This is me! (Management diary)

[Spanglymum]

I want! It's not fair! Everyone else is having x y z. Why can't I?

See? Rebellious child

And I know why. Totally. Partly Easter and all the expectations of 'treats'. But also my mum came round yesterday and she has the ability to wind me up like no one else. I need to learn to stay in adult mode around her and not play her games.

 

[rosieposie]

Oh Spangly, that pesky child
Well done for recognising whats going on of course Mums can be best at winding us up our relationship with them is such a complex thing and of course it is so natural for the child to come into play she probably still treats you like one lots of times of course you will always be her baby in part of her thinking.
I try to use a mindfulness technique when my DH winds me up(or other things)
Breath in and say to yourself 'breathing in I calm myself' and then as you breathe out say to yourself ' breathing out I smile' and you must actually smile.
Do this at least three times and more if necessary.
It really can help sometimes.
I see you don't sleep well going by time of your message. I'm working on that for myself as well at present with a self hypnosis thing by Joseph Clough Stop insomnia which I have downloaded onto my iPhone. Don't know if it will work long term but it helped last night and worth trying for£1.99.
I hope your adult is with you today and you can be pleased with how well you are doing
Good luck

 

[nzmegs]

Sounds like you had a tricky weekend spangly. Exercise is a funny thing. I don't really beleive that you can directly correlate the calories you burn to how many more you can eat because so many more factors come into play. How hard did you work? How cold or hot were you? Did you relax more after the exercise than normal because you were tired?

Also as you found out - exercise makes us very hungry (naturally your body wants to replace what you have burnt off) so cravings can increase. On balance I think that moderate exercise is a good thing as long as it is carried out with the knowledge that your diet cannot increase to make up for the extra effort (you need to be very clear about this from the start), the extra calories burnt are not set in stone and should be seen as an extra bonus and not worth counting as part of your calorie allowance and you put your diet first. So if you get hungry, tired, dizzy or anything else - stop. if you carry on and have to eat more - you are sabotaging yourself for the sake of 100-200 cals burnt off. Not worth it.

Easter was OK in our house. Of course I had no easter eggs - but then that is not new for me. The last few years have seen me spend easter pretending i don't eat chocolate... only to eat it later in secret. i have insisted the kids keep their eggs in their rooms and my husband has been eating his pretty much as normal.

I did however have a glass of wine on saturday night. Felt hungry on Sunday - but still stuck to things. I realised that alcohol is not that great after all. Didn't do much more than make me tired, light headed and headachey the next morning.I will definitely be keeping alcohol to family celebrations or nights out.

 

[Spanglymum]

Child won out last night. Hmm. Not sure how I feel about that really. I don't feel as terrible as I might ... I just want to understand why and nurture my rebellious child in ways other than with carbs! It's difficult doing all the meals for the family and sticking to the plan - but I did it before.

Aren't I worth it? Aren't I worth doing this again for? Definitely!!

Pick yourself up, woman. Don't dwell. Move on and learn!!!

(aargh)

 

[Spanglymum]

Thing is, it would be useful to remember that the carbs will always be there, whatever weight I am. I can always have them. No one apart from me says I can't. But either this choice is right for me right now or it isn't. And I do want to get back to goal. So the carbs need to wait. They aren't going anywhere. Just not now not today.

 

[Spanglymum]

Clinging to the positives today: that 1lb off means I'm back at a healthy BMI (just)! Woop woop!

 

[leesy]

Yay for a healthy BMI, and the positivity, you know you can do it!
X

 

[nzmegs]

Well done spangly! Your carbs point is so true. When I started LL I was given a bag of my favourite sweets from NZ. You know the ones - the sweets from your childhood that you associate with being young and happy and in the sun (NZ is always sunny in my head!). At the time I was given them (by a kind friend who had gone to NZ on holiday and didn't know I was doing LL) I decided to put them away, keep them safe and keep them only for me, for when this diet was over. That was my mindset then. I saw the diet as a means to an end - that eventually i would be able to eat whatever I wanted. So the sweets sat in cupboard - everyone knew they were mine and not to eat them. I looked at them from time to time and reminded myself that I could have them when i reached goal. I had thoughts of eating them all up on the day I reached goal with a nice big mug of tea.

So goal day comes - I look at the sweets - and realise that I don't want them. I truly did not want them, I didn't even want to try one. All that time, they had been there as a reminder of what I was allowed to have at a later date and when that day came I didn't actually want them at all. My tastes had changed for the better, my views on carbs had changed and I wanted to protect this new body rather than sabotage my hard work. So the sweets were handed out to to the family who all said they hated them (food in NZ is differently flavoured and the chocolate has a different melting point...) except number one child who thought they were "ok". he ate them all...

So my point is: make a pile, a cupboard or a box of all the things you have wanted to eat. Keep it for yourself, no one else can touch it and it is yours to have when you reach goal. When you get there, get out the box and see how you feel about eating those things then. I bet you won't be nearly as keen as you are today. But you still have the right to choose to eat it. You might be surprised how well this works.

 

[Spanglymum]

I love that idea! Great plan! Not sure I can find a big enough storage box for all the things I want though ;-) am definitely going to do it though.

