The Highs and Lows of Development
- Thread starter Tiger Girl
- Start date
Highs and Lows?! That's what this thread is all about. OK, so I have jumped ship but this is where my heart is...
Tonight, as Sandra has lost (WAY TO GO!!!), I have gained. 3lbs. I am p****ed off, to be honest. There were three out of four of my Foundation Group there tonight and all three of us are contemplating coming back to Development. (Can you believe this?!?!?) The sad thing is I really like my Management group, they really do rock. Development sucked! But it is NOT working for me, this RtM business. Yes, I am freaking out but not in this crazy weight gain way.
So, it's me, whingeing and whining and...well, plus ca change!!! How is everyone else?
Big kiss.
Mrs Lardy Lard
Tonight, as Sandra has lost (WAY TO GO!!!), I have gained. 3lbs. I am p****ed off, to be honest. There were three out of four of my Foundation Group there tonight and all three of us are contemplating coming back to Development. (Can you believe this?!?!?) The sad thing is I really like my Management group, they really do rock. Development sucked! But it is NOT working for me, this RtM business. Yes, I am freaking out but not in this crazy weight gain way.
So, it's me, whingeing and whining and...well, plus ca change!!! How is everyone else?
Big kiss.
Mrs Lardy Lard
chunkychicken
Full Member
Sandra - would just like to join in with a Development "high" (of which for me there have been very few) I lost 5.5lbs this week and that means I have reached 6 stone lost in total.
I was so pleased as I have been having very slow losses the last 3 weeks and it was really getting me down, especially as I had bought a treadmill for home and been working out (ok not jogging but very fast walking) every night - anyway, it looks like the scales are finally catching up so I am relieved !
Mrs L - please don't doubt yourself. You have done so amazingly well - RtM sounds terrifying and it must be so tempting to rush back into the comforting arms of the packs when things like this happen.
But look at the facts - you have an incredibly stressful life, your home is in unheaval and yet still, you are grimly hanging on and not giving in - that takes some moxy and you should be proud of yourself.
Re-learning all about food and facing your demons is the hardest skill of all to master, and it takes practice. Everyone makes mistakes - but the test is - can you learn from them ? I think you of all people can. You have been my inspiration since the start. I KNOW you can do this.
Chin up and big kiss back
Laura
I was so pleased as I have been having very slow losses the last 3 weeks and it was really getting me down, especially as I had bought a treadmill for home and been working out (ok not jogging but very fast walking) every night - anyway, it looks like the scales are finally catching up so I am relieved !
Mrs L - please don't doubt yourself. You have done so amazingly well - RtM sounds terrifying and it must be so tempting to rush back into the comforting arms of the packs when things like this happen.
But look at the facts - you have an incredibly stressful life, your home is in unheaval and yet still, you are grimly hanging on and not giving in - that takes some moxy and you should be proud of yourself.
Re-learning all about food and facing your demons is the hardest skill of all to master, and it takes practice. Everyone makes mistakes - but the test is - can you learn from them ? I think you of all people can. You have been my inspiration since the start. I KNOW you can do this.
Chin up and big kiss back
Laura
SandraEG
Full Member
Mrs
I agree with Laura. I am constantly amazed by what is going on in your life.
I think you should try to reflect on whether returning to development is what you really want to do. You may not have reached whatever goal you set yourself but your pics show that you are slim. Certainly weight-wise healthy enough to conceive.
I note from the thread about periods that you said time was not on your side to wait for a few months after eating again. Remember that returning to development would set that timetable back again.
Obviously you should do what is best for you but my advice would be to keep trying to crack the RtM so you can restart TTC as early as possible.
I agree with Laura. I am constantly amazed by what is going on in your life.
I think you should try to reflect on whether returning to development is what you really want to do. You may not have reached whatever goal you set yourself but your pics show that you are slim. Certainly weight-wise healthy enough to conceive.
I note from the thread about periods that you said time was not on your side to wait for a few months after eating again. Remember that returning to development would set that timetable back again.
Obviously you should do what is best for you but my advice would be to keep trying to crack the RtM so you can restart TTC as early as possible.
SandraEG
Full Member
Well - rather ineveitably getting straight back on track after a night off was too difficult to manage... In the back of my mind I knew this...
It didn't help that in my sister's birthday package from NZ there were two packets of really yummy looking gourmet biscuits. When I unwrapped them I was quite detached and planned to have them when I next allowed myself to eat but they've gone just 24 hours later. Last night was a disaster.
But it's gone now. Today we head to Dorset for the weekend. (I have a meeting there on Saturday.) I'm always better when we're travelling so I am sure I'll get back on track now.
It didn't help that in my sister's birthday package from NZ there were two packets of really yummy looking gourmet biscuits. When I unwrapped them I was quite detached and planned to have them when I next allowed myself to eat but they've gone just 24 hours later. Last night was a disaster.
But it's gone now. Today we head to Dorset for the weekend. (I have a meeting there on Saturday.) I'm always better when we're travelling so I am sure I'll get back on track now.
Tiger Girl
Full Member
Hey lovely Developers 
Back from hols and a tough old long long working day week.
So, where to start? A load of highs and lows to report and still catching up on the posts...
This is what I just don't get about Development. Last Thursday I was in my bikini having a joyous sob-fest and truly killing and slaying the demons. I woke up on Friday morning and the demons were actually staring me in the face and wide awake (they are usually pretty late sleepers). I just couldn't believe it. Where had they come from? Why on the back of the biggest Development high were they there?
What an absolute nightmare Friday was and I just battled and battled through it. Finally gave in - 8hours later.
And then I was off and running for my long weekend. Once you start...
By Wednesday night I was not in a good way. Really out of ideas, out of thought records, out of any rational and reasoned insight and of course out of ketosis. A truly horrible and scary few days.
Seemingly out of nowhere I got through Thursday perfectly abstinent, in what can only be described as the ultimate calm after the storm...and again today, and it's Friday which is my huge problem day - but I've done it. Calm, rational, sorted, abstinent...
Why does it get like this?
