Want me for my body, not my mind? Yippeee!! lol!

Texted my CDC and she says it's possible that my not having a shake till late isn't helping and my blood sugar drops which makes me want to eat. I gave in to food earlier but I'm now upstairs lying in bed whilst the family are having McDonalds. I didn't want any. Didn't want KFC or BK or Harvesters or Chinese either! So it's obvious that I didn't eat earlier to sabotage my diet and binge. I ate because I needed something. I should have had a shake at that point I guess :)
Anyway, ill get this right one day! Tomorrow I'll have a shake in the morning and afternoon and in the evening I'll also have my meal. Omelette or chicken salad. Just need to remember to do that!!!
Here I go yet again!!
 
Where is everybody?
About to get my 1st shake in. I'm getting those 'can't start on a Saturday, wait till Monday' thoughts. I'm also getting the 'forget this, you're just wasting time and effort, do WW instead' thoughts. But I'm too impatient to be losing 1-2 lbs a week. Gotta try CD again. Then I get the 'you're only going to pile the weight straight back on when you stop. You obviously still have food issues'. That's highly likely. Then I get 'better to get into eating healthy now'. Yeah yeah yeah! BUT I COULDN'T TAKE LOSING 1-2 lbs A WEEK!!!!!!
And I don't want to be defeated, but what if CD is actually NOT for me. Psychologically, it's very taxing. Depressing! Maybe it IS a waste of my time.
I think I need to sit down on my own for a while and have a really good think about it all. :-(
 
I am here, just got up after lazy lie in with papers! Sone benefit to having teenagers! But been reading scary stuff about the next step, university and all the dos and donts.

Have you thought of looking at some of the reading material suggested on this site, linda spangle, metabolic typing, etc, see cerulean postings for useful books? Maybe you need to understand more about why you are eating? I am reading both the above and it's certainly interesting, and making me think more. But if you stop is the mental battle going to go away?? That's how i feel at the moment, ok I am having blips but I am Still 20lbs down on where I started, now if I had given up over a blip I would be back to 15.8 and probably plus some!

Don't know about where you are, but here is a lovely day, the combines have done the field near me so I am going to go out with the dog and clear my mind for a bit, may e you could go out for a walk alone and see what comes to you? Get some peace and ask yourself some questions about what you really want?

Will check in regularly today and see how you are thinking!
 
I do have Linda Spangles app but haven't actually gone past day 1.
OH is getting on my nerves. Im in a foul mood again today. I reckon I need counselling :-D
I remember being punished for not eating when I was a child. My mum would leave me with friends and family whilst she travelled to buy goods for her business. She was a single mum and she did her best. While she was away I'd be beaten or locked in a room for not eating. She'd return to find bruises and swollen knuckles because of my refusal to eat. This was all before i turned 8. Even when I came to live with my dad at age 9, he'd make me stay in my room to eat until I'd eaten it all. I had my ways around that though. It's just so weird that I hated eating as a child. It was an unnecessary chore and it bored me to have to sit and eat. NOW look at me!! Such an unhealthy relationship with food now. I think I have so much on my mind. So much I'm worrying about right now and it's all getting me down and making it difficult for me to have a positive attitude to anything else. Sigh!! I need to find the forum for psycho eaters instead I think.
 
Woooh, I wasn't expecting that. Ok so there is a lot there that you need to deal with, and it's no wonder that it has left confused messages about food for you. I am at a bit of a loss as to what to suggest....
 
Yeah, sorry, a little heavy, it just started coming out and I let it. OH just asked me how I feel when I look in the mirror and I said I hate how I look. I feel repulsed and sickened sometimes. This is the reason I avoid going out and pretty much have no life outside my family. I don't want to be seen looking like this. I hate it!
I've done CD before, and lost almost 3 stones. I haven't been able to do it again since then. I never last longer than a week.
I've ended up in tears today, this thinking business is taxing. I'll stop with all the depressing talk now. Gotta psyche myself up to get up and go out with the family.
How was the walk with the dog? Was your back OK?
 
Beating you for not eating! :eek::eek:

i would say that would mess up your attitude to food quite a lot. :mad::mad:


Going for a walk is a good idea - have you had any clarity in your thoughts?
 