 

[nzmegs]

I suppose it is all about gratification delay. Even if your food stays in the box for 30 mins - it gives you the chance to have a think about it. In my case i thought about it and struggled with it for 17 weeks. But in your case it might just be the 1 biscuit you want with your tea. Decide to put it off for a short while (but know you can still have it any time you want). Give it half an hour and then see how you feel. You can still make any choice you want - delay longer, wait until the next cup of tea, eat it there and then, have something else, or chuck it in the bin. Whatever choice you make will be thought through and the consequences taken into account. You will feel happy rather than guilty about the choice you have made because it was made with your adult head on.

Who cares how big the box is - just don't put icecream in it - that could lead to a sticky mess!

 

[Spanglymum]

Feeling really low tonight. Not sure why. Tiredness? Stuck to the plan but been really bloated and (tmi) windy all day. Wondering if something in the Exante packs disagrees with me? Drinking the water though and sticking to it...

Grump.

 

[Spanglymum]

Still really bloated and my face is all puffy. Very odd. Got a bit of a tummy ache too. Feels as though I've had loads of carbs, but I haven't. I've stuck to plan 100% for the past few days and have been drinking plenty of water. Weird.

Got a big day today. I've got a telephone interview, which was very unexpected, and am also going to be having a big chat with my boss about projects etc and how they're being (mis)managed. One way or another things should be looking a whole lot more positive by the end of the day!

 

[rosieposie]

Hope you're feeling better now Spangly and that your day went as well as expected work wise.
Sorry that you've been feeling so off. This is how my IBS starts and then moves on to cramping spasms all way round my intestines. Then either constipation or diahrea(can't spell that) Stress of course can be trigger. You don't have it do you?
I do wonder if there's something in LL packs that is making me worse. LLC suggested just having shakes to see if that helps but not doing job yet. I'm really thinking of going on to lite to see if that makes it better but I know raw veg can upset me so not sure if lite would help
I want to stay on total if I can as think I'll succeed more easily with that ( if I could stick to it of course). Food is such a temptation.

 

[Spanglymum]

I ate a little bit off plan last night but hopefully not knocked myself out of ketosis - and it wasn't really a binge as such, more just sheer hunger and leaving it too long between packs!!

Group was brilliant. I need to try to get there more often as it really helps to share with other people who are learning the same lessons. I know we all support each other on here, which is great, but sometimes it makes a difference to talk about these things face to face.

My daughter's birthday today so I've booked a half day . Really looking forward to getting home and enjoying the weekend with her and the rest of my family. I've just done a big slim and save order. Feel a bit guilty because with my money issues it's not the cheapest of things to have done right now, but I'm determined to get to goal and I know the variety will help me (finding Exante difficult).

 

[bluesunflower]

Spanglymum, glad to hear you've been back to group and that it helped.

Are you still feeling bloated on Exante? Could it be that you are slightly lactose intolerant and that's why you are having such a strong reaction to the packs?

Happy birthday to your daughter and have a great weekend.

 

[Spanglymum]

It might be lactose intolerance, yes. I hadn't thought of that. I normally have unsweetened soya milk instead of cows milk, because it's lower GI, but hadn't thought of the milk sugars in the packs. Actually finding Exante packs quite high in carbs altogether (am tracking on mfp) which is surprising. Atkins recommends no more than 20g carbs a day in induction, until you're well into ketosis. Exante packs have 21g carbs each!!

Anyway it's all academic as I lapsed yesterday. Found myself really really wanting to share the birthday cake I was serving (I'm not usually a cake person but DH had bought a couple of different ones and one had a marzipan layer cooked into it (a bit like you do with simnel cake, so it goes all fudgy and almondy nom nom)

That led to other things.

Well I'm only human. Trying to apply the 80:20 rule, which I know isn't the best approach to a vlcd but I think it's good for my mental health! Also doing some Louise Hay work... Read the book ages ago but never really applied it. Doh! There's a very serene and balanced lady at group and she swears by it.

I am willing to change!
I love myself!

Sounds weird, doesn't it? But it's what i need to do to get to the root of why I try to get comfort from food.

 

[Spanglymum]

Big big binge last night :-(

Hmm

I am willing to change...

 

[Spanglymum]

Wobbly again today. Hoping my slim and save packs arrive today so I can refocus and get back in the zone. Had a bad weekend food wise. Not sure what's the matter with me. Will start again tomorrow if the packs arrive.

 

[Spanglymum]

Had some good meetings this morning so feeling a bit more positive. Hubby says my packs have arrived, which is good. Not hugely looking forward to dinner this evening but I guess it will be fine. Have downloaded a really cool book: fifty ways to soothe yourself without using food. I've only just started reading it but it's like the author is inside my head! Someone understands!! Brilliant!

Just need not to give up and to keep learning. I am willing to change!!

 

[Spanglymum]

I'm getting more and more into the Law of Attraction stuff. At risk of sounding like a nutter... All I can say is that since I found out about it two years ago, I've got my dream promotion, started driving again, got to a size 12, and been headhunted for an even better paid job (but don't think I'll be pursuing it as I'm happy where I am)

I've also, though, found that thinking 'weight management is difficult' has brought me difficulty and struggles with my weight. Whatever we focus on we experience more of. So I need to focus on the fact I'm still a size 12 (just!). And have kept four and a half stone off for over a year. And every day am learning new strategies and finding out what works for me.