The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[Aaleigha]

so glad the suppositories work well for you
please dont let yourself get that bad again

and as for your weight - as it comes down I am sure he will get more insecure - cant wait for you to get to the weight you want to be

 

[White Tulip]

please dont let yourself get that bad again

I really didn't know something so common place could get that bad

and as for your weight - as it comes down I am sure he will get more insecure - cant wait for you to get to the weight you want to be

I am wondering how long it will be before he can bring himself to lay a finger on me in any way other than the kind of relationship you have when you have to hug a distant aunt at the end of a visit.

With SW five years ago I got down to 16 stone 6 (for 1 week before it started going back up again ) and he had absolutely no interest in me even then.

 

[Awaken Me]

I'm glad you're feeling much better - it's amazing what a good clear out can do for you .

So sorry about your Hubby but I do think he feels threatened by your weight loss. You are so focused and determined to this, probably more than you've ever been, and as the weight comes off you'll grow in confidence and also look fabulous. I love your attitude and am full of admiration for you - so I'll be cheering you all the way to 11st 7lbs.

I'll see you at 20st

 

[QueenOfTheDamned]

yey, glad you're feeling loads better now, that must have been awful! i must admit im worrying about it happening to me now as i havent, erm, *been* in around 4 days :/ not feeling any pain or discomfort though so im hoping its just caused by the massive food reduction.

i feel really sorry for you about the whole husband situation. he should be supporting and encouraging you to lose the weight. like others have said i think he feels threatened, but its more than that, its like hes compeltely indifferent to it, and thats the saddest thing *hugs* i hope things get better, and if not when you get to 11st 7lbs you can ditch the little toe rag and run off with some studly sex god, see if he's so indifferent then!

 

[White Tulip]

luckily, we aren't married. He has said more than once we will never marry, have children, get engaged or buy a house together. We own our own separate homes and I used to be hurt by this (he already has a son, but he got divorced about 15 years ago because he had an affair and she had his daughter) because I used to think he was punishing me for his mistakes in life, but now I think what a sad outlook and that I deserve better.

I am wearing something I've never worn before It's a brand new 2 in 1 jumper from Evans (via ebay!) that is a 26/28 but when I bought it last September went nowhere near me. The sizes seem really small . It's a black jumper with satin deep orange (what I would call a 'jewel' colour) collar and cuffs (there were loads for sale on ebay at one time!!) and feels a bit weird to be wearing. It looks fine in the mirror but because it 'fits' rather than being 'baggy' it feels a bit strange and unnerving because I can feel it touching my skin. It makes me think that it is still too tight but I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't and not all clothes have to be tent tops now!!!!

Right, off to work. See if anyone comments on the jumper!!

 

[White Tulip]

Well the jumper got lots of really good comments (because of the lovely orange shade of the collar and cuffs) - even from the funky late teens summer office temp!!

I still haven't had anyone at work notice and I'm starting to wonder how much more I'll need to lose. I wish I were one of those people who only seem to have to lose around 10 pounds before they say their trousers are falling off and that everyone is saying 'I can tell you've lost weight'. I guess it's because I have so much to lose.

I have started to do a bit of number crunching.

So far I have lost 33 pounds.

I have 11 weigh ins left to my holiday.

If, say, I lose 3 pounds a week each week that will be another 33 pounds, so 66 in total. That's 4 stone 9 and so I'd be 19 stone 1 pound.

That would be great, but I then started to think, I wonder how much I'd be at 4 pounds a week off? And I worked out I would have lost 77 pounds, or 5 stone 7. That would make me 18 stone 3 pounds.

That would be amazing to be there, just unbelievable....I wonder how close I can get to 18 stone 3 with the weeks I have left..

 

[Aaleigha]

I hope you have some lovely comments about the jumper
I think you OH seems to be really sad to behave like he does -
I am sure you will gain in confidence and that will be an additional shock to him - I wonder how he will cope with you

and you are starting to gain in confidence now wearing top that 'fits' you go girl

 

[Aaleigha]

Oh looks like we were typing at the same time

dont forget your colleagues are most likely noticing but are perhaps embarrassed to speak about it as that would also indicate that they recognise you as being big

so they wont be talking about it but it doesnt mean they dont notice and arent quietly really proud of what you have achieved so far

 

[White Tulip]

we did cross post, yes

I had such weird emotions last night.

