This time is different...Day 7

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Returners' started by dancing-in-the-rain, 7 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    I'm going to keep track of my progress on this thread...please feel free to comment, join in, lurk or even ignore!

    This is my third time on LL. First time, I lost two stone and convinced myself that as I was 2/3 of the way there, I could do the rest on my own (uh-oh...). Second time I only made it two weeks before my rebellious child kicked in. And here I am.

    THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT. I'm going to make it different.

    I've learnt a lot from my previous attempts, which I'm sure I'll try and write here at some point, but one of the keys not completing previously is that I've never reached the point of not thinking about food - even if I'm not hungry I obsess about when the next pack will be. I envy the people who post on here about how they forgot to have all their packs etc.

    I really want to get to the point where food (be it real food or packs) diminishes in importance for me.

    I reckon my journey will take at least 12 weeks, which will be the beginning of December, and I intend on doing the full RTM as I didn't do it before and I'm sure I'll benefit from it.

    Thank you for reading, here goes...

    Day 1

    First pack at 11am, porridge. Yum. 1 litre of water down.
     
    Last edited: 13 September 2009
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  3. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    They say that internal chatter is much stronger when you're a LL returner, and its so true. The day has been fine but this evening I feel like my mind's been trying to trick me...
    You can lose weight by eating healthily, or why not try WW again? Surely its much healthier to actually be eating food [probably, but I can't count the number of times I've done WW, and I barely last a week, and as for healthy eating, it's not as if I haven't tried before...and dieting then bingeing is surely far more unhealthy than following LL]

    It's not fair that I can't eat what I want. Why can't I have food? It's not fair... [rebellious child making an appearance! I could have the food I wanted if I wanted it for fuel only, the problem is that I use food for everything - comfort, boredom, escapism, when I'm happy, sad, neither happy nor sad, as a reward, as punishment etc. etc.]

    I'll start again tomorrow....[yeah right, and give up again tomorrow too]

    But actually, the arguements make sense when I write them down, but in my head they can be VERY persuasive... I found myself in the food cupboard whilst waiting for the kettle for my final pack. Fortunately reason kicked in and I'm still on track - 4 packs and 3.5 litres of water down, and soon to bed.

    But now I know it's going to be a struggle to get into the swing, so I pledge to post on here before I make any [insane] diet related decision...

    Night night all, day 1 is over.
     
  4. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Hi DIR,

    Your story rings so true for me too!

    I know why I went wrong the last 2 times so this time I'll do RTM & learn more about my food triggers .... and keep that bloomin 3 stone off for good !!!!

    Glad you got through day 1 unscathed :)

    yoyo
    xx

     
  5. thirdtimelucky

    thirdtimelucky Releasing the goddess

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    Sounds ike the three of us are dealing with the same stuff!! Stay with it. Last night my family's dinner smelt sooooooo good, it almost hurt not to try it. But I stayed strong!

    Well done YoYo - Goal 2 done! Goal 3 just round the corner.

    DIR - well done for not listening to the negative inner dialogue.

    Speak soon x
     
  6. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    Ah well. I have a little confession. The voices were very strong and I'd left 2 small florets of cooked broccoli on the side after the girls tea, and before I knew it they were in my mouth and I'd resolved to quit LL and lose the weight with a food based diet!

    I then went to the food cupboard, opened the door....and then closed it again. My saner voice pointed out that I use changing my diet as an excuse to binge - oh well, blown it now, might as well stuff my face and start something else tomorrow. And that even if I do decide to give up on LL, I certainly shouldn't be eating everything I can find, because that's what got me into this mess.

    So I went to bed resolved to quit LL but without eating anythng else.

    This morning I woke up feeling much more positive. I mean, I can end this diet any time I like, I'm the one in control, so why not do one more day, see how it goes, and quit tomorrow if I want...although tomorrow is WI day so I know I won't really quit tomorrow!

    I'm not criticising anyone else who wants to try LL their way, but I've been there, done that and as soon as I introduce food it doesn't work - picking, even if it is just a bit of broccoli is a no-no for me. So today I'm going to be 100% abstinent.

    So well done everyone who managed yesterday without any real food passing their lips, and today I will be joining you.

    Went out for coffee after the school run (black of course!), and resisted the goodies that were on offer. Got back about 11.30am, hungry and slightly weak and have just had my first pack - porridge.

    Onwards, onwards...
     
  7. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    Oh and new rule: I will NOT leave food on the sideboard. All food to be put away in cupboard or fridge. It's too easy to eat without thinking about it otherwise.

    And I read something interesting once about how when we see food we want, our mouth starts to water, and in response our blood sugars drop (I think insulin is produced, but don't take my word for it!), and we're now hungrier than before we saw the food - seeing food is therefore dangerous and should be avoided if possible!
     
  8. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    This time is different...Day 2

    Yo-yo - have you really completed a full week? How did WI go? Must go off and check the other threads to see if you've posted there...
     