So, this is the plan. I have all of my management kit now and whilst the Demons remain dorment, I'm keeping on keeping on. The minute I reach last Friday levels I'm off to management. I feel so much relief that I can only guess that my stress levels were going into orbit - increasing the overall angst and subsequent horrible binges.
I feel really comfortable that management is now here for me, if and when I need to start. I probably have never really been able to imagine it since I started. Again, I think this has been a big part of my problem. I definitely don't want real food. So many real foods are just terrifying for me right now. For some reason the sugar evils don't appear to be 'real' food in my head. (how twisted is that?)
So management is not my 'excuse to eat', it's my all new coping strategy and boy do I need one. It feels like a fresh start, even though I haven't actually started yet!
Basically it's just all been like a giant drama/crisis...I daren't say I've turned the corner, as I've said it consistently for the last 8 weeks and then crashed and burned.
I gained 3lbs this week. I feel like i've actually gained 3st. Ooh the power of the mind...it's just overwhelming is it not?
So the lows were pretty low...and whilst the highs have been minimal, they've definitely been there. My gym training is just going from strength to strength (a bit like my arms). For the first time in my life, I get excited about going to the gym and LOVE it when I'm there. The gym has always been punishment for me - no more! Bit like the booze really, a massive surprise and a genuine life changing shift. Great.
All in all - probably the worst week so far, but ending on not a high, but a very still calm feeling which is SO welcomed. The highs and the lows have just worn me out. I'm sick of them. I just want to be in the middle ground now. I want the lows to end right now. Tonight. And I want the highs to be about other areas of my life. Other great things that happen that have absolutely nothing to do with my weight. Now THAT, as an insight I feel is real progress
Happy weekend everyone
Back from hols and a tough old long long working day week.
So, where to start? A load of highs and lows to report and still catching up on the posts...
This is what I just don't get about Development. Last Thursday I was in my bikini having a joyous sob-fest and truly killing and slaying the demons. I woke up on Friday morning and the demons were actually staring me in the face and wide awake (they are usually pretty late sleepers). I just couldn't believe it. Where had they come from? Why on the back of the biggest Development high were they there?
What an absolute nightmare Friday was and I just battled and battled through it. Finally gave in - 8hours later.
And then I was off and running for my long weekend. Once you start...
By Wednesday night I was not in a good way. Really out of ideas, out of thought records, out of any rational and reasoned insight and of course out of ketosis. A truly horrible and scary few days.
Seemingly out of nowhere I got through Thursday perfectly abstinent, in what can only be described as the ultimate calm after the storm...and again today, and it's Friday which is my huge problem day - but I've done it. Calm, rational, sorted, abstinent...
Why does it get like this?
So, this is the plan. I have all of my management kit now and whilst the Demons remain dorment, I'm keeping on keeping on. The minute I reach last Friday levels I'm off to management. I feel so much relief that I can only guess that my stress levels were going into orbit - increasing the overall angst and subsequent horrible binges.
I feel really comfortable that management is now here for me, if and when I need to start. I probably have never really been able to imagine it since I started. Again, I think this has been a big part of my problem. I definitely don't want real food. So many real foods are just terrifying for me right now. For some reason the sugar evils don't appear to be 'real' food in my head. (how twisted is that?)
So management is not my 'excuse to eat', it's my all new coping strategy and boy do I need one. It feels like a fresh start, even though I haven't actually started yet!
Basically it's just all been like a giant drama/crisis...I daren't say I've turned the corner, as I've said it consistently for the last 8 weeks and then crashed and burned.
I gained 3lbs this week. I feel like i've actually gained 3st. Ooh the power of the mind...it's just overwhelming is it not?
So the lows were pretty low...and whilst the highs have been minimal, they've definitely been there. My gym training is just going from strength to strength (a bit like my arms). For the first time in my life, I get excited about going to the gym and LOVE it when I'm there. The gym has always been punishment for me - no more! Bit like the booze really, a massive surprise and a genuine life changing shift. Great.
All in all - probably the worst week so far, but ending on not a high, but a very still calm feeling which is SO welcomed. The highs and the lows have just worn me out. I'm sick of them. I just want to be in the middle ground now. I want the lows to end right now. Tonight. And I want the highs to be about other areas of my life. Other great things that happen that have absolutely nothing to do with my weight. Now THAT, as an insight I feel is real progress
Happy weekend everyone
Welcome back, dear TG.
I was going to PM you but thought you might be away (doh!) - wish I had done that. Should trust my instinct!
The highs and lows are SO where we're all at right now, as you'll discover when you catch up with the bloggers amongst us.
I've got loads of suggestions so am going to spend some time thinking about where we're all at AND some insights from the book I read this week, The Lazy Person's Guide to Beating Overeating.
Big kiss and welcome home!
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
I was going to PM you but thought you might be away (doh!) - wish I had done that. Should trust my instinct!
The highs and lows are SO where we're all at right now, as you'll discover when you catch up with the bloggers amongst us.
I've got loads of suggestions so am going to spend some time thinking about where we're all at AND some insights from the book I read this week, The Lazy Person's Guide to Beating Overeating.
Big kiss and welcome home!
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
Just Do It
Full Member
Hi Fellow Developers.
Hang on in there. I'm willing you all on to success. Mrs L , TG , Sandra you are battling so hard. I really admire you
A strange part of me feels a bit like I'm missing out by not having lows, its like having a baby and having an epidural from the start. I always wanted to feel the full experience (does that make me a wierdo?)
At the moment I am contemplating my goal, how low do I go? I have about half a stone to go to my original goal I had in mind. But I feel fine now. I think I will go for the last half stone in case I feel like I never got there and psychologically I know that is important to me.
But after that what about the glycogen stores you put back on. Our LLC recommends losing another 7lbs before starting management, but to be honest I don't know I'll be able to get that off.
I'm only 8.7 now and 5ft tall so I don't think for me my stores would be 7lbs.
My High of the Week - seeing my friends reactions when they saw me for the first time in 6 months. What a high. I had always been the fat friend before, when we went out it was such a buzz. I hardly noticed the pain from my new high heeled sandals.
Have GOOD weekends all of you.
