Struggiling to cope with life!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by Miss_Kassy, 4 November 2010 Social URL.

  1. Miss_Kassy

    Miss_Kassy Silver Member

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    Hi every one, I didnt know where else to turn so thought I would come here to you guys and have a bit of a rant to see if it makes me feel better...

    I'm really struggeling to start a diet and am stuck in this vicious cycle of eating and drinking vodka every night to numb my pain.

    I'm 29 years old and should be out with my friends enjoying myself but my self esteem and confidence is so low due to my weight gain I cant face anything. I just manage to get out of bed and to work on a morning but as soon as I get home I lock that door, drink myself into an oblivion, cry my eyes out and binge eat.

    I'm plauged with memories of how I used to be (a model, size 8, attractive and outgoing, life and soul of the party) and I feel like that person was never me. Where have I gone?

    I am desperatley unhappy and everyday and night I tell myself I will try harder but I cant do it. Food and drink is my escape from my life and body.

    Does anyone get what I'm going through? I feel so alone. My friends don't understand.

    I have never had a healthy association with food. Yes I was very slim from age of 17 until two tears ago but that was down to obsessive diets and bulemia, etc, etc. Now at age of 29 I am 15.2 stone (5ft 6in). I know everyone is looking at me thinking haha, look how fat she got. She used to me a model - now look at her!

    I dont know if any of what I have written here makes sense as my head is all over the place. I'm on my break at work. I wish I had a computer at home sop I could talk to people who understand on a night, when I am worse and cry uncontrolably.

    I'm so lost and so sad and can't take this much longer.

    Any thoughts and insperational ideas and advice would be much appreciated.

    Love Karen xxxxx
     
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  3. Blue Butterfly

    Blue Butterfly Gold Member

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    Aawww Karen I am so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much right now *hugs*

    Sounds to me like you may be suffering from depression what with the coming home and eating/drinking/crying.
    Could you maybe go to the doctors and talk to them about how you're feeling?
    Although I am not a doctor so I'm not saying it's what you have, it just sounds like it, I hope you're not offended by me saying so.

    Also your doctor will be able to help you with your weight loss. Hopefully they can help you set up a healthy eating plan or something.

    I really wish there was something I could say to make you feel better hun.
    Take care of yourself.

    Claire x
     
  4. jo1

    jo1 Silver Member

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    I agree with BlueButterfly, i think you should go to the doctor and tell them how you are feeling, it does sound like depression and the doctor could give you the advice you desperately need, as BB said i wish there was something i could say or do to make everything ok, please keep in touch xx jo x
     
  5. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    Karen
    big hugs to you, that circle is awful, feeling fat = eating and drinking more.
    as everyone has said i think you need to see your dr. are you not able to talk to any of your family or friends?
    Maybe get yourself a list of mini goals you would like to achieve. You can do this...the sensible way not crash diets.
    WE are all here to help you, whichever diet choose. xxxxx
    please do let us know how you get on x
     
  6. Miss_Kassy

    Miss_Kassy Silver Member

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    Hi Ladies, thanks for your responses and kind words and virtual hugs.

    BB, I'm not offended at all by your depression comment. I have struggled with depression for almost all of my adult life. Even when I was thin. I have been on and off anti-depressants so many times I have lost count. I just wish I could wake up and feel normal. Ive beeen off my tablets for a few months now but I think you are all right - I should get to the docs and seek further help again. I'm terrible for going to see people about this (such as therapy) but I just stop going (either coz I start to feel better or I can't face leaving the house). It's all really getting to me. I struggle to stick anything out.

    I have my friends and my mam but I don't like to burden them or worry. I try to fight it on my own or ignore it as much as I can then I crash like I have now and get to the point of feeling so low and defeated.

    I'll keep plodding on one day at a time and Vicky, I think i'll try that list you mentioned. They have reccomended this at Therapy in the past. I'm very all or nothing though and when I want something to change I want it done ASAP as I'm so impatient. I need to learn to not put as much pressure on myself.

    Again, I wish I had computer at home. I may have to look into getting one. I just can't deal with people face to face at the mo. It's easier on here somehow. Plus, it will take my mind of things rather than sitting alone. I always cancel when it comes to seeing my friends. We are all having a get togeather this weekend but I make sure I wont cancell.

