Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

Darling - you're human! End of!

But I do know how you're feeling cos I've done it myself - oh yes, indeedy!

BUT you're not going to put all that weight back on in one day, now are you? No - and tomorrow you will be back in control.

It sounds as if the sale/move is really starting to happen - which I know is exciting and scary all at the same time. Bless ya - sending you loads and loads of hugs, babes!!!!
Am really looking forward to seeing you next month - ooooh!

love Isobel xxxxxxxxxx
Thanks Isobel

You always have such kind and positive words for everyone and I feel blessed to know you! Looking forward to next month too. My notice is handed in at work - my last day is 24th Aug, Thursday last day of work, Friday VFBC in the toon! Yippee!!!!!!

Hope you had good hols, gonna have to get over to new DH Forum and catch up on your thread. If i don't see you here, I'll see ya there.

Although BB is now calling!
OMG - so it'll be your leaving doo too!!!!! Oh wot a partay we are gonna have, sweet thang!

Oh and I've moved my thread to here, babes - in the chitchat section - this is my spiritual home now - I might paste it over to DH when I remember! lol
love love love ya
Day 10 - Sunday - That'll Learn Me!

Well I think I learnt the hard way not to binge on rubbish food!

Saturday night 1.30am - woken up with a very sore stomach and awful nausea. Spent 30 minutes sitting on the "sick stool" in our bathroom - leaning over the bowl thinking I was gonna die! Not actually sick but did think I was going to be! Crawled back to bed only to have a repeat performance at 3.30 am!

Woke up properly at 8am and could only face a cup of peppermint tea. Stomach is really bloated and a quick hop on the scales showed 10 stone 4.6lbs. Darn! 4lbs up on last Sunday. What a fool!

Took my tea and sat outside on the back step in the glorious sunshine and contemplated my "lapse". Realised that I have spent the whole of the foundation part of the programme in adaptive child. I thought I was being adult - nah - just afraid to be "naughty"! Yesterday the rebellious child took over and the adult hadn't had any experience and the adaptive child was bullied out of the way. Now that was a bit of a revelation to me. Whilst I have been doing the programme I haven't had anything seriously test me so Saturday was the first time. Boy did I crumble! I imagine it will happen many more times but each time I will use it as a learning experience.

It was lovely to sit outside with the dog on my lap, sun in our faces. I did wonder what the dog was thinking about and imagined it was probably next doors cat who he likes to bark at or next-door-but-one's dog Meg, who he is totally in love with. I doubt he was thinking of food at all. He's not too bothered about food at all. As the vet told me, he is "non-food driven". His food will go down and he will only eat when he is really hungry and then leave half a dozen morsels if he's full. It's a sad state of affairs when you can actually learn good eating habits from your dog!

The day actually turned out quite well. Very quiet and although I did have food on my mind most of the day I just quashed that chatterbox and ate my veggie snacks and lime jelly. Had a lovely tea and a lemon bar in the evening. Phew Sunday survived! Not the easiest day for me but progress none the less!
westiegirl said:
It's a sad state of affairs when you can actually learn good eating habits from your dog!

GET HIM ON HERE!!!!!!!! We need all the help we can get!

Oh my sweet Lord, Sarah - that bit made me larf!

Bless ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So sorry that you were poorly sick - but it's good in a way, innit, cos now you'll think twice about losing control of your chatterbox. And that can only be a good thing.

I loved your description of sitting in the sun with your dog wondering what he was thinking - I was almost there! (only you're 2 hours away from me)

Lots of love

Isobel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Day 11 - Monday - Phew That's Better

What the difference a day makes.....

Woke up feeling like a totally different person today. Not sure what has changed but such a positive attitude today. OK scales still at 10 stone 3.6lbs - so 1lb lost from yesterday. Not my lowest but hey, I can deal with that later!

Not at all hungry today. How weird! I didn't fancy my half a peanut bar at break time - just had a cup of coffee and ate it at 11.30am when I actually started to feel hungry.

Lunch was a vanilla coffee foodpack and a jelly. Veggie snack eaten at afternoon break and just before coming home. Didn't even eat my other half of the bar until I got home. Sat with a cup of coffee and read a magazine until 7pm when I made my tea. Wasn't overly hungry then either so I just had a small chicken breast and only part of my salad. Got a foodpack still left to go. It's a chocolate shake made into ice cream and I am quite looking forward to that now.

