This will be the last time (I hope☺)

[fairytale30]

So it rained all weekend and I mean it was horrible so my gardening plans went out the window. I did get out though in the wind and rain today to have a 45 min walk. It has been a while since I got any exercise and god do I feel unfit. But when I came back home and had a nice hot shower afterwards I felt great.
Food wise been a bit of a mixed bag. Had my treats yesterday (half bottle wine and a healthy chunk of Wensley dale & cranberry cheese) I had a sneaky home made flap jack too which was yum. Today was also a bit of an indulgence day with a slice of cake after my dinner and an extra helping of stuffing with dinner.
But interestingly I am not beating myself up about it. I had the treats and enjoyed them. I am not tempted now to go and clear the rest of the cake or raid the cupboards. This is how I would like to be able to live my life- having treats and enjoying them but also realising it is a treat and I don't need to eat treats every day to feel good about myself.
Tomorrow is the start of another week. I'll be away from home Tuesday & Wednesday with work so this is a big test for me. I can find it stressful enough being away from home but also trying to make healthy food choices when I am not cooking/in control will be another test. No point worrying about it now, it'll still be there in the morning.
Hope you all had a good weekend - I am off to bed

 

[fairytale30]

So I am away from home tonight with work. Made okay food choices today, I probably could have done better but it's hard to choose something healthy when you are eating out all the time. I'd say i ate as much bread today as i did for the full week last week! I had bread at lunch and at dinner. Yes I should have passed on it and I didn't. I even treated myself to a glass of wine with dinner. I never drink wine during the week. I felt under obligation to go with the flow and not cause a scene by not drinking.
On the positive side I manage to go for a 45min walk in a park next to the hotel. I enjoyed that, it was great to get out in the sunshine, but I am still really shocked at my poor level of fitness. It's the worst I can ever remember. To think 2 years ago I was running 5ks
Another day of meetings tomorrow, not home till very late tomorrow night. Can't wait to get home to my own bed

xxxx

 

[Piece of Cloud]

Well done, sounds like you're doing really well, and your mental state is starting to shift with regards to treating yourself and not needing food to feel good about yourself - and it's that change in mental state that's most important . Don't let your lack of fitness sap your motivation either, just focus on the fact that you're taking steps to do something about it; you'll be back to those 5ks in no time hope your meetings went well!

 

[fairytale30]

oh god, I didn't realise it has been over a week since I made an entry into my diary. I have been keeping my food diary at home. It's been a crazy couple of days. As I mentioned the last time I was away from home with work. Got back this day last week. Then I was away again on a weekend with my bestest friend in the whole world. We have known each other since we were 6 years old and still the best of friends. It was great fun catching up with her and of course eating out and having a couple ??? of drinks was good fun too Food wise if I am honest werent the greatest. But I didnt have any dessert when we went out. I have a sweet tooth and opted instead for a starter and main course, skipping dessert. That was about as healthy as the weekend got!! We did do a lot of walking around, even shopped in IKEA which involved lifting of some heavy boxes so I am counting that as my work out.
then the last 2 nights have been spent putting together my furniture I bought in IKEA - more weight lifting It is all done now. Been back on track since Monday but yesterday I think I was a bit hormonal as I wanted to eat all day long, nothing could fill me. I even had a cupa soup in the middle of the afternoon, something I dont really eat them, they are just too processed -they were buried in the back of the cupboard.
I think at this stage I have started to turn a corner with the comfort eating/blind eating that I was doing during the day. Even during the weekend I didnt want to have any crisps or chocolate bars as a snack - I bought a banana at a filling station to go with my coffee - that is a big change in habit for me. I automatically picked up the fruit as I thought to myself I didnt want the muffin/danish to go with it as it wasnt a healthy choice. I didnt feel deprived or anything so something is working for me.
I am giving it another week and then I weigh myself on Monday.
The next habit on the list I need to tackle is the picking at leftovers on plates or picking at the dinner as it is cooking. That sort of thing. The picking eating
is a big habit of mine especially with the kids plates. I am going to work on that for the next month and see how I get on

hope everyone out there is doing okay

chat to you all soon

 

[fairytale30]

I'm feeling really tired this evening. A bit of a grumpy mood on me, not sure why. Food wise I had a good day, kept within 15 syns. Feeling hungry at the moment but it is late and I'm going to bed after I write this so I am keeping away from the kitchen in case I am tempted to go munching. Don't get me wrong, I am not getting some sort of kick out of feeling hungry, but realistically I have eaten plenty today, loads of really good food so I really don't need to eat. So what if there is a bit of a rumble in my tummy, might do it a bit of good to clear it out

It's a bit boring today, maybe tomorrow something exciting might happen!!!

Good night everyone

Xxxx

 

[fairytale30]

I have spent today running and racing and it is only now I am getting to sit down and actually get a bit of me time. It is nice just to relax at last. Kids are watching a movie, hubby watching rugby and I am hidden away from them all in my office. Food wise been okay. Had some sausages from my butchers for tea. I reckon they are about 5 syns each but they were a lovely treat. Proper pork sausages with no fillers or rusk in them.
I'll have my glass of vino later with some cheese. Kids were having their Saturday night treats M&Ms....I did have 2 peanut ones, but walked straight to the fridge and took out my pineapple to eat alongside them. I think that stopped me in my tracks. It was very tempting to continue on eating the sweets but I told myself if I ate those m&ms I wouldn't be able to have any treats later and to be honest I'd rather enjoy my adult treats later when they are gone to bed.
I took the plunge and weighed myself this morning, rather than waiting till Monday. I now weigh 14 stone. That is 9lb gone in the month. Pretty chuffed with that. I knew I'd lost weight as my clothes were staring to loosen up slightly. My next weigh in will be around Oct 22nd. But I am not going to get too hung up on that date, if I weigh myself before then we'll and good.