Claire
Hang on in there. I'm willing you all on to success. Mrs L , TG , Sandra you are battling so hard. I really admire you
A strange part of me feels a bit like I'm missing out by not having lows, its like having a baby and having an epidural from the start. I always wanted to feel the full experience (does that make me a wierdo?)
At the moment I am contemplating my goal, how low do I go? I have about half a stone to go to my original goal I had in mind. But I feel fine now. I think I will go for the last half stone in case I feel like I never got there and psychologically I know that is important to me.
But after that what about the glycogen stores you put back on. Our LLC recommends losing another 7lbs before starting management, but to be honest I don't know I'll be able to get that off.
I'm only 8.7 now and 5ft tall so I don't think for me my stores would be 7lbs.
My High of the Week - seeing my friends reactions when they saw me for the first time in 6 months. What a high. I had always been the fat friend before, when we went out it was such a buzz. I hardly noticed the pain from my new high heeled sandals.
Have GOOD weekends all of you.
Claire
Tiger Girl
Full Member
Hey Mrs L
Lovely to see you Couldn't face the board or anyone really at the start of the week, but I'm back and all is relatively drama free - thank goodness for that.
Gonna run over to the arms to see how the recommended reading list is looking. I'm getting a lot from the written word this week. Have almost finished 'When food is love' by Geneen Roth. It's been the most enlightening book I've read so far on my LL journey. I'm sure her books have been mentioned on the board before, and for some reason I think they didn't get a great review - not sure - but for me, the insights around creating/living out a total drama filled weight fuelled existence are all way too familiar.
I will catch up on your RtM over there too - hope everything is going well?
JDI - you sound SO fabulously focused! I think the general rule of thumb is to go as low as you can before starting management. And in your current frame of mind I would say - go for it! You're so close now and have done amazingly well.
Right, I'm off to sort out the puncture my lovely car is suffering from just now, then Sainsbury's for supplies of the sparkling water variety and then the gym before I head over to see some friends later. A nice busy, but low key Saturday awaits
Lovely to see you
Couldn't face the board or anyone really at the start of the week, but I'm back and all is relatively drama free - thank goodness for that. Gonna run over to the arms to see how the recommended reading list is looking. I'm getting a lot from the written word this week. Have almost finished 'When food is love' by Geneen Roth. It's been the most enlightening book I've read so far on my LL journey. I'm sure her books have been mentioned on the board before, and for some reason I think they didn't get a great review - not sure - but for me, the insights around creating/living out a total drama filled weight fuelled existence are all way too familiar.
I will catch up on your RtM over there too - hope everything is going well?
JDI - you sound SO fabulously focused! I think the general rule of thumb is to go as low as you can before starting management. And in your current frame of mind I would say - go for it! You're so close now and have done amazingly well.
Right, I'm off to sort out the puncture my lovely car is suffering from just now, then Sainsbury's for supplies of the sparkling water variety and then the gym before I head over to see some friends later. A nice busy, but low key Saturday awaits
SandraEG
Full Member
When food is love is the book I always recommend to anyone with food issues. A counsellor 'prescribed' it to me once and I remember bawling my way through it. It was a hard read but made me learn so much about myself.
Funnily enough I would say it has made my LL journey quite different to the others I knew in my group. I read the book almost 10 years ago and it really helped me then. I also did some session with an eating disorder group who believe in no dieting. These two things really raised my self-esteem. A lot of people on LL seem to really hate themselves at the start - and the counselling often seems to hone in on that. But I didn't hate myself for being fat - I had a good life and knew I was a good preson - I just needed to lose weight to be able to concieve.
Of course, nothing is that simple and plenty of issues have come to the fore since then - but I didn't hate myself. Geneen Roth really helped with that.
I'm feeling a bit low today. I've been off track since my big loss last week. I was away for the weekend and we stayed at a B&B and I ate breakfast because it was included. Well - crooked thoughts yes but I also enjoyed it and don't feel too guilty about that. I also ate sweets during the long drive. On the way home yesterday I had a burger - it was so good. I have a couple of days to lose the extra glygogen I picked up. Anyway - I feel okay about all this - it's not what is making me feel low - but I feel I should be honest about my decisions...
I'm feeling low because I went to see the endocrinologist at the hospital today. The appointment was booked months ago and I've lost 25kg since then. You'd think he'd be happy but instead he had a real go at me for being on a VLCD. When his SpR came in he said 'we have another one on lighterlife' in a sarcastic tone. He spoke to me like a child. Anyway, he decided to let me continue with a review in 3 months and full blood test in the meantime.
It makes me angry because I'm not here to defend the diet. I went into this with my eyes open and it was a means to an end. If he had proof that my health was being compromised I'd be off it in a second. But can he deliver me the results I've had on the programme?
He said people often put the weight back on. But this is the case with any diet - not just VLCDs. I think the statistics are very bad for any weight loss programme. We can only hope that we will be the minority who manage to keep it off.
All I expect is that it does what it says on the tin. The rest is up to me...
Funnily enough I would say it has made my LL journey quite different to the others I knew in my group. I read the book almost 10 years ago and it really helped me then. I also did some session with an eating disorder group who believe in no dieting. These two things really raised my self-esteem. A lot of people on LL seem to really hate themselves at the start - and the counselling often seems to hone in on that. But I didn't hate myself for being fat - I had a good life and knew I was a good preson - I just needed to lose weight to be able to concieve.
Of course, nothing is that simple and plenty of issues have come to the fore since then - but I didn't hate myself. Geneen Roth really helped with that.
I'm feeling a bit low today. I've been off track since my big loss last week. I was away for the weekend and we stayed at a B&B and I ate breakfast because it was included. Well - crooked thoughts yes but I also enjoyed it and don't feel too guilty about that. I also ate sweets during the long drive. On the way home yesterday I had a burger - it was so good. I have a couple of days to lose the extra glygogen I picked up. Anyway - I feel okay about all this - it's not what is making me feel low - but I feel I should be honest about my decisions...
I'm feeling low because I went to see the endocrinologist at the hospital today. The appointment was booked months ago and I've lost 25kg since then. You'd think he'd be happy but instead he had a real go at me for being on a VLCD. When his SpR came in he said 'we have another one on lighterlife' in a sarcastic tone. He spoke to me like a child. Anyway, he decided to let me continue with a review in 3 months and full blood test in the meantime.
