I could scream. I knew at 11pm last night that I was going to have a difficult time. I have sleeping tablets - Stilnocht - for when I can't sleep since a health scare in May. Did I take one? No.
I tossed, turned, felt my belly, had nightmares, felt hungry, felt thirsty, drank water. Fell asleep at 7am and when I got up at 9am, I came on here and promptly went to M&S.
Despite being only relatively good in the last 7 weeks, I've lost over 2 stone. So with my CDC on hols, having told me to text/phone/email her if I hit a bad patch, I got stroppy and assured her that I'd a) be fine and b) lose 5lb a week over the 3 weeks till I saw her again.
It was all going swimmingly till I bought the pork pie and brazil nuts. I haven't actually enjoyed a pork pie since about 1986ish, so a bit of it and it went to the back of the fridge, but the brazil nuts were mmmmm till I realised I'd eaten half a bag.
No excuses. I took an hour out of my life last night to mantra the "don't need it, just desire it" thing. I wasn't about to die of hunger. I'm fat because I eat too much and don't exercise enough. I could start to complain about my health, being on steroid tablets or myriad other excuses, but the fact remains that only I can take control of my health and that entails a few months of not acting on every impulsive desire for food which I experience. It's bloody tough at times though and it's beaten me for a bit today.
I'm going to try to switch off for a bit and log on for support later - any comments gratefully received - I know I'm not the first person to be in this spot, but I soooo don't want to give up.