Trying to make a difference

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by Mifford, 24 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    having recently found this site I've now discovered this diary section and I'm going to give it a go in the hope it makes a difference to my willpower in sticking to CD second time around.

    I re-started 2 days ago and so far so ..... appallingly bad willpower failure! :break_diet:

    Day 1 I still had food in my house so ended up eating by the evening - not overly badly but food all the same.

    Day 2 (yesterday) I was SO hungry. Used up my 3 shakes and milk in tea (not a lot though) then instead of my 4th shake in the evening I gave in and threw together some quorn chicken pieces with peas and chicken stock cube thickened up with cornflour. Which left me beating myself up for giving in and not getting my brain in the right place but also tasted horrible and so wasn't worth it Then I had an awful sweet tooth so had a mug of instant hot chocolate - not even the low fat one. I'm trying to keep in mind that its still really not a lot of food at all and I'll lose weight so don't beat myself up too much - but I also know it keeps me out of ketosis and makes sticking to CD harder because of that.

    I'm ridiculously hungry this time round and its proving to be a struggle as I'm craving like crazy. Couldn't understand it until I got a call from my doctors last night to say my thyroid test results were back and it looks like we've overshot my TSH slightly - its down to 0.02 which would generally be considered hyper not hypo and that could well explain why my appetite and cravings are so high right now. I've reduced my meds from today in the hope that it will help. Annoyingly being slightly hyper has obviously arrived without its main symptom of weightloss :rolleyes:

    So - I have worked out that my biggest battle this time round is with my own head and trying not to give in to temptation knowing how easy it would be. First time round it wasn't an issue - I was too scared to cheat I think. This time I know I can and it won't be too bad and I seem to self-defeat myself every time after a few days so I am DETERMINED that its is NOT going to happen this time.

    And maybe writing things down on here will make that a bit easier - there's nothing like having other people watching you to make you stick to a plan :D I've booked with a new CDC this week to start getting weighed in as well on the same basis.

    So today is day 3 and I'm going to stop beating myself up quite so much. I have an old school reunion tonight in the local pub so will be having a few orange juices or similar to drink so won't be able to stick to CD religiously anyway. So I'm going to hit 4 shakes, drink tea with milk or chicken bovril through the day and then have a pork chop with some stir fried veg for dinner tonight. Its still got to be better than eating 3 "normal" meals and the weight should still reduce without me getting such hunger pains as yesterday.

    But tomorrow - well tomorrow is another day and I WILL be back on track even if it kills me.


    Miffy x
     
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  3. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    oh no what happened! just get the weekend over with and start afresh! dont beat yourself up! you are human, you are dealing with health issues too! just relax today and enjoy your night out, your shakes will be there tomorrow! why dony you try the ss+ 3 shakes and the 200 cal meal, weight loss the same as ss and you get to nibble on some food which has really helped me! good luck, have fun tonight. amanda.x
     
  4. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    thanks Amanda - its just my usual stop start stuff - I'll probably find that I'll do a ketosis test in a few days and discover it wasn't a problem after all. Its just trying to get myself into it at the very start - I get my head thinking about how long I've got to stay on it and self-defeat myself before I even get started I think.

    Plus its been so long since I've eaten "normally" without becoming huge that I've been enjoying it for a change and that's probably why a few more pounds have crept on.

    BUT I am planning on going to Hawaii next spring and I WILL be in a bikini for the first time in about 20 years so I guess I'd better get on with it and make it look good :)

    Whole new motivation this morning too - I think a lot of it is probably only having been relatively recently diagnosed with auto-immune thyroiditis (although its not a new problem - just new to have the docs agree with me lol) that my body is still adjusting to the meds and my motivation and cravings are a bit up and down.

    So already this site is helping me - by typing all the stuff in the first post it got it out of my head and enables me to let it go and see today as a new day. And the thread on here about inspirational music has fired me up to set up a new playlist on my ipod and get out in the sunshine for a walk - which will also remove the little bit of damage from having the hot chocolate last night. Yay!

    Now I've just got to work out why I have some totally unexplained urge to go running today - completely out of the blue. Not run in years but today my head keeps telling me I want to go jogging. I'm going to do my best to resist hahahaha
     
  5. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    forgot to ask - how are your first few days going? I posted elsewhere that I'm down 3 and noticed you were down 6 which is fantastic - really helps to keep you focused when you see it coming off.