It makes me angry because I'm not here to defend the diet. I went into this with my eyes open and it was a means to an end. If he had proof that my health was being compromised I'd be off it in a second. But can he deliver me the results I've had on the programme?
He said people often put the weight back on. But this is the case with any diet - not just VLCDs. I think the statistics are very bad for any weight loss programme. We can only hope that we will be the minority who manage to keep it off.
All I expect is that it does what it says on the tin. The rest is up to me...
Hi Everyone
Well the rollercoaster continues! So here's an update (after the catching up, obviously)! I have just lost a load of work on excel and before I go and eat something I don't want, I'm here, checking in, instead.
Sandra - SOOO sorry to hear about your hospital situation. Not good and I totally empathise. You and I are on the same road (but you have age on your side, at least! - let's take those positives where we can) and it's a road littered with highs and lows. Right now, I am feeling very down about my age (41 in a month's time), no sign of my body giving me what I need to make a baby happen (!) and well, I don't know how my endometriosis is after all this fasting! Hah! Anyway, enough moaning.
TG - I had a break from Minis over the weekend so MISSED your message. To be honest, I am back on packs, just to give myself some breathing space - work, the house, money, health - you know, the usuals (!) - were all getting in the way of Route to Management so am doing packs with some flexibility so I don't go bonkers. So far, so good. Crisps are still in the car, locked up. I posted about how it's been and I may put it on here. Not sure.
JDI - great to hear from you too and so pleased you are feeling strong with abstinence. If I have learnt anything from RtM it's go as low as you can BEFORE you start otherwise it just messes with your head. Actually, let me rephrase, it messed with mine and I was already all over the place with Development. I think you'll know in your heart of hearts when it's time to go to the OTHER side!
Right now, I am feeling fat (yeah, that sucks a bit - all the crappy feelings about weight haven't gone away!), feeling scared about the future and generally super super anxious BUT I am hanging on with this programme and someone emailed me today with a lovely message of support and it made all the difference.
So the highs and lows are continuing, up and down, up and down, and I am just steering my way through.
Hope everyone is having a good Monday.
Big group hug and a kiss.
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well the rollercoaster continues! So here's an update (after the catching up, obviously)! I have just lost a load of work on excel and before I go and eat something I don't want, I'm here, checking in, instead.
Sandra - SOOO sorry to hear about your hospital situation. Not good and I totally empathise. You and I are on the same road (but you have age on your side, at least! - let's take those positives where we can) and it's a road littered with highs and lows. Right now, I am feeling very down about my age (41 in a month's time), no sign of my body giving me what I need to make a baby happen (!) and well, I don't know how my endometriosis is after all this fasting! Hah! Anyway, enough moaning.
TG - I had a break from Minis over the weekend so MISSED your message. To be honest, I am back on packs, just to give myself some breathing space - work, the house, money, health - you know, the usuals (!) - were all getting in the way of Route to Management so am doing packs with some flexibility so I don't go bonkers. So far, so good. Crisps are still in the car, locked up. I posted about how it's been and I may put it on here. Not sure.
JDI - great to hear from you too and so pleased you are feeling strong with abstinence. If I have learnt anything from RtM it's go as low as you can BEFORE you start otherwise it just messes with your head. Actually, let me rephrase, it messed with mine and I was already all over the place with Development. I think you'll know in your heart of hearts when it's time to go to the OTHER side!
Right now, I am feeling fat (yeah, that sucks a bit - all the crappy feelings about weight haven't gone away!), feeling scared about the future and generally super super anxious BUT I am hanging on with this programme and someone emailed me today with a lovely message of support and it made all the difference.
So the highs and lows are continuing, up and down, up and down, and I am just steering my way through.
Hope everyone is having a good Monday.
Big group hug and a kiss.
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Helen
Full Member
Hi Everyone
I havent been posting lately for largely the same reasons as TG. Went camping over bank hols, no problem sticking to diet, felt great and really positive. Came home monday night, had lost 3lb but then had major crash on Wednesday for no apparent reason, have been battling to stay on track ever since. I just couldn't cope with posting this at the time so have lurked a bit but barely posted. Anyway I could only drop in to meeting today as nursery closed and school isn't back until tomorrow so had DD in tow. I had lost 1lb which was great because it could easily have been a gain but couldn't stop for any inspiration.
Anyway I have sat myself down and given myself a good talking to. I have decided to take things back to basics; how did I cope when I started LL way back in Feb I asked myself.
So, I have told poor daughter that for the time being there will be no icecream, sweets, cereal bars, cheese or crisps in the house. She can have these if out or if she is going to eat them straight away but not if they are going to be hanging around. She is not to offer me anything, she is allowed to tell whoever she likes if she sees me eating anything and she isn't to kiss me when she has just eaten something yummy! (how mean am I?). She is pretty used to these rules actually, it is only in the last couple of months they have relaxed as I felt "safe".
I have eaten today and bought some choc on way home. I made myself eat it all and felt really sick afterwards, I am hoping this is going to put me off for next couple of days whilst I sort myself out. Sounds like a weird plan I suppose but I am hoping it will be aversion therapy of some sort! TOTM too so I think the choc craving is over now and I will be safe for a few weeks.
I am hoping that now the holidays are over and things are getting back to normal that this will all be enough to sort myself out for long enough for abstinence to become a habit again. My only hurdle this week is meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. She will be having lunch, not me! Other than that I have a fairly normal week ahead before work starts again for me next week.
TG, I can relate to your post about the highs and lows. The lows are just so low, but the high this week was doing a rising trot on my horseriding lesson - still frightened of heights so I had to hold onto the saddle but I am getting there!
I asked my counsellor briefly about going through management now and then back into abstinence afterwards to lose last few stone. She said people did do it but she didn't really advise it. She asked me to do a pros and cons list to take next week. I dont think I need to do this, I think the pro for me is that I will be allowed to eat again and that answers the question - management isn't the right thing for me to be doing right now. Shame.
JDI, I am also 5ft but 11.10 so still obese. I have just raised my goal to 9.3 which will have meant 50% of my starting weight lost. I have a lot of loose skin already and think I could have at least 7lbs worth by the time I get that low! It seems like a distant dream at the moment!
