The diary of a spod.

[BBlilsis]

Thanks Lily and Silence, maybe you are right. I guess it is stronger to make a decision and decide what is best for you.

True

I just think if I was stronger I would stay here for the whole year and go home next July rather than running away now.

Spod, its not like your down the local comprehensive finishing off a contract, your the whole other side of the world without your friends and family, you've got to do whats best for you and I think coming back to the people who love you is whats best.
At least if I go now I look for jobs in the spring half term / summer term, when all the jobs appear. I will be ready for them!
Good thinking, and it will give you time to settle beforehand and take care of yourself, we work to live, not live to work
Its going to be hard tho being on my own I think. Dont want to be without him, but must stop thinking like that because it is not an option.

Your last point is the truth, and only time and care will make it easier on you, I divorced years ago so know exactly what your going through, just take it one day at a time, if your strong enough to change continents then your strong enough for this new chapter in your life :gen126:

 

[spod]

Just been reading it takes 2 years to get over an amicable divorce and a lot longer if it turns nasty. Neither of us want it to turn nasty, so I'm really hoping it doesnt. I will have to keep my tongue in check tho - must think before I speak. I will be acting with decorum and giving him no reason to think "thank god I got rid of her, she's a nut case!" All anger / frustration / hurt / upset will be put in to exercise - worked with an ex boyfriend many years ago - lost loads and then put it all back on cos got with horrible new boyf who was nasty. WONT be doing that again!

xx

 

[BBlilsis]

Just been reading it takes 2 years to get over an amicable divorce and a lot longer if it turns nasty. Neither of us want it to turn nasty, so I'm really hoping it doesnt. I will have to keep my tongue in check tho - must think before I speak. I will be acting with decorum and giving him no reason to think "thank god I got rid of her, she's a nut case!" All anger / frustration / hurt / upset will be put in to exercise - worked with an ex boyfriend many years ago - lost loads and then put it all back on cos got with horrible new boyf who was nasty. WONT be doing that again!

xx

Spod, :whoopass:your at it again, WHY OH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TIPPY TOE AROUND HIM, I really want you to start thinking strong about yourself, your worth more than this. He should be praying that YOU give him an amicable divorce.

I'm not advising that you turn nasty, but speaking from experience, I don't want you to feel that you lay down and let him walk all over you like a floor mat the guy has already said he wants out of the marriage, try not to give a fook what he thinks now, its for your own good, you need to look after numero uno and thats YOU :grouphugg:

Soz if you think I'm being harsh, but I want you to take care of yourself, you don't have to be the victim in this split :gen126:

 

[spod]

Spod, :whoopass:your at it again, WHY OH WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TIPPY TOE AROUND HIM, I really want you to start thinking strong about yourself, your worth more than this. He should be praying that YOU give him an amicable divorce.

I'm not advising that you turn nasty, but speaking from experience, I don't want you to feel that you lay down and let him walk all over you like a floor mat the guy has already said he wants out of the marriage, try not to give a fook what he thinks now, its for your own good, you need to look after numero uno and thats YOU :grouphugg:

Soz if you think I'm being harsh, but I want you to take care of yourself, you don't have to be the victim in this split :gen126:

Thanks Lily! I'm not feeling very victimy to be honest. I am trying to keep my dignity when all I really want to do is scream and shout and throw things and break stuff at BUT I know that really wouldnt productive. I am not tiptoeing, I am just trying to keep the inner ***** well and truely hidden cos some of the stuff I want to say is just plain nasty and (I think) thats unnecessary. I dont want to hurt him - I have done that enough by telling him how I feel, I have made it perfectly clear. This way I feel like I am actually in control of something rather than completely helpless. Dont know if that makes sense. I am very tired but still not sleepy. Dreading falling asleep tbh.

xx

 

[BBlilsis]

Thanks Lily! I'm not feeling very victimy to be honest. I am trying to keep my dignity when all I really want to do is scream and shout and throw things and break stuff at BUT I know that really wouldnt productive. I am not tiptoeing, I am just trying to keep the inner ***** well and truely hidden cos some of the stuff I want to say is just plain nasty and (I think) thats unnecessary. I dont want to hurt him - I have done that enough by telling him how I feel, I have made it perfectly clear. This way I feel like I am actually in control of something rather than completely helpless. Dont know if that makes sense. I am very tired but still not sleepy. Dreading falling asleep tbh.

xx

Excellent Spod, your response to me shows me that you do have the inner strength, sorry but forums only give each of us half the picture or less of what we're trying to say, I was worried about ya, but now I know your strong and in control.

Sleep will come when its ready, try not to think about it, its harder cuz your not in your own bed, have you a friend you can go stay with for a day or two, give you both a bit of space, or are you expecting to go into work tomorrow ?

 

[spod]

I'm expecting on going in to work tomorrow, although its now nearly 2am and I have to be up at 6am....so not going to be in much of a state to teach. Dont want to go in, but I dont want to be hanging around here either. Cant book plane ticket until Wednesday (pay day), so I sitting tight until then. Want to be out of here by the end of the week, get in over and done with and then I (we) can move on.