    I'm sure that most of mine is weight loss from walking back and forth to the loo so much though - I never knew I had so much water retention hahahaha

    Right - off for a walk to distract me. Very motivated this morning and all energetic - I take T3 and I'm always good in the mornings - its the afternoons when it wears off that I struggle but hopefully that'll all get settled soon.
     
  6. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    hahah enjoy your walk! glad motivation coming back! 3lb is fab! see you are doing great! i have stopped and started since march! this week is the first week i have got passed 3 days! keep it going hun. have posted stuff to you in other places, bit unsure how this all works at the mo! xxxxxx
     
  7. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    ok my walk was not the best idea I've ever had on only 130 calories this morning. The first 30 minutes were fine - mainly flat or very gentle downhill. It hadn't ocurred to me that the route I was taking meant that I had the really steep uphill on the way back followed by another uphill to actually get back home :brainfart: I had to stop on the bench halfway back up because I couldn't breathe and the midday sun wasn't helping.

    But I made it all the way home and I'm feeling very virtuous now - just wondering when I'm going to stop looking like a dying tomato!

    I was feeling sick and shakey by the time I got back - probably a bit hypoglycaemic which is a problem I get with my thyroid - so I decided I was going to add the meal in at lunchtime. I have now finished stirfried pork with quarter of a courgette and quarter of a carrot chopped really small to make it look like more. I then flavoured it all with chinese 5 spice and it was delicious! I'm not sure if its totally within the 810 plan or the SS+ but its still got to be low enough that I lose weight is my theory. I'm happy if I lose 1 to 2lbs a week and I'm not overly worried about if I'm following CD to the letter and getting into ketosis - obviously it helps and makes it easier but as long as I don't cheat with chocolate and haribos then I'm going to stop being so tough on myself.

    Oh and the funniest thing is that I put my ipod playlist on random - as I was about to set back off up the hill after my break all I had going through my head was that it hurts when the ipod started playing Transvision Vamp "baby I don't care" and just as I got to the top of the worst bit feeling like my legs were going to collapse on me it came up with TLC "I'm damaged" :8855: It was so funny it actually gave me a renewed energy to keep going.

    So my new goal is to build up to the point where I can do that same walk without cars slowing down as they go past to check that I am actually still alive on the bench - its good to have a goal right? :D

    No idea how to follow particular posts on here but I'll do some searching and see if its possible.

    Good luck keeping going - and just think if you fall off the wagon after 3 days this time you'll have to admit it to me lol
     
  8. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    hahaha! thats so funny! i tend to go purple when i excersise! so i dont do it very often! sure your meal was fine, no carbs in it. on lighter life light you can eat a wider variety of food and still stay in ketosis so i dont think you need to worry too much as long as its not steak and chips! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! so want to eat today! not hungry though, just bored! may go do some gardening. looking forward to my dry bit of chicken and veg later, and another litre of water to drink then pee out 10 mins later. have a good evening.x
     
  9. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    last night was good - I managed to stick to just one orange juice before I ducked out early so didn't go off plan too much.

    This morning - I feel totally different and much more motivated. I'm wondering if I've got into ketosis already so will check that tomorrow morning. Nowhere near as hungry and very happy sticking to it.

    I've been kind of checking the scales the last couple of days and they've been a bit up and down going the right way but no more than I usually do so not been taking much notice of them - got on them this morning and I'm 4.5lbs down already and its only been 3 days!!!! It was one of those definite definite weight losses as well - its jumped down so much that there's no doubt I've lost. My stomach is nowhere near as bloated already either and my jeans are already up a notch on my belt - they were kind of halfway between 2 points before. I can definitely feel the difference today which helps keep the motivation level up.

    I feel way more positive and motivated and determined and there's no doubt that from today I'm back on the way to getting the weight down to where it should be. I'm even going to the cinema today and this would normally be the stage that I sabotage myself and think that one treat won't hurt but seeing the difference this morning and how close I already am to getting back into the 13s (only 2lbs off) there is no way I'm risking it. So I'm taking a tetra brick with me as my chocolate "treat" and picking up a bottle of water at Sainsburys on the way.

