Toilet Troubles (warning; do not read if talking about human excretion offends you)

[lisalulu]

By the 'after effects', do you mean the teenage years? I'm dreading that too. Give me childbirth and piles over two teenage girls anyday

 

[eyeontheprize]

LOL I just meant pooing yourself while giving birth and incontinence and piles and stitches gurghhhh

I have nearly fainted twice while people told me traumatic birth stories. I'm gonna take every drug available!

 

[Dita-von-squeeze]

Just remembered when my eldest announced to a packed room that 'Mummy had a baby through her bum, and now it hurts and now she uses bum toothpaste on it to make it feel better!'

OMG!!! I almost spat green tea over my laptop reading that!!! That must have been mortifying, so funny to look back on though!

 

[lisalulu]

LOL I just meant pooing yourself while giving birth and incontinence and piles and stitches gurghhhh

I have nearly fainted twice while people told me traumatic birth stories. I'm gonna take every drug available!

I was lucky second time round, 57 minutes start to finish. Certainly gave the student doctors something to think about, she took one look at me and decided she was never having kids. Saying that though, you really don't care that much if you poo yourself, you just want (and I quote myself...) 'that "F"ing thing out of me right now....'

 

[lisalulu]

OMG!!! I almost spat green tea over my laptop reading that!!! That must have been mortifying, so funny to look back on though!

Mortifying isn't the word. Hilarious looking back at it, but being called 'GermoLisa' for 6 months after wasn't quite as much fun

 

[incognito]

I was fortunate enough not to poo myself haha..

If the went into schools and said.. listen girls.. you want babies and thats great as long as your prepared too..

get stitches in your lady garden with a REAL NEEDLE..

Poo/Pee yourself while giving birth..

Suffer piles forever more..

have stretch marks in crazy places like yer elbows haha

so on so forth.. then show them a real birth.. not your nice wee 80s vid of a happy woman panting and then push..

a real birth with screaming swearing shouting screaming etc..

Job done I think haha x

 

[Dita-von-squeeze]

I have nearly fainted twice while people told me traumatic birth stories. I'm gonna take every drug available!

Ditto to that! Why can't babies just gently slide out pain free? I wish we could lay eggs like birds and just sit on them for a few months! The pain and horror stories are the only thing that puts me off having kids. I can imagine being fine all through the pregnancy but as soon as reality hits of whats physically going to happen at the start of the contractions, I can imagine totally flipping out and going crazy at all the nurses etc.

Someone told me that if you stick your fingers in your mouth and pull them as far apart at the sides of your mouth as you can... that's what child birth feels like but 100 million times worse :S

When my grandma had my mum she was really ill with some bug and had sick coming out one end, diahorrea out the other and a baby coming out all at the same time!

 

[lisalulu]

I was fortunate enough not to poo myself haha..

If the went into schools and said.. listen girls.. you want babies and thats great as long as your prepared too..

get stitches in your lady garden with a REAL NEEDLE..

Poo/Pee yourself while giving birth..

Suffer piles forever more..

have stretch marks in crazy places like yer elbows haha

so on so forth.. then show them a real birth.. not your nice wee 80s vid of a happy woman panting and then push..

a real birth with screaming swearing shouting screaming etc..

Job done I think haha x

Crikey, just reading that list has made me realise how EASY guys have it. The least they can do is blooming head off to the chemist for a tube of Anusol and pretend its for them!

 

[lisalulu]

When my grandma had my mum she was really ill with some bug and had sick coming out one end, diahorrea out the other and a baby coming out all at the same time!

Oh, poor Grandma. Sounds horrible

 

[incognito]

Oh, poor Grandma. Sounds horrible

And don't forget the poor midwife at the recieving end of it all lol

 

[Chelsea Lou]

Ditto to that! Why can't babies just gently slide out pain free? I wish we could lay eggs like birds and just sit on them for a few months! The pain and horror stories are the only thing that puts me off having kids. I can imagine being fine all through the pregnancy but as soon as reality hits of whats physically going to happen at the start of the contractions, I can imagine totally flipping out and going crazy at all the nurses etc.

Someone told me that if you stick your fingers in your mouth and pull them as far apart at the sides of your mouth as you can... that's what child birth feels like but 100 million times worse :S

When my grandma had my mum she was really ill with some bug and had sick coming out one end, diahorrea out the other and a baby coming out all at the same time!

Best description of childbirth I ever heard was "It's like trying to **** a football" I was seven months gone at the time with my first and I turned a nice shade of puce!! As it happened Hannah was born after a four hour labour and for three of those hours I was totally unaware I was in labour!!! Oh and bum toothpaste made me howl as did Germolisa pmsl!!!!

 

[Lexie_dog]

my friend told me it was just really nippy and firey. She said it was like someone was going round her janjita with a blowtorch.

On a side note I recently went to high street chemist, and not thinking, periods still late so picked up a pregnancy test. Also picked up condoms.

Got to till. Girl scanned the preg test, then the condoms, stopped and said "Is that no like shuttin' the stable door after the horse has bolted?", I just sat there going fair enough, no answer to that one.

But I'm sure they've seen it all!

 

[moti17]

Just attempted to go toilet, in agonising pain, can't go.
So so painful, don't know what to do. Im also bleeding, not nice