Support from partners

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Nikkiwales, 16 December 2009 Social URL.

  1. Nikkiwales

    Nikkiwales Full Member

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    Hiya

    I'm just wondering how much support you get from your partners?
    I had a big arguement with bf last over the phone ( we don't live together ) I have a meal out with my friend on friday and my mum is preparing a meal friday evening as she's on hols for next 4 weeks. Bf invited me to an all you can eat chinese place on sat day. Now it sounds fantastic place and i said i can be careful what i eat as it's a buffet. Well he told me that wasn't the idea, he's paying for me to let go and enjoy myself. 3 big meals in 2 days just before xmas is not good. I asked if we could move it to the new year and well that was it really. I'm putting everyone before him, I have deeply offended him.
    I really thought he might understand. Now we are not talking

    I'm not sure if i'm getting a bit obsessed with what i'm eating and let me bf down or if i am justified?

    Sorry needed to get this off my chest
     
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  3. evanesco

    evanesco I'm the tortoise.

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    I don't think you're being out of line at all. I wish I had your will power, I end up saying yes to everyone. This is your journey and your determination will get you there. There will be plenty of time for relaxing, when you get to target. By showing you can be disciplined now you are setting yourself up for having a great ability to make the same choices at target and maintain. Sometimes it's hard for other people to understand that 'just one meal out' will actually hurt, especially if you're forced into it reluctantly.
     
  4. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Hey hunny.
    From time to - to time we all litter this forum with rants reguarding our OH's. Mostly me :eek:) lol.

    I really dont think your being out of line, and i had a simaler row with bf the other day, over eating out when i was trying to be good in run up to xmas so that i can enjoy myself.

    Men hate change, men also hate it at the thought of you looking even better and the chances of more male attention coming your way. Bf went through same thing when first started.

    Stand your ground, this is a life change and he will have to understand eventually that yes there will be times when you can both go out and enjoy yourselves and completly let loose, but he needs to respect and be more compassionate when it comes to the times when your putting in that extra effort. Im sure he'd be more annoyed if you spent xmas day explaining that you couldnt eat this or that because you had a chinese, and a meal out, and a family meal..

    so, i suggest you stand your ground, and search the resteraunts close to you so next time you can suggest places that are good for you. i.e, my best places are the harvesters, a resteraunt called coal and a few of the pubby/resteraunts around here that serve good food thats good for me on plan.

    Stay strong, he'l get over it. xx
     
  5. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    Mine is good, he eats what I cook and we go to places which are SW friendly - like Fern, we choose local pub/restaurants where we can have gammon or steak with potatoes and veg for example. On the flip side of that though, if I suggest a take away or chocolate, he will never say no, and sometimes I wish he would!
    I've got a good one I think!

    Thing that gets me is why men think you have to eat lots of rubbish and "let go" to have a good time? This diet isn't about restricting ourselves, we can still eat lots of good food and stay pretty much within the SW guidelines.
    I'd not say anything, just go along to the all you can eat buffet and say "oooh, look at all this great food, I'm going to be such a pig" and pick the good stuff. He'd never know if you were being naughty or not!
     
  6. kissme

    kissme Gold Member

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    Mine bloke is really good too as he is following SW too (he only has a couple of stone too lose) he is great at supporting me but he has no will power and he has a terrible habit which really winds me up and that is .....he nags like an old woman to the point of frustrating me so bad i could cry. So thats when i cave, because i can't stand the nagging no longer lol its that or bite a lump out of his cheek lol
     
  7. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Mine is also doing SW so I don't have the probem, but I do sympathise with your frustration xx
     
  8. Nikkiwales

    Nikkiwales Full Member

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    Well he keeps saying he needs to lose weight but wont join me doing SW.

    evanesco thanks so much for that, i want to cry now. I knew you would all understand.

    I think unless your doing it, it's hard for people to see what the problem of a meal is.

    He does text every tuesday to see how my weigh in went though but he is just not getting it.

    MEN
     
  9. Alcoholiday

    Alcoholiday Full Member

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    Hmmm, not all men though lol. :rolleyes:

    My wife and I are doing SW together, we go to group together, we go shopping for our SW food together, we plan our nights out round SW. We tell each other off if we're naughty and praise each other on our losses. :)

    Don't you let him get you down, just stick to your guns and he will come round :)
     
  10. kissme

    kissme Gold Member

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    it might be a pride thing for him, some men dont like the idea of help, stubborn so in so's!
     
