This is me...my incredible journey

[weebles]

Missed posting yesterdays delicious menu!

let me think...oh yesssss....it was
WEEK 10
Day 1

Breakfast - porridge
Lunch - choco shake
Dinner - double porridge

Yes, it was a porridge day and I LOVED it.
This was also the day we went out to lay flowers for the O/H s parents
We took the bus out of town to the village and then went to where the ashes had been scattered. Spectacular view and such a breath taking day as well. There is an old railway line that they converted into bike/pedestrian paths leading back into town. So we started walking it. Did take a slight detour as I found some horses, sheep and cows in fields and just HAD to go and give free head scratches to them. ummm...k...just the horses got them as the cows and sheep were not being sociable. Shame, cause I really do give good scratches!!
Ended up we walked btwn 5-6 miles total for the day. I, of course, had NO water with me and was parched by the time we got into town.
O/H had no money with him apart from some change in his pocket that he had JUST bought a café latte with before discovering he had no wallet!! UGH.
Got home and guzzled at least a litre into me. Then doubled the porridge as I was STARVED. O/H, of course, had his menu and the smell was driving me insane! I opted for a bath to end the day, then snuggled up with a nice cuppa marigold and all was well in the world.

 

[weebles]

Did I mention...WEEK 10!!!

That is 70 days and counting!!! OMG, who da thunk it. Me, moi, on a week 10 of anything!!

Wish I discovered this years ago. Then again, if I had...i would never of met all you lovelies. Think of just how empty your lives would be without....ME LMAO

 

[MagdaX]

And she's back!
Glad you're feeling a bit better honey (despite the fear)
And honestly you are worthy being in the century club! You have lost 100lbs. Period!
It don't matter how you did it! YOU DID IT!!!!
You should be proud of yourself gorgeous.
I am

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[HannahNewton]

Agreed!! 100 lbs is 100 lbs whichever way you add it up or lost it.

Get your badge of honour and wear it with pride sweetie!! xx

 

[LadyT]

Good Morning Ladies

I read the posts, digested them and you are all right. Btw, thanks for the wonderful compliments - I feel I am not worthy of a badge for losing 100lbs at this point. Why? Cause it wasn't all down to LL and I look at others who claim the badge and they did it on LL. So I feel i would be cheating.
LL has given me the tools on confidence to carry on and that DANG insight on why I sabbotage my life, why I had previously chosen the foods that soothed the wounded soul.
AND...excuse me Ladies? Look at all of you!!! All of you have done amazingly well and are continuing to do so. You are all another reason I come on here - you inspire me as well.

This wee community has been a lifesaver for me. I have come a long way since joining LL and I swear that had I not found LL AND this community, I would have failed and been back to old habbits.

Feelings now? I am scared. In unfamiliar territory so to speak.
Again, I have been thin (8st something) before and was considered to be a b**ch by my peers. I honestly wasn't - same old warped sense of humour who would laugh and sing in the hallways while doing my job (a nurse). Got reported many times for being: too happy. Can you believe it? I didn't fit in to their little world, obviously.
My stress release for that time was running and working out and I ate very little....thinking back then my daily intake would have been less than 500cal. I just couldn't eat - it was a control thing for me at the time.
I have done this all my life btw. Control food in times of sorrow, stress (extreme) anything that depressed me. I have seen myself not eat for weeks and only survive on coffee and cigarettes. This holds no boundaries to whether I am thin or not. It has been something I do/done since i was 4yrs old.

Started to add more to this...but erased it. sorry.

Need to think carefully on how to word it.

FYI - when I do post my tales of woe? Remember....you asked for it!! LOL

I can't thank you all enough for just being here.

xx

Hey gorgeous lady I can hardly believe you don't feel worthy of the 100 lb badge, it doesn't state it had to be on LL and actually losing that amount if weight is an achievement regardless of how you did it! You worked your butt off to lose it and I definately believe you deserve it!! I am sure others will echo my words over the days

I agree this community is a lifesaver and why? Because inspirational people like you make this journey all the more easier.

You seemed to have had a lightbulb moment with regards to the control comments, that's good chick. Xx

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[LadyT]

Aw bet the horses loved the head scratches you make me giggle.

Oh and how stupid do I feel my iPhone takes me to the last unread post so I commented about the 100 lb badge without realising that others already did, doh but at least we are consistent in our comments lol

Week 10 wow the time just flies mostly on this diet! Xx

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[slendablenda]

Hi Weebles,
I can't believe you've been living on coffee and cigarettes since you were 4 years old - :coffee:
not even you !

 

[Clarabow]

Doing good Weebs. My dream is to reach a hundred pound loss. Aiming for September. Exercise as well, I am impressed.

Good on you for sharing your tales of woe. A lot of people on here have disordered eating, me included.I was put on my first diet when I was about 8 as I was thought too fat. Wow how to give a girl a complex lol Not to mention a total obsession with weight and food! Things can change.

Keep un the good work. Onwards and downwards lovely girl xx

 

[weebles]

Good Evening Ladies

Your posts made me chuckle Coffee and cigarettes since 4yrs old especially. Never thought of how that looked until you mentioned it Slenda.
Nah...first memory of not eating was d/t some family probs, move out to the country and the death of a cat. Kept this way for a few years and parents compensated with getting me a pony, cow, chickens etc (to distract me) and basically would try anything to get me to eat by offering sweets. Back then we had no fast foods, and junk food wasn't a real thing to have daily...just once a week as a treat.
I lived off of cereal and got very ill. I remember them telling me i would be dead before age 10 if I kept this up. Remember several stays at the hospital and having to take all kinds of medicine that tasted like CRAP. My skin was yellow along with my eyes (liver problems).
I know my pets basically saved me as I would also collect almost everything that the farm had to offer Snakes, frogs, rats (baby), moles etc..