Hope you are all having a good weekend

 

[fairytale30]

Didn't realise it had been saturday since I did an entry here. Sunday wasn't a good day food wise. Had a slice of cheese cake and a slice of pear tart. Then yesterday kept nibbling at food. Picked at a lit of bit and pieces particularly on the evening. Got too much for me so I moved my ass and went out for a walk. Got out again today. Made a chicken noodle soup from scratch for my lunch today it was yummy. Mind you I still feel very bloated after it, can't believe it's syns free. Am half thinking of radically reducing my wheat intake. At the moment I am not eating much bread at all and I can feel the benifit of it. Not sure what approach to take if I am going to curt the wheat right out. Its just a thought more than anything else.
Had a good day syns wise today. Hope you are all keeping well out there still

 

[fairytale30]

My third day managing to get out for a walk. It's just 30 mins each time but I feel better for doing it. Tomorrow is a busy day work wise so not sure if I can get out in the evening. I'll wait and see. Food intake was good. I did have a few sneaky chips (5 in total ) from my kids midweek supper treat- we go to the chip shop on the way home from the swimming pool. I got home and had my fruit salad.
Otherwise everything is the same, maybe tomorrow something exciting might happen

 

[fairytale30]

Had an attack of the muchness this evening!! It's so annoying. On one hand it wasn't as bad as it could have been in the past because I don't have much rubish in the cupboards but on the other hand I was eating for the sake of eating. It's weird, you see yourself going to the presses or fridge, you pick up something to nibble on while you are still looking for something, then you eat something else while moving to another location looking for something. And I noticed now that all the while I was doing this I didnt once think of my hunger or my eating plan. It's almost as if I was in automatic pilot, it really was. This is a light bulb moment for me. I hadn't realised this is what I was doing. So I need to heighten my awareness to myself of my health plan, I need a constant reminder of what I am doing and why I doing it. I'll set up a reminder on my phone. Might only need to do this for a couple of weeks till the message sinks in.
I'm off to bed now

 

[fairytale30]

oh dear it has been quite a while since a was on here to update my progress. the last few days/week has been difficult for me food wise. I've had a couple of break outs/ mindless eating. Last thursday was the worst, I just ate and ate and ate. I had different tasks from work niggling me and I was feeling fed up. I have a sister who is wrecking my head. She is quite a needy person and our relationship has never been equal. She wallows on drama and self pity. yes she had a rough time a few years back (I wont go into it but it was something very sad in her life) and I have done my best to support her. She lives a very different life to me and if I am honest we have nothing in common other than the same parents. I'll put it this way, if she wasn't my sister I wouldn't be her friend. This sounds very cold I know but this is the way i feel. i think part of me is jealous of her on a certain level, she is known as being the good looking one of the family with a great figure. She is always able to turn heads when we are out in company. Me, I am known as the reliable one in the family. I am the one that just got on with life and needed no ones help. I have a beautiful husband whom I love dearly, 2 fabulous kids and a great lifestyle. I am the solid one where as my sister went off doing mad crazy things and still was the apple of my fathers eye. I never tell her I am trying to loose weight or get fit cos she will start moaning her size 10's are too tight. I have never dealt with her on an equal footing emotionally. She can be very draining and self obsessed. I sometimes put down the phone after talking to her and I feel like a fraud. We chat away but it isn't an open honest conversation we have. I cant disagree with her or express my honest opinion on anything with her in case I upset her. It's like walking on egg shells. In reality I want to scream at her to shut up, go away and leave me alone. But I cant do that. My way of coping with her is to ignore her calls & emails for a couple of days and then when I am ready to talk to her I lie and say I was really busy with work and I couldn't talk when in reality I just didn't want to talk to her - then I feel bad and I find myself giving up and eating my way through my feelings.
This is my rant for today, i know I could write a book on my relationship with my sister but that would bore everyone to tears
I need to take action and not allow the emotions I have tied up with her effect my eating in the way it has this past week.

 

[fairytale30]

Good enough day food wise. Really trying to tackle the mindless / picking eating today. It takes a huge effort to keep reminding myself to stop picking at food. I am realising how much I am eating when I eat mindlessly. I even had words with my son about wandering aimlessly into the cupboard every time he walks into the kitchen. I feel as though I am depriving him. I didn't handle it very well. I think the next time he does it I'll tell him to go away and come back in 10 minutes and he can have something to eat then if he is hungry. He doesn't have any weight but I am trying to teach him now something I wish I had learned years ago- eat only when you are hungry!!!

 

[fairytale30]

Been slowly building up my exercise in the late while. Today I ran for 20 minutes. Okay I say *ran* but really it was a shuffle/jog. But I don't mind. Only a couple of weeks ago I was struggling to do my route just walking. Really proud of myself.
Food wise was good enough. I did go over on the bread- had 2 slices of a wholemeal rain and walnut bread. It was beautiful, a real treat.
A bit of mindless/eating when not hungry today. But I can't be perfect all the time

 

[fairytale30]

Dont know why but found the last two days tough food wise. Yesterday I really had a really bad day. My will power seems to have left me. Im allowing myself snack.on all the wrong foods. But looking back on the last two weeks I can see some habits that have crept back in that arent helping me. I have bought treats again, thinking im buying them for the kids but I have ended up eating them too. Also ive bought go ahead biscuits that come in 3packs. I cant just eat one I have to eat the 3 pack so they are off the shopping list. I suppose ive been a bit careless over the last few weeks and allowed some old habits sneak back in. Again I'm going to go back and address the sugar intake, ive been careless on this also.
On a positive note, im away for the night in a girls night out. Looking forward to a good catch up and a bit of a laugh. I must decide what to wear now and pack my bag