a HE-B or syns LOL!
 
hmmm

Well, a tough, tough week where I was tempted to go off plan on every one of the days but I've stuck on it (if I can do it, everyone can).

I'm glad it's the weekend, having completed a seven day stretch at work, I can now relax a bit. I have a troublesome shoulder, for which I should be taking regular [larger] doses of Ibuprofen - but I haven't been doing so. I keep thinking I'm still 29 and not 49 and that these things will get better on their own and quickly...Anyway, my point is that I'm unable to do too much in the way of anything...Decorating, out in the garden to fix fence etc etc.

I've already had a lovely big Full English brunch - all dry fried with no syns at all :) I'll have the rest of my chilli later and choose my syns carefully. I had a pack of quavers in the week and they taste soooo cheesy - probably because my taste buds are that much more sensitive to 'that' type of taste.

Anyhoo - good day of football today, means I'm going to be glued to the old goggle box all afternoon but not a lot else I can do with this shoulder anyway. Already looking forward to weigh in day- don't like having to leave it two weeks in between weigh ins :( It's not a good thing not knowing where you are.
 
Good to hear ur feeling more upbeat - isn't it good to be in control? Makes me wonder why I veer off the straight and narrow cos that feels so awful and the reading on the scales is even worse LOL!

Enjoy the footie - I'll be watching the other shaped ball game later.
 
Well it's officially 4 minutes past mid night so tonight's my weigh in...I'm going for a STS, hoping to have lost this week what I would have gained last (if I had had a weigh in)...

It's not easy and still I struggle but I struggle on with a purpose. As I'm sure I've said before now, I've got a fantastic friend who is doing her utmost to keep me on the straight and narrow, or at least helping me to do so :) She's amazing!!! I haven't strayed from plan for nine days now but I do feel like I've been eating too much again (all SW food but just too much of it)...

Anyway, I'll carry on the fight and will do all I can to keep those demons at bay. This starting to remind me how hard it was when I gave up smoking. Smoked for 30 odd years and quit...for eighteen + months I had to battle but I didn't cave in and well over two years given up now and I don't even think about smoking...hoping much the same will happen with the food demon as what happened with the smoking one lol...But seriously, I really mean it when I say "If I can pack up smoking, anyone can!" - not easy but it's doable, I'm proof of that. So surely I can do this too, this bad eating thing...giving that up I mean.
 
Hi - ur very quiet - hope all is well - check ur stats and look in the mirror to see how well u've done - not to mention the support and inspiration u've generously shared with others - take care of you
 
Hi - hope ur ok - everyone falls off the wagon u know - come back and post - we'll all support u!!
 
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