About 11 pm I seemed to have a real ketosis 'high' and my mind was having all sorts of lovely, bouncy, energetic ketosis type feelings. I had the strange desire to go out for a walk, to get out my (dusty!) Wii or have a dance. At the same time I almost felt tearful, it really was strange. It was as if I felt so elated inside I wanted to cry.....that sounds bizarre I know but I just can't describe it.

Maybe I'll dust off my wii for 10 minutes over the weekend and take the first baby steps towards doing a bit of exercise...

 

[Aaleigha]

tiny steps is right remember that apart from walking CD dont advocate people taking on NEW exercise

 

[White Tulip]

no chance of me taking on any new exercise, it really is a swear word to me. The most I'd be doing is a bit of wii sports, won't be motivated to do much else!

Think WI tomorrow may be disappointing TOTM now around 4 days late - unheard of in the whole of my adult life - and after I weighed myself the morning the 'blockage' moved and then the day after and I'd lost 5 pounds. This morning it's all back on again. I know it's only water and next week could be an enormous loss if it's nothing tomorrow but it still feels a bit disappointing. My scales are really accurate and I just hope they go the other way tomorrow.

Busy day today. Got a job interview on Wednesday and I have to do a presentation. It's on a subject I know nothing about (well I know a bit now after reading up last night!!) so I need to spend the weekend learning all about the organisation (huge charity) all about the presentation area and then come up with '3 concept ideas' and put the presentation together.

 

[White Tulip]

Got a text from my mum to say she has arthritis in her knees and is going to lose weight. She is around a size 22 and like me has battled over the years with emotional eating. I took a deep breath and sent a text to say I had been dieting for nearly 6 weeks. She asked if I had lost any weight. I told her and said I was doing a vlcd. She asked which one and I said Cambridge, that I felt great etc. It's gone a bit quiet on the text....oh well, I'm an adult and I know she's a natural worrier but she's an intelligent woman and if she is concerned I'll point her to the CD website etc.

I sent back the size 26 beach chiffon cover up I ordered as a replacement for the size 30 I took on holiday in May. The 24 arrived today - it fits I'm going to send it back and in a couple of weeks or so order the 22!!! I also ordered 3 tunics in a 26 and they all fitted as well. Very chuffed as stuff from Ambrose Wilson/Simply Be etc has been all a 28 or 30 over the last year or 2. I'm going to re-order the tunics as well in a 24.

I don't pay for delivery/send back etc and it is quite fun getting stuff to try on!!!

 

[Aaleigha]

Message to your Mum
I too have arthritis and am losing weight to help my joints
I have just come off cd (went to docs as feeling so ill and it was advised for a two month period) so get her to find a diet with will suit her and get on here to share her experiences and join a supportive community

good luck with your weigh in I am sure it will be better than you think

 

[Awaken Me]

What a great week you seem to be having.

Aaaahhh the joy of dropping a dress size - I love it lol! Every item of clothing that has gotten to big for me has been binned never to darken my wardrobe again. I've kept my largest pair of trousers and the ugly blue coat as reminders but that is it. I bought a top from George at Asda last week I was literally jumping for joy and as I get smaller I am lustily eyeing up all the heels in my wardrobe. I adore heels even though I am 5 11 but haven't been able to wear them in recent years as my ankles couldn't cope - soon though, very soon .

I think you will easily reach 18st 3lbs in time for your hols - it is just over a stone a month and you have had great losses. Thank you for the lovely comments on my weigh in thread and good luck for your weigh in tomorrow.

 

[White Tulip]

Message to your Mum.. so get her to find a diet with will suit her and get on here to share her experiences and join a supportive community

Mum has done WW and SW loads of times over the years but yo yo's up and down . She lost lots of weight when she had gallbladder problems about 8 years ago (I would guess down to a size 16) but is around a 22 now. She is like me in that her emotions rule her eating unfortunately and her self esteem is very low. Not sure I'd want her to know this was 'me' though on here!! I like my anonymity

I sat and thought this afternoon about my clothes. I now have a full bulging bag of castoffs. I seemed to be hanging on to all my size 28 cropped trousers though like security blankets, I feel that although they hang off at the waist and are baggy around the bum they 'fit' and so I should wear them and that a siz 26 is going to be too fitted, even though I already know they aren't.

So, I took all the size 28's out the wardrobe. I then found all the size 26's. I tried on all the size 26's and hung each pair on a hanger. I put all the 26's into the 'fits and to be worn' wardrobe and folded all the 8 (cough ) pairs of size 28's and put them on the floor waiting to go in a second charity bag.