    I've also decided to do the SS+ and have the small meal with it - knowing I will actually eat something this time is so much easier mentally. Oddly I think it would have been the wrong plan for me first time round because I was totally "in the zone" so to speak that time - I got myself where I was only have 3 shakes and milk each day last year and found it easy until I got close to the end. This time I'm finding it a lot harder to get my head round the idea of not eating. So today I have gammon in the slow cooker and will be stir frying some courgette and carrot again as I still have 3/4 of each to use lol The chinese 5 spice stuff really helps with that too - it adds so much flavour and makes it really tasty. In fact its the one thing I will most definitely make sure I take over into eating normally when I'm finished - I find veg so much easier to tolerate with it so it'll be getting used a lot. Oh and I'm modifying it to still have milk too - pretty much just in my tea but maybe drinking it warm in the evenings if I'm peckish then.

    Tomorrow morning I'm planning on getting up early and getting back on my cross-trainer - its been gathering dust in the corner of my bedroom for too long now and I want to tone up this time and not just lose lbs.

    I think I finally got my head back in the right place!! wahooooooooooooooooooooooooo
     
  10. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    oh and I'm not weighing myself again until Thursday now - I kind of want that feeling when the scales shock you in a good way for a change and I won't get it if I keep checking the scales every day.

    I swear I'm addicted to weighing myself as well - every single time I go into my bathroom I have to step on them. Last time I did this my friend actually took my scales away so I couldn't keep doing it - I was only getting weighed once a month by my CDC so it was awesome to see the difference every 4 weeks but I was having panic attacks at not having my scales available to me and after 3 weeks she had to give me them back lol

    So not only am I determined to lose weight this time but I'm going to change the way I think about my weight and I am DEFINITELY breaking my scales addiction! lol
     
  11. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    hi, glad you had a goodnight! i am having a bad day! been picking all day! cant seem to stop! think its because first thing i had a choc orange shake and it was horrid so was dissapointed and wanted something! got to start afresh in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.x
     
  12. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    oh no! I'm struggling this afternoon too and craving something sweet but I'm doing my best to ignore it.

    Quit picking and have a different shake that you like to stop yourself - you can't fall off the wagon!!! Alternatively do you have any strong cheese in the house - my other little tip is to have a little bit of very strong cheese and that always works for me. The strong flavour gets rid of a lot of cravings for me.

    You can do it just ignore your head and sit on your hands and make a conscious decision not to stop and start again :)
     
  13. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    omg i had the night from hell at work! am a midwife , was soooo busy i felt ill so picked!!!! today feel like may as well right today off and start again tom! why does this keep happening! i am sooo crap! gonna go to asda in a mo and buy lots of good stuff for my meals and start again, again. how are you doing, did you manage to stick to it.xxx
     
  14. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    I did manage to stick to it but had a slight cheat last night by having a hot chocolate. Woke up this morning feeling so tired and rubbish and a number of thyroid symptoms back - made the mistake of getting on the scales despite my vow to go cold turkey on the weighing thing .... I've gained 2lbs from yesterday!!!!!!

    How does that even happen????! I am so fed up this morning and depressed. I'm guessing its lowering my T3 that's done it but its sent me into this strange headspace where I've just had enough of keep having to fight my own body when no matter what I do the weight just won't come off.

    I'm trying to get myself out of it and be sensible - I'm beginning to get constipated *blush* from the diet which was a problem last time too even with the fibre stuff so that could be the problem today and it could be gone by tomorrow. Plus I'm due next week so that might be why. And I should only weigh once a week so I don't get depressed when it fluctuates like this.

    But at the same time I'm just still going "I gained 2lbs - how the hell did I GAIN 2lbs???"!!

    So today I have decided that instead of getting depressed and giving up that if my body wants a fight it can damn well have one! I AM going to win and from now on in I'm going to go back to 3 shakes and milk and that is it. If I'm hungry then its just tough luck I will have to go hungry.

    So fed up today though and so easy to give up at this stage so I understand how you feel. Don't write off today though - just keep in mind that if you stick to it today then even if you strayed its still better than if you strayed and ate off diet. You have already started losing and you CAN do this. You just need to get your head in the right place - I know how easy that is to say and how hard it is to do though. I have found that I can only stick to the diet if my head is in the right place and this time it wasn't - but I think that as of today it totally is! its difficult to do but next time you decide to pick at something just get your head to scream NO at you - you don't really want it more than you want to lose the weight. What I've done today is put photos back up on my fridge of how I looked before I started the diet last year - I'm not back up to that weight again but the idea of going back to it terrifies me and its enough to stop me wanting whatever I was about to reach for hahahaha So next time you try and snack take out a picture of how you don't want to be and ask yourself if its worth it :)
     
  15. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    oh and the other thing I'm doing is locking my scales somewhere where I can't find them. I will get weighted officially on Thursday morning and each week will go to the CDC to get weighed without having checked myself during the week. This whole obsession I have with the scales is insane and it has got to stop!!
     
