The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?
- Thread starter White Tulip
- Start date
White Tulip
Full Member
oooh
thankyouWell I'm packed and ready and in true Ryanair style have had to print off my own boarding passes and check in online
I had long, hard thoughts this afternoon about whether to take the seatbelt extender and whilst I logically know at 17 stone 13 the seatbelt will fit I am very scared about it not. I shouted at myself a bit in my head that it was about 2 inches short before CD and I have lost at least 8 inches off my hips so far (possibly a bit more) and have decided to bite the bullet and not take it. However I will still sit on another row to OH in the 'so we both get a window seat' guise just in case it is too small and if it fits I might sit on the same row as him coming back.
I thought clothes having loads less material would mean I could take more but it doesn't seem to have worked out that way and I have had to pull stuff out to get under the meagre 15kg limit. I am pleased though with what I'm taking, but what did get rejected was an old tankini top/bottoms and sarong. I just couldn't sit on the balcony wearing them with the tops of my arms the way they are. I know OH would say something - as I (literally) woke this morning he said 'get up, go for a run, tighten yourself up' ........
I thought - here we go, new stick to beat me with I am taking 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' with me. I've had it a few years and have only ever got half way. I'm going to read it and hope it inspires me to do something proactive on my return with regards to my relationship because being sad and apprehensive about spending 11 nights with someone on holiday is just so wrong.
Now my normal night before the holiday preparation is a glass of wine and a takeaway (to minimise washing up the day I go!) but I am so scared of a gallbladder flare up I am having a CD soup with slices of cooked potato in it. I had a tuna salad earlier. I had a bit of an indigestion 'rumbling' this afternoon that calmed with some gaviscon so I really, really have to be careful and not go mad food wise.
I am going to have a vodka and soda though
Probably won't be around in the morning so will see you all on the 17th.
I want to say how lovely everyone is here and how much you have really made the difference in my journey so far. I do feel guilty at publicly berating my OH so much but I really don't have friends to turn to in the real world locally and nobody really knows on a day to day basis what he is like, being able to vent has stopped me eating numerous times over the last 17 weeks and he is a central part of the food issues I still have.
I wish you all success with your own weight loss over the next 12 days or so.
I will be back and I will be back on plan
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kellierocks
Silver Member
WH, please enjoy your holiday. You completely deserve it, you know you do, you have been utterly dedicated to your plan, work and all else life has thrown for you.
Remember your value as a person. You are important. You are good and worthy and you deserve respect at all times. Please love yourself.
Remember your value as a person. You are important. You are good and worthy and you deserve respect at all times. Please love yourself.
White Tulip
Full Member
sigh.........i am so, so stupid.
My mind repeatedly screamed at me not to eat 2 milky ways and around 8 ounces of milk chocolate during yesterday 'because I don't weigh in for 2 weeks and I'll be fine'. Idiot. Utter idiot. I paid for it though Awake from 1-5am with another gallbladder (if that is what it is) attack. Fell asleep at one point for about 30 minutes but the pain was there when I woke. Sat on the sofa either sweating or freezing with a throw round me. Had 2 Rennies then 3 cup of tea and then a tube of gaviscon and then threw up copious amounts of bile (sorry, TMI).
Went to bed at 6 and feel very tender around the base of the rib cage, the pain during an attack is like being crushed.
I have made an appt with my GP for after I'm back from my holiday. Although it is going to be a case of eat low fat and then possibly surgery (which terrifies me) I have to officially tell him because I don't want one night to end up in hospital. There's also the possibility he will say I will have to either come off CD or go to a much higher plan which will mentally be very difficult for me to deal with although at the moment the thought of any food - even CD - scares me and I've only had water this morning so far.
I am really, really going to have to stick to small portions of very low fat food whilst away. Oh well, at the end of the day it's just food and not being to shove cakes etc in my mouth isn't going to be the worst thing ever.
Taxi arrives in 3 hours, luckily airport is only 30 minutes away so it's nice and close by.
I looked at seatguru and Ryanair seats are 17 inches wide and have a seatbelt length of 46 inches. I played with a tape measure and a chair and half felt ok when it seemed it would easily go over my waist, but then half felt panicky when it looked like it wouldn't go over my hips in a lower position. Lots of people have said they flew fine at a size 22 and around my weight and I have to remember I was a stone lighter in 2005 and had loads of room on the belt when I went to Spain.