 

[kellierocks]

White Tulip- just read some of your diary- well done, you are doing really well, and dealing with teh ups and downs

I wanted to comment on your dream as they fascinate me.Your mind only deals with the here and now, and every person in your dream is you.
Your mind was telling you that you are beautiful, if only you could see you as you really are. The man- you, your friend, you, your "alter ego blonde" you.
Its trying to tell you that you are beautiful, Accept it.

 

[White Tulip]

wow, Kellierocks, thankyou I think I need more dreams like that though to keep convincing me.

Well, according to the reaction of my OH, I don't seem to have done too well at weigh in.

'Only 6 pounds?' he sneered.

I told him that when he could lose 39 pounds in 6 weeks he could make a comment like that and that he was only taking this stance because he can no longer say 'it should be dropping off you'. I asked him how much I should have lost and he just went 'dunno'.

All fuel to my fire of determination although for a minute when I was alone it did almost get to me and I felt very defeated and almost close to tears. I then realised this was more anger than defeated and I decided to use this feeling to help me be even stronger.

I also ordered my 2.5 stone bead for my bracelet. I went for a silver bead with paw imprints in it as the symbol of how much my lovely dog means to me.

I have chosen a bead which says 'Live, Love, Laugh' for when I get to 3 stone. 3 words I want to live my life by now and 3 words to represent 3 stone lost.

 

[QueenOfTheDamned]

*hugs* 6lbs is frikkin amazing, im in awe of your achievements, really, you're doing brilliantly. these last feew days i have felt so ill i really felt like giving up on CD and trying WW or something "easier", but seeing how amazing you have done spurs me on and makes me think, hang on a minute, i can do this too!

im so sorry about OH, he's a complete tw@t, whenever someone makes me feel like that i remember an elenor roosevelt quote "no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and its true. you're changing your life, making your dreams come true, and there will always be little jealous people wishing you to fail to make thier own failings in life seem less important. well you can do this, i know it, never let someone like that get to you hunny. maybe he doesnt realise it yet but in 6 months time it will dawn on him that you're skinny and gorgeous and he blew his last chance to be with such an amazing woman.

you're bloody amazing, hope you smash that 3 stone mark next week!

 

[White Tulip]

there will always be little jealous people wishing you to fail to make thier own failings in life seem less important.

I think this is the crux of the issue. He said he liked me when we met because of my 'personality and attitude' but now also firmly says that he thought he could change me, that he 'tried' (ya know, sexy stuff ) but couldn't because of how I look and he really can't bear me to even touch him in bed. This is partly going to be true as physically I am pretty awful, but he also has the situation where he is unable to......ya know......and he's always in the past part blamed it on him being a smoker. Well he now says it is nothing to do with that and it's all my fault.

We'll have to see about that then, won't we because I think he is going to have to admit otherwise and if it is a case that he still has no interest in me then I really don't want to be with him as I'm worth more than that, I don't want to be with someone who can't even bear to touch me in any way, shape or form.

Mum phoned and she told me the kinds of foods she is going to eat to try to help with the arthritis - fish, some veg, some fruits, nuts etc. We had a chat about CD and she was fine. I explained how it worked and the steps. She asked if eating that little was safe and I said it was no different to a gastric band really but even with one of those it's possible to eat rubbish. We chatted about lots of areas of CD - the choices, cost, photos, measurements, bmi, just about everything. She said I had motivated her to lose some weight I even told her about my bracelet and the beads and the top I keep sending back for a smaller size.


We even had a conversation about the constipation I'd suffered as she said she had it at the moment from her change of diet and I said I'd had a bit of a problem!!! She now knows what to buy if hers gets worse - lol!!
We also talked about the need to change habits and I said that I'd read that the brain can quickly learn a new habit and she said she had tried hypnotherapy and was told the same thing. I said to have a look on Mike Scott's blog about mindset and how to look at weight loss.

I can't see she would ever do CD but she was really supportive and it was nice.

 

[Aaleigha]

I am so happy for you and your mum (but hoping she never needs the suppositories)
as for your OH I am sure you are just getting the blame - if not he would have been looking elsewhere and more than likely moved on - so its obviously a problem he has and has just used your weight as an excuse - I actually feel sorry for him

love the pawprint bead can you pm me a link to one like it - I have my four rescue dogs and would love a bead to represent what they mean to me