  9. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Hiya,
    Sounds like you went through hell and back yesterday trying to get your head round whatever demons were beckoning you! I know a lapse is a lapse, but in the grand scheme of things, it could've been worse ...a lot worse.
    Have you decided to stick with LL? (i'm not going to try and convince you if this isn't the diet for you tho)
    Is your weigh-in later? Let me know how it goes.

    I am an "all or nothing" girl (can't have 1 bag of crisps, have to eat the multi-pack), so thats why abstinence works so well for me and probably why when I start eating again I pile it all back on (also probably why LLL doesn't appeal to me - although I'm too fat for it at the mo anyway;)) HOWEVER i have to beleive that for me, RTM is going to help me in my battle to keep slim. I know how much happier I am when I'm slimmer, more confident, outgoing, love clothes shopping & able to do more with my daughter - i just can't give up on my battle to beat the bulge once and for all.

    I've been abstinent since last Tues a.m (as i had some spare packs), but my group started on Weds night so weigh-in tomorrow

    Look forward to hearing how your day has panned out
    yoyo
    x
     
  10. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    I'm also an all or nothing girl, yoyo, which I guess is why I'm a binge eater - I'm either on a diet or I'm not and eating everything in sight, even when I'm stuffed and really not enjoying it. Which is why I wanted to do LL. But I'm not in the right mindset. I really haven't been hungry all day today, which might have been a good reason to carry on, but I just wasn't mentally there for LL.

    I've got lots of "reasons": I haven't been able to concentrate on my work, I feel tired and sluggish, blah blah. I know some would disappear after a few days, but the tiredness didn't. Anyway those aren't the real reasons.

    The real reason is I just didn't want it enough. I do want to lose weight, don't get me wrong, and I'd love to do it fast, but I don't feel that burning need to do it fast, which makes the little voices much worse. If I really wanted to do it, I'd be able to those voices off, or at least dedicate some energy to shutting them up, but I'm tired of fighting. I haven't felt particularly hungry, or weak, I just don't want to be doing this.

    There's something else. Deep down, I don't believe LL is the right way for me to lose the weight. It feels like cheating. I know that's rubbish, that eating balanced foodpacks is far better than being on a binge-diet cycle with yo-yoing weight, that as hunter gathers we've evolved to deal with sparcity, calorie-wise, but for some irrational reason, I feel wrong doing this diet. Which is why I won't admit it to anyone. I'll admit other diets but I'm almost ashamed to admit this. Why? I have total respect for others doing it, and certainly wouldn't judge anyone else negatively for doing it and sorting out their eating, quite the contrary, I have HUGE respect for people like Slenda Benda and Blonde Logic, so why can't I respect myself on this diet?

    Anyway, all this boils down to the fact I'm no longer on the diet. I'm very sad to be leaving the LL forum, I love the company and support here but I need to discuss food so it's not the place for me to be.

    What I will say is that the title still stands, this time is different. I haven't decided to do another diet tomorrow and then launch into a binge which is what I've done in the past. I've stuck to packs all day, and had a little protein and salad this evening. I've made an alternative diet plan so that tomorrow I can follow that, and will discuss it more and continue my journey on another board. I'll post the link here if you're interested in reading.

    Anyway, thank you SO much for your support, yo-yo and TTL. Good luck on your journey, and I'd love to tell you in December that I've lost 2 stone, and hear back from you that you've lost twice as much!!!
     
  11. Melaniep

    Melaniep Member

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    Hey what happened?? I just replied to your post on my thread and just popped onto yours for a catch-up and see you have decided not to continue with LL. Are you sure this is what you want to do?? Or are the foodie demons winning?? I totally understand them and I'm sure I'll have to face up to my own in the near future. This diet isn't cheating, not having any conventional food is so difficult especially as everyone around you is eating, I have the luxury of not having to feed anyone else otherwise I don't know how I'd cope.

    It is 100% your decision, but would it not be worth going to your meeting tomorrow see what the scales have to say and talk to your LLC?? I hate to see you regret it in a couple of days or even weeks.

    Whatever you do, still keep in touch pop onto my thread and if you have one under another diet I'll pop onto yours to see how you are getting on.

    Good Luck

    Mel
     
  12. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Sorry you won't be around in the LL forum anymore but hopefully we'll be able to keep up to date with each other through other groups on the site. :wave_cry:

    I wish you all the luck in the world with whatever way you choose to get to where you want to be.

    Take care
    yoyo
    xx
     
  13. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    Thank you mel. No, I'm not sure. I wish I was. I know I REALLY want to lose weight and address my issues, but I'm just not sure I want to do this again. I just don't seem to want to do LL enough at the moment, which is silly, because I've tried so many other diets so many other times. I know LL works, but I'm not in the right headspace at the moment, I have other things that are demanding my attention.

    That said, I'm actually going to pop into my session tomorrow anyway as I haven't eaten anything too drastic and I'm going to WI and talk to her. I don't want to burn my bridges or make sudden decisions....will post again here after that.

