Support and advice please

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
My daughter who has a history of depression begged me to go back to slimming world with her which I agreed to do. However I dread it because she is so negative. She is already panicking that if she hasn't lost at least three lbs in her first week she will be devastated. She lost 4 stone a few years back but has out two stone back on. She always sticks to it a hundred percent but like me has small losses with extra easy. She lives with her boyfriend and cooks for him and says EE is simpler to do from a cooking point of view. We are due to go in an hour and she has text me at least 6 times telling me how bad she will feel if she hasn't lost. She is on waiting list for CBT but it is approximately 15 months long. She ruins my experience if SW but I can't let her down. She has no courage to go anywhere alone. Sorry this is so long winded. Phew !!
 
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willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
Oh god bless you

Diets can be hard to support on I've told many friends to try alone because I'm quite a practical person and I call a spade a spade so if my friends say I can't do this or it's hard to or well ill cheat this time I get frustrated lol

It's also hard supporting someone with depression and you almost need the cbt to know how to handle the person your supporting.

What I'd say is put ur own journey in a box that you can focus on and with your daughter be an ear for support but remover she is an adult and your not responsible for her success or slow losses so don't feel bad or guilty if she doesn't get the figures she wants, You may find that because of how she is you worry more than she does and that you don't need to worry for her.

As a side note exercise is great for depression and if along the journey you have strength to encourage her to swimming or gym or classes it'll do her good

I think though its a wonderful thing your doing for her and were all here to help you through it :)
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
Oh god bless you

Diets can be hard to support on I've told many friends to try alone because I'm quite a practical person and I call a spade a spade so if my friends say I can't do this or it's hard to or well ill cheat this time I get frustrated lol

It's also hard supporting someone with depression and you almost need the cbt to know how to handle the person your supporting.

What I'd say is put ur own journey in a box that you can focus on and with your daughter be an ear for support but remover she is an adult and your not responsible for her success or slow losses so don't feel bad or guilty if she doesn't get the figures she wants, You may find that because of how she is you worry more than she does and that you don't need to worry for her.

As a side note exercise is great for depression and if along the journey you have strength to encourage her to swimming or gym or classes it'll do her good

I think though its a wonderful thing your doing for her and were all here to help you through it :)

Thank goodness for you being on this site. Your reply was sensitive strong and supportive AND you have been the only one to reply. Big big thank you x x x x
 

willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
Thank goodness for you being on this site. Your reply was sensitive strong and supportive AND you have been the only one to reply. Big big thank you x x x x

Ahh jeez thanks,

I sit a little way between you and your daughter I suffer bad anxiety but I self manage and I'm stubborn so I appreciate the. "Burden " ( loosely used ) it can be but also we don't pick n choose our children or what position there in and need us and so I believe you should be proud your there for her but don't let her position be your position. U don't need to take on her world and her anxiety. Just be a practical ear :)

Please let me know how you both go I'm always round or inbox I don't mind. I do sw from home this site Is a godsend for me for support I'm a single mum so I don't even have anyone to see me cheat so I could go wild but this site keeps me on track

X
 

chocahorrific

Full Member
S: 12st8.5lb C: 11st2lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 26 Loss: 1st6.5lb(11.61%)
My daughter who has a history of depression begged me to go back to slimming world with her which I agreed to do. However I dread it because she is so negative. She is already panicking that if she hasn't lost at least three lbs in her first week she will be devastated. She lost 4 stone a few years back but has out two stone back on. She always sticks to it a hundred percent but like me has small losses with extra easy. She lives with her boyfriend and cooks for him and says EE is simpler to do from a cooking point of view. We are due to go in an hour and she has text me at least 6 times telling me how bad she will feel if she hasn't lost. She is on waiting list for CBT but it is approximately 15 months long. She ruins my experience if SW but I can't let her down. She has no courage to go anywhere alone. Sorry this is so long winded. Phew !!

Not aimed at you dear, but this made me laugh out loud as I am in exactly the same position... with my mother! :p
It's not fun, I know - I have to listen to her complain that she has weight on all week, and she is beginning to show some contempt and jealousy at the fact that we will likely both be achieving our 1 stone award next Tuesday. Except I started as 12st8 and she started as 19st2.

If EE isn't working for her, she should switch. Original plan is IDENTICAL to EE, except you need to syn your spuds, pasta, noodles and rice. Absolutely no different in cooking, she would just need to not have spuds with her dinner, or have a much smaller portion that is synned. You can't and don't have to be the net for all that negativity - if the plan worked for her, it will work for her, and if she stuck to it 100%, there is no reason aside from a Star Week that she would have no weight off.