I will see you all on the 17th and fingers crossed with regards to how I get on eating.
xxxx
My mind repeatedly screamed at me not to eat 2 milky ways and around 8 ounces of milk chocolate during yesterday 'because I don't weigh in for 2 weeks and I'll be fine'. Idiot. Utter idiot. I paid for it though
Awake from 1-5am with another gallbladder (if that is what it is) attack. Fell asleep at one point for about 30 minutes but the pain was there when I woke. Sat on the sofa either sweating or freezing with a throw round me. Had 2 Rennies then 3 cup of tea and then a tube of gaviscon and then threw up copious amounts of bile (sorry, TMI).Went to bed at 6 and feel very tender around the base of the rib cage, the pain during an attack is like being crushed.
I have made an appt with my GP for after I'm back from my holiday. Although it is going to be a case of eat low fat and then possibly surgery (which terrifies me) I have to officially tell him because I don't want one night to end up in hospital. There's also the possibility he will say I will have to either come off CD or go to a much higher plan which will mentally be very difficult for me to deal with although at the moment the thought of any food - even CD - scares me and I've only had water this morning so far.
I am really, really going to have to stick to small portions of very low fat food whilst away. Oh well, at the end of the day it's just food and not being to shove cakes etc in my mouth isn't going to be the worst thing ever.
Taxi arrives in 3 hours, luckily airport is only 30 minutes away so it's nice and close by.
I looked at seatguru and Ryanair seats are 17 inches wide and have a seatbelt length of 46 inches. I played with a tape measure and a chair and half felt ok when it seemed it would easily go over my waist, but then half felt panicky when it looked like it wouldn't go over my hips in a lower position. Lots of people have said they flew fine at a size 22 and around my weight and I have to remember I was a stone lighter in 2005 and had loads of room on the belt when I went to Spain.
I will see you all on the 17th and fingers crossed with regards to how I get on eating.
xxxx
enlightenme2
Life is brass right now
Good luck on your trip, and by the way, your seatbelt will be fine!!! enjoy yourself and come back to us ready to finish your journey!
clarecv3
Getting Married 2012
About to start the cambridge diet
Hi
I am about to start the CD on Friday, i would have started today but have to wait till i get paid.
I have been on a diet for what seems forever, always starting again on a Monday and thinking I had done ok, and putting weight on. Last year I meet Adam, who is now my fiance and he proposed to me 6 months ago. We are getting married in 18 months and i thought i would have lost weight but just went up and down.
I am 23 stone 7lbs, which is the lowest its been in 7 years, in Feb 09 i was 28 stone so I am slowly but surely getting there.
In May 2012 I want to get into that size 14 wedding dress, i want to be able to run the race for life and ultimately want to start a family.
All your help and advice, and stories will really help me through this :wave_cry:
Hi
I am about to start the CD on Friday, i would have started today but have to wait till i get paid.
I have been on a diet for what seems forever, always starting again on a Monday and thinking I had done ok, and putting weight on. Last year I meet Adam, who is now my fiance and he proposed to me 6 months ago. We are getting married in 18 months and i thought i would have lost weight but just went up and down.
I am 23 stone 7lbs, which is the lowest its been in 7 years, in Feb 09 i was 28 stone so I am slowly but surely getting there.
In May 2012 I want to get into that size 14 wedding dress, i want to be able to run the race for life and ultimately want to start a family.
All your help and advice, and stories will really help me through this :wave_cry:
White Tulip
Full Member
well, I'm back!!! Bit of a delay yesterday with the French strikes affecting the planes across Europe but got back a couple of hours later than expected.
Well.............where to start.......
ok.......
seatbelt: Didn't take the extender and was so scared when I got on. Sat down.....it only just reached across my stomach!! I thought - how can this be??? I could only put it down to it doing up across my stomach rather than previous flights where I've fed it underneath (where the inches would be slightly less!) and decided that was the reason but I was very . Got on the same type of plane back but with mildy different designed seats........and had about 4 inches 'slack'!!! Very bizarre.....loads of room.......
Food: I started off very cautiously. Plain tuna salad, cereal, skimmed milk, bit of fruit. Slowly........very slowly though the choices deteriorated. I was still quite careful but they did deteriorate.......I had chips once and a couple of icecreams and cake on the last day. I sadly had an 'attack' albeit a relatively mild one in that I wasn't sick - and it seemed to be triggered by a couple of handfuls of fried, dried haricot beans. So I wasn't as good as I could have been (I have to confess the CD bars were all gone by about day 3!) but I had no fried breakfasts, pizza type foods etc.....
Holiday generally: Such a sad mixture of thoughts. Went to the same apartment last year and it is the only place I've ever been where I could happily buy a small holiday apartment. I love it, it's a quiet, small place and I loved sitting there on the balcony watching the virtually deserted beach, the waves, the occasional dog playing in the waves......that was sadly mixed with some horrible situations with OH. I won't bore you with what happened but there was more than one really awful time and he said some horrible things to me and really does seem to 'get off' on seeing me suffer from what he says......I ended up feeling I didn't want to come home because the location was so lovely but at the same time felt like I was trapped in some strange surreal open prison because of how he was with me.......sad, sad, sad.......