    Thank you so much for reading and supporting. It's much appreciated.
     
  14. Melaniep

    Melaniep Member

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    Anytime :grouphugg:

    Maybe a chat with your LLC it will make things clearer, we're here if you want a chat etc, hope the WI is a good one
    Mel :)
     
  15. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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  16. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    Well I'm still here! Funny that. Was determined to quit last night, I ate some protein, veg and a yoghurt, but as I'd only had 1 pack, my calories were only around the 620 mark. So I hadn't gone into full eating or anything. I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about it all, and deciding where to go next. I stayed up late reading on here for hours.

    When I woke up I didn't want to go back to food just yet. I still feel like I've got a lot to learn. And the more convinced I am this is right, the more the little voices seem to go away.

    A couple of things have come to light:

    1. The more time and effort I dedicate to getting this plan right, the more I resent it and feel like I have to do it. Yesterday it didn't feel like a choice, so I was talking myself out of it. Today it does. I have told myself I can quit at any time, every extra foodpack is a bonus, but if I choose to leave, I'll be no worse off than if I left yesterday, so it's completely my choice. This has made it much easier!

    2. Comments posted by the very wise BL:
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Blonde Logic



    I can't believe I didn't realise that I was looking for someone else to say no. Not just to say no, but also say that I wasn't alone in finding it hard and that I may well symptoms for longer than 3-5 days (when I told my counsellor last time about still having a woolly head about 3 weeks in, she implied that everyone felt great after the first week and any other symptoms were all in the head (as it were) and a result of crooked thinking.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Blonde Logic


    The reason I want to sort out my eating is to lose weight and sort out my relationship with (and dependancy on) food. BUT that's not the reason I want to go on LL. I still sort of believe all the nay-sayers (this diet won't work, it's unhealthy, it's not a long term solution etc.), which is silly because I've read lots about how it's worked for so many people.

    I am currently seeing LL as a diet, not as a way of sorting out my eating problems, which is, I guess, partly why I'm not 100% there.

    These forums are amazingly helpful. I don't trust my counsellor to have my best interests at heart - I have a little voice in the back of my head that says of course she wants me to sign up, for the money. It doesn't matter to her whether this is the right time etc. but I know the people here don't have a vested interest in my money, and tend to speak from the heart. I nearly cried when I read BL's post, it made me aware of things I hadn't realised.

    Anyway, I'm still going, I'm on Day 3. It hasn't been a perfect journey so far, and I've strayed, but I want to remain here, trying, and take it foodpack by foodpack whilst start to explore some of the issues that have been raised, because they're very interesting.
     
  17. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    Hee hee. 1 pack (veg soup with tabasco), 1.5 l water down, feeling good.

    Chatterbox silenced for the moment. Yippee!
     
  18. alex19979

    alex19979 Member

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    I had to have a quick post just to say I think you are one of the bravest people ever!
    To have that feeling that you want to give up and to keep going is a massive achievement - I would recommend the "taking each day as it comes" method - its working for me so far!!

    Good Luck with it all xxxx
     
  19. thirdtimelucky

    thirdtimelucky Releasing the goddess

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    Blimey DIR.....started reading and felt sad that you are having to deal with all this stuff going on in your head, and then read you are back with us after your WI last night. I am a straight talking woman, so forgive me......but you must stop listening to the negative things your mind is saying. JUST STOP IT. These thoughts will drive you crazy! To be on day 3 and still hanging in there shows real strength of character and determination, which you are not giving yourself credit for. Write some stuff down that represents the positive reasons why you are doing this. Read them everytime you start to waiver, you wouldnt let someone else jeopardise you like that so why do it to yourself.

    I hope you stick with it...take it a foodpack at a time, just as you said you are doing.

    We are all here for you and each other and your wins are ours too, I hope others agree.

    Sorry if I have been blunt tonight and hope to read about your day tomorrow. Speak soon x
     
  20. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Hi DIR,

    Glad to hear you're still with us ... all I can do is echo what others have said to you.... one day at a time

    At group tonight we talked about goals , so I have a little thought for you ...... on which other programme will you get to your goal of a skinny Xmas?

    Hope you have got the voices in check today are hanging in there.

    yoyo
    xx
     
  21. dancing-in-the-rain

    dancing-in-the-rain Full Member

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    Hey guys, you are lovely! So nice to come on here and find such positive messages waiting for me!

    Today much better - LL 100%!

    Helped by my drop in - am on day 3, am not in ketosis yet, but have lost 8lbs!!!! How the hell did that happen???!!!

    My LLC warned me that the day I go into ketosis (poss day 4-5) will be tough again, so I need to be prepared for that, and I think I'll take advice from thirdtimelucky and make a list of all the reasons I'm doing this to keep me on track.

    Tomorrow is a new day, and I'll keep busy to avoid the troublesome chatterbox in my head...

    I'm off to the other thread now to find out how you did in WI tonight...
     
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