Tinytootz
Mini crazy cat lady
I think they will be surprised! Mums only complaint (she has been quite vocal about it lately, oddly) is that she doesn't know anything about him. I asked what she wanted to know, and the first thing she said was why did his ex leave him. So I pointed out to her that what she wanted to know was actually bordering on being nosy.
I admit, she doesn't know a lot about him. But I think she (and dad) are having trouble realising that this is what adult relationships are like now. I got with my ex when I was 17. My parents knew his parents ever since we were born, so they knew him and his family inside out, and that is unusual, not the norm. No, they don't know where my OH was born, how many brothers and sisters he has, who he was with in the past, what he used to do. He is very shy, and has a complicated past (parents split, lived with grandparents, lots of step brothers/sisters, talk of being in care) and TBH, he probably doesn't WANT to tell my parents as its not exactly rosy!
But on the same token, his grandparents know nothing about me, and never pry me about it. They know he is happy, they know I am a nice, genuine girl who shows care towards their grandson and their great grand-daughter, and they seem to be fine with that. It also doesn't help that my mother is really quite intimidating to people who don't know her. She doesn't mince her words. She will ask him straight to his face what his intentions are (she hasn't yet!), and did ask him why he was moving in with me, didn't he think it was a bit quick, and what about your daughter. Her opening line was "If I'm speaking out of turn, just say" - and she was, but he wasn't about to tell her that, and in the same shoes, I wouldn't have either!
I think once the engagement is announced, then OH will HAVE to speak to her about stuff, my parents will HAVE to meet his grandparents and daughter, and that is that. I think his main concern is that he really doesn't want them to see him in a bad light, he wants them to like him, so doesn't want to "undersell" himself, so to speak. Which I understand.
I think I am making it far more complicated than it needs to be. But it also reminds me of what mum said to me the other day
She was asking questions about him, was he good to me, did he stand on his own two feet, or was I a mother figure, that kinda shizzle. Then she mentioned the ex. She said how in his eyes, I was the boring nag at home, and he didn't want to be seen with me. She then opted to give me examples of when she had seen this, times when he wouldn't walk with me, or left me at home, and she said how this was obvious to her, and why on earth hadn't I noticed it. Man, that hurt to the core. Of course I had seen it, but to think my own mother noticed too, made me hate him deep down inside, and kinda dredged up insecurities that I had shoved away. I based it all on my weight, hence why when we split I started up SW. Since I started I have lost about 20lbs, which is pretty crappy, but it helped me put some insecurities to bed. They come back every so often when I am having a 'fat' day, but I think I'm doing ok otherwise. I guess it could be worse, least I hadn't lost 20lbs, then put it all back on as I was happy! But I just ain't lost anything cause I'm happy!
Long winded, rambling, pretty pointless post that. Oh well!
I admit, she doesn't know a lot about him. But I think she (and dad) are having trouble realising that this is what adult relationships are like now. I got with my ex when I was 17. My parents knew his parents ever since we were born, so they knew him and his family inside out, and that is unusual, not the norm. No, they don't know where my OH was born, how many brothers and sisters he has, who he was with in the past, what he used to do. He is very shy, and has a complicated past (parents split, lived with grandparents, lots of step brothers/sisters, talk of being in care) and TBH, he probably doesn't WANT to tell my parents as its not exactly rosy!
But on the same token, his grandparents know nothing about me, and never pry me about it. They know he is happy, they know I am a nice, genuine girl who shows care towards their grandson and their great grand-daughter, and they seem to be fine with that. It also doesn't help that my mother is really quite intimidating to people who don't know her. She doesn't mince her words. She will ask him straight to his face what his intentions are (she hasn't yet!), and did ask him why he was moving in with me, didn't he think it was a bit quick, and what about your daughter. Her opening line was "If I'm speaking out of turn, just say" - and she was, but he wasn't about to tell her that, and in the same shoes, I wouldn't have either!
I think once the engagement is announced, then OH will HAVE to speak to her about stuff, my parents will HAVE to meet his grandparents and daughter, and that is that. I think his main concern is that he really doesn't want them to see him in a bad light, he wants them to like him, so doesn't want to "undersell" himself, so to speak. Which I understand.
I think I am making it far more complicated than it needs to be. But it also reminds me of what mum said to me the other day
She was asking questions about him, was he good to me, did he stand on his own two feet, or was I a mother figure, that kinda shizzle. Then she mentioned the ex. She said how in his eyes, I was the boring nag at home, and he didn't want to be seen with me. She then opted to give me examples of when she had seen this, times when he wouldn't walk with me, or left me at home, and she said how this was obvious to her, and why on earth hadn't I noticed it. Man, that hurt to the core. Of course I had seen it, but to think my own mother noticed too, made me hate him deep down inside, and kinda dredged up insecurities that I had shoved away. I based it all on my weight, hence why when we split I started up SW. Since I started I have lost about 20lbs, which is pretty crappy, but it helped me put some insecurities to bed. They come back every so often when I am having a 'fat' day, but I think I'm doing ok otherwise. I guess it could be worse, least I hadn't lost 20lbs, then put it all back on as I was happy! But I just ain't lost anything cause I'm happy!
Long winded, rambling, pretty pointless post that. Oh well!