  11. malaika

    malaika Lover of Extra Easy

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    I am so sorry that you are not getting the support you need Nikki, and well done for standing your ground.
    I am lucky that my OH is so supportive and understanding. He even joined SW but that was a waste of money as he was not sticking to plan, though he lost weight. He just stopped going as it was pointless for him. He does most of the cooking and it's always SW friendly meals. He just eats other stuff like bread and chocolates etc and drinks more.
    His only downfall is saying "eating this won't make you fat!" to everything that I turn down. I have explained several times that one meal, choc or whatever that is high in syns won't make me fat but I am trying to keep to my eating plan and not get back to old habits. He is gradually getting the message!
     
  12. Claireloulou

    Claireloulou Full Member

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    Mine thinks hes supportive but he really isnt lol. He thinks sending me to the chippy to get him something but not me is supprting me because im not eating it he is, he tells me to get a grip if im a bit down about a gain. He just cant see how hard it was to get rid of that bloody pound and now i have to do it again. His favourite phrase is "You chose to go on a diet not me" usually said after ive been to said chippy for him. Well when the time comes for him to loose the weight hes slowly putting on my favourite phrase will be "Told you it wasnt easy" whilst gliding in to my skinny jeans and munching on a curly wurly.
     
  13. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    i major rows at time - though my OH is support and read about what SW does I sometimes hate the idea he can tell me as I like to be in control etc and then has stuff that I like in his fridge has the niceness of telling me, why?!
     
  14. Chicky Noops

    Chicky Noops Full Member

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    I'm lucky that my OH is quite supportive however he does try to encourage me to have wine if I have had a stressful day. I'm on G&Ts now though for less synnage!
     
  15. stephie0611

    stephie0611 needs to focus!!!!

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    your certainly not in the wrong chick, its great that you've got the willpower, especially at this time of year. He should be understanding about it all.

    Must admit my OH is really good. We don't live together, but he eats really healthily and has even stole all my slimming world books, hahaha so i always know i get nice healthy food at his. so glad i have this forum that i get fab recipes from. xx
     
  16. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    I've read this from a different view point. I think your BF wants to treat you, it's not that he isn't supporting you. He doing what we all do with the ones we love & that's shower them with nice things.

    Instead of saying no, just think about chinese food, they have a lot of healthy things, noodles, beef satay, all sorts, you could just chose the things which aren't in a sauce & not cooked in lots of oil.

    Go & enjoy yourself like he wants you to but chose the SW friendly food, there will be some. You can't deprive yourself fun for the rest of your life.
     
  17. stephie0611

    stephie0611 needs to focus!!!!

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    the way i took it though, is she explained to her boyfriend that she could still be good at the buffet, and he wasn't happy with this, he wanted her to eat non SW food and not stick to it? xx
     
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  19. Nikkiwales

    Nikkiwales Full Member

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    Yes that was the problem he wanted me to go out and let myself go. He didn't think there was any point in going and being careful. We have since talked and apologised and have said we will go saturday eveing instead of the day and i should just pick the things i feel comfortable with
    He was trying to be nice and treat me. it's just the way he goes about things sometimes. Eating seems to crop up alot.
     
  20. stephie0611

    stephie0611 needs to focus!!!!

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    glad you've sorted it all out now chick, enjoy yourself. xx
     
  21. funcurls

    funcurls Never gets tired of SW!

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    My hubby is pretty good at supporting me most of the time, but he occasionally makes a comment that I'm obsessed with my 'Diet' and that's all I talk about!! I then get really defensive about the fact it's not a 'Diet', it's a long term healthy lifestyle change!!! He does tell me he's proud of me regularly because he knows how much I want this (he's had 10 years of me whingeing about my weight!!)
     
  22. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    If we could get rid of fattening food and O/H, oh yeah and kids life would be well, a bid quiet realy wouldn't it lol. Who would us girls row with for one thing.

    A lot of the time O/H just don't think, but I wouldn't say he is trying to sabotage or not support you, but at the end of the day, you cann't do everything and you have made your choices. Its sad he cann't wait till a more convenient time but understandable he is dissapointed about you saying no. He will get over it just give him a week lol.
     
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