Taz's diary - Need to do this!

[Taz]

1st goal: Get my 3 1/2 stone award back! 1lb to go
Done 27/08/08
2nd goal: Get into the 13's, 2.5lb to go
3rd goal: Get my 4 stone award back! 5.5lb to go
4th goal: Get to 13st 7lb, 9lb to go.

 

[rainbow]

Hey honey bunny, you k? x

 

[Taz]

Not too great TBH. Went to visit my nan today and it was a shock to see how much she has gone downhill in such a short space of time. She couldn't talk and it looked like she barely registered our presence. I don't think it will be long, if fact if I was to lay bets on it I'd say probably the weekend. It is horrible to see her so bad and it's worse still to deal with the awful conflict of emotion: I love my nan very much and don't want her to be in pain or be zombified by the meds so it would be best for her to just let go, on the other hand she is my nan and I don't want her to die but there is nothing left there now, the last spark has gone. It's so horrible.

SS spoke to me tonight and told me to keep up with my training through the difficult times as it will be a respite from the real world, a break for my head and a time to focus. I told him that I plan to put some more hours in in the next few weeks to help me stay focussed and he said that was a good idea

 

[KittyB]

((Taz))

I'm so sorry sweetheart. It's heartbreaking to seem her like this I know.
Am thinking about you.
xxx

 

[Taz]

Thanks Kitty, it's just a horrible limbo time at the moment

 

[Gemstone]

I'm with you too Taz - sending loads of hugs to you. They have things like syringe drivers now where they can top up meds and keep the patient pain free. It's much easier that way and much less invasive. That's what they're doing with my mum xxx

 

[Taz]

Yeah I think that is common practice these days

 

[Starlight]

I know what youre going through Taz, my nana was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago, oh my God is it really 4 years :cry:, and within a week she was drifting in and out of conciousness. This lasted a full week, a very long and emotionally draining week. We got called to the home SO many times and the doctor couldnt believe she was still hanging on. My brother and I got to a point we decided enough was enough and it may sound heartless but we made a concious decision to say goodbye. We had time alone with her, said what we wanted to say and left that evening and didnt go back. She died several days later. My cousins were appalled at us, but to be honest we had a very close relationship with her when she was alive, they didnt but ofcourse came weeping and wailing to her bedside. We had my mums blessing and we had a couple of pangs of guilt but on the whole felt quite at peace with our decision.

Gosh Ive gone totally off track here with your thread Taz, I guess what Im trying to say is do whats right for you, its a horrible horrible time, but while shes still here, go and say anything you feel you want/need to, youll feel better for it later

Thinking of you *HUGS*

 

[wannabslim]

Oh hun, so sorry to hear about your nan and everything that's been going on. Big hugs and just to let you know am thinking of you sweetie xxxx

 

[BREN]

Taz lots of love your way in the next weeks. Your training sounds like a good focus for you.

Bren
XX

 

[flipflop]

Thinking of you Taz xxx

 

[Gemstone]

Starlight - I think you are absolutely right. Everyone has to do what's right for them and no-one else can make that decision. At this point, I am not sure my mum registers one day to the other and not sure if she knows we are there at times. I find it difficult to be there myself. If my daughters and son want to go to the nursing home I will support them and go with them but if they decide it's not the way they want to remember her or that it is too difficult, I respect that too. So Taz - do what you feel you need to do and talk to your Mum and get hugs if you're feeling down but don't feel that you have to do something you are uncomfortable with. It is a difficult time for everyone and I'm absolutely sure your mum appreciates all the support you have given her. (((((hugs))))) xxx

 

[dietingqueen]

Thinking of you Taz x

Love Nas x

 

[KittyB]

((((Taz))))
How are you bearing up hun?
xxx

 

[Taz]

Thanks for all your wishes and ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) to you Gem for your mum.

It just feels like a real limbo at the moment but I really think it won't be long at all. Not all the family are going to see her and we all know that we have to do what's best for us and no one will judge us for it. My nan doesn't know who, if anyone, has been in to see her so we are only doing it for ourselves now and not for her benefit. I was very close to my nan and I used to escort her to many hospital visits and I DO feel like I owe it to her to be there with and for her til the end because I have always been there for her and this is the last time I can do that.

I won't lie, it will be a small relief at the end knowing that she is out of pain and back with my grandad. She hasn't been the same since he passed away 3 years ago and it is a real comfort to know that they will soon be together. I can almost see him waiting for her with a cup of tea

 

[KittyB]

Oh Hun, I've just filled up reading your last message.
Thats exactly how I felt 4 weeks ago with my Nan.

I hope she won't suffer for too much longer.

Thinking about you xxx

 

[Taz]

I done a eulegy for my grandad and my mum has said that I can do one for my nan too. I can't even begin to think about it now as it just doesn't seem right but it will feel kinda complete that I have read out a piece for both of them.

 

[Carolanski]

Taz honey,

You've got such a wise head on your young shoulders. So sorry your going through such a tough time with your Nan- and Gem, sorry to hear about your Mum too.

Hope their last days are peaceful and painfree. Sending huge hugs to you both.

Carol x

 

[Taz]

Thanks Carol, I'm sure peace will be with them soon

 

[Gemstone]

Thanks from me too Carol x