Maybe I did learn something from the dog about being non-food driven. Aye right! Come tomorrow when I'm obsessing again I'll remind myself of that comment!

It's still TOTM - I'm now a day late, so I wonder if my cycle is totally mixed up because I've started eating again? Who knows! Definately got PMS - was quite willing to beat up some tourists at the bus stop who got in my way because my bus was 25 minutes late. Then 2 turned up at the same time. I hate it when that happens! Oh well, only 16 more working days left to catch the bus before I'm free!

Good news is that I booked my train to the toon tonight. Arrive Friday at 1.30pm and leave Monday at 12.40pm. Fantastic - a nice long weekend and no work to worry about going back to!

Well I hope tomorrow is just as good!
You'd never get him back, doll - the kids would want to keep him!
So pleased you've booked your tickets - waheyy! Not long now, hey?

And I better get a move on and shift these lbs - you are way skinnier than me - nowt like a bit of healthy competition lol!

westiegirl said:
Realised that I have spent the whole of the foundation part of the programme in adaptive child. I thought I was being adult - nah - just afraid to be "naughty"! Yesterday the rebellious child took over and the adult hadn't had any experience and the adaptive child was bullied out of the way. Now that was a bit of a revelation to me. Whilst I have been doing the programme I haven't had anything seriously test me so Saturday was the first time. Boy did I crumble! I imagine it will happen many more times but each time I will use it as a learning experience.

That's what scares me. I am good at ssing but then I am good at doing as I am told and no good when it comes to using my own judgement :(

Sounds to me like you are putting what you learnt in foundation to good use though to be able to rationise what is happening now. I'm sure that you are in a great position to continue on through management and learn to control your weight :)
Day 12 Tuesday - PMS Cravings - Grrrrr!

It is true - each day is completely different to the next!

Felt quite hungry all day and had a food obsession - even though I wasn't hungry. What's that all about! Can only put it down to TOTM! Am now 3 days late so my blummin' cycle seems up the swany again. At least there's no way I can be up the swanny! No man = no worries! Although I'm sure I would trade some of the worries for a lovely man! Is there such a thing? I'm sure all you loved up guys and gals out there can confirm I will find the right one, every pot has a lid and all that! Without a social life my lid isn't on the near horizon! I do intend to change that with my move - party times will be a-coming. Although I was sitting and thinking on the bus it will be 15 years since I last went on a date. Yikes! I won't know what to do! TBH I'm actually quite scared of the thought! :eek: Oh well, no point thinking about that yet! Too much else on my plate at the moment.

Foodwise I stuck to the plan all day, but as I said, I did spend quite a lot of time thinking about food. I guess in a lot of ways it's to do with the stress of my situation at the moment. The next 6 weeks or so are going to be madness, but at the moment my hands are tied with regards to organising the move. The cafe sale is still not completed (fingers crossed this week!) and until it is we can't make any plans.

But I have started to make other plans. I have handed my notice in at work. My last working day is 24th August. The good news is that they have found someone to replace my although she can't start until 22nd August so I'll only have 2 days to train her! Yikes - Accounts for Dummies! Nah, she sounds cool and has done it all before, so I'm not worried about that! I only have 16 more working days to go!

I love August and hopefully this is gonna be a corker too! Pretty full schedule wise!

Edinburgh Festival starts this weekend. Hurrah - the city is always buzzing and I love it! My birthday is on the 17th, my leaving do from work on the 18th and a meal with pals for my birthday on the 19th. Have an interview for a job on 22nd (not going into details yet - don't want to jinx myself), finish work 24th and then the pinnacle of the month - VFBC in the toon from the 25th to the 28th!

I think I will need to move back to Llandudno for a rest not a party! Although that probably won't be too difficult - it does have quite a high retirement population!

Other good news of the day was that I weighed myself in the morning and I was back down to 10 stone 1.8lbs. Phew - hopefully no permanent binge damage done!

Just need things out of my control to getting moving, so I can firm things up. Both emotionally and physically! My tummy being one!!!!!!!:D
Hey darlin - lovely to hear you sound so upbeat!!!!!

Re the pots and lids thing - you know what I am going to say!!! Me - the bitter and cynical old hag who had decided never to bovver with blurkes again - now desperately in lurve with a real sweetie. Miracles do happen!!!!!