    Thanks again everyone and i'll keep you posted as to how I'm feeling.
    xxxxxxxx
     
  7. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    hi karen there will be loads of us on here that know what ur going through me being one of them, i have been on meds for depression only to take myself off them cause i think i don't need them (wrong) i have made excuses not to go out with my friends, stayed in bed most of the day because i can't be bothered to get up (which actually made me feel worse) i didn't want my "old" friends to see me as i had put on so much weight it's a viscous circle, a few weeks ago i was fed up with feeling this way all the time and decided to do something about it so came on here and started following the s/w plan i have lost 11lb so far and feel much better about myself and can now see a light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully with the help and support of minimins will keep this mindset, good luck to u i hope you can get the help you need don't be afraid to go to the doctors that's what he's there for and would be good if u could get a computer u wouldn't feel so bad u could come on here every night for a chat xx
     
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  8. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    This site has helped me though tough diet times and other life things. ive made some great friends. Getting a pc would be great as you could come on here for some help when you are feeling you need to eat something/ drink something you shouldnt.

    we all want results asap - wish i could wake up tomorrow looking like claudia schiffer, but the feeling of achievement when you have lost a couple of lbs, fit into a different pair of trousers etc, really does keep you going. xxx
     
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  9. stacy87

    stacy87 Silver Member

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    Wanted to give you a big cyber hug. :patback: I can understand what you're saying about not sticking things as you're impatient - I was exactly the same! I never stuck at anything including healthy eating for long than 1-2 weeks, because I just didn't see results quick enough.

    But now, I don't know what has changed, but my mindset just seems to be different this time. Maybe it's this forum! :D But now, I am always thinking about what I will look like in a few weeks when I've lost a bit more weight, and I've managed to convince myself not to be impatient, and it's finally sunk in that this is not going to be a quick thing. We didn't put the weight on overnight, so we won't lose it overnight. Positive thinking goes a long way :)

    Have you tried CBT (Cognitive behavioural Therapy)? It looks at irrational thought processes and works with you to change these thought processes into rational ones, hopefully changing some of the bad habits we may have. I do agree though with the others that you should definitely go see your doctor and have a chat with them about how you are feeling.

    Good luck, and do keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on!

    xx
     
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  10. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    hi karen i hope ur feeling a bit more positive today and r ok x
     
  11. TripleWhopper

    TripleWhopper Banned

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    Hey Karen. You need to think of what you used to be AND take action, not just dwindling on memories. There are some of us here who never saw our figures differently, so we basically dont know whats it to be like that, but you do! Write on a piece of paper the good things you remember when you were that size and make them your goals, and stick that paper in your room so you can focus on your journey. You can do it! You were that way once, take a bit of time aside in your life to go back and be the woman you need to be ;)
     
  12. SWsecondattempt

    SWsecondattempt New Member

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    First time posting - so sorry if I've done it wrong but felt I had to reply to you

    Hi Karen

    I saw your post and had to reply. I hope that you're doing ok.

    I'm now 31, but a couple of months before my 30th birthday I decided I was fed up with having been overweight for the whole of my twenties and I joined slimming world. It took me around 6months to reach my target weight. *

    For a long time I was totally lacking in confidence, in myself generally, but particularly in my physical appearance. Not long after I started going to Slimming World I split up with my boyfriend of nine years. He was totally gorgeous, charismatic, confident - the complete opposite of me and the whole time we were together I couldn't believe he would actually want to be with me (as it turned out I was right!)*
    I remember before we split up, him asking if I really thought losing weight would make me happy. *I didn't know then quite how unhappy he would go on to make me. I didn't know then that the answer to his question was both yes and no at the same time.

    Almost two years later, I have been through some interesting and hard times (including this summer a wedding where my ex-boyfriend was the best man & I was chiefbridesmaid), (&a few more challenging things that I won't go into here and now), but I don't regret for a second choosing to lose weight. I'm not saying that it has been a miracle cure, that I suddenly feel totally confident, that I am happy everyday, - but, I now feel that taking care of myself is worth it, sometimes I look in the mirror & I don't hate what I see, most importantly I realise that the chances I thought were passing me by at 29 are still there to be taken.

    I hope that you will feel that you are worth taking care of.
    I hope that you will feel that you deserve to be happy.
    I hope that you will feel that you have a future full of exciting possibilities (however scary the thought of them may be).

    I hope you will find that turning 31 (which hopefully feels ages away) is not as daunting as turning 30 - something I'll remind myself of when I turn 32 in a couple of months!

    I hope things work out well for you & I look forward to hearing how you're getting on over the next few months, wish you all the very best.
    R
     
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  13. Miss_Kassy

    Miss_Kassy Silver Member

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    Hi Everyone

    I have to say I am overwhelmed by the number of responses here. Its lovley to hear from all of you and knwo that I am not alone in this. I will certianly take on board everything you have all said and come here everyday to help me remain strong.

