Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

[westiegirl]

Well, I never thought I'd get to Management back in January when I started this but here I am!

My name is Sarah, I'm 34 and I live in Edinburgh. I have been an avid user of the DH Forum since starting LighterLife and have made some wonderful friends, but just didn't have the time for my own thread. It will probably still be the case but I'm going to try and keep this up!

Story so far:

Start:
29th January
Weight: 16 stone 5lbs
Height: 5'6"
Bust: 49"
Waist: 46"
Hips: 51"
BMI: 37

Now:
20th July 2006
Weight: 10 stone 5lbs
Height: 5'6"
Bust: 39"
Waist: 32"
Hips: 39"
BMI: 23.4

These are my progress pictures:

Public Album

Last Friday was my first day of management and i was hyper all day, just looking forward to a piece of meat in the evening!

Boy, I really did enjoy it though!

My flatmate sat down with me for the "meal" and we toasted my success (her with lager and me with fizzy water) drinking from champagne flutes.

Days 2 & 3 have been fine - chicken again on Saturday and quorn yesterday. The most exciting thing for me yesterday was a nice cup of tea with milk! Bless, what a saddo I am! Trouble is it wasn't as good as I remembered, but that's life I suppose!

Yesterday's meal was supplemented with a nice green salad. What a treat that was!

Day 4 (today).
Started the day with a nice cup of tea and toddled off to work. My boss made me a coffee with milk mid morning and said it didn't feel right for me to be having milk - yep, odd for me too!

Work has been very busy for the last month or so and I feel like I have really not been able to come on here as much as I'd like, but I have lurked a little.

Last week was a very big week for me, not only did I start management but I also handed in my notice at work. Yikes!

For those who don't know me I am a welsh girl living in scotland who is about to move back to wales with my family. It's all still being organised but I felt the time was right to tell my boss so that they can organise a replacement and I will still have enough time to train them. Needless to say he was not a happy man, as (I'm not going for false modesty here) I'm very good at my job. I'm an accounts assistant and have only worked for the company for a year, but I feel like I fit right in. The "Family Management Team" leave a lot to be desired, but my boss and immediate workmates are the best in the world. I will miss them greatly and vice versa!

So my next big challenge is to complete management, whilst organising a move and sorting a new career. Um, I don't think I do things by half! If I can cope with this I can do anything!

So, I will try not to make it too boring but I am trying to make this diary in order that I can keep on track and hopefully get the support of those who have been there before me and those who are still on their journey.

One last thing to say is that I absolutely love this site!

Signing off for the night - bed and my management bible beckon!

 

[KD]

What an amazing difference! Bet your dead chuffed.

All the very best through management. Look forward to following this thread

 

[size10inside]

Hi westiegirl

Had a look at your pics you have done so well i bet you are really pleased with yourself.

I have been on LL for 4 weeks and lost 2 stone so far but my stats are very similar to yours, same height, almost the same start weight so is good to know you got there and hopefully so will I!

Tonight has been by far the toughest day by far i have actually filled out an online order with dominoes pizza but havent ordered it. Wanted to come on here to get back on track and i think your post has done the trick.

Keep posting will be interesting to know how you get on on manangement.

You are certainly brave handing in your notice, i think family are so important i hope you enjoy being back in wales.

Well bye for now,

sarah x

 

[tulips]

Hey sweetie!

I managed to find you.

I remember your thread from D & H now as I recall replying to one of your posts when you were upset about telling your flatmate about your decision to move. I am glad things have worked out so well for you....Would you ever have thought a year or so ago how much your life would change?? Nuts isn't it?

I am just pottering around the flat today trying to keep busy. I have finished school for the summer holidays and have no paperwork to do ( a very organised teacher eh??) And I was just thinking that this time last year I would be on the sofa still in my pyjamas stuffing my face from morning til night. The entire concept has scared the living daylights out of me actually as I have realised how easy it could be to slip back into that 'old me'!

So, just having a quick chat with myself and sorting myself out! Maybe I will get the hoover out ( again!!)

Looking forward to chatting with you and sharing our experiences through Management. Have a great day!

 

[MandyB2]

Hi Sarah.. just popped in to say hello I hope your day 5's going well hun... all those challenges that are in front of you right now you will take in your stride and get through with ease... I just know it

much love xxxx

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Clare, Funny the difference a year makes! Keep shouting at that chatterbox hunny - knock her into touch! We've both done so well, so we need to keep going. You are right to keep busy - I always find that helps! This place can be a life saver when you are twiddling your thumbs!

