The Leap to Managaement and Beyond!

[AmandaJayne]

Hmm, sounds like a major dose of COMMUNICATION is needed between you both. It's quite possible you have both been so busy with living and getting on with busy lives, struggling to pay bills, etc., that you have neglected to communicate with each other on a deeper level, and in so doing, have lost the way a bit with each other.

My problem is making assumptions about my what my other half is thinking, and then getting cross when he doesn't respond the way I want. No wonder really, because how is he supposed to know what the problem is unless I tell him. And vice versa.

He works away so the brief time spent together is invariably discussing some crisis or other with the kids or family, or problems with the house or work, not on strengthening OUR relationship! I think it's quite common that we sometimes allow our relationship to take a back seat while dealing with 'more important' issues. Big mistake.

Your post has reminded me to try and find the time to talk with hubby about US and the way ahead for us both.

Take care now hun.

AJ

 

[Cake'n'eat it]

Thanks for your words AJ. You are right, we don't get a lot of time together but the way I feel at this moment in tim I realy want to hit him very hard and never see him again. Once someone has had a relationship wether it is physical / virtual I think the damage is done. He doesn't communicate - I try but all that ends up happening is I talk and he listens, pretty common I would have thought. I know I have to stay with him and I am sure over time we will have some kind of family life. I am really asking myself though do I want to spend the next however many years with someone a) I can't trust and b) is to scared of me to have a balanced relationship. I am still very very angry.

Mom arrived this morning and I had to explain to her what was going on because there is terrible atmosphere in the house. She is such a worrier though.

I have a headache from all this going round and round in my head. You see he has lied and decieved me before. Usually its about money. This is the first time its involved another woman. If I stay and put up with it then I know I will be unhappy and so will he, If I kick him out the children will be unhappy. Its so hard to know what to do.

So for now I am doing nothing. At least I haven't dived in the breadbin or drank a glass of wine. Sticking to my plan. I'm a strong woman and am worth it.

 

[AmandaJayne]

"At least I haven't dived in the breadbin or drank a glass of wine. Sticking to my plan. "

Good for you Cake! If you did, who would win? What would you gain (except weight)?


"I'm a strong woman and am worth it."

Damn Right! That's the spirit!

What about marriage guidence? Would he be prepared to go an see a counsellor with you to talk through your problems?

If he is like most men, he will refuse to see there is a problem and keep hoping that he can have his cake and eat it (excuse the pun). That is, that he can carry on with these (unacceptable) behaviours, and still have a wife and family life when he wants. At some point I suppose you will have to suggest to him that this is not acceptable and that you both need to work at this marriage if it is to have any future. Possibly, the fact that his family life is under threat MAY galvinise him into seeking marriage counselling.

I do sympathise Cake, it is a miserable position to be in. Please try to stay strong FOR YOURSELF, and treat yourself with care and consideration. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

 

[sukie sue]

Hia Sukie, thanks for asking, it's a real pain!

First thing this morning when I got up, I thought it felt better and even considered cancelling my doctors appointment and just going to work. Sadly, it kicked in with a vengence a bit later on and I was really frustrated. I've been signed off for the rest of the week - a first for me who has never had time off work for some years.

I have managed to rig up lots of strategically placed pillows which allow me to sit fairly comfortably to type and mooch around Minis. Where there's a will ...

good for you , im glad minis is soooo not the same without you
xx

 

[Cake'n'eat it]

I agree Suki - its great to have you back AJ. I really appreciate your words of wisdom.

Another good day on the packs. The hair vitamins do seem to be helping - I have definitely noticed a slow-down in the hair loss.

The councelling sound like an excelent idea and we are going to Relate on Tuesday. It may all be a storm in a teacup but I think you're right AJ we definitely have some communications problems.

Went to my group last night and had a good session. Decided not to get weighed because Its TOM. I am looking forward to abstainging until next Wednesday which will get me back on track and I will start reintroducing food again. My book on addictive behaviour is really good and I am hoping that it gives me some answers. :read:

 

[katie_oxo]

Cake'n'eat it - you are so good for staying so strong while you're going through all of this. I can understand that you don't know what to do for the best, my only suggestion would be that you try and talk to your husband to find out what's happening in your head.

And yes you are sooooo worth it

Cath
x

 

[Cake'n'eat it]

I'm ok

Thanks Cath and everyone for your comments. Its been a tough few days but There is a light. I came of abstinence yester evening and had a few bits but certainly not the major blow-out I have been having.

Today I chose to have a half a ham salad sandwich, a satsuma and some strawberries for lunch. I know I am not following in the programme and have a real resistance to not following management but I haven't got to the bottom of it yet.

The good thing is the six days have put me back on track weight wise and do feel a bit more comfortable in my skin again so in my own weird way I am maintaining. I am going to do abstinence for the next three days until my group meeting on Wednesday and then I am going to pick up week 7 of management and try again. I have two weeks of working from home a bit more so I need to make more of a concientious effort to put myself first and prepare meals / snacks.