How I felt about walking etc: Walked the 3 mile trip to Vilamoura once and whilst I was a bit hot and pooped when we got there it was nothing like doing it last year. Temperatures were low to mid 20's and I had no issues with walking a mile or so whereas in Mallorca/last year I struggled at about half a mile. Didn't feel hot and bothered at all, a really great aspect of the holiday.
So........the damage??
Well, I weighed in this morning with a mixture of trepidation about how bad the damage could be after 2 weeks off CD with food, alcohol etc after 4 months of CD. I was prepared to be 'ok' up to a stone gain with anything above that being a bit of a bugger. I knew stepping on the scales put me back in the straight jacket of CD and the difficulties of the first few days it brings but I told myself I knew it would be hard to get back into, I am making the choice to do it and I want to achieve this.
So.........a 7 pound gain. You know what? That is fine. Doesn't bother me whatsoever. I'm actually quite pleased it's that low!! I did have a bit of a 'if only I hadn't eaten x,y and z...' but I quickly dismissed the thought.
I'm now at a 74 pound loss and give myself 2 weeks to get it off but secretly want it off in a week. My new goal in my head is 100 pounds by Christmas and I am now very re-focused.
I'm going to do SS+ (which is 4 sachets for me) as I felt 3 on SS wasn't enough as the weeks went by, SS+ just helped me that bit extra during the day and is still only 600-odd calories.
I'm ok so far on Day 1 re-start. Bit hungry and know I have a bit of a rocky few days ahead but I will be fine.
Well.............where to start.......
ok.......
seatbelt: Didn't take the extender and was so scared when I got on. Sat down.....it only just reached across my stomach!! I thought - how can this be??? I could only put it down to it doing up across my stomach rather than previous flights where I've fed it underneath (where the inches would be slightly less!) and decided that was the reason but I was very
. Got on the same type of plane back but with mildy different designed seats........and had about 4 inches 'slack'!!! Very bizarre.....loads of room.......Food: I started off very cautiously. Plain tuna salad, cereal, skimmed milk, bit of fruit. Slowly........very slowly though the choices deteriorated. I was still quite careful but they did deteriorate.......I had chips once and a couple of icecreams and cake on the last day. I sadly had an 'attack' albeit a relatively mild one in that I wasn't sick - and it seemed to be triggered by a couple of handfuls of fried, dried haricot beans. So I wasn't as good as I could have been (I have to confess the CD bars were all gone by about day 3!) but I had no fried breakfasts, pizza type foods etc.....
Holiday generally: Such a sad mixture of thoughts. Went to the same apartment last year and it is the only place I've ever been where I could happily buy a small holiday apartment. I love it, it's a quiet, small place and I loved sitting there on the balcony watching the virtually deserted beach, the waves, the occasional dog playing in the waves......that was sadly mixed with some horrible situations with OH. I won't bore you with what happened but there was more than one really awful time and he said some horrible things to me and really does seem to 'get off' on seeing me suffer from what he says......I ended up feeling I didn't want to come home because the location was so lovely but at the same time felt like I was trapped in some strange surreal open prison because of how he was with me.......sad, sad, sad.......
How I felt about walking etc: Walked the 3 mile trip to Vilamoura once and whilst I was a bit hot and pooped when we got there it was nothing like doing it last year. Temperatures were low to mid 20's and I had no issues with walking a mile or so whereas in Mallorca/last year I struggled at about half a mile. Didn't feel hot and bothered at all, a really great aspect of the holiday.
So........the damage??
Well, I weighed in this morning with a mixture of trepidation about how bad the damage could be after 2 weeks off CD with food, alcohol etc after 4 months of CD. I was prepared to be 'ok' up to a stone gain with anything above that being a bit of a bugger. I knew stepping on the scales put me back in the straight jacket of CD and the difficulties of the first few days it brings but I told myself I knew it would be hard to get back into, I am making the choice to do it and I want to achieve this.
So.........a 7 pound gain. You know what? That is fine. Doesn't bother me whatsoever. I'm actually quite pleased it's that low!! I did have a bit of a 'if only I hadn't eaten x,y and z...' but I quickly dismissed the thought.
I'm now at a 74 pound loss and give myself 2 weeks to get it off but secretly want it off in a week. My new goal in my head is 100 pounds by Christmas and I am now very re-focused.