Sandra, I am sorry to hear about the view of your endocrinologist. I don't know much about it but surely the fact that you are doing so well and are so determined to help yourself however you can should stand in your favour. If he found out a bit more about it he would discover that we should have a better chance on this than other diets of keeping off the weight because of the counselling. Even though I have given into food on numerous occasions now I can see the benefits of counselling and the fact that my eating doesn't go down the route that it used to. I think we can all see that as we are still trying to continue with our journeys despite the odd deviation into the realm of food! BTW we are off to NZ in March for 3 weeks, any suggestions of places we should visit would be great! The incentive to start LL was that we want to emigrate there and I wouldn't have been accepted because of my BMI!
Mrs L, sounds like you have looked at your situation from a very adult place when you decided to go back onto packs! I will be interested to here how it goes, when you say "packs with some flexibility" are you popping into management when you feel the urge to eat is getting to you?
Sorry if I have missed replying to anyones posts but I started typing this then realised I couldn't get back to previous page of thread to respond to those too!
Just tried to upload some photos into the gallery btw and it wouldnt let me - says the files are too big (well I was 18stone 6 on the photo) can anyone help?
I havent been posting lately for largely the same reasons as TG. Went camping over bank hols, no problem sticking to diet, felt great and really positive. Came home monday night, had lost 3lb but then had major crash on Wednesday for no apparent reason, have been battling to stay on track ever since. I just couldn't cope with posting this at the time so have lurked a bit but barely posted. Anyway I could only drop in to meeting today as nursery closed and school isn't back until tomorrow so had DD in tow. I had lost 1lb which was great because it could easily have been a gain but couldn't stop for any inspiration.
Anyway I have sat myself down and given myself a good talking to. I have decided to take things back to basics; how did I cope when I started LL way back in Feb I asked myself.
So, I have told poor daughter that for the time being there will be no icecream, sweets, cereal bars, cheese or crisps in the house. She can have these if out or if she is going to eat them straight away but not if they are going to be hanging around. She is not to offer me anything, she is allowed to tell whoever she likes if she sees me eating anything and she isn't to kiss me when she has just eaten something yummy! (how mean am I?). She is pretty used to these rules actually, it is only in the last couple of months they have relaxed as I felt "safe".
I have eaten today and bought some choc on way home. I made myself eat it all and felt really sick afterwards, I am hoping this is going to put me off for next couple of days whilst I sort myself out. Sounds like a weird plan I suppose but I am hoping it will be aversion therapy of some sort! TOTM too so I think the choc craving is over now and I will be safe for a few weeks.
I am hoping that now the holidays are over and things are getting back to normal that this will all be enough to sort myself out for long enough for abstinence to become a habit again. My only hurdle this week is meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. She will be having lunch, not me! Other than that I have a fairly normal week ahead before work starts again for me next week.
TG, I can relate to your post about the highs and lows. The lows are just so low, but the high this week was doing a rising trot on my horseriding lesson - still frightened of heights so I had to hold onto the saddle but I am getting there!
I asked my counsellor briefly about going through management now and then back into abstinence afterwards to lose last few stone. She said people did do it but she didn't really advise it. She asked me to do a pros and cons list to take next week. I dont think I need to do this, I think the pro for me is that I will be allowed to eat again and that answers the question - management isn't the right thing for me to be doing right now. Shame.
JDI, I am also 5ft but 11.10 so still obese. I have just raised my goal to 9.3 which will have meant 50% of my starting weight lost. I have a lot of loose skin already and think I could have at least 7lbs worth by the time I get that low! It seems like a distant dream at the moment!
Sandra, I am sorry to hear about the view of your endocrinologist. I don't know much about it but surely the fact that you are doing so well and are so determined to help yourself however you can should stand in your favour. If he found out a bit more about it he would discover that we should have a better chance on this than other diets of keeping off the weight because of the counselling. Even though I have given into food on numerous occasions now I can see the benefits of counselling and the fact that my eating doesn't go down the route that it used to. I think we can all see that as we are still trying to continue with our journeys despite the odd deviation into the realm of food! BTW we are off to NZ in March for 3 weeks, any suggestions of places we should visit would be great! The incentive to start LL was that we want to emigrate there and I wouldn't have been accepted because of my BMI!
Mrs L, sounds like you have looked at your situation from a very adult place when you decided to go back onto packs! I will be interested to here how it goes, when you say "packs with some flexibility" are you popping into management when you feel the urge to eat is getting to you?
Sorry if I have missed replying to anyones posts but I started typing this then realised I couldn't get back to previous page of thread to respond to those too!
Just tried to upload some photos into the gallery btw and it wouldnt let me - says the files are too big (well I was 18stone 6 on the photo) can anyone help?
Hi everyone
Helen, lovely to hear from you; I think we all understand the back to basics approach. Packs with some flexibility means...four packs, if I can manage it and if I have five or six, I am not going to beat myself up about it AS LONG AS I am eating them...mindfully. I am also having fat-free yoghurts on hand and bananas for those TOTM cravings; I haven't had any sort of cycle for months but I have had several phantom cycles with all the associated pain, cravings and mood swings. Nice! I have found that a small banana (bought from Waitrose at 19p per pack - they are TINY) with some fat-free yoghurt does the trick and helps with blood sugar.
I am doing long days right now, am extremely stressed so if I eat three f-f yoghurts, that's ok. Calorie intake probably (on yoghurts alone) tops 300. But that's a day that ran from 5.15am - 11.45pm.
The aim is not to get into ketosis; it's just to reduce the stress in my life right now - it gives me a bit of control because I don't have it elsewhere right now. Interestingly, each day I wake up and find myself thinking, will I eat today/I will eat today. I really needed to minimise the mental wrestling that seemed to accompany my experience with RtM.
Stay strong everyone.
Big kiss.
