Turning dreams into reality

Discussion in 'Calorie Counting - Diaries' started by wish_upon_a_star, 14 March 2014 Social URL.

  1. Hi everybody, and welcome to my diary.

    Today, I stood in front of a full-length mirror and took the time to take a real look at me. This may sound a bit strange because surely that isn't anything unusual? Yet, for me it was. For as many years as I can remember, I have always tended to avoid looking at my body; instead preferring any mirrors that only show my face. I saw a woman in her mid-thirties, mid height and long hair; a pretty face, with the first few fine lines starting to appear round her eyes and some extra weight around her jawline. I saw an apple shaped body, with lots of excess weight around her middle; that looked disproportionate against her legs and chest and shoulders.

    How did I get here? I have never been super slim. Between about 16 and 19, I weighed around 10”10 and at 5”7, felt pretty happy at that weight. Then over the years, I have gradually kept slowly gaining. Every six months or so, I would always try and lose some weight and for the last six years. I have put on and lost the same stone many times.

    When I came back off holiday last summer I weighed the heaviest I had ever been at 15”9 and felt bloated and uncomfortable. This got me started again and I got down to 14”11 by the end of October 2013. At this point I had lots of things happen that took my eye off the ball and as of today I now weigh 15”0 so have gained 3lbs over the last five months. Basically, I have been starting through my predictable cycle again, where I inevitably always end up slightly heavier than I was the first time around!

    It is the cycle that I want to break free from and an all or nothing attitude to my health. I think I just put how I feel about my body into the back of my mind and focus on other things, rather than just consistently keep trying to make good choices.

    I am very lucky in other areas of my life: I have a wonderful family; good friends; and a job that I love. However, ultimately the issue of my weight, and the potential damage it is doing to my health, is always there lurking under the surface. My seeming inability to control it makes me feel like I am letting myself down. When I think about myself, it is in two ways. I can see myself as a successful person who works hard and has achieved a lot. However, underneath this is the nagging thoughts that ultimately I’m not that strong a person, because I’m overweight and don’t look after myself the way I should.

    Since, I got heavier, I have found it difficult to take pleasure in clothes and shopping, because it is difficult to deal with the fact that nothing seems to fit my odd shape that well. I have to buy things to try and camouflage my middle and then because I only have smaller shoulders, things are too big round the neckline. Plus, because I hate the mirror, I will try things on as fast as possible to get out of there.

    I have to spend a lot of time talking as part of my job. I used to be very proud of my public speaking skills, and I know my communication skills are still good. However, now I have started feeling increasingly anxious about speaking in public and hate the thought of people’s eyes being on me. I am starting to acknowledge that ultimately this is probably a manifestation of how I feel about what I must look like, so I assume people will think poorly of me, because of the way I look. This then translates into the thought that people won’t think I have anything worthwhile to say, which is a negative cycle and the panic sets in.

    I know this time I need to do more than just try and lose weight. This time I think I need to try and reflect and understand the root causes of why I follow the same patterns that in the end are making me unhappy. I am the only one who can change this and that is what I need to try and do, with no excuses. In order, to do this I have taken an unusual step for me, which is to start this diary. Whilst I do need to do this for myself, I also acknowledge that I need some help and support. I have just had a look through the forum, and see a great group of like minded people, all working to improve their lives. I hope, you can offer me some of the support I need and I’ll do my best to offer some support in return :).

    I have just completed my first week of logging calories with my fitness pal to get the hang of it. I now just need to decide how much I want to aim to lose per week.

    Last edited: 2 April 2014
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  3. I have come to a decision, the plan is to work to 1,610 kcals per day, which would equate to 1lb per week weight loss. Then to do 30 minutes exercise at least 3 times per week. If I do any better than that any one week, it will be a bonus.

    I have done really well this week for exercise, as have been out four times walk / jogging. I want to do couch to 5km but I don't think I am fit enough for that yet. Today, I managed lots of 30 sec, 30 sec slow jog intervals so did my just under 3km route the fastest so far, yay! I can't believe how much getting outside can make you feel better.

    Food diary - Total: Food (1,224) - Exercise (225) = 999Kcal

    Breakfast - 121 kcal
    - Activia coconut yoghurt

    Lunch - 384kcal
    - Chicken peri peri mini fillet
    - 100g Tesco sliced cabbage and leek (done in 10g lurpak spreadable and 15ml reduced fat creme fraiche)
    - 1 small slice marks and spencer french bread (w/ 5g lurpak spreadable) topped with 1 slice of salami

    Tea - 565kcal
    - Blue cheese gnocchi 200g
    - 1 small slice marks and spencer french bread (no butter) topped with 1 slice of salami

    Snacks and drinks
    - 5 cups of tea w/ semi skimmed 75kcal (I have a tea addiction and need to cut back!)
    - Apple

    - Walk / jog - burned 225kcal
    Last edited: 16 March 2014
  4. xena

    xena Full Member

    Well done on what sounds like a great start! I am starting tomorrow going to give calorie counting a good bash so am having a read of everyone's diaries. Good luck, keep going and keep letting us know how you're getting on!
  5. lyndzi76

    lyndzi76 Gold Member

    Yeah I found your diary. I can rela to all of what your saying and my shape is very similar to yours also.

    Good luck and I will keep checking in. It's my friend wedding today so won't be a good day calorie wise for me x x
  6. Thanks you Xena and the very best of luck with getting started.

    Thanks for looking in :)

    Have a great day today!

  7. Hi, just had a good start to the morning, as made it out for a walk / jog and did nearly 4km today and burned 312kcals :)

    Feeling so proud as can't remember the last time I did so much exercise in one week!

    Food diary - Total: Food (1554) - Exercise (312) = 1,242 Kcal

    Breakfast - 204kcal
    - 30g rice krispies w 120 ml semi skimmed milk

    Lunch - 433 kcal
    - Subway steak and cheese sub w/ southwest sauce

    Tea - 730kcal
    - 1/2 wrap, sweet potato wedges, coleslaw, roast pepper, blue cheese mushrooms, cajun chicken breast
    - Vimto ice lolly

    Snacks and drinks - 187Kcal
    - 4 cups of tea w/ semi skimmed
    - Activia caramel yoghurt

    - Walk / jog - burned 312kcal
    Last edited: 16 March 2014
  8. xena

    xena Full Member

    Well done! Out of interest are you eating your exercise calories back? Great to get the exercise done in the morning then you can forget about it...sets off a good day I find!
  9. Yes, I am going to eat the exercise calories back as I am guessing you need good nutrition for your muscles to repair etc but I am not going to worry too much if I don't eat them all. I think the main thing is not to eat less than 1200 kcals per day. Actually tracking the calories through my fitness pal has been a real eye opener because it is amazing how good it is to have those extra exercise calories. It isn't a huge amount, so you still need to be careful but it does mean you don't feel as deprived. I mean if you are only set to 1lb a week weight loss and exercise, the calories you can eat that day are not far off maintenance :)

    Feeling a bit lazy today but am def going to get back out there this morning. It would be incredible to manage going out six out of seven day in one week!

    Update - I did go jogging and went the fastest I could manage around my 2.8km route and best pace yet of 9min11 sec per km and 223 kcals burned.

    Food diary - Total: Food (1,464) - Exercise (223) = 1,240 Kcal

    Breakfast - 209kcal
    - Activia coconut yoghurt and glass fruit juice

    Lunch - 579 kcal
    - Homemade cajun chicken burger w/ roasted red pepper, cheese and mayo

    Tea - 305kcal
    - 200g strawberries, coconut yoghurt and 175ml glass of white grenache wine

    Snacks and drinks - 370Kcal
    - 4 cups of tea w/ semi skimmed
    - Ben and Jerrys mini tub vermonster

    - Walk / jog - burned 223kcal
    Last edited: 17 March 2014
  10. xena

    xena Full Member

    Wow you put me to shame with your gym-going!!
  11. I am so full right now, just had an enormous wrap for my lunch, really did feel like I needed to fill up!

    Had a great morning, as went and did my first 5km. Actually did 5.24km at an average pace of 9min 45 per km (51 mins) and burned 423kcals. I am still walking way more than jogging but for somebody as unfit as me, this is real progress.

    I am in a good place today and feeling positive. I love the my fitness pal app and calorie counting as I actually feel in control. Now, if I do think I want a glass of wine or ice cream it can be factored in. It is also good at showing how you can be wasting your calories. I think my wrap for lunch today is a good example. I could easily have not added the cheese and salami, without that the wrap would have been 473Kcals as opposed to 724kcal, which is really high for one meal however nice. It would have been just as filling and much lower in fat content. As it goes I can get away with it today, due to having the added exercise calories but if I hadn't jogged today, it would have been a really poor choice.

    Food diary - Total: Food (1,810) - Exercise (423) = 1,387 Kcal

    Breakfast - 382kcal
    - 30g rice krispies w 120 ml semi skimmed milk, glass fruit juice and two chipolte sausages

    Lunch - 724 kcal
    - Large wrap w/ 149g chicken, 25g grated cheese, 2 slices salami, 8 cherry tomatoes, spinach, red onion and mayo

    Tea - 478kcal
    - Packet sliced pastrami, two slices of marks and spencer french bread w/ 10g lurpak spreadable

    Snacks and drinks - 226 Kcal
    - 5 cups of tea w/ semi skimmed
    - Coconut yoghurt
    - 100g strawberries

    - Walk / jog - burned 423kcal
    Last edited: 18 March 2014
  12. xena

    xena Full Member

    Well done on your run that's amazing! It's making me want to get out there and start earning serious calories!
  13. Hi everybody, today is my rest and chill out today. So no exercise and am happy to eat my full 1,600kcal allowance. I have tried to have lots of protein to help my muscles repair from taking up jogging :)

    Umm and am also having a naughty glass of wine!!

    Then tomorrow will be jogging and will have some exercise calories to work with.

    Food diary - Total: Food (1,532) - Exercise (0) = ? Kcal

    Breakfast - 204kcal
    - 30g rice krispies w 120 ml semi skimmed milk

    Lunch - 570 kcal
    - 3 medium egg omelette w/ blue cheese mushrooms and ham
    - 2 coco pops cereal bars

    Tea - 428kcal
    - 175ml white grenache wine
    - 225g roasted sweet potato, salad and 75g low fat cottage cheese

    Snacks and drinks - 226 Kcal
    - 6 cups of tea w/ semi skimmed
    - Caramel yoghurt
    - 125g rasberries

    - None
    Last edited: 18 March 2014
  14. Wow, can't believe I haven't updated in four days. Thankfully it is not because I have gone off piste but just because of being busy.

    I weighed in on Friday at 14" 12, so a lose of two pounds, yay!

    I have done lots more jogging (went out each day weds to sat) and had a gym induction on Friday. I'm hoping to go pay as you go, once or twice a week, so I can do some resistance work :) I daren't sign up as a monthly thing because past experience has taught me I am not reliable at keeping weight loss and exercise up!

    I'm away now until Thursday so need to fight temptation and try and find ways to keep the exercise up.

    Today, I feel a bit fed up, which is typical of me (despite the fact I am doing well) because I am waking up to the fact it is going to take a very long time to lose all this weight. However, that is probably a good thing, just got to keep chipping away at it x
  15. xena

    xena Full Member

    Don't feel down, feel great that you are losing weight! You're doing great :)
  16. lyndzi76

    lyndzi76 Gold Member

    Were at the same weight now.

    Well done for the running and gym, I still haven't got the confidence to be doing that yet so brought an exercise bike today. I will be doing that and kettlebells on alternate days.

    I know what you mean it's going to be a long road but well worth it.

    What's your goal weight?
  17. lyndzi76

    lyndzi76 Gold Member

    How you getting on hun?
  18. Hi, I'm back :)

    I only came home on weds night and had a hectic day yesterday so collapsed into bed exhausted!

    My goal weight is 150 or 10 stone 10.

    Weigh in day today and I have lost another 1.5lbs so now 14 10.5, yay.

    Also had my speediest run yet round my 2.8km route yesterday and got it down to 23" 51, so yes in a very positive mood today xx
  19. xena

    xena Full Member

    How's it going? Hope you're still feeling positive! Xx
  20. lyndzi76

    lyndzi76 Gold Member

    Well done for your best time.

    How's the weekend going?
  21. I'm just back from a weekend away and this morning have weighed in at 15"0.5 LOL. I didn't calorie count for Sat and Sun but still a 4lb gain seems high, eek.

    I did drink Friday (two 175ml glasses) and Saturday (two 175ml, and 1 250ml glasses of wines), plus ate more carbs than usual. So I imagine a good chunk of it is water. I'll go for a jog today and maybe go for a 1200kcal, clean eating day and see if that clears the worst of it :)

    I had a lovely time though, and it was nice just to eat what I wanted for a couple of days and have a drink.

    We did plenty of walking and I took my daughter swimming yesterday too so the gentle exercise has done my muscles good (not hurting at the moment, yay).


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