I'm going to do SS+ (which is 4 sachets for me) as I felt 3 on SS wasn't enough as the weeks went by, SS+ just helped me that bit extra during the day and is still only 600-odd calories.
I'm ok so far on Day 1 re-start. Bit hungry and know I have a bit of a rocky few days ahead but I will be fine.
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kellierocks
Silver Member
welcome home, you were missed.
I hope that,despite the mental abuse from OH, that you got some rest. The place sounds beautiful. It is such a shame a toxic person takes some from it. You are a fantastic person nad deserve only respect and love.
I hope that,despite the mental abuse from OH, that you got some rest. The place sounds beautiful. It is such a shame a toxic person takes some from it. You are a fantastic person nad deserve only respect and love.
Delicious-Jax
Member
Hello White Tulip,
Oh how I know about the fear of that seat belt scenario....brought me out in a sweat just imagining your , initial, fears.
You are doing amazingly well, hang in there honey, those holiday pounds will soon disappear.
Oh how I know about the fear of that seat belt scenario....brought me out in a sweat just imagining your , initial, fears.
You are doing amazingly well, hang in there honey, those holiday pounds will soon disappear.
Oh, it's lovely to "hear" from you again, welcome home White Tulip!
It sounds like you really faced some challanges diet wise whilst you were away, and, overall, coped really well. This must make you feel more confident about your long term weight management. Bloody beans- who would have thought?! Are you going to book an appointment with your dr about the illness?
I'm so impressed with the measly seven pound gain- that's probably glycogen and water anyway, isn't it? Probably be gone in a flash- hopefully this week- but again, this bodes well for your long term success. (It's hardly anything! I laughed when I read it, well, after I finally breathed I did!) Good on you!
I was sad to hear OH wasn't on his best behaviour during the trip, and this ruined parts of it for you. I wonder if you told him any home truths back?
Are you back at work this week, or do you have a bit of time off to settle in? Did you get a tan? The improvement in your fitness is great, especially when you can compare it to last year.
You are doing a great job. I am sure you are going to succeed, both with your weight, and having a happier and better life. You deserve it. I know you do!
(I am so pleased your back!)
It sounds like you really faced some challanges diet wise whilst you were away, and, overall, coped really well. This must make you feel more confident about your long term weight management. Bloody beans- who would have thought?! Are you going to book an appointment with your dr about the illness?
I'm so impressed with the measly seven pound gain- that's probably glycogen and water anyway, isn't it? Probably be gone in a flash- hopefully this week- but again, this bodes well for your long term success. (It's hardly anything! I laughed when I read it, well, after I finally breathed I did!) Good on you!
I was sad to hear OH wasn't on his best behaviour during the trip, and this ruined parts of it for you. I wonder if you told him any home truths back?
Are you back at work this week, or do you have a bit of time off to settle in? Did you get a tan? The improvement in your fitness is great, especially when you can compare it to last year.
You are doing a great job. I am sure you are going to succeed, both with your weight, and having a happier and better life. You deserve it. I know you do!
(I am so pleased your back!)
rumbly-tums
Slowly but surely x
I've just read this thread from start to finish. I laughed and cried along with my choc mint shake! Darling girl, I hold my glass up to you..... You are my inspiration, I hope you know just how powerful your story is xx
great things
Gold Member
so all in all, you had a decent time on holiday except for OH, you enjoyed your food which were good choices 99% of the time, your fear of the seat belt didn't happen and you've gained such a small amount that it will be off within a week. great news. i would say that your gain will be water as your fat cells fill up water... they can hold 3 times their size. 7lbs.... a trip to the 'loo', several wees and within days it will be gone and i recon you'll loose at least 7lbs if not 10lbs at your first weigh in. nice to have you back.
great news. i would say that your gain will be water as your fat cells fill up water... they can hold 3 times their size. 7lbs.... a trip to the 'loo', several wees and within days it will be gone and i recon you'll loose at least 7lbs if not 10lbs at your first weigh in. nice to have you back.
White Tulip
Full Member
it's good to be back with you lovely people I have to say - I thought about you all whilst I was away.
Bizarrely the scales are already shifting! I have decided as it's my first week back on it I need to see results to get me through the first difficult days and the scales say I've already lost 6 of the 7 pounds! I'm guessing that could jump back up tomorrow but it was a nice shock to see this morning!! Also currently TOTM which started on Saturday so there could well be some fluid retention in the gain, if there was then the gain was even smaller!!!
I am going to the doctor - yes. 27th October I have an appointment. I'll see what he says about stuff......I don't really do doctor's, I have to have something hanging off me before I give in and admit I need to seek help but I really just need to do it.