August is going to be a fantastic month for you, hun! Blimey - you won't know which way up you are but it's all GOOD!!!

I am so jealous of your weight today - jammy moo! lol But you've worked really hard for it, babes so I'm very very pleased for you. Just got to catch up with you now cos I've been so naughty the last few weeks!

You'll soon catch up! I know when you put your mind to something! You've been on holibags so allowances should be made! No point beating yourself up (as someone told after my binge on Saturday!). If you had a good time then that's that. We know what to do these days don't we! I don't know about you but I'm not giving up on this slim thing! Too much positive things have come out of it (sad fact of life that slim = others treat you better!).

You're gorgeous anyway but only you know what's right for you!
Bless ya, doll - am slowly putting the cream cake down...hehehehehe!
Yeah - you're right - there is no way I'm ever going back to the old Isobel. Or even let my BMI go over 25!!!! I've just got too much to lose if I relinquish control!

Hi Sarah, sorry I've not been posting much over the last few days.. busy with work and stuff:( I've just been reading your thread and I'm so impressed with how you're doing..you're really a great inspiration to me:) . I'm still floundering around trying to get my weight off and feeling bloated and cr*p as it is my TOTM also. I put 1.5lbs on on the scales today but I know its only fluid retention.. so I'll forget that and try to get through the day without eating everything in sight!!!!!! I usually manage to stay in control and scoff a couple of sugar free jelly pots if neccessary!!! at 8 cals each I suppose I can get away with them:eek:
You sound like you've got a full on month ahead, I hope you enjoy it, you certainly deserve to:) I look forward very much to the Toon at the end of the month and catching up with you properly:D
Much love as always xxxxxxx
Day 13 - Wednesday - Coping!

Coped today - just about! Although I've been so busy since then I can hardly remember this morning, let alone 2 days ago. So this will be a potted version of the day!

Management has settled into a nice routine this week. I'm really enjoying my food but the limited choice of salad is getting quite repetitive. I could happily eat chicken or quorn at every meal though, in fact before I started LL that's pretty much what I did eat. I don't like red meat anyway so that's a bonus.

The evening was difficult for me - mentally. Felt very p***** off because the cafe sale is STILL not completed! FFS! My Mum and Dad called and told me and my mood just plummeted. They were expecting it all to be sorted today and have not ordered anything from the suppliers. As they have nothing to sell they have decided not to open anymore. They are very tired so I don't blame them.

So sitting watching TV my mind wandered to food and I just didn't feel satisfied with a cuppa so I embarked on a binge - luckily just a sugar free jelly binge. Consumed 6 pots in quick succession and felt quite disappointed in myself. Felt I should have learnt something during foundation but I guess the learning starts now! I guess a 48 calorie binge ain't the end of the world!

Recognised I was tired though and went to bed and watched BB. Going for a better day on Thursday I hope!
Day 14 - Thursday - Where did the day go?

Thursday's are always manic I don't have time to think. That's good in lots of ways - no obsessive food thoughts in my head!

Spent my half hour lunch break in M & S getting a few bits for the new management week which starts tomorrow. Don't usually shop there but won't have time to shop this evening so hey, I'm treating myself!

After work I had my doctor's appointment. She thinks my dizziness and tiredness are due to my body adjusting to the new me, but wants me to have a blood test just to check my blood count to be on the safe side. So I have a blood test booked for Wednesday morning. Help! I'm petrified of needles! When I went on holiday to Africa a few years ago my ex had to book the appointment for our vaccinations in secret and tricked me into going! Oh well, I guess I'm best to just get it done. Want to be sure that everything is OK! Will report back on that next week!

Went home and still no rest for the wicked - had my tea and then had to go to my LL meeting. I really enjoyed it last night. I lost 2.2lb, which is good as I put on 1.6lbs last week. I'm now 10stone 4.4lbs at my meeting, so I'm pleased with that. If I can stay about there I will be happy!

We chatted about lapses last night - seems we had all had one in the previous week. We are all at different stages in the management programme but we all still have the same issues. Although the degree of lapsing was varying (including 1 lapse only being a small square of dark chocolate) but mentally we all felt we had eaten a horse. Our LLC asked us to think back to a binge pre LL, what would it have consisted of? Would we have stopped when we did? Would it have led to a total diet collapse? We all agreed that the lapses we had had been minor in the scheme of things and we have learnt something after all. We all managed to analyse our reasons for our lapses and none of them were to do with hunger (of course not!). So we discussed some coping strategies and I came home feeling renewed.