Going to be awful saying good bye to friends tho. Have made a couple of really good friends who I really hope to stay in contact with (one is OH's collegue & his wife, I spend a lot of my time off with his wife cos she doesnt work and they have a small baby, so my OH thinks they might be quite a bit p*ssed off with him.... but hey ho)

Sorry to hear about your divorce too Lily - any tips on how to cope would be appreciated. Never had any friends or family in this position, so dont know what to expect.

Am starting to think of all the good stuff I can do again going back to the UK. Really trying to look on the positive side whilst crying. Heres my list so far...
1) I will be able to drive again. Really missed that!! Love driving and listening to music, find it v. relaxing & can have a good sing.
2) I will be able to get my own place eventually and decorate it how I want - not have to compromise on colours / furtiture etc. (It wont be the gorgeous house I had before, but I'm sure I will be able to afford a nice house sooner or later)
3) I can have a cat / cats. Not my cats that I to pointlessly (I am really upset /annoyed about that) rehome, but I can have another and this time I will not give them away...for nothing or no one.
4) I wont have other people's rubbish to throw away / washing to pick up / mess to tidy away.
5) I look far better now than I did when I left cos I have lost 2 stone.

Cant think of anything else at the moment.

xx

 

[BBlilsis]

I'm expecting on going in to work tomorrow, although its now nearly 2am and I have to be up at 6am....so not going to be in much of a state to teach. Dont want to go in, but I dont want to be hanging around here either.

It would probably be best for you to call in sick, last thing you want is to have a meltdown in public, everything is still very raw for you right now, you need time to think, go visit your friend 2moro the one with the baby, they're your friends too, make it clear that they don't need to pick sides, that will make it easier for them to remain friends with both of you.

I'll try to advise you as best I can, but at the end of the day, they would only be my opinions so dismiss where necessary to suit your own situation :gen126:

Any chance of contacting the rescue place that took your cats and seeing if its possible to get them back, probably not, but no harm asking eh! Funny enough I've experiences something similiar too, well a landlord I once had forced me to give away my dog at the time, luckily my parents took her in, but I cried on and off for the guts of a year, parents lived miles away and I only got to see dog at the weekends, really missed her in my flat. I've since bought my own house and have two dogs and a cat, and NOBODY will ever take my furry little kids from me :giggle:

I'm liking your positive list..
1) I will be able to drive again. Really missed that!! Love driving and listening to music, find it v. relaxing & can have a good sing. I sing my way up and down the motorways daily
2) I will be able to get my own place eventually and decorate it how I want - not have to compromise on colours / furtiture etc. (It wont be the gorgeous house I had before, but I'm sure I will be able to afford a nice house sooner or later) and you get to own the remote control, this is uber important to a tv addict like myself
3) I can have a cat / cats. Not my cats that I to pointlessly (I am really upset /annoyed about that) rehome, but I can have another and this time I will not give them away...for nothing or no one. I wholeheartedly agree with this one :gen126:


4) I wont have other people's rubbish to throw away / washing to pick up / mess to tidy away. Yeh, you can return to being an adult, not having to ask permission to spend your money, you can go out when you like, come home when you like, personal freedom is underated in my opinion :giggle:
5) I look far better now than I did when I left cos I have lost 2 stone. FACT

Cant think of anything else at the moment.

xx

Me either, but thats cuz you covered most of the important ones arty0011:

 

[spod]

Thanks for wasting your afternoon talking to me Lily! I'm sure you have better stuff to do with your time!!

We were lucky enough not to have to use a rescue centre, various friends took my cats and I know they are happy and settled. I dont think it would be fair on them or my friends to up root them (in fact I think I would have to kittynap them - I dont think my friends would be handing them over easily...) I know what you mean about crying for the best part of the year - Its been 6 months but I still get upset thinking about them. They kept me going when OH was ill.

Yea! The money thing. Wont have to spend it on stupid stuff like computer things & software. Wont have to feel guilty about buying a pair of shoes / boots etc. woohoo!

Its not quite working yet - I still feel overwhelmingly sad and lost. Wondering how much time it takes to get over a broken heart. I usually lurch from one relationship to another with very little space in between them. Dont ever want o feel like this again.

xx

 

[BBlilsis]

Thanks for wasting your afternoon talking to me Lily! I'm sure you have better stuff to do with your time!!

:giggle: sadly missus, i've not a lot to do today, cuz i woke up this morning with an ever sorer throat than ever so had to cancel my shopping trip and plant myself on the sofa again don't know what to do with myself to be honest, was planning on returning to work tomorrow but now I don't know ???? If I'm not 100% should I be pushing myself to go back in ????

We were lucky enough not to have to use a rescue centre, various friends took my cats and I know they are happy and settled. I dont think it would be fair on them or my friends to up root them (in fact I think I would have to kittynap them - I dont think my friends would be handing them over easily...)

Yep, this is true, good thing is you'll be able to see them all again though, cats and friends, so thats another positive to add to the list.

I know what you mean about crying for the best part of the year - Its been 6 months but I still get upset thinking about them. They kept me going when OH was ill.