You are right about the flatmate - in fact we were talking last night about advertising my room and she was in tears again. Oh dear! She's fully supportive but just tired at the moment so quite emotional! She's just gonna miss me lots and the feeling's mutual. Good friends are hard to find but we'll keep in touch - a new holiday destination for her!

Hi Mandy, Thanks for your support as always! You are a real star! Hope you are feeling a bit better today. Will catch up with you on your thread later!

 

[tulips]

Hey Darling!

It's so true what you said about true friends..that's a big lesson I have learned throughout the diet...those special friends who have adapted their social lives to make sure I wasn't left out! They are hard to come by so I always know how hard you have to work to keep them!

Blimey...I am doing a LOT of thinking today!

Dave has just called very sheepishly to ask if he could go to a BBQ at his parent's house tonight! I am gutted I will be eating my first meal alone tonight! Never mind!

Speak later

 

[sarahjj]

Hey Sarah!

Just looked at your pics - you've halved in size! You must be so pleased and proud of what you've achieved! I'm doing my last week of ssing and as of next Tuesday I'm starting management. I just wanted to invade your thread and ask you if you've got any words of wisdom? How do you stop yourself eating like you did before? I hope you don't mind me coming on here and asking you these questions! It's just I'm nervous being given a green light to eat again!

Good luck with the rest of your management!

Sarah x

 

[Karen1972]

Hi Sarah,

Wow you are doing really brilliantly on this maintenance malarkey!!! Well done!! I've finished my 12 weeks management program and as you know i've had the odd binge now and again!! I'm half a stone heavier than my original target so i've decided to go back on 3 LL packs a day with a meal of around 600 calories at night. This will put me on 1000 calories a day and i will stick with this until i get back to 9stone 11lb.s

When i get there, god knows what i'll do but am seriously considering sticking with packs during the day, it's the only way i can stay in control!!!

Good luck with the rest of the journey honey, stick to it by the letter - i wish i had!!

Lots of luv

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Sarah, thanks for your lovely message. Good luck for starting next week. As for words of wisdom don't think I'm totally qualified to comment yet - only on day 6, but I was just about to update on yesterday and it was more of a struggle! But I think coming on here will be my saviour!

Day 5

The day started well for me, work was fine. Had half a nut bar in the morning, nothing at lunch and the other half of the bar in the afternoon, as per usual. Coming home felt the first pangs of hunger - coming out of ketosis i wonder? Not sure whether I am or not because at this TOTM I have always had hunger pangs during abstinance. If anyone can tell me when to expect hunger, I'd be grateful! The worst time for me before starting LL was always coming home from work. Instant Gratification was my middle name! I could never be bothered to cook and always ate ready meals and junk - basically anything I could prepare in the least amount of time. Guess what? The same feelings came back yesterday. My flatmate had bought a disposable bbq and I was going to have quorn fillet and salad. No problems there but I had some quorn in the fridge I had made the day before and decided I would freeze it. Before it went in the freezer 2 pieces went in my mouth! NO PICKING!!!!! Anyway, whilst preparing my salad I had to pick at the celery. DOH! Here we go again! Felt like I'd let myself down. Not because of what I ate, but because of the whole old demons returning with a vengence! I don't know what I was expecting but did I really think by not eating for 6 months I would be "cured"? Umm naive definately!

Well I've had time to think on it and I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to learn from the experience and these are my conclusions:

1. PMS will try and trip me up every time. I have been religiously keeping a track of my monthly cycle and will continue to do so in order to monitor my danger times. I will then know to plan around these things.

2. Once I come out of ketosis I will need to make sure I eat during the day in order not to feel starving when I get home. I will also have a healthy snack to hand for that time (roll on raw veg and jelly next week!). I will plan my meals better - I'm very good at sticking to a plan (did abstinance without problems). I'm not a "wing it" type of girl. Much as I'd like to be I'll never be what I'm not - you need to work with what you've got.

3. Management is not easy! I never thought it was going to be mind you, but tonight I'm going to have a sit down with my book and do some of the exercises. I've been told how helpful they are. I was always an "adapted child" in foundation and did all my homework, it worked so I will continue to do so.

4. Thought records I have been invaluable to me in the past so I'll make the effort to keep writing them.

5. Finally I will keep this record going. Actually writing down what happened has crystalised it in my mind and I feel better already!