Phew! What a good day! Glad to get home and just chill though. Had a vanilla coffee foodpack and a muffin and felt surprisingly content! New management week starts tomorrow.
Day 15 - Friday - Ooh the Excitement!

Friday's are always an excitement - new week new food choices!

Minus side, down to 2 foodpacks but still only 1 meal, plus side lots of new vegetables to add and I can also cook them this week!

Everyone at the meeting last night told me that will make a big difference to my meal choices.

Had half a frozen lemon bar for morning break with a coffee. Lunch was the best though - used my veg snack. Had, get this, cherry tomatoes, carrot batons and pepper sticks! Absolutely-f******-lovely! Followed by a lovely raspberry jelly. Am nicely full but not stuffed. My evening meal is planned - Chicken Provencal with COOKED carrots and broccoli on the side. All that and BB eviction night! I am such a sad person aren't I - when this is what the highlight of my week consists of!

Will update later on my progress!
Keep it up Sarah. You are doing so well and I love reading about your experiences :D
Day 15 - Friday - Continued

Hi Chicken, thanks for your message of support. I enjoyed reading your thread on your clothes shopping experience. I know you'll get there!

Hi Mandy, thanks hun! You'll get there! You've just had so much on your plate recently that it makes it hard to concentrate sometimes but look at the difference from where you are now to where you were before you embarked on the bonkers diet! Keep strong - and you look gorgeous now anyway!

FFS it's crack of dawn and what the heck am I doing up this time on a Saturday morning updating my diary???? I should be asleep in bed still! :D I actually have a very busy day planned (all pleasurable/pampering stuff :D ) but I'll not go into that now, wouldn't want to "sneak preview" my Saturday entry would I?;) (Don't get too excited - it's not that big a deal - just "mundane" stuff that I enjoy).

Anyway, Friday!

Had a busy afternoon at work so I was glad to get home. I sat down with a cup of coffee and a jelly pot and read the paper. Now for me that is progress, being such a freak for instant gratification. Usually I want my tea, and I want it now! If I don't then I'll throw my toys out of the pram!!! But even with a nice meal in prospect I was just nicely chilled.

Made my tea about 7pm and it was nice to actually cook something! As I mentioned earlier I had chicken provencal with carrots and broccoli. Yey! I'm almost a normal person again!!!! It tasted so good and the best bit was that I got to sit down with my flatmate and enjoy a meal together. It's something we obviously haven't been able to do for 6 months and it will also be not long that we won't be able to do it either. :( I just want to enjoy these simple pleasures whilst I can!

BB was great although I really did think Mikey would make it to the end. Just shows how the public can turn on you if you have one bad week! Glad old snoozy is out. Is that woman a robot or what? Not sure about the old housemates going back. It's a bit old hat. Jon Tickle and all that! I guess we'll see what happens Tuesday!

I had my final pack of the day whilst watching the first BB show and once it was gone I began to get feelings of being deprived. Silly I know but once my last pack of the day has gone I mourn it! Have done it all through Foundation and whilst the first stage of management is so regimented I think the same will continue. The funny thing is that I was never an evening snacker before I started this diet. My danger time was always the time when I came home from work, when | would binge like crazy in replacement of a decent meal. I think the prospect of going without does really mess with your brain! My head thinks no food = starvation, when I'm certainly not undernourished - by a long shot!

My only choices left for the evening were hot drinks and jelly (and I had jellied myself out!) so I decided to distract myself instead. Using the time between the 2 BB shows I washed the evening meal pots and had a think about what was happening. I basically gave myself a good talking too (but in a nuturing manner I might add!). I have been trying to analyse the times when I MUST have food. So early in management I am still in ketosis and I do get some hunger pangs but generally hunger has not kicked in yet so I know I am not hungry. My mantra has recently become "so what do I really need?". Most of the time it has been stimulation (I get bored easily) or sleep (still feeling really tired a lot of the time). Last night I was obviously tired after a busy week and I knew I didn't need food and that I wasn't going to die by not eating something! So I made myself a nice cup of decaf coffee, sat down, watched the final part of BB and then went to bed. You know what? It felt great! I was in control and I felt proud of myself by delaying gratification and knowing I made positive choices to maintain this new body that I am enjoying so much. :D