On the hubby front things are a bit better but we still have a long way to go. We are going to talk to someone ( as per AJs advice) on Tuesday which will be good.

I dyed my daughters hair this weekend. I have tried to have a bit more quality time with her. Her recent behaviour suggests that she has learnt some of my habits for dealling with problems ( puberty generally). She seems happier today.rincess:

We have had a lovely afternoon in the Park flying Kites ( well trying!) and playing volleyball. I felt good about myself and really enjoyed feeling light and able to run around the field. We also had piggy back races and I didn't need to worry about breaking someone's back!

Sometimes I beat myself up for not living life to the full and that I am some how waiting for something to happen for my life to start. Days like today make me realise this is it! I need to enjoy days like this because this is my life and before I know it the children will be gone from home living their own lives and I wil have moved to the next phase of mine.

 

[Cake'n'eat it]

Its Monday and the sun is shining.

I love the good weather and have missed being out in the open. Went on a little bike ride with my son this morning. I am supposed to be working but anything for a distraction.

I had a choc muffin for breakfast and a 12 oclock I felt hungry so I had a veggie soup. I don't feel hungry at all now. I have been reading Eating less - say goodbye to overeating by Gillian Riley. It is really helping me to start to come to terms with the choices I do and don't make around food. I fell on this long journey that my highs and lows are unrelated to what I eat but are more about how I feel about myself and self-esteem.siholog:

I had a good chat with my husband this morning and unknown to me he finally admitted to me that he felt I had changed that I walk differently and dress differently.

I was looking at clothes for my brothers wedding on Saturday. I tried a couple of lovely size 12 dresses in Monsoon - some fit better than others. In some clothes I felt reallt fat and frumpy and others I thought I looked ok. I guess its better than feeling fat and frumpy in everything I try on. I must admit though that I didn't buy anything because I still don't have the confidence that it will fit me on the 6th June which is when the wedding is.:crazy:

There is a good and a bad side to this. I ask my self by thinking this way am I setting myself up to fail or am I being realistic and actually recognising that I can't take this weight-loss for granted and simply return to old ways? Of course there is always the third question ( I have a very strong free-child!) in what does it matter? Am I over analysising and should'nt I just be having some fun, If I buy a trouser suit I can practice my cartwheels on the big lawn at the hotel?:crazy:

Hey ho. Salsa tonight - should be good!:bliss:

 

[Cake'n'eat it]

I'm back to my group tonight. This is the last day I am doing four packs. It has been a good opportunity for me not to let food control me whilst I've had a difficult patch. Tomorrow I intent to follow week 7 of management and do the last 5 weeks, I still think I will benefit from going through the trigger weeks to find out if I do have any foods that set off over eating.

This has been such a journey. Now I have given my mum half of my old clothes, I feel I can finally get rid of the remainder. This is a big step for me and is a sign that there is a little bit of me that beileves I will not go back to old habits and put all the weight back on.

I am now just 4lbs from my goal of 10st 4lbs. I know its just a number but It still is important for me to get their because I have blockers in my head that say if my BMI is over 25 then I am overweight which equals that I am fat, lazy and all sorts of other negative images evn though I know that this is not sound reasoning I have to acknowledge that it is there. I want to get to my target for two reasons, the first is to prove to myself that I can do it and the second is to put the myth to bed that this magic number is some how going to change anything!

 

[Joolz]

I am now just 4lbs from my goal of 10st 4lbs. I know its just a number but It still is important for me to get their because I have blockers in my head that say if my BMI is over 25 then I am overweight which equals that I am fat, lazy and all sorts of other negative images evn though I know that this is not sound reasoning I have to acknowledge that it is there. I want to get to my target for two reasons, the first is to prove to myself that I can do it and the second is to put the myth to bed that this magic number is some how going to change anything!

Cake - I so understand how you feel about the magic number. It is good to have a goal, but with it too the realisation that it alone is not going to sort your life out - rather you will be healthier, have more self esteem, be in control of what goes in your mouth and the sense of empowerment that gives.

You are doing so well, I just know you will get to your goal.

joolz x

 

[Cake'n'eat it]

THanks Joolz. You know the more I think about it the more I appreciate I do have a good life. I started eating today and had a LL muffin for breakfast, a small pack of fruit and nuts and an apple. For some reason I felt a bit down this afternoon and decided to go to the leisure centre to to do a Body Balance class only to get there and find it wasn't on anymore. A bit disappointed I went toa Asda and bought some lunch - a small piece of quich ans some salad - also 4 ( yes 4) bottle os wine). I had a glass on my own and then some freinds joined me in the sunshine and we polished of a bottle of pink fizz between the three of us.

I has a small roast beef dinner for tea and then ( my only regret had a small pack of organic ( as if that makes it any better!) crisps.

Still, I've had a lovely afternoon in all but have ended the day feeling over full and bloated. I recognise that each day I am learning from my mistakes and despite some of my dodgy food choices I feel more cocnfident about maintaining than I ever have done.