I just re-read my "I am lucky because" post and when I look it seems that I have a wonderful life. I have been very successful and am a very determined Lady (excuse the pun) and am beginning to realised that losing weight was the only thing that I couldnt master.
Well perhaps I am afraid that it will be taken away from it if I lost weight. I always said to myself that losing the weight, to me, would be like winning the lottery, nothing could buy me what I would feel if I got to my goal weight. I know because I have been there.
As I decrease I will have to be careful that I dont go into self sabatage mode which I have done many times, even a bit this week. Its as if when things dont go 100% right in my life I have to damage the weight loss, in case that is it.
I think I have talked a lot of gabble but it made sense when it came out I am gonna press submit now in case I change my mind. I think sometimes writing down instant thoughts can help you sort your mind out.
You gabble away Lady!! I agree, putting thoughts to pen and paper - or font and monitor in this case is a very helpful tool.
I too felt losing weight was unacheivable. Real weight. I know I could do 1 or 2 stone - but that is.
WHen I learned to ride a motorbike, which was just last year, I thought I was crazy for doing it at 47 years old. I mean, I now know what pain is...unlike a teenager! But I had always wanted a Harley. So I decided, I AM GOING TO DO IT. I found the training extrememly stressful. EXTREMELY. I was in tears most mornings going in (I had never ridden a bike in my life, and was to learn and test within 5 days...it was a lot for this old head.) And it did not help that every single day I trained was heavy winds and rain. It was the most stressful thing I ever did. I kept telling myself it was the most difficult. But it wasn't - I was confusing difficult with stress. But when it was all said and done, and I got my license, the stress was gone and it became a joy.
I realised then, losing WEIGHT was the msot difficult thing I have ever done. Or tried to do. And then learning to ride, second. So I figured, well hell. I mastered the SECOND most difficult thing - if I could do that...surely I should be able to lose all this weight! And thats what got my mind ticking, and then I found LL. It was destiny I think because I knew I was ready and I knew I could do it.
Like you, I too worry about self sabotage. EVERY single attempt, at least in the last 7 years since I have been in the UK, I have never been successful in getting past the 2 stone mark. I'd get very uncomfortbable - not sure if it was with the restrictions of a diet - SLimming World - or if it was all the comments - or lack of comments - just not sure what it was. But I would hit two stone - and then pack it and more on again. I think this time, we have to draw strength from what we have acheived - it is no easy task going without food!!! And we are DOING IT!!!! Surely that has to be hard, like learning to ride a bike. Or being successful in your horse industry. Its not easy - its hard graff. So - if we could do those things, surely we can shake that fear and let ourselves come out of these shells of ours. That has to be easier - if we let it be.
I know we are gonna get there. Every one of us. We are brave women and we CAN do it!!!