Day 6

Very very tired today. Could barely drag myself out of bed this morning. It was an effort to get dressed and put my make up on. Have felt like this for the last month and have been having dizzy spells, especially when I stand up. This was actually followed by my fainting on Saturday morning. Phoned my counsellor who thinks it could be low blood pressure. Booked to get it checked at the nurse tomorrow afternoon. Hoping once I start eating again fully I'll feel better. Hate feeling crap - I'm slim now, don't want to be too tired to enjoy it! My mum has always suffered with low blood pressure - she even had it whilst in the latter stages of pregnancy. Guess I'll need to learn to adapt if that's what it is but I'm definately getting checked out!

Foodwise today I have had half a nut bar this morning and just had a hot chocolate for lunch as I was feeling quite hungry (PMS or real hunger?). Hoping that and my afternoon bar will make me feel better when I get home. I guess I have to keep learning what my body wants!

Will try and update later, but best get back to work - lunchtime is over!

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Karen

Glad to see you on here. I am missing the stories on your dating life! Living mine through you at the moment! How's the new rich Prince Charming?

My post crossed with yours so I you can see I had to have a good chat with myself yesterday, but I wait with baited breath to see how I am when I get home. When did your hunger kick in for real? I don't know if I'm actually hungry or not?

Good luck with the 3 packs a day. I take it your LLC is quite happy with you doing this? The extra half a stone will be off very soon!

 

[IreneH]

sarah
I hope you are feeling a bit better. Take care of yourself.
Irene xx

 

[sarahjj]

Hey Sarah!

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! It really gave me something to think about. I guess I’m going into this thinking it will be easy to maintain, because all I have to do is eat healthy – WRONG! Temptation is all around, and even the people I socialise with think that I’ll just be able to go back to my old ways – going out for a drink and a slap up meal every time we meet up! Wrong again! My whole life has to change if I’m going to beat this thing.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks! Good luck with the rest of your journey – me thinks it has only just started!

Sarah x

 

[KD]

Hi Sarah. I'm in the process of trying to beat this thing Getting there...but it's a longer journey than I expected.

Temptation is all around, and even the people I socialise with think that I’ll just be able to go back to my old ways – going out for a drink and a slap up meal every time we meet up! Wrong again! My whole life has to change if I’m going to beat this thing.

Don't know about changing your whole life Guess, drinking and a slap up meal is okay once in a while. More than that and we have to change the content of the meal and drink

Tough eh, but I reckon we'll get there, because we are working through it and constantly aware. Good luck.

 

[Mini]

Hi Sarah,

Your photos are inspirational, you have done so well, so proud of you

It is good to get yourself checked over with your health nurse or doctor just to make sure everthing is fine and put your mind at ease.

I find a bit of protein, like chicken helps reduce hunger, apples are a good stand by as you can only eat so many apples... and if I happen to let myself get too hungry then that spells danger for me as I lose all moderation...starvation takes over...the cave woman in me is alive and kicking!

Let us know how you get on.

Love Mini xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Update Day 6

Phew, much better evening last night! Got home and wasn't tempted to dive straight into the fridge or pick! My usual routine during SS was to come home and have a cup of coffee and a foodpack muffin. Last night I had a cup of tea and a cup of water - no muffin - because I had used my pack at lunchtime. No problems - felt perfectly happy and not deprived at all. Now what was the difference from the day before? Well possibly the pack at lunchtime or ensuring I drank loads of water in the afternoon, including a bottle of water to drink on the bus home. Will try to do the same every day.

Tea consisted of a salad served with turkey breast and boiled egg whites, almost like a salad nicoise but without the tuna! Fabby, followed this by my final pack of the day made into chocolate ice cream. What a treat!

Now usually I have to leave something to eat until later in the evening - not particulary because I am hungry later (was never a big evening snacker before anyway) but always so that I kept my options open! When you are on 4 foodpacks a day the thought in my head was always once they've gone, they've gone and I better hold onto to 1 "just in case"!

Last night I felt I didn't need to! My meal satisfied me. That's a bit of a breakthrough for me!