I did manage to drag myself out. We took the girls to the funfair in town. I decided to go on one of the rides. The one that's like a HUGE fan with only one blade? The carriage is on the tip of the blade and it rotates independently of the blade, which also rotates. I screamed so loud!! I cried so hard!! I begged to get off! I was very nearly sick as my insides rose up to my throat :jelous: I was shaking when I finally did. I've never felt myself actually shaking out of shock and terror before. It felt so weird, my legs were wobbly, and my hands quivering. I knew I needed some adrenaline pumped in me to pipe me up a bit and it worked. OH was also crying when I got off, tears of laughter!! The kids were worried and ran to me hugging my legs and trying to comfort me. As I was describing the experience to OH, my four year old asked 'Why did they make it anyway?' I tried to explain that some people enjoy getting scared to death, but I don't think she got it.:)
Anyway, I'm in a better mood. I'm still a little pensive, and trying to figure out what issues I'm might be causing all this stress in my head. I've decided for now to hold off with CD until my head is better. I'm going to look a right idiot to my CDC but I hope she'll understand that I'm going to try to deal with the issues that have brought me the weight problem in the first place, because it's those issues that are making it difficult for me to stick to CD. There's something that clicks in my head when I do CD. It just goes off unexpectedly and I just drop into some kind of depressed state. I'm going to write down everything that's bothering me, or that might be an issue, and figure out a way to deal with all of them.
I'm also going to try to just eat healthy so I don't pile on the weight before I restart CD again.
How have you guys gotten on today? Hope you've had a lovely day.
 
Hello everyone. Hope you're all having a nice day. It's another lovely day. I'm going out for a walk with the family soon, after a short nap zzzzzzz
 
Hi, had good fun at tennis but paying for it now so lying in the garden. So far had one shake and avoided the post match cake and sandwiches, might have another shake now.

What's the plan Cee??
 
I'm not totally sure what the plan is yet. I've decided to stop CD for a while and try to eat healthy. I'm going to try to sort out some stuff that's stressing me out and also start sorting out my mind and hopefully get back to losing weight again. I can't seem to maintain the mental strength to do CD. I get depressed within a few days. Miserable. I know it's easier when OH is doing it with me. It doesn't feel like a diet then, it's like a fun project we're doing together, like when we used to go to the gym together. It was much easier, even though I HATED the gym! But I can't rely on him. I shouldn't have to rely on anyone. I think I just get bored so easily, and feel like I'm trapped and restricted and just want to eat. Even though I'm not hungry. I also think that I think about it too much. I over analyse stuff and I overthink stuff. I wish I could just do CD without thinking about anything.
SO, I'm taking a break. I'm sorting things out and then I'm going to try to lose the weight again. I do want to keep in touch with all you guys and read about your progress to keep me motivated to want to lose weight, so I'm not leaving!
I'll be making updates of how I get on too.
Well, enough about me. WI tomorrow! How are you feeling about it?
 
Sounds like a plan to me!

Not sure about weigh in, had a bath after tennis and decided to stand on scales, but I had been seriously drinking water, and guess what 4 lbs up since this morning! Have been weeing like a bu**er since so will have to wait and see what tomorrow brings!

Think I can have a really good week next week, OH away from tuesday, DS also, and DD away from thurs! Would like to get in a decent loss before next weekend when I am away!

Where is SW??
 
SHEARER'S WIFE WHERE ARE YOOOOUUUU???
Was that loud enough? :)
I'm lying here after two loud cats woke me up. I think one has killed the other now as there was a loud collision and some serious scuffle and then one quiet purring..... Then nothing! They purred loudly at each other for almost a bloody hour from before 5 am! I'll look for blood outside later.
Anyhoo, I'm doing alright. I haven't weighed myself since coming off CD as it was TOTM. I am weighing this morning to see how much weight I've put on. I'm going to start some exercise, just need to decide what to do. I'm also trying to cut down my food intake but that's proving difficult as I don't seem to be able to stop until I feel really stuffed! Still drinking water and now eating lots of fruit.
I should probably stop this diary until I start CD again, if I do. Maybe start a new diary about my journey to sorting out my head.
 
I am back on CD for the next 2 weeks until my birthday BBQ - every few pounds helps I guess!

Good luck with eating healthy, I hope it works for you. :)
 
Hi lovely ladies I'm still here!!! Gave myself 3 days to get into ketosis but it was hard - very hard! I was so desperate for food it was like I was posessed. Rang mum at one point when the shops were closed to see what she had in (hello....desperate or what) after talking to her on the phone and crying, yep crying I realised I needed to get these 3 days over with. Iam pleased to report I've managed it and just finished day 5- wahoo! I need to stick with this and not be tempted as my sanity could not take doing those 3 days again!
I'm on my phone app atm so haven't been able to read up on everyone's diaries but I will tomorrow and will def check in more often

How are you all? Xxxxx
 
Hey SW, glad to see you are still out there, and well done you must have been very focused. I am getting on ok, got stuck at 14 for a while but now down again so very happy. Keep in touch...
 
I know what you mean. I went on a mammoth carb binge before my restart which I think I needed but I'm now on a battle to get back into the 13's. I was 14.1 thus morning and when CDC weighed me on monday I'd lost 9lbs (some of that was because I went from being weighed at night to in the morning) oh well here goes another day .... Day 6 and all's well but it's only 6.27 lol xxxxxx
 
SW, I'm happy you have managed to hang in there. Keeps me going in the knowledge that I'm not alone in the struggle. Keep going!!!!
 
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