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
Helen, lovely to hear from you; I think we all understand the back to basics approach. Packs with some flexibility means...four packs, if I can manage it and if I have five or six, I am not going to beat myself up about it AS LONG AS I am eating them...mindfully. I am also having fat-free yoghurts on hand and bananas for those TOTM cravings; I haven't had any sort of cycle for months but I have had several phantom cycles with all the associated pain, cravings and mood swings. Nice! I have found that a small banana (bought from Waitrose at 19p per pack - they are TINY) with some fat-free yoghurt does the trick and helps with blood sugar.
I am doing long days right now, am extremely stressed so if I eat three f-f yoghurts, that's ok. Calorie intake probably (on yoghurts alone) tops 300. But that's a day that ran from 5.15am - 11.45pm.
The aim is not to get into ketosis; it's just to reduce the stress in my life right now - it gives me a bit of control because I don't have it elsewhere right now. Interestingly, each day I wake up and find myself thinking, will I eat today/I will eat today. I really needed to minimise the mental wrestling that seemed to accompany my experience with RtM.
Stay strong everyone.
Big kiss.
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
Tiger Girl
Full Member
Hey Developers
Helen!! You're back - great. Topsy-turvy times all round. I'm still on the elastic band of the 7lb swing. I keep returning to 13st on the button. I can't get under this number. I've been here for 8 weeks now I think. I can't stay in abstinence for longer than 5 days and I just gallop right up to 13st 7 and then it takes the week to get it back down. Rewind. Play. I am actually living out Groundhog Day. It's absolutely ludicrous and I know it. Am I doing anything about it? No, I don't seem to be doing anything, other than proving that I am the master of maintaining the wrong bloody weight! Aaarrrrggghhhh....
I've been clinging on in hope, trying out all sorts of different strategies, reading....reading....reading, writing...writing...writing...I am completely out of ideas.
So, like you Mrs L (hello x x x), I think I have no other choice than early management. I'm planning on starting this weekend. It's the only thing I haven't tried!
If I don't, I can actually see myself carrying on like this forever, and apart from anything else it really can't be doing me any good health wise. I'm on the abstinence-sugar crash-abstinence roundabout and it's a horrible place to be. But becoming incredibly comfortable.
Welcoming any thoughts/ideas/tips/strategies from you all, as ever.
Helen - have you moved over to CD? What's happening on that front?
Sandra - how are things? Sorry to hear that you've been having a bit of a rubbish time.
Mrs L - interpretive Management springs to mind. And do you know what? There just has to be a way of making it work for you, there really has to be! I know that I have made the decision to go into management early, and therefore will be practising an interpretive RtM. I just can't stress enough how I have not been rolling over and giving in at the first opportunity, and much of the last 8 weeks have been spent recreating my abstinence state. It's gone. It's left me. And I think I understand why now. Many other aspects of my life need to be looked at also, my weight is now part of that as oppose to being the sole focus of everything I've had 8 weeks of practising maintaining my 6 and a half stone weight loss and I'm doing it. I'm not putting that weight back on. It has really gone forever. I want this last stone and a half to go now, and abstinence is not the way to do it. If it was, I'd be doing it. I spent well over 100 days completely and utterly abstinent. And now at Day 198, I've finally realised that abstinence for the next 2 months is NOT going to happen for me.
RtM - here I come. A change in focus is going to work wonders for me - I know it. So it has to be an interpretive RtM...well, I've always hated following the rules so I should be BRILLIANT at this!
Keep on keeping on everyone. The Developers are all doing fabulously in our own unique ways.
Helen!! You're back - great. Topsy-turvy times all round. I'm still on the elastic band of the 7lb swing. I keep returning to 13st on the button. I can't get under this number. I've been here for 8 weeks now I think. I can't stay in abstinence for longer than 5 days and I just gallop right up to 13st 7 and then it takes the week to get it back down. Rewind. Play. I am actually living out Groundhog Day. It's absolutely ludicrous and I know it. Am I doing anything about it? No, I don't seem to be doing anything, other than proving that I am the master of maintaining the wrong bloody weight! Aaarrrrggghhhh....
I've been clinging on in hope, trying out all sorts of different strategies, reading....reading....reading, writing...writing...writing...I am completely out of ideas.
So, like you Mrs L (hello x x x), I think I have no other choice than early management. I'm planning on starting this weekend. It's the only thing I haven't tried!
If I don't, I can actually see myself carrying on like this forever, and apart from anything else it really can't be doing me any good health wise. I'm on the abstinence-sugar crash-abstinence roundabout and it's a horrible place to be. But becoming incredibly comfortable.
Welcoming any thoughts/ideas/tips/strategies from you all, as ever.
Helen - have you moved over to CD? What's happening on that front?
Sandra - how are things? Sorry to hear that you've been having a bit of a rubbish time.
Mrs L - interpretive Management springs to mind. And do you know what? There just has to be a way of making it work for you, there really has to be! I know that I have made the decision to go into management early, and therefore will be practising an interpretive RtM. I just can't stress enough how I have not been rolling over and giving in at the first opportunity, and much of the last 8 weeks have been spent recreating my abstinence state. It's gone. It's left me. And I think I understand why now. Many other aspects of my life need to be looked at also, my weight is now part of that as oppose to being the sole focus of everything I've had 8 weeks of practising maintaining my 6 and a half stone weight loss and I'm doing it. I'm not putting that weight back on. It has really gone forever. I want this last stone and a half to go now, and abstinence is not the way to do it. If it was, I'd be doing it. I spent well over 100 days completely and utterly abstinent. And now at Day 198, I've finally realised that abstinence for the next 2 months is NOT going to happen for me.
RtM - here I come. A change in focus is going to work wonders for me - I know it. So it has to be an interpretive RtM...well, I've always hated following the rules so I should be BRILLIANT at this!
Keep on keeping on everyone. The Developers are all doing fabulously in our own unique ways.
SandraEG
Full Member
Feeling bad today. Weigh in a couple of hours and I'm sitting here eating sweets...
I've put on a fair amount of the 8lbs I lost last week so feeling a bit silly for advertising that so much! Scales this morning suggested 5lbs but I've eaten today so who knows...
My latest thought is a second 'foundation' period of 100 days and then going into management regardless of what I weigh or what size I am (providing I am below BMI30, which I need to be for fertility treatment). The reason for this is that - although part of this eating is in response to feeling bad after seeing the endo on Monday - I also know I am sick to death of being on the diet and I just want to eat with people again. I had an Egg sandwich today from Starbucks and it was heaven. It really was better than sex!
