Strange Revelation!

[missjelly]

Hello miniminers

So... I was just wondering if I was the only one to feel this way.

I started the year (and my real epic try hard regime ) 1st of Jan clocking in at 275lbs.

This put me at around a size 24-26.

I got down to around 260lbs and a size 20-22, and at the time was in a relationship and for the first time actually felt confident with my body and that whole being naked lark

Since then, I've dropped to 228lbs and am now a size 14-16.

Yay?

Well it would seem I'm now the opposite to my 'larger' moments, and am feeling fatter than ever wtf?

Having lost 30+lbs since last relationship (45ish in total) I'm now LESS body confident than before... and have become WAY more judgemental towards myself...

It's really p*ssing me off, especially as there's an epic bloke I would totally be dating right now if it weren't for me being so down about my body even though I now weigh ...less

What is wrong with me??

 

[thechaplingirl]

You should be over the moon after what you have achieved, you have changed your body but it seems you haven't changed your mindset.
Look in the mirror at how far you have come!
I can't wait until there is a slimmer, healthier lady looking back at me through the mirror... I envy your achievement.
xxx

 

[missjelly]

Thanks =/ my 'thinner' brain is proud of what I've achieved...

However, my 'fat' brain is still in there..jabbing away that I'm still not thin ENOUGH.

It's like that knowledge saying... everything you learn just proves how much you have left to learn.

Well it seems that for every 1lb I lose, it's feeling like a big neon sign reminding me that there are still XXlbs to go!

It's weird, at a 22.. I was comfortable having a guy see me naked etc.

Now at a 16? The thought terrifies me. I feel MORE wobbly, MORE stretchmark-ey, MORE eurgh!

Gah, how weird.

I guess, it takes your brain to catch up and realise that actually...you're not as big as you were etc... bleurgh... sorry for the mopey rant. Bad day.. especially as the current bloke is amazing... and I've been REALLY putting off going on a 'date' (meh, that makes me feel about 12yrs old) because I'm convinced he won't like what he sees, but I will soon enough be at risk of losing the opportunity all together!

 

[lindseydodd408]

have you ever read the book "who moved my cheese"? It's awsome everyone should read it!!!

There is a brilliant saying that I like to remind myself of when in situations where I'm not living my life to the full... "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"... If you don't do something what is the worst that will happen and if you do do something what is the best?

Stop moping and get living, if you got hit by a bus tomorrow I bet you'd be mighty cross with yourself for not getting to see the sexy man naked!!!

Chin up and happy man hunting!

xxx

 

[missjelly]

Haha, I know I know...you're totally right. Nothing went wrong last time (at least not weight related ) so really... why am I convinced that weight is gonna be an issue this time?

He has sort of seen 'all' of me... but I don't think I look as big in photos... maybe that's what I ACTUALLY look like ya know? But, have you ever been worried that someone thinks you're a lot thinner than you are, and you try and tell them...in a ridiculous sort of way.. I have it's sort of... 'well, uh... i'm...yaknow... not exactly...well...hm...skinny? so uh.... yea... hm...' etc I don't like to think I'm tricking people....but it's might hard to say out loud.. 'i'm a big girl, get over it'

He's even told me that he's totally noticed in the photos he's seen that I 'tried yet failed to hide your stomach, but I think you're stunning and tbh skinny girls turn me off' Guess I'm just a lil scared that it might actually go WELL

Did I mention his my friends brother? Last time he saw me, I was a spotty, fat 13yo at his sisters sleep over! Oh dear lord

 

[missjelly]

have you ever read the book "who moved my cheese"? It's awsome everyone should read it!!

Is that really a book? If so...where can I get me a copy

 

[coley144]

I think in part it's because when we imagine losing weight we expect we will also turn into a toned supermodel. Unfortunately it doesn't turn out like that! We are still us but thinner and maybe a bit saggier.

But it is SO much better than the other option - being fatter. In my experience fella's are pretty much blind to faults once you are naked..I mean you are naked so what do they care about lumps and bumps..it's the naked bit that counts to them!

 

[missjelly]

I know you're right

I think that, no matter what we all say, there's a little part of us that expects miracles and anything less is a bit of a disappointment

I guess what I'm finding weird is that, mentally, I feel bigger than before I started losing weight

And you're totally right lol... naked is naked no matter what

 

[coley144]

I think that before you start to diet you are in denial (or I was) about how big you actually are. Now it's the other way around..it takes a long time to adjust to your weight loss. I still see myself as fatter than I am..I think...It's hard to tell!

 

[missjelly]

Well it's set... We're going out on... Tuesday (help?)

I have STS for the last few weeks, so this will give me a week to..

1) Eat better
2) Gym
3) Swim
4) Take PCOS meds (they fix stuff to make weight loss more possible.. when I forget to take them, losses are nigh on impossible )

Tbh, I don't think the AMOUNT I lose this week will be that important - but, I've lapsed and STS so I'm hoping that a few pounds off will give me a bit of a confidence boost

 

[Just Peachy]

Coley-That is so true! Well put.

Miss J, this happened to me too. Once I had lost 20 pounds, I was over the moon at what I had accomplished. I started off as a size 16-18 US and now I am a size 12 US and somehow now I still feel just about as fat as I used to be because I resemble more a 'normal' size, but I'm a bit bigger. Whereas before, I was just big. You know?

I think we're more critical of ourselves because we want to achieve something and we have been forced to take a long, hard look at ourselves but you should be comparing it to what it used to be. Whip out some old photos, look at how many pounds/inches you have lost and visualise it as something. I like to visualise 40 pounds of butter all stacked into a nice little pyramid, and I can't believe all of that used to be on me. So be positive! You're the only one who can change your mindset.

And this bloke sounds lovely, I love men who don't like stick thin women. He probably likes you, just as you are So go for it! Stop being a wuss lol.

 

[missjelly]

Peachy! You have totally hit it!

Before, I was SO much bigger than 'average' that I was almost... In my own category (BIG) that I never really got compared to 'normal' girls. Now that I'm closer to being 'average' it's easier to class myself as 'BIGGER than average' which... seems..worse?

Oh alright, I shall stop being a wuss