  16. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    god this is hard! come on we can do this!only weigh once a week, you can fluctuate 2 -3 lb in a day! prob water retension, another lovely thyroid problem!! will try to salvage whats left of today, and be a whole new person tom! lock up your scales, i will not weigh till fri now, omg how will i cope! xxx
     
  17. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    lol - you'll be fine. I went round my friend's for a cuppa and we both let off steam so I'm feeling a lot better. Not going to weigh again until Thursday then let the counsellor do it from then on in.

    Are you going to regular meetings and seeing a CDC? Might be worth you looking at maybe? I only saw mine once a month last time and have avoided them since as didn't want to face what I'd re-gained especially since my thyroid was causing it and I didn't want the depression of not being able to make it stop. This time I'm booking in with them because I think I need the discipline of having someone else to be answerable to - kind of. If they are weighing me each week then its a heck of a lot harder to not stick to it lol

    We CAN do this and we WILL do this.

    Plus I seem to have developed an instant crush on my goddaughter's landlord and I'm there for a bbq next weekend so that's a pretty big motivator right now too hahahahha
     
  18. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    I just spoke to my new CDC which was great - given me lots of support and encouragement and I'm booked in for my first weigh in on Thursday morning.

    Unfortunately she does need to get another medical certificate thing signed which is a bit of a pain as not sure how my GP feels about it even though the endo is fine with it but I'll pick the form up on Thursday and leave it for the rubbish GP who just agrees to anything lol

    I think that having weekly weigh ins and meetings and someone to discuss it with and get advice from is really going to help this time. Really looking forward to getting started with her.
     
  19. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    right new day and a new me! even though i have had 3 hours sleep because my 18 month old has decided sleep is for wimps! anyway i can do this! its me who decides what goes into my mouth, i am an adult and if i want to be slim i have to stop moaning and get on with it! i know it works ,if i stick to it, it might be hard but no one would be over weight if it wasnt! so however tempting those left overs are and and the chocolate at work is i can resist because i choose to be slim! lecture to my self over! how are you doing karen? still being strong? i am going to clean the house top to bottom today to keep me busy then off to work for another 12.5 hour night shift! i should in theory be a size6! good luck today hun.xx
     
  20. Mifford

    Mifford Silver Member

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    Morning - good to see you so determined yay! Not so yay for the only 3 hours sleep though - boooo.

    I had my first SS day yesterday (with milk in my tea but what the heck) because I was so annoyed in the morning and was surprised at how much easier it felt again so I'm convinced that my brain was what was making it so difficult for me up until now. I could be in ketosis as well but the check I did yesterday morning showed not and I've run out of sticks - picking up a few from my CDC on
    Thursday morning - but it could be I've tipped over into it now and that's why I'm feeling better and not so hungry. It could also be that the overdosage of my T3 meds is probably out of my system by now and hopefully I've come down from being hyper and that could be helping too.

    My weight is back down to the 4.5lbs loss again this morning as well so that has made me happier - I'm not doing so well on breaking my weighing myself addiction though obviously hahahahaha

    I'm feeling absolutely fantastic today and will be doing SS again I think - if I can get myself back in that zone then the weight is going to come off quicker getting me to where I want to be earlier and then I can eat food again - at least that's the plan.

    My first weigh in is in 2 days and I do wonder if knowing that someone else is kind of taking over control and making it impossible for me to decide to not stick to it has helped too. I think trying to do it on my own may have just been too much.

    Anway - today is day 5/6 - I'm already wearing a blouse that didn't fit last week (is it tight - yes. am I wearing it anyway - you bet!) - I AM sticking to this diet for however long it takes this time - & I'm feeling awesome.

    WE ARE BOTH ON OUR WAY - WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
     
  21. AMANDADOYLE74

    AMANDADOYLE74 Full Member

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    have only just seen there was a page 2!!!!! ahahah so only just sen your posts! the bbq and landlord is a huge incentive!!!!! go for it! i am not seeing cdc at the mo as got loads of shakes and need to get dr to sign me off again!!! am going to go next week! will call my cdc i think so she can ssay nice things and motivate me some more! i will get the hang of this site soon, takes me ages to find this bit!xxxx
     
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