As awful as it might be, you might have to suck it up and tell her that you will go to a different class if the negativity continues. I am nearing that point with my mother at this stage, as she has already started complaining about her horrid fluid retention (she told me 11 times in 20 minutes this morning when I was in for a cuppa), almost as if she was trying to justify herself! I had to tell her to stop whinging, and to drink plenty of water, get out for a walk or go to see the doctor. She was quite sullen when I left, but she knows I am at the last straw.
 

willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
Supporting someone close through weight loss has fo be up there on top ten most testing times.

I get a lot of friends one just told me her exercise bike is in garden stopping dog going to lawn. I mean what do you say to that other than good luck hope it goes well.
 

Roziee

Gold Member
S: 22st10lb C: 17st4lb G: 12st0lb Loss: 5st6lb(23.9%)
There's a book called Thrive on amazon- it's for £20. Read it. Not only with it help you, but it will help your daughter as well.

I'm working through the book with a therapist and I can honestly say I am SO MUCH HAPPIER now.

Until your daughter gets the CBT- have a look at the book.

I hope you both find your weight loss journey easier xxx
 

Mrs Shiels

Member
S: 11st9lb C: 11st5lb G: 9st6lb BMI: 26.5 Loss: 0st4lb(2.45%)
Hi Rosie,

Sorry your daughter is going through such a difficult period. Having a family member with depression is really tough. If you have a college or uni near you which teaches counselling skills, your daughter might be able to get CBT quicker. The final year students have to gain practical experience and are always looking for people to see. It is usually done during term time. Just phone up the department and ask. They are always supervised. You should look into it. There has also been a lot of research done into depression and exercise and I believe it can be as effective as therapy in lightening the mood. Obviously I don't know your personal circumstances but maybe you could do some exercise with your daughter, something simple like walking in the first instance. lots of local councils have organised walks you can just turn up for. She might even take to another member and give you a break. Family illness is really tough.

Hang on in there.

Maybe ask your local library to get the book for you
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
If EE isn't working for her, she should switch. Original plan is IDENTICAL to EE, except you need to syn your spuds, pasta, noodles and rice. Absolutely no different in cooking, she would just need to not have spuds with her dinner, or have a much smaller portion that is synned.
Thank you for your support. It is quite tricky doing red and green as she finds it hard to work out how much of her healthy extras and syns she is getting in something like a stew or baked pasta when she cooks for two because she refuse to guestimate. Sh has to do it perfectly so she would end up cooking two meals and wouldn't have left overs the next day incase it still has some healthy extra in it. Extra easy has proved to be far less stressful for her and that i am very grateful for lol Hooray she lost 4lbs this week and has already started comparing it to her old book that had zillions of sticker awards on. I think you and willfitskinnyjeans are right I must find a way of not taking on board her stress and anxiety but you always worry for
your children don't you x x
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
Hi Rosie,

Sorry your daughter is going through such a difficult period. Having a family member with depression is really tough. If you have a college or uni near you which teaches counselling skills, your daughter might be able to get CBT quicker. The final year students have to gain practical experience and are always looking for people to see. It is usually done during term time. Just phone up the department and ask. They are always supervised. You should look into it. There has also been a lot of research done into depression and exercise and I believe it can be as effective as therapy in lightening the mood. Obviously I don't know your personal circumstances but maybe you could do some exercise with your daughter, something simple like walking in the first instance. lots of local councils have organised walks you can just turn up for. She might even take to another member and give you a break. Family illness is really tough.

Hang on in there.

Maybe ask your local library to get the book for you
Thank you for your kind words She knows all the theory about exercise but she will not do anything about it. I know Brighton do Person centred counselling ( believe it or not I am qualified in it but difficult to see things clearly when intrinsically linked ) I will enquire about CBT.
 

Mrs Shiels

Member
S: 11st9lb C: 11st5lb G: 9st6lb BMI: 26.5 Loss: 0st4lb(2.45%)
I know the feeling. When you are at work you can do a great job with strangers but when it is your own, you have too much history to look at it objectively. We all know the theory but it can be hard to be kind to ourselves and family members when we are in the middle of it. You become swamped with guilt for having negative thoughts towards family when they are struggling.

You make sure you don't forget yourself in all of this.x
 

willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
Sounds like a bit of OCD that's then bringing onthe anxiety to.

I had a friend a while back who had bad OCD and everyday decision what to wear, what sandwich to buy for lunch were plagued by her OCD. She used to bring bags full of outfits in case this happened n she needed to change and what if it rained and she got wet and what of tho n that n buy end of it she came with like 10 changes of clothes. This then created bad anxiety attacks.
 

judimac

Mad old Bat with Attitude
S: 14st5lb
Hi Rosie, not been on since yest. This is a site recommended to me when I went for counselling,called Living life to the full. I found it quite useful Living Life To The Full.
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
Hi Rosie, not been on since yest. This is a site recommended to me when I went for counselling,called Living life to the full. I found it quite useful Living Life To The Full.
I love that web site Judi but my daughter will not do anything off the internet. I have sent her the links to this and mood gym but she says she doesn't understand what they are getting at. I am going to find someone for me to talk to and look after my feelings x x x x x
 

willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
I love that web site Judi but my daughter will not do anything off the internet. I have sent her the links to this and mood gym but she says she doesn't understand what they are getting at. I am going to find someone for me to talk to and look after my feelings x x x x x

Problem with mental illness of this kind depression anxiety PTSD etc is the sufferer has to take charge of this themselves and no pills and no counselling work if they don't do there bit to get themselves better. A good cbt therapist will set you "homework" things to do for yourself like going to sw seeing that consultant and paying doesn't give you a pass to loosing 2lb a week you have to go work urself at it. These illnesses can get better but never if the person won't help themselves to get better.

I think best thing is what you said seek your own help in how to deal with your daughter.

This is common, your daughters anxiety builds n builds she stresses n stresses telling you everything in her head over and over.
Eventually the anxiety will pass your daughter calms and carries on goes about her business meanwhile your left thinking over everything she said and trying on your head to fix everything she mentioned like its your personal responsibility to make sure those. 3lbs come off and what if they don't and then she will be bad again and it goes on.
You need to get to a point you hear her, support and let it go. And also focus on your journey to you have a goal to achieve and that's important to :) x
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
Problem with mental illness of this kind depression anxiety PTSD etc is the sufferer has to take charge of this themselves and no pills and no counselling work if they don't do there bit to get themselves better. A good cbt therapist will set you "homework" things to do for yourself like going to sw seeing that consultant and paying doesn't give you a pass to loosing 2lb a week you have to go work urself at it. These illnesses can get better but never if the person won't help themselves to get better.

I think best thing is what you said seek your own help in how to deal with your daughter.

This is common, your daughters anxiety builds n builds she stresses n stresses telling you everything in her head over and over.
Eventually the anxiety will pass your daughter calms and carries on goes about her business meanwhile your left thinking over everything she said and trying on your head to fix everything she mentioned like its your personal responsibility to make sure those. 3lbs come off and what if they don't and then she will be bad again and it goes on.
You need to get to a point you hear her, support and let it go. And also focus on your journey to you have a goal to achieve and that's important to :) x

You talk so much common sense Would you like to move in ? lol x x x
 

willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
:) sense or crap but if it helps ill go with either .


How's your sw going ? I had a Chinese chow mein last night within syns could only eat a 1/4 and my stomach was in knots not doing it again my body can't take it now
 

Brightonrosie

I want to be fitter again
S: 11st8lb C: 11st0lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 0st8lb(4.94%)
:) sense or crap but if it helps ill go with either .

How's your sw going ? I had a Chinese chow mein last night within syns could only eat a 1/4 and my stomach was in knots not doing it again my body can't take it now

Hiya
The thing I find hard with Sw are days like yesterday. I was taken out for the morning by my sister and her partner to a flower festival. We got caught in traffic on the way there so didn't arrive til lunchtime. Miles from anywhere so had to eat what was available. Nothing not high in calories. Had good quality sausage in a roll which didn't fill me up so had some banana bread. When i got home i had sweet potato wedges, banana pear and a kiwi fruit. If I lose this week I may allow myself a day off plan so I don't get bored with the food this time xx
 

willfitskinnyjeans

Gold Member
I personally think that's the worse thing you can do but that's just my opinion. I had one day off plan after 6 weeks and a hefty loss but I won't now have another for a long time. Some ppl still get losses having a night out or day off a week

I find my sw alternative comforts. Hexb cooked fruit with a crumble top made with hexb cereal bars (red days 2hexb's )

A green day n creamy risotto is a comfort food now. Or a take away sw choices within syns for a real treat. But you have to work your journey for you I hAve a holiday In July I need to be fitter for so I can't relax really.

Going out is tricky I now take my own food if its unknown daytime place or I don't go sounds boring I know but otherwise all you can do is make best choices and syn it.
 




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