Enough about this for now. I get very weepy thinking about it.

Today was a glorious day and I decided that I am giving up control of the place and opted to go for a walk along the beach and just be 'still' for awhile. Do you know how nice it is to just sit on a hill and look up at the sky? Haven't done this since I was a kid and rather enjoyed it.
Did complete the walk along the beach - not sure how many miles...but it was stunning. Love hearing the sound of the waves crashing on the beach.

Came home and I feel so rejuvinated.

 

[weebles]

Week 10
Day 2

Breakfast - peanutcrunch bar with a cuppa tea
Lunch - choco shake
Dinner - mock sloppy joe (chili with oatmeal biscuit)

Water intake - almost 2 litres
Walk - as stated above

Been a good day thus far but really need to get back to work. These long weekends are killers! Celebrations every time I turn around, food everywhere and I wonder why we emphasize food with happy occassions? Wouldn't it be enough to just 'be happy'. Such a social thing and I wonder how I am gonna manage later on. When will enough be enough? Guess this is where listening to our bodies comes into play? Good grief - mine has lied to me for so many years...how on earth can I trust it!! Oh well, won't worry about that just yet - still a long way off.

Time now for my bath and get crap ready for the morning rush.

 

[LadyT]

Wow love your honesty, just wrote a really long reply and the stupid phone crashed lol

I think you are so brave sharing the problems you had with food as a child. It's a parents nightmare, dani was never a good eater but not to the extremes you dealt with as a child. I still worry about her now and daily ask her what she has eaten! Lightbulb moment maybe i was part of that problem and my relationship was played out through her, as a mother i just eamt her to be well though guess its finding a balance!

You certainly dug deep to admit this to yourself but well done , I hope that this allows you to find an easier relationship with food once you are off plan!

Love the thought of walking along the beach, such a romantic lol

Have a fab evening xxx

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[weebles]

Oh Lady T, so much more I could say with regards of growing up. But I just can't right now. Perhaps in time..just not now.

Glad you got something out of it. Makes me feel better knowing that in some way I shed some light to someone else and that I am not alone in this battle.

xx

 

[weebles]

To all you Lovelies out there? I am giving you a BIG THANK YOU.

I tried to post in each of your diaries this but by the time I found you...my comp had logged me off and had to sign in again.
Only managed a couple of thank you's.....but to me? ALL of you made my day a wee bit better.

Would offer a group hug - but I am dysfunctional and hugs lead to other things....LOL

night night Ladies
xx

 

[Clarabow]

Hey bring on the dysfunction lol I had to have therapy to get into hugs. I jest you not lol. My family are traditional Welsh and dont do the emotion thing

You win hands down on the disordered eating front. Took a lot to get that down, well done you. Thank God there were animals you could connect to, they are absolute life savers. People though well meaning often suck big time. Hearing people's stories are a great way to learn as it often triggers off stuff for ourselves, and helps us reflect.

Loving the walk on the beach, that is what I should do. Only live 20 mins from coast if that.

Take care lovely x

 

[weebles]

Hey bring on the dysfunction lol I had to have therapy to get into hugs. I jest you not lol. My family are traditional Welsh and dont do the emotion thing

You win hands down on the disordered eating front. Took a lot to get that down, well done you. Thank God there were animals you could connect to, they are absolute life savers. People though well meaning often suck big time. Hearing people's stories are a great way to learn as it often triggers off stuff for ourselves, and helps us reflect.

Loving the walk on the beach, that is what I should do. Only live 20 mins from coast if that.

Take care lovely x

Must have Welsh in my blood then somewhere down the line. Both my parents were in WW2 and saw lots but never talked about it. Both came from rather large families and were raised during the depression. No time to discuss emotions, thought, feelings. You just dealt with it and moved on. Strong bunch.
Funny thing is, I can hug my son with no probs - anyone else just feels foreign to me. BTW, my son is a very huggy person and always tells me he loves me. Awww
He melts my little heart.

Animals were a good thing but...they forgot to inform me that cows and chickens were going to be in a freezer eventually. I ran away so many times with a cow in tow...hid the chickens in the basement...UGH. I was a nightmare child. Needless to say, when the deed was done, I didn't eat meat for years.

Funny story about that: when the packages came home from the butchers I cried my eyes out until my brother quietly told me that if i glued the packages back together my pet cow would come back to life. Sooooooooo...I did.
Still have a tanned arse from the smacks I got from my parents for doing this. There were TONS of packages btw

 

[weebles]

Week 10
Day 3

Breakfast - cranberry/raspberry bar
Lunch - banana shake
Dinner - chili with oatmeal biscuit.

Water was so so...almost 2 litres and struggling.
No exercise today - don't wanna. Feel that I did enough the last couple of days so am taking today off.

Great to be back at work! The day was occupied with very little time to think about food or anything else.

Tonight I am gonna do the usual bath and since I liked 'stilling the mind' - will attempt to get back into meditation again. Haven't done this for awhile and it is now time.

I wish you all well Ladies - good luck with WI's, for those who have 'em tonight.

This little puppy toes is off for the night.
xx

 

[LadyT]

Night gorgeous, aw to your comment about your son xxx

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[gracielou09]

I'm welsh and very emotional ..although I do have Hungarian blood, my Bamps came over during the war. So maybe thats it...or I'm just a wuss hahaha
I do show emotion, although not about food, weird!

Your doing so well weebles, esp opening up like you have. You stir thoughts in my mind

Night Night puppy toes lol

 

[LadyT]

Aw Bamps brought back memories for me, being welsh we would call grandad Bampy xx

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[Clarabow]

Weebs I dread to think how you glued the bits of cow back together lol Must have looked like a scene from a horror movie!

Onwards and downwards lovely.x