Yea! The money thing. Wont have to spend it on stupid stuff like computer things & software. Wont have to feel guilty about buying a pair of shoes / boots etc. woohoo!

Its not quite working yet - I still feel overwhelmingly sad and lost. Wondering how much time it takes to get over a broken heart. I usually lurch from one relationship to another with very little space in between them. Dont ever want o feel like this again.

xx

Only time will tell, how long it will be before you feel ok again, its not like a school term which you know will be over by Christmas etc, maybe this time you should concentrate on getting to know yourself, OR, as a wise or dirty minded woman once said to me "one way to get over a man, is to get under another" :giggle:

 

[spod]

Only time will tell, how long it will be before you feel ok again, its not like a school term which you know will be over by Christmas etc, maybe this time you should concentrate on getting to know yourself, OR, as a wise or dirty minded woman once said to me "one way to get over a man, is to get under another" :giggle:

I need to get to know myself. I dont really know what I want from life, so I need to figure it out I think.
Have followed the latter advice too much in the past!! I am a serial monogomist, my relationships last for no longer than 4 years and a couple of months (and this one is no exception, not something to be proud of I dont think)

Sorry to hear you are still feeling ill -
You shouldnt be going back in if you feel bad still otherwise you wont be getting yourself any better or a long time and could make yourself feel worse.

xx

 

[BBlilsis]

I need to get to know myself. I dont really know what I want from life, so I need to figure it out I think.
Have followed the latter advice too much in the past!! I am a serial monogomist, my relationships last for no longer than 4 years and a couple of months (and this one is no exception, not something to be proud of I dont think)

It is something to be proud off, you keep your heart open for love, its only a coincidence to the time length, don't focus on that being fact

Sorry to hear you are still feeling ill -
You shouldnt be going back in if you feel bad still otherwise you wont be getting yourself any better or a long time and could make yourself feel worse.

xx

Yeh, its just getting a bit embarrassing, cuz how in gods name can I still be ill nearly 3 weeks on, I'm not going to go in tomorrow, same advice to meself, no point me going in and having a coughing fit or meltdown myself

 

[spod]

3 weeks now - that is bad. Have you been back to the doctors? Its not worth risking your health - thats what everyone always said to me anyway when I try to go back to work too soon, even tho I couldnt speak....

 

[BBlilsis]

3 weeks now - that is bad. Have you been back to the doctors? Its not worth risking your health - thats what everyone always said to me anyway when I try to go back to work too soon, even tho I couldnt speak....

I'm gonna have to go back to doc tomorrow, missus are you not tired yet, its getting mighty late or early where you are, your gonna be wasted tomorrow/today

 

[spod]

OMG I have just realised I am one of those women who has had a "starter marriage".....

 

[spod]

Might go and try to sleep. At least tomorrow is one day closer to going home.

You really should go and get yourself checked out 3 weeks is a long time!

 

[BBlilsis]

OMG I have just realised I am one of those women who has had a "starter marriage".....

I don't understand this statement :giggle:

Might go and try to sleep. At least tomorrow is one day closer to going home.

You really should go and get yourself checked out 3 weeks is a long time!

Yep I'm going to the other doctor in the surgery tomorrow cuz the doctor I did see wasn't very understanding, and I think its his bloody fault I've been suffering all this time :giggle:

 

[spod]

Go back and kick his arse in to gear. You should at least be on the mend by now.

A starter marriage is the god awful name given to us 20 somethings who are married and divorced / separated before we are 30. Its an American phrase thats becoming used more in the UK apparently and this age range has the highest divorce rate out of everyone apparently! So at least I am average I guess...

 

[BBlilsis]

Go back and kick his arse in to gear. You should at least be on the mend by now.

A starter marriage is the god awful name given to us 20 somethings who are married and divorced / separated before we are 30. Its an American phrase thats becoming used more in the UK apparently and this age range has the highest divorce rate out of everyone apparently! So at least I am average I guess...

:giggle: well guess that makes me a starter too, pmsl, feck the americans, marriage is hard, and nowadays peeps tend to throw in the towel rather than fighting for it (my parents words not mine) but I guess its true, its a pity that people can't argue, get over it and move on, communication is the answer, or at least some of the answer

 

[spod]

I guess sometimes all your fight has just gone. There is only so long you can run round after someone, bend over backwards (you think anyway) and make excuses for this, that and the other before you are worn out. I have faught and faught and faught whilst he has been dealing with his own stuff but I cant fight anymore. I am not what he wants and to be honest deap down this isnt what I want either. I want the man I married but I think he is well and truely gone.

xx

 

[BBlilsis]

I guess sometimes all your fight has just gone. There is only so long you can run round after someone, bend over backwards (you think anyway) and make excuses for this, that and the other before you are worn out. I have faught and faught and faught whilst he has been dealing with his own stuff but I cant fight anymore. I am not what he wants and to be honest deap down this isnt what I want either. I want the man I married but I think he is well and truely gone.

xx

I can defo see that you've given a lot to this marriage, thats one of the reasons its so hard to see that its failing, you deserve better missus, hard to see right now, but it will get easier.

Is he asleep now, whilst your sat up, I remember I had a lot of sleepless nights back then