Was very busy last night - cleaned (well gutted actually) the bathroom. Flatmate has put advert in for a new flatmate and we want the place to be perfect. How does that fluff accumulate behind the toilet pan? Took me 1 hour all told. Please don't think we are mingers, the bathroom does get cleaned regularly, but not to this level. After I finished I felt satisfied but knackered! Sat down with a cup of tea and thought how lovely it would be to have a nice biscuit to go with it (my god I'm turning into Snoozy from BB!). But it was just a fleeting thought and it soon passed. Phew!

Day 7

Woke up very very tired again. It's still so hot up here. The weather has not broken yet and it's difficult to sleep. Feeling very bloated today. Have done since last night. Weighed myself - 10 stone 2 lbs - exactly the same as last Thursday morning. I guess I'm maintaining! But my tummy actually feels tender. Not sure what the cause is. I have pinned it down to 3 possibilities. TOTM, although I never felt so bloated before; Hot weather, causing water retention or finally my dreaded thing, milk in my drinks, that's the only major difference between this week and last. I can't be allergic to food can I?????

Well, I'm due at the weekend so hopefully it will go away, but I might have to cut out milk again and see if that helps. Boo! Please let the weather cool down a bit too!

Felt really hungry at 10am - real hunger???? Had half a lemon bar and in the time taken to write this post the hunger has gone. Maybe ketosis is gone too! Oh well, can't stay in it for ever - time to let go of the security blanket!

I have my nurse appointment this afternoon thank goodness, can't bear to feel this tired much longer - maybe she'll have some suggestions.

Anyway, breaktime over - back to work!

 

[MandyB2]

Hi Sarah.. I love your Diary, it's so intresting to read how you're dealing with the management. You're doing so very well and I'm well proud of you. I do hope you start to feel better soon.. hope your visit to the nurse today helps.

Thinking of you xx

 

[sarahjj]

Hi Sarah!

Just a quick one to say thanks for your support on my thread! I can't get over how nice people are on here! Don't get me wrong - I didn't think people were going to be nasty it's just that people have surprised me! Thanks again!

Pleased to hear that your management is going well - nice one on avoiding the fridge monster! Good luck for over the weekend! They are my worst times!

Sarah x

 

[westiegirl]

Phew, hardly had my bum on my seat all day today, in fact since yesterday afternoon. Feel like I've got the grand sum of nothing done today!

Day 7 (cont)

Nurse appointment was OK, but she has recommended I see the doctor just to get checked. My blood pressure dropped very slightly after I had stood up but it should stay the same or go up slightly. She thinks I'm a bit pale and clammy too and wonders if I could be anaemic - she just thinks it's best to get seen. Have an appointment for next Thursday. We'll see!

Next stop was Sainsburys - week 2 of management allows me to add a vegetable snack, sugar free jelly and diet drinks. Spent an hour doing my weekly shop. Forgotten how expensive it can be shopping! Cor, I'll be broke! Especially when I'm only buying veg now!

Rushed home and cooked tea before running out of the door to get my LL meeting. Meeting was good. Me and the other newbie, my pal Laura, found it really useful to see the oldies and it was good to know what we've been feeling all week (ie guilty for eating!) was normal. Put on 1.6lbs this week, but I'm not worried - have mega water retention and had just eaten (well wolfed down) my tea! Glad to get home and sit down with a chocolate ice cream pack and BB.

Day 8 - Week 2

Bright shiny new week and new tastes to introduce! Decided preparation is the key. Chopped my veggies for my snack and packed a couple of sugar free jellies. As I said before the day has been manic. Started with a trip to the bank for work. Came back in time for my break and boy did I enjoy it. Had half a lemon bar, a strawberry jelly and a bottle of coke zero. I've decided not to go mad on fizzy juice and try to stick to water but hell, it's my first day so I'm trying it. Will be glad to be able to drink low cal drinks when I'm out in the pub (as I am later!). Mind you the only set back was the most unlady like strawberry flavoured burp. Jane from BB would have been proud. I'm usually a Susie type burper (ie I don't) but hey I decided to let go and man, I felt like I've rejoined the real world!

Then had to help interview a woman for my job. That went well so hopefully we will have a new start soon and I will be free of guilt!

Before I knew it it was lunchtime - cucumber and pepper sticks have never tasted so good! Washed down with a chocolate shake. Stuffed! Who would have thought it, eh, satisfied with a couple of vegetables! So far the day is going well. I have a drink after work to look forward to, but not a late one - there's a BB double eviction tonight. Sorry but Spiral and Michael have to go!

Let's hope the weekend continues as well! It is always the hardest time, I'll keep you posted!