Got rid of a few more bits of clothing today. I have an Ann Harvey skirt (ok, generous sizing I know) which I've had for years. Kind of long bias cut, elasticated waist..........but a size 18......I knew I was getting close but haven't tried it for ages......today it moved into the 'fits' wardrobe and I heard myself say 'wow' when I looked in the mirror!!! It's a bit dressy for work but stuff it, I need to get some wear out of things I have!
OH tried it on last night and I played the game to see his reaction.
I said that yes, I had indeed gained weight.
He asked how much - a stone? stone and a half? He could tell I'd put on quite a bit.....2 stone??
I calmly and sweetly said 7 pounds..........he couldn't believe it and said '7 pounds.......are you sure that is right???' I said it was indeed correct......he then went into a rant about how I'd reverted back to all my old habits on holiday how I'd eaten x,y and z. I said I had seen it as a good learning experience in a controlled environment over a set amount of time and whilst I'd eaten some things I hadn't eaten loads of other things.........he just didn't want to know and said I wasn't in control, I'd gone back to old habits etc etc etc......I just shrugged and said that was his opinion.
To check out his thoughts that I looked as if i'd gained loads I measured my waist today - exactly the same as when I went away! Nothing I was wearing is tight and he was just trying to find ways to put me down not knowing the reality.
I'm finding it bizarrely easy to get back into. I'm a bit tired and was a bit hungry around 4pm but doing SS+ is really a good help with the extra sachet. I feel I'm getting into another learned habit just as the food I ate on holiday was a different learned habit.
I do have a bit of a new habit - looking at clothes!! I have coat lust at the moment for this
Joe Browns Ultimate Coat length 36in | Simply Be:
but at £80 I just can't justify buying it. I thought of getting the 22 but it should be miles too big by the end of the winter and I really love it and would want to wear it for a few years to come.
I might get one just to try on though
Bizarrely the scales are already shifting! I have decided as it's my first week back on it I need to see results to get me through the first difficult days and the scales say I've already lost 6 of the 7 pounds! I'm guessing that could jump back up tomorrow but it was a nice shock to see this morning!! Also currently TOTM which started on Saturday so there could well be some fluid retention in the gain, if there was then the gain was even smaller!!!
I am going to the doctor - yes. 27th October I have an appointment. I'll see what he says about stuff......I don't really do doctor's, I have to have something hanging off me before I give in and admit I need to seek help but I really just need to do it.
Got rid of a few more bits of clothing today. I have an Ann Harvey skirt (ok, generous sizing I know) which I've had for years. Kind of long bias cut, elasticated waist..........but a size 18......I knew I was getting close but haven't tried it for ages......today it moved into the 'fits' wardrobe and I heard myself say 'wow' when I looked in the mirror!!! It's a bit dressy for work but stuff it, I need to get some wear out of things I have!
OH tried it on last night and I played the game to see his reaction.
I said that yes, I had indeed gained weight.
He asked how much - a stone? stone and a half? He could tell I'd put on quite a bit.....2 stone??
I calmly and sweetly said 7 pounds..........he couldn't believe it and said '7 pounds.......are you sure that is right???' I said it was indeed correct......he then went into a rant about how I'd reverted back to all my old habits on holiday how I'd eaten x,y and z. I said I had seen it as a good learning experience in a controlled environment over a set amount of time and whilst I'd eaten some things I hadn't eaten loads of other things.........he just didn't want to know and said I wasn't in control, I'd gone back to old habits etc etc etc......I just shrugged and said that was his opinion.
To check out his thoughts that I looked as if i'd gained loads I measured my waist today - exactly the same as when I went away! Nothing I was wearing is tight and he was just trying to find ways to put me down not knowing the reality.
I'm finding it bizarrely easy to get back into. I'm a bit tired and was a bit hungry around 4pm but doing SS+ is really a good help with the extra sachet. I feel I'm getting into another learned habit just as the food I ate on holiday was a different learned habit.
I do have a bit of a new habit - looking at clothes!! I have coat lust at the moment for this
Joe Browns Ultimate Coat length 36in | Simply Be:
but at £80 I just can't justify buying it. I thought of getting the 22 but it should be miles too big by the end of the winter and I really love it and would want to wear it for a few years to come.
I might get one just to try on though
HopefullyYummyMummy2B!
Member
Hello,
I've been reading your blog and wow I got emotional! You have done so well! Please don't let anyone put you down, you should feel extremely proud of yourself. And as for the coat, I think you can justify it go for it girl!
I've been reading your blog and wow I got emotional! You have done so well! Please don't let anyone put you down, you should feel extremely proud of yourself. And as for the coat, I think you can justify it
go for it girl!
