This LAST time....or WEIGHT loss surgery

Thank you-ots awful i cant described how distressed i get bit try to keep some sort of calm Ness around my son. It's so hard. I think focusing on food is helping -it's a maybe 5%time my brain can get a grip of something normal and real-i KNOW that may sound silly. But I am really clinging on anything that normal by a thread to keep me in this world ( my parents/caree say I am a diffrent person I go into another world -only i think it's real but thing arent and i know that NOW but when I am in it i shout and scream i won't take med's and believe people ( devils army) who this girl ellie is an evil spy of are trying to get me and use me as a sacrifice. I disscoate BUT this is diffrent it can last 30 mins or 3-4 hours bit it's getting more and more. The crisis team are pretty crap -last time I put in a complaint a lady told me I was hysterical because I belived the devils army were trying to get my son ( so I wasn't making sense) but she said i was hysterical and put the phone down on me-how are you supposed to be under the crisis team? I rang the other night hubby is strugglying he dosent support my mh any more he think i just need to get off benefits and get a part time job and keep busy ( he know o can work full time because of my ME/CFS) dad did have a bit of a go on fri and he has been a bit better. We seperated last year-on the day of my hospital admissions he told me he wanted a divorce. So spent 9 months living apart. Due to my BPD i struggle with attachments and change so ots not been helping me. I love him with my whole heart. I took my vows and made them forever. We are together but still in seperate room he shows me no affection at all. But dad did have a go ( i have said and he give me a hug but 3 days later it's the same again) sorry I don't know what the point of the last bit thing just come out of Mt brain so sorry if it's bitty. Crisis team visit once a day. I see my cpn on thur so hope he can help they suggested a peer support worker xxxx
I bought some geruimn oil to burn in the bath to try and help me relax.

I also orders some size 24 trousers from m and s-they are tight but fit.

I am trying to keep busy.

It did but I can't sleep my head to lould xxx

Skimmed milk -3

Go light frappuccino -4

Chicken ramen -9
Edarme beans

Skinny sausage-16
Pot-in fry light
Batter pudding


Apple and peach

500 mls lemon squash
200 mls green tea
300 mls frappuccino
300 mls tea
1700 mls water
300 mls diet coke


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Milk in coffees-3
Turkey bacon x2-1

Piri piri sauce -2

5 crispbakes -5


Ice cream-2
Melba toast and jam 7
Special k 4

1 L tonic water
700 mls water
200 mls squash-sugar free
300 mls green tea
800 mls coffee
100 mls tea



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Last edited:
Forgot to take photos of lunch xxx
Thank you-i hope so I snacked loads this eve.

I am super tired and low on energy-so hope I sleep better tonight i slept 2-6 last night xxxx
Thank you hunny sleep wasny great but hey ho.

Spoke to my team yesterday and today they are calling on Mon again I hate being like this

although I didn't post was spot on with points yesterday and was 21.1 on ww scales. So down 3 lbs xxxx
Thank you my mh has totally taken over my life. I am not in a good place. But I am fighting.

See cpn and psychologist tomorroe about more therapy. I really hate myself.