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sorry i have not been on a lot but..

Nessa

Silver Member
#1
my dad has gone back in to hospital with the same problem as before, (liver and kidney problems) we were told last night that if the hospital can't make him better then there is a high chance of him dieing.

I don't know what to do, if i should prepare myself for the worst or what, I am so worried about how i am going to cope, with it happening or telling the children their grandad has died, dealing with mums, brothers and my grief at the same time, i am in tears jsut writing this and it has not happened yet.

what do you think i should do? start preparing for the worst or worry about it when it happens or what? and how do you or can you prepare for something like this?

:cry:
 
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slushy

Silver Member
#3
Nessa

i had a very long time to prepare for my moms death
and i have recently tried to prepare for my dads as he has been sick but now fortunately is on a road to recovery
however i am glad i prepared for the worst - but we are all different

if you do want to prepare i find what helps is knowing that your feelings your thoughts and fears are all normal - - and i learned this from a couple of excellent books

not sure if you have much time to read with kids and all but if you do i highly recommend:

how to go on living when someone you love dies by therese a rando
losing a parent by fiona marshall
when parents die by edward myers

please let me know if you would like me to lend you these books and i am willing to post them to you

meanwhile i send you my best wishes and prayers that your dad is at least comfortable and that your family all find the strength to deal with whatever happens

xx
 

slushy

Silver Member
#5
just wanted to add that when my mom did die my biggest worry was how my dad would cope
meanwhile his biggest worry was how i would cope
all i can say is you find a strentgh from some where that you never knew you had
just DONT be afraid to admit your feelings nessa
xxx
 
#6
my dad has gone back in to hospital with the same problem as before, (liver and kidney problems) we were told last night that if the hospital can't make him better then there is a high chance of him dieing.

I don't know what to do, if i should prepare myself for the worst or what, I am so worried about how i am going to cope, with it happening or telling the children their grandad has died, dealing with mums, brothers and my grief at the same time, i am in tears jsut writing this and it has not happened yet.

what do you think i should do? start preparing for the worst or worry about it when it happens or what? and how do you or can you prepare for something like this?

:cry:
Hi Nessa,

I am so sorry to hear that your dad is ill again and that there may be a chance that he could die.

I lost my dad to a inoperable brain tumour four years ago and I remember the day that we were told that it was terminal as if it was yesterday.

Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can say or do to help you prepare for it. We can all tell you not to think the worst or worry, but you will anyway.

The only thing that got me through that time four years ago was the thought that however bad I was feeling - my beloved dad was suffering more and that the end would be a release from that suffering.

You can't begin to think about how you can deal with yours and others grief - you have to get through 1 day at a time if the worst does happen.

However much I miss my dad I know that he is no longer in pain. My dad was actually more worried about how we would all cope and we had to tell him that it was alright for him to go- that we would be okay. Bless him.

I sincerely hope that the hospital can help your dad (they always have to tell you the worst case scenario) and that you have many many years left to hug and love him.

My heart goes out to you and I will be thinking of you and praying for your dad.

Take care
 
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Nessa

Silver Member
#7
just wanted to add that when my mom did die my biggest worry was how my dad would cope
meanwhile his biggest worry was how i would cope
all i can say is you find a strentgh from some where that you never knew you had
just DONT be afraid to admit your feelings nessa
xxx
That's exactly what I am worried about slushy! how my mum will cope as he is all she knows. If you could lend me the books it would be so much appricated, I will pay for postage and everything. I just cant stop crying, just knowing this might happen. i dont know what to do or say or anything.
 
#8
Hi Nessa hon, I have no words for you I am afraid, if it was me I be in bits so I am not much help, but do try and stay positive things may be OK. Love Claire xxxx
 
#9
Love and hug him as if today is his last day...tell him all the things that you wanted to tell him. Let him know that you are proud to be his daughter. ((((Hugs)))))))
 
#11
awwww Nessa i am so sorry hun. That is really tough.

My Dad died just over a year ago and we had about a week to prepare for his death. It was really awful but somehow you do find the strength from somewhere and you will be able to support your mum and she will support you.

Its such a mix of emotions because you are upset for yourself, upset for your Mum and worried about how she will be, and upset for your kids. My ds was only 17 months when my dad died and i felt so upset for him as he doesnt have any grandads now.

Somehow you get this inner strength and you will amaze yourself at what you can actually cope with. I felt i was absolutely no use to my Mum but she thought i was a tower of strength!

I was also really really worried that my Dad might be frightened but Dads are amazing and he will just worry about you and your Mum!

Just spend what time you can with your Dad and say all that you want to say. Its hard and there is nothing that i can say to make it better but i just want you to know that i'm thinking of you and sending lots of hugs to you and your family. xxxx
 
#12
hi.
be strong for him and your mom . my dad died last year just before my daughters 1 st birthday . i have lived with guilt since.... both myself and sister are nurses and we made desicions that had an impact , we stopped all his medications.... got loads of pain killers and made him as comfortable as we could . i know deep down that we did the right thing as he had no quality of life ( he was in his 60's).
as soome one else said tell him all the things you need to say . dont live regretting something you never did as you cant change that .
make sure he is comfortable , pain free and has dignity whether this is end of life or recovery . you can tell the kids grandad is poorly but if they are young then dont overload them with information .
my 5 yr old knows gramps has grown wings and is now an angel.
be strong for him and let the emotions do what they have to do. remember one thing no one really dies they just go into the next room and you will see them later !!
hope things work out for the best. big hugs
 
#13
as for preparation , in my experience as a nurse and witnessing things many times ... be prepared to let him go, if it is his time. most people get things in order and see evryone they need to , but give him permission to leave you all ..........
the hardest thing.

reflected on my own experiences now im tearful.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
#16
Just wanted to let you know, i`m thinking of you Nessa.
You have my number, if you need anything or just need to chat.
Hope he gets stronger xx
 

slushy

Silver Member
#17
Hi Nessa how are you feeling today?

I hope you all had a comfortable and restful night

I will be posting the books this morning.

Just wanted to say make sure you take care of YOURSELF - its easy to forget that and youre no good to anyone you care about if youre not well

hugs
x
 
#18
Hi Nessa, hope things are OK today and your Dad is doing well, posted the dress to you yesterday so you might get that today xxx thinking of you.
 

poohbearmufc

Longing 2 b a yummy mummy
#19
Nessa,

My thoughts go out to you and your family. I was in that situation a month or so ago when my dad was put on life support, it was touch and go for about a week but luckily he pulled through. You do get strength from somewhere, I tried to stay strong for my mum and constantly support her, I tried not to get upset infront of dad, but it is very difficult. I just kept telling him how much I love him, and how proud I am of him.

I really hope your dad pulls through, but tell him everything you want him to know just in case....

Sending you big hugs...

Love
 


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