 

[westiegirl]

Whoops!

Update Day 8

Friday evening was great. Sat in the pub with workmates and drank diet coke. Was hyper without alcohol and basking in the compliments from everyone about my sucess. Didn't stay out too late - home in time for BB. Thank goodness Spiral is out. Michael - sorry babe - unfortunate but you had to go too! Had quorn and salad for tea - no biggie! Hey I'm getting an old pro at this!

Day 9 - Saturday

Day started early - work at the cafe for me today. This should be the last week for me. Hopefully the sale will be completed on Monday and we are free to make moving plans.

Got up and had a coffee vanilla shake and prepared my veggie snacks for the day, then packed them and my jellies in a cool bag. So far so good. Pottered round the kitchen tidying up and did some ironing. Busy bee so early!

Got to work at 9am and there was a couple of customers already so straight into the breach! After an hour a bit of breathing space came along and a pot of tea was made, yep fine. Then THE REBELLIOUS CHILD POPPED UP IT'S UGLY HEAD! Mrs Chatterbox had a frenzy in my head and her and the child actually beat up my adult and sent her packing! MAJOR LAPSE!!!!!

OK so what happened? First thought - this is the last Saturday I'll be here and all those lovely sandwich fillings which were my favourites last year, I won't be able to try again, so I'll just have a little taste. Afterall a small mouthful won't hurt will it? So I got a teaspoon and had a small spoon of the turkey and cranberry mayo filling. Yum, another spoon, another flavour. 8 spoons and 10 flavours of a heaped spoon of each later and I thought, sod it, I've really done it now! So I stopped and asked my adult to take over and she agreed. Unfortunately the chatterbox and child hadn't finished with her and she was sent packing again with a black eye! Doh! So in the mouth went the following, over the space of the next 2 hours:
3 slice sausages
2 link sausages
4 slices bacon
1 piece bread and butter
6 more spoons of sandwich filling
WHY
The old demons raised their ugly head and once I started I couldn't stop! Even a chat with my mum and a big hug and reassurances and compliments from her didn't stop the destructive behaviour. Will I always have food issues? Yes probably, will I be able to curb them in future - only time will tell.

So what happened next isn't much better either!

After the cafe closed I went to Mum and Dad's and the kettle went on. Sat down, cup of tea, slice of shortbread with choc chips! OH you fool! You could have stopped and limited the damage but then you had another slice of shortbread and TWO mint chocolate traybake slices.

OK. Deep breath - felt so guilty and what's worse - bloated and sick! I enjoyed the moment but hell I feel crap now!

Decided to come home and although I felt ill I felt in danger of moving from a lapse to a collapse. So I texted my LLC and she called me back and we had a chat.

She was fantastic and I feel like I've come to understand my motivations as to what was happening today. The crux of the matter was it was the last day at the cafe, a business that I had opened and spent a good 2 years of my life slaving over to build up and make sucessful. Last year I handed over the running to my parents. It was a time I was very low in my life as it co-ordinated with my breakup with my partner of 13 years and we had spent a lot of time together at the place. Today was the end of that era for me and I reverted to my old habits. My LLC asked what I would have done a year ago when I was so low and of course the answer was EAT, EAT and EAT SOME MORE! So today I stuffed my feelings of pain and mourning down with food, same as I'd always done. Didn't even recognise it until forced to analyse it! Little lightbulb moment in my head as I realised how true it was. Boy I still have so much to learn don't I!

My LLC has told me I still need to have my meal and remaining packs to get my nutrition for the day, but probably just a tiny amount of protein and salad. Had a very small piece of quorn and a tiny salad which I couldn't finish. Feel like sh!te! My belly is huge and sore. Lesson learnt the hard way? Goodness I hope so! Still have a pack to go as well. Will have a coffee with BB later.

Quite disappointed with myself but I feel I have to use this experience in a positive way. FATTY PROTEIN + MAYONNAISEY SANDWICH FILLINGS + CHOCOLATE BISCUITS = POOR NUTRITION + SORE TUMMY + GUILT!

Here endeth the lesson for today! Mused yesterday that I hoped the weekend would be OK. Strike one! Still, I have Sunday to get through in a positive way! Not going to say by "being good" because that's just not the mindset I want to buy into. I want tomorrow to be choices based on the programme because I feel good being slim and in order to remain that way I have to do what it takes and I actually do like healthy food!

Onwards and upwards!