Anyway, I'm hoping that having X number of days left and then management will allow me to keep to it until then. But then again, I'm sitting here eating sweets and I had a sandwich today and this should have been day 1!
I just wonder if I've hit the brick wall this time. I don't even feel guilty when I'm eating.
I've put on a fair amount of the 8lbs I lost last week so feeling a bit silly for advertising that so much! Scales this morning suggested 5lbs but I've eaten today so who knows...
My latest thought is a second 'foundation' period of 100 days and then going into management regardless of what I weigh or what size I am (providing I am below BMI30, which I need to be for fertility treatment). The reason for this is that - although part of this eating is in response to feeling bad after seeing the endo on Monday - I also know I am sick to death of being on the diet and I just want to eat with people again. I had an Egg sandwich today from Starbucks and it was heaven. It really was better than sex!
Anyway, I'm hoping that having X number of days left and then management will allow me to keep to it until then. But then again, I'm sitting here eating sweets and I had a sandwich today and this should have been day 1!
I just wonder if I've hit the brick wall this time. I don't even feel guilty when I'm eating.
Just Do It
Full Member
Hi fellow developers,
Big hugs to all of you, you are having such a rough time of it. I'm sorry I can't think of any great inspiring advice to give you other than go easy on yourselves.
Best wishes for success and sending positive thoughts your ways.
Claire
Big hugs to all of you, you are having such a rough time of it. I'm sorry I can't think of any great inspiring advice to give you other than go easy on yourselves.
Best wishes for success and sending positive thoughts your ways.
Claire
Cerulean
Silver Member
Hi everyone - just to let you know that I am alive and that I have worked 38 hours in the last 2.5 days!
I've just taken a foot off my corset for my Bestival fancy dress costume.
I've put on weight, inevitably, but I'm working with the hard stuff so I am cutting myself some slack and getting to the bottom of it. I am going to stick with the plan at the festival (I don't want to drink in the slightest so sticking to packs and fruit and light salads is very much the plan!)
I've just taken a foot off my corset for my Bestival fancy dress costume.
I've put on weight, inevitably, but I'm working with the hard stuff so I am cutting myself some slack and getting to the bottom of it. I am going to stick with the plan at the festival (I don't want to drink in the slightest so sticking to packs and fruit and light salads is very much the plan!)
AmandaJayne
Trainee Maintainer
"If I don't, I can actually see myself carrying on like this forever, and apart from anything else it really can't be doing me any good health wise. I'm on the abstinence-sugar crash-abstinence roundabout and it's a horrible place to be. But becoming incredibly comfortable.
Welcoming any thoughts/ideas/tips/strategies from you all, as ever."
Hia Tiger Girl,
You make an interesting comment about becoming incredibly comfortable. I think that when we start to drift back towards our previous, destructive eating habits, it IS comfortable.
After a few weeks (after summer holidays) of eating too much, for the wrong reasons, I became aware that previous bad habits were starting to drift back. I was also aware that my clothes were becoming tighter.
Cue alarm bells ringing. What was going on here? I analysed my behaviours around food and was alarmed to realise that I was taking the opportunity to eat alone again, whenever I could. Something I had stopped doing because it was bad news.
I made the decision to say 'no' next time the opportunity arose to eat when alone. When I did, and successfully didn't take advantage of being alone to eat, I felt pissed off, angry, and deprived of the opportunity to eat (toast or cereal). I had stepped outside my comfort zone and wasn't happy. This was despite the obvious benefits I had discovered being slim!
Hey, why don't I just chop off my right arm - OK, it's extremely self-destructive and painful behaviour and I will ultimately regret it for ever but I WILL feel better for a while AND lighter (What do you reckon, does an arm weigh about 7 LB?) Yes, yes, it's a bit of a silly analogy, but you get the point.
It is not enough to KNOW how to deal with wanting to eat inappropriately, it is not enough to WANT to eat appropriately (on a conscious level), we have to actually get down and dirty and actively NOT DO IT, and accept that we will not be a happy bunny about it!
I have stopped eating inappropriately when alone. I have continued to say 'no' and the feelings of deprivation and p'eed offness have gradually faded away. Now I quickly accept that it's not good for me. I am not looking further than tomorrow, and expect to get through tomorrow OK.
I think it really helps to be back at work again. I have continued with the good habits I had started back last August when starting LL. That is, no cakes or biscuits in the staff room at playtime/lunchtime, and drinking water at any opprtunity not coffee or tea.
Tiger Girl, I hope these comments help a bit. We've all got too much to lose by putting back on what we have worked SO HARD and sacrificed SO MUCH to achieve. Good luck
Welcoming any thoughts/ideas/tips/strategies from you all, as ever."
Hia Tiger Girl,
You make an interesting comment about becoming incredibly comfortable. I think that when we start to drift back towards our previous, destructive eating habits, it IS comfortable.
After a few weeks (after summer holidays) of eating too much, for the wrong reasons, I became aware that previous bad habits were starting to drift back. I was also aware that my clothes were becoming tighter.
Cue alarm bells ringing. What was going on here? I analysed my behaviours around food and was alarmed to realise that I was taking the opportunity to eat alone again, whenever I could. Something I had stopped doing because it was bad news.
I made the decision to say 'no' next time the opportunity arose to eat when alone. When I did, and successfully didn't take advantage of being alone to eat, I felt pissed off, angry, and deprived of the opportunity to eat (toast or cereal). I had stepped outside my comfort zone and wasn't happy. This was despite the obvious benefits I had discovered being slim!
Hey, why don't I just chop off my right arm - OK, it's extremely self-destructive and painful behaviour and I will ultimately regret it for ever but I WILL feel better for a while AND lighter (What do you reckon, does an arm weigh about 7 LB?) Yes, yes, it's a bit of a silly analogy, but you get the point.
It is not enough to KNOW how to deal with wanting to eat inappropriately, it is not enough to WANT to eat appropriately (on a conscious level), we have to actually get down and dirty and actively NOT DO IT, and accept that we will not be a happy bunny about it!