    I had the lasses round on Saturday night and although I didnt feel great and still felt uncomfortabale and ended up getting mega drunk i'm just pleased I did not cancel on everyone. And it did do me good to see them all, eventhough I did suffer all day Sunday with a hangover. Infact, I know it's wrong, but I was so i'll I couldnt eat or drink so last night was the first time I have not drank or binges in a very long time and it's made feel determined today to carry on and really take action.

    Thanks for the hugs Stacey. I have tried CBT in the past but think I'll give it another go. I was on the phone to one of my best friends in floods of tears last week and she comming to see me on Thursday with her self help books which she swears by. Fingers crossed they work for me too.

    Triple Whooper - you are right. Instead of focusing on the negative side I should be happy that I kinow I can do it (as I have in the past) and use the images in my head and portfolio to inspire me instead of get me upset. Its just hard. Why is it easier to be hard onyouirself than to love yourself? haha. Typical.

    Val - well done on your weight loss. I'll take a tip out of your book and keep powering through until the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brigher.

    SWsecondattempt - Thanks for all your kind words and positive thoughts. Its so good to hear that people can bounce back and it's not the end of the world. I know I am going to have to work for it but hopefully when I get past the firsy few weeks hurdle i'll be on my way to a happier life.

    I'll defo try and get a computer soon, as it's such a shame I can only come on here every now and then when I can be sneeky at work haha. I'd love to explore the forum more and speak more to people but it's difficult without a computer.

    Speak to you all soon, and thanks again for your support. I do feel like things are eventually going to start looking up :)

    xxx
     
  14. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    Hi Miss Kassy - im glad you are feeling a little more positive.
    If you can try and stay away from the drink you know you will feel much better - its such a depressant! you will wake feeling better and more positive xxxx
     
  15. stacy87

    stacy87 Silver Member

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    I know people have probably said it to you before hun, but it can take the smallest of things to just suddenly make your mindset change - it seems to be similar to how my parents feel about smoking. They know that their minds aren't in the right place to stop, so there's really no point in trying. For me, it was a mixture of looking at my holiday pictures from July, and a visit to the doctors telling me that I won't be able to get my contraceptive pill soon, as I was hitting the BMI range where they can't prescribe it!

    This is now my 3rd week into my new regime, and I have lost 5 1/2lbs so far, and I fully intend to keep on going - I would normally have given up by now.

    You will do it though, and you have all the support from everyone on here. We're all in the same boat, so it's the best place (in my opinion), to come when you're maybe feeling a bit tempted or down! :)
     
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  16. TripleWhopper

    TripleWhopper Banned

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    Hi again Karen,

    Indeed it is easier to be hard on us, than to love ourselves. But I personally found that we need a balance on this as going completely one way or the other did not work for me.

    For example, when I was too hard on myself, blaming me for getting to this point and not taking action earlier in my life, I started to feel so down and depressed that it felt like I was actually being dragged down with a feeling of utterly uselessness.
    I cant do this, I cant do that, its too late, etc...

    And then I realized that it was being counter productive, I was punishing myself (because lets face it, unless for a genuine medical conditions, THIS IS our fault) and that was creating a circle of self-inflicted depression that kept me thinking all the time if I am actually able to put a stop and change!

    On the contrary, feeling good about ourselves and just being happy with what we achieved and what we are at the moment, created a feeling of complacency and one of "Oh well, I am happy the way I am"...
    The problem is that we then fall into a comfort zone, thinking everything is and will be alright and that leads us to take little or no action at all.

    So for me the best bet was to assume full responsability that I let myself get into this stage, but at the same time have some assurance that things CAN and WILL change for my own good, the good of those who we love and love us and those surrounding us, which might be in our same situation thus benefiting from your perseverance and dedication to change.
    Not only seeing that you took steps to stop falling in that bottomless pit, but also know that they can count on you for support.

    So my humble advice is stay put, believe that you CAN and you WILL change.
    Its for your own good and those surrounding you, so there is only positive things about changing into a better person, not only physically healthier but with the mindset that things are possible if we really want to!

    Good luck and all the best ;)
     
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  17. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    I didnt know they were doing this?
     
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  19. stacy87

    stacy87 Silver Member

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    Yeah apparently my doctors do this! :( I think it's a BMI of 35 (which I was when I started my new routine 2 weeks ago!) that's what they've told me anyway.
     
  20. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    so what do they give you instead?
     
  21. stacy87

    stacy87 Silver Member

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    They haven't told me that yet-they just keep telling me I'm near that cut off point-my doctors are really quite useless! I'm guessing it's just another pill though?
     
  22. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    either that or they just leave you to it LOL
     
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