Sulky Sulky Sulk Sulk

[emmaleighjohnson]

• I have filled the house with food in preperation for maintence. This way I am spreading the cost. We have tinned foods, frozen foods and dried foods.

• I am starting the 810 tommorrow and I want to eat now now now!

• I am feeling terrified to getting to my goal weight which is annoying me. I feel like I am right back in the throws of eating disorder all over again.

• I chose my counsellor specifically because I needed support with this but she hasn't been there for the last two weeks and I am feeling seriously peevd I wish I'd chosen someone else.

• My running training is feeling hard.

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Why is your CDC not there for you?? Is she away?? If not you can still see someone else.

 

[emmaleighjohnson]

She has her husband but he doesn't really say much. I chose her because she's apparently an obesity specialist and a proper therapist but it doesn't feel that way.

I reckon I might be being harsh because I am fed up. But I am a therapist for a living and I can't imagine giving my clients methadone and not supporting them as well.

 

[abz]

i hope things are looking up today emma.

you have done so unbelievably well!! you are almost there. you have been incredibly strong throughout and this is something that you can get through too. i agree. talk to your cdc and say you need some extra guidance. if she doesn't give it to you then get another cdc, one who will appreciate your custom and give you what you pay them for!!

abz xx

 

[Mrs B]

Hi Emma, hope you are feeling better this morning.

To be fair to your CDC we are really only paying for our packs (unless you are specifically paying for therapy too). Maybe you could think about a few sessions with a therapist as well? Or try LL?

 

[abz]

my understanding was that we paid for the packs and support. not 24 hour around the clock care, but we don't just pay our cdc for our packs otherwise cambridge would just sell them online...

 

[emmaleighjohnson]

my understanding was that we paid for the packs and support. not 24 hour around the clock care, but we don't just pay our cdc for our packs otherwise cambridge would just sell them online...

That was my expectation as well. I don't need therapy; I have to do therapy as part of my job anyway. I want support with Cambridge, which is what she said she offered.

 

[karenO]

Surely if we only are paying for our packs then the CDC becomes an agent and not a Counsellor? The very name implies that support is part of the job.

I think the support of your CDC is very important.

Anyhooooooooo Emma i hope you're feeling a bit more positive today?

I guess the fear that comes with reaching goal coupled with trying to get your head round a whole new you with a new attitude to food must be quite overwhelming. We stress about losing the weight, then we get that hurdle behind us only to be faced with the new challenge of maintaining.

I'm so sure you can do this Emma, dig deep & be strong hun xx

 

[emmaleighjohnson]

Thanks Karen. I'm having a major wibble these two days. I am now on the 810 so I had a shake for breakfast (8.30) and I have my salad for lunch with a bar.

Silly me I have eaten my bar already... I wasn't even hungry. It was just the fact it was there. I'm feeling all compulsive and obsessive again. I am scared because this is exactly the type of behaviour I was wary about tapping into again.

I loved Sole Source because I had no options. I like having an external controller.

I can't believe how pathetic I am feeling right now.

 

[karenO]

You're doing such a good thing by preparing yourself practically for maintenance.

Maybe its a case that your mind is also preparing itself. This a whole new challenge that you're mentally trying to deal with and sometimes we have to go through many thought processes before our mind gets to that place where its comfortable with whats going on (((hugs)))

Do you have anyone you can talk to should you feel the old compulsions are really starting to take hold. Fight them off at the pass so to speak? The fact that you actually recognise those compulsions are beginning to rear their heads at least gives you the chance to tackle it iykwim? Choose not to let them win Emma x

 

[abz]

emma, you poor thing. you can do it. just assess everything before it goes into your mouth. if you treat what you have decided to eat as the external factors then they are still there. if you don't 'allow' yourself to overeat then you are in the same mindset as with ss, when you didn't 'allow' yourself to eat. every time you want to eat something, take a deep breath and decide if you are hungry. if you are then eat something out of what you have allowed yourself for the day. if you aren't then glug some water and try again in a bit.

all much easier said than done i know. but you have a concrete mindset from the ss. if you shift it a little bit you will get where you want to be!!

you can do it hon.

abz xx

 

[Mrs B]

Of course we should get support, I didn't mean to say otherwise (too early in the morning, sorry) but there has to be a limit to what a counsellor can do. No-one ever says how much CDCs pay for the packs but I seriously doubt it would cover an hour's counselling for every client. Is this not part of the reason LL is so much more expensive than CD?

BUT, if you are not happy, by all means find another counsellor. You need to be happy with her.

 

[emmaleighjohnson]

Of course we should get support, I didn't mean to say otherwise (too early in the morning, sorry) but there has to be a limit to what a counsellor can do. No-one ever says how much CDCs pay for the packs but I seriously doubt it would cover an hour's counselling for every client. Is this not part of the reason LL is so much more expensive than CD?

BUT, if you are not happy, by all means find another counsellor. You need to be happy with her.

I nowhere suggested an hour worth of counselling. I just expected more than a weigh-in, being expected to send your order in before hand and then bye bye!

I would expect to go over the week and assess how things are... anything coming up in the next week which may be difficult. How are you finding it? Any changes to target etc.

I was really ill early on in the process and I emailed her to tell her. She didn't even make a note of it on my record, which I thought that's what they were there for!

 

[Mrs B]

I nowhere suggested an hour worth of counselling. I just expected more than a weigh-in, being expected to send your order in before hand and then bye bye!

I would expect to go over the week and assess how things are... anything coming up in the next week which may be difficult. How are you finding it? Any changes to target etc.

I was really ill early on in the process and I emailed her to tell her. She didn't even make a note of it on my record, which I thought that's what they were there for!

Sorry if I've offended you. The hour was off the top of my head not anything you said but you did mention an eating disorder and I seriously doubt 15-20 minutes a week could help with that.

I think you'll find there are a few fantastic CDCs (most of them are on here ) but most just supply the packs and weigh you. Have you spoken to her? Mine asks generally how my week has been but it is up to me to say if I am having specific problems.