I have stopped eating inappropriately when alone. I have continued to say 'no' and the feelings of deprivation and p'eed offness have gradually faded away. Now I quickly accept that it's not good for me. I am not looking further than tomorrow, and expect to get through tomorrow OK.
I think it really helps to be back at work again. I have continued with the good habits I had started back last August when starting LL. That is, no cakes or biscuits in the staff room at playtime/lunchtime, and drinking water at any opprtunity not coffee or tea.
Tiger Girl, I hope these comments help a bit. We've all got too much to lose by putting back on what we have worked SO HARD and sacrificed SO MUCH to achieve. Good luck
Tiger Girl
Full Member
Thanks AJ - and thanks for posting on our Developers thread
It's not called highs and lows for nothing, as you will see if you've caught up on the posts.
Well here are the facts - 5st loss in 100 Days...1st 7lb loss in subsequent 99 days. It's not good reading...
The last 8/9 weeks have been a true exercise in stabilising an awful new habit. And believe me, it is a new habit! I've never craved or eaten chocolate like this before. But of course, I'm no stranger to bingeing - just using a different source these days.
The good news is though, I think it's over. No, I don't think it's over - it is over!
As one of our major management successes I'm certain you won't advocate going into management with a stone and half to lose, but I did read your management thread avidly, and I know you did lose significantly in management.
Any thoughts?
Thanks so much for your post. It does become TOO easy to hit complacency, and it does require huge effort and strength to get through the tough times. The good news for me though is that I've finally taken action. After 8/9 weeks of self torture the mist has cleared and I've now 'stopped doing that'. Management awaits, and I can see myself doing an extended first phase and sticking with week 1 and 2 for at least a month and then reviewing.
It's not by the book and the LL way is most definitely by the book, but the book isn't working for me right now so I have to at least try something else. And I so want to complete my journey and get this final stone and a half off.
Watch this space!
It's not called highs and lows for nothing, as you will see if you've caught up on the posts.
Well here are the facts - 5st loss in 100 Days...1st 7lb loss in subsequent 99 days. It's not good reading...
The last 8/9 weeks have been a true exercise in stabilising an awful new habit. And believe me, it is a new habit! I've never craved or eaten chocolate like this before. But of course, I'm no stranger to bingeing - just using a different source these days.
The good news is though, I think it's over. No, I don't think it's over - it is over!
As one of our major management successes I'm certain you won't advocate going into management with a stone and half to lose, but I did read your management thread avidly, and I know you did lose significantly in management.
Any thoughts?
Thanks so much for your post. It does become TOO easy to hit complacency, and it does require huge effort and strength to get through the tough times. The good news for me though is that I've finally taken action. After 8/9 weeks of self torture the mist has cleared and I've now 'stopped doing that'. Management awaits, and I can see myself doing an extended first phase and sticking with week 1 and 2 for at least a month and then reviewing.
It's not by the book and the LL way is most definitely by the book, but the book isn't working for me right now so I have to at least try something else. And I so want to complete my journey and get this final stone and a half off.
Watch this space!
TG
Just a very quick post - sorry I can't say more now - BUT the sugar thing (INSANE cravings which is new for people like us who didn't have an issue with sugar before) seems to be a regular occurrence on a VLCD.
I also think that by this stage you are utterly and completely worn out and this cannot be underestimated. At the moment, I seem to be managing on the packs with some yoghurt, which, in Development, would have seemed laughable.
I really am beginning to think that if struggling is so draining, maybe a break is in order? And the right thing for YOU. I know this is heresy (suggesting a break) but eating legitimately is SOOOO different from eating "naughty or forbidden" foods. Having my crazy RtM, out of control moments has a) made the scales go in the WRONG way but b) given me a sharp shock to re-evaluate and do "interpretative Development/Management" to get me to the weight/size I REALLY want to be. It's working. So far.
I have also started to read around the subject (of food), which means less posting but maybe no bad thing, right now?
AJ - thank you for posting and being so honest. I hope you get the mental space you deserve; I admire your tenacity (as always).
Sandra - the only thing I want to say to you (can't remember your age, sorry) is that my acupuncturist has advised a BMI of 23 is optimum. PCOS has its own challenges and I know this is an issue for you. You SOOO want to be a mother so why are you putting more obstacles in your way? Please don't delay things, if you can; I am in a race against time and it's a horrible additional pressure. You really do need to be super kind to yourself, particularly right now; treat yourself as you would like to treat the child/ren you so want.
Claire - it's just great you're in with us.
Sarah - enjoy Bestival!!! I checked it out. Looks v.cool.
Good night everyone.
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
Just a very quick post - sorry I can't say more now - BUT the sugar thing (INSANE cravings which is new for people like us who didn't have an issue with sugar before) seems to be a regular occurrence on a VLCD.
I also think that by this stage you are utterly and completely worn out and this cannot be underestimated. At the moment, I seem to be managing on the packs with some yoghurt, which, in Development, would have seemed laughable.
I really am beginning to think that if struggling is so draining, maybe a break is in order? And the right thing for YOU. I know this is heresy (suggesting a break) but eating legitimately is SOOOO different from eating "naughty or forbidden" foods. Having my crazy RtM, out of control moments has a) made the scales go in the WRONG way but b) given me a sharp shock to re-evaluate and do "interpretative Development/Management" to get me to the weight/size I REALLY want to be. It's working. So far.
I have also started to read around the subject (of food), which means less posting but maybe no bad thing, right now?
AJ - thank you for posting and being so honest. I hope you get the mental space you deserve; I admire your tenacity (as always).
Sandra - the only thing I want to say to you (can't remember your age, sorry) is that my acupuncturist has advised a BMI of 23 is optimum. PCOS has its own challenges and I know this is an issue for you. You SOOO want to be a mother so why are you putting more obstacles in your way? Please don't delay things, if you can; I am in a race against time and it's a horrible additional pressure. You really do need to be super kind to yourself, particularly right now; treat yourself as you would like to treat the child/ren you so want.
Claire - it's just great you're in with us.
Sarah - enjoy Bestival!!! I checked it out. Looks v.cool.
Good night everyone.
Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx
