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What are you scared of?

Mr Gilbo

Full Member
What are you scared of?

It was a question posed to me by a friend. One that I discovered was meant to open up an inner dialogue with myself. Maybe I did need to take one long hard look at myself, and listen to what I had to say. Well I had been ignoring that voice for such a long time now. It’s the voice that tells you what to do, or what you know you should be doing. I however tended to ignore it.

Yes, I might be following a healthy eating plan but I will have that chocolate cake, followed by that biscuit and the rest of the packet. It’s the same voice that tells you that you can’t do something, or that you are not good enough and that she is way out of your league. So you stare from afar, never approaching, never doing anything about, never making a change so small that it might do you some good.

One person I had the pleasure of sitting through their conference called it the tiger, a metaphor for choosing the easy option. Carry on eating the crap that got you to this place in the first place. Or in the case of the girl, ignore her completely, or become her friend even though you actually want more than just friendship. Suffice to say with the latter, those ladies are no longer in my life.

So what is it that I am scared of? I can think of several answers, maybe one of them is the correct one. But, then again all of them could be!

We as a species do not like change. We get comfortable, build a nest of our insecurities and other baggage and don’t like to come out. Well to do so would be admitting to oneself that you were wrong. Although I will happily admit I am not happy with my life, I do not like change! But staying where I currently am will not be indicative to a long a happy life. I suffer from backache, knee ache, ankles swell up and the feet hurt if I walk too far. I get out of breath quickly, and I am always hot and sweaty. It’s not pleasant but why am I resistant to change?

Maybe I am scared of what I will become. A voyage into the unknown if what I will end up embarking on if I want to lose all of my weight. Will I change for the better or for the worse?! I cannot tell this without getting on that preverbal wagon that all dieters seem to talk about. See the journey to the end as it were.

What happens when you reach the end? I weigh I would guess at approximately 29 stone. So I would need to lose 16 stone. At the end of that journey I would be faced with a lot of saggy skin. I certainly wouldn’t find that attractive, and I doubt neither would someone else. Maybe I am wrong, I have been told that it’s the personality that deems compatibility and long-term survivability in the relationship stakes. But, I feel that attraction needs to be there initially.

I do worry about appearances; I have been told that I do have a good sense of style. I look longing at clothing that I cannot wear due to my size, or perhaps my sexual orientation. Whoever heard of a straight man wearing a sparkly suit that wasn’t performing on stage! Lol

Everyone wants to be accepted in life, we all seek reassurance from family and friends throughout our lives. I need to know that I am loved, that there are those who care for me, and wish the best for me.

I can only remember me ever being large. I vividly remember having to have the school blazer ordered in specially. I don’t however remember the taunts at school. Perhaps I was lucky and the kids picked on someone else, or I am suppressing these memories.

I recall at the age of 13 being taken to Weight Watchers by my Nana. It didn’t work for me. The first of many failed diets I have tried. I did briefly succeed back in 2002/03 with Slimming World where I lost 7st 3lbs and got down to 19st. But since then I have tried and failed on occasions far too numerous to count, or remember. But the number of those Slimming World folders I can see whilst I type is four. Probably the number of times I re-joined last year! On each occasion I could always make it past the first few weeks. Usually racking up a total weight lost of 2st before I would fall off that wagon. I would always put back on what I lost and more. Cumulating in what I am today, the heaviest I have ever been.

So what now? What can I do to halt this? What do I need to reverse this? Is Lighter Life the answer that I am seeking? I know that the effort will have to be put in; otherwise I will fail again.

My initial consultation is tomorrow. Yes I am scared and nervous about it. I certainly don’t think I could do anymore research on the programme. Did I answer my friends posing question? Maybe, maybe not. This isn’t something that I am going to be answer in one journal entry. It will take time for me to discover the truth, find out my failing, and to be able to accept myself. I am grateful that I have friends who will hold my hand along the way.

I am what I am.
 
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AliGal

Eating Like A Bear
Mr G, what a good and thoughtful post. I just wanted to say good luck with your appointment.

Ali
 

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
Excellent post and I intend coming back to this again as there is so much in it I can relate to.

Good luck with your appointment and looking forward to reading more of your deep thoughts Mr Gilbo:)
 

karen0308

Full Member
Good luck Mr G , hope all goes great for you today i was also nervous but once you get the initial meeting out of the way you will be fine im sure x
 

jenm

Full Member
Good luck with your journey! I too can relate to a lot you talked about in your post. Look forward to hearing how you get on xx
 

Mr Gilbo

Full Member
Thank you for your kind comments. I am afraid this one won't be so deep and meaningful. I will save that up for later.

Just back from the initial consultation meeting. Nothing really shocking in it, you learn so much from this forum and the LighterLife one.

One small note of concern is my GP. They have been unwilling to sign the forms in the past. And the practice Manager (whom I normally go see) won't even speak to the LLC about why they won't sign them. But I have to go and try.
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Hi Mr G, Your post struck a chord with me. despite being just 3 stone over weight when i started, I still had all the same insecurities and worries. Although my journey is shorter it is still the same. I had fears that I would become a different person and one which i wouldn't like. Or that other people wouldn't relate to me in the same way. I questioned my motivation (vanity, health, expectation?). I wondered if I could really stick to it.

it turns out that so far (four weeks) I can stick to it, all I am getting is positive feedback from others and for the most part I am happy with myself. I am still getting used to the changes, but I know it will come in time.

With regard to your doctor, I suggest printing off some of the research available online. especially those you find on the LL website. There are some impressive studies available. One in particular which shows that a VLCD can reverse diabetes (type 2) in just a few weeks.

The funny thing is that your doctor must see that the conventional approach hasn't worked for you and should be ashamed of himself if he expects that telling you to eat less and exercise more is good advice. if that advice worked - we would all be thin...

Good luck!
 

Spanglymum

Gold Member
Mr G, good luck with getting the forms signed. Is there more than one GP at the practice? If one says no, it doesn't mean they all will.

I really liked your post. Have you read any of the "rational recovery" material? They describe the "addictive voice", and identifying where thoughts are coming from is very helpful when trying to control an unwanted behaviour. Similar to what you were writing about I think. They suggest reframing thoughts, so instead of "I want an XYZ" you think "It wants an XYZ", so you start to distance yourself from any compulsive behaviours and listen more to your rational, adult mind (the voice you said you'd been ignoring).

There's a lot more to it than that but I thought it might strike a chord with you. Good luck with LL! It's fab!
 

Mr Gilbo

Full Member
My doctors has refused to sign my LighterLife form, it's policy of the practice. They are against VLCD and want you to loose weight in a more conviention manner. I'm sorry doc if I could have done that then I would have already done that. I am not a serial dieter by choice you know! Grrr....
 

jenm

Full Member
You can someone from the pharmacy (lloyds I think) to sign it for you but it'll cost about £30/£40 x
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Oh dear - I went to Superdrug and had my form signed, but they will only do it if you are not on medication. If you are on any drugs for diabetes, blood pressure etc you can't do it at superdrug.

Mr G you need to talk to your counsellor and see what your options are. Perhaps they have a private doc you can go to.

Funnily enough, today i went to Lloyds to get my BP done and they wouldn't do it because the are not "licensed" to accept LL clients...load of b.. as far as i am concerned. They are just all worried that we will drop dead or something and they will be sued for facilitating it in some way.

The thing is that we don't have to sign a waiver when we buy chocolate, soft drinks, processed foods, alcohol or cigarettes yet they do us more harm than anything else in this world. LL is helpful to our health - why can't they see that?
 

sexychick

Slim,slim,slim!
Hi Mr Gilbo,
Just read your post wow!
Has your councillor managed to sort anything out for you,did you get your form sighed?
good luck!:)
Sexy xx
 

Mr Gilbo

Full Member
I had to go see a private GP to have the form signed. But it has been done and I have the joining session this Saturday at 11. Eek!

One of the girls at work said I would be shaggable by Christmas. Kinda direct and too the point I guess. But I suppose it is something I have faced my entire adult life. Kinda like Damien in this season Biggest Loser UK. She said I was perfect bf/marriage material with only one problem. My size!

Yes it is annoying that this is the case, but it is true. I have had many remarks over the years that have touched on this subject. Unfortunately in life we are bombaded with images of beautiful people, and if you don't fit in then tough.

So roll on the weekend. I am ready for a new start. I think it is the new start I need!
 

sexychick

Slim,slim,slim!
Hi glad you got your form signed.

Hope you session goes ok on sat,and good luck again when you start your journey!:)

You will show them,it will be so worth it!!:):)


Sexy xx
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
I hope your work colleague said that in the nicest possible way! The thing is that when we are overweight sometimes we don't always let people see that real person inside. It sounds as though your inner personality has shined through anyway, which is great.

But at the same time i believe that you should be loved for who you are not what you look like. Shame your friend couldn't see past your size.

But if you get comments like that now, think how it will improve as your confidence does. Not only will you be looking your best, but you will have learnt a lot about yourself on the way. yes, that does make a man into good marriage material. Showing you can deal with a problem and a sensitive one is something women love!
 

Mr Gilbo

Full Member
Good afternoon to one and all.

I am just back from my joining session. All weighed in and photos done. I start tomorrow morning, and have enough food packs to get me till my Monday evening session.

Looking forward to starting this now. I currently weigh the heaviest I have ever done :'(

What I have noticed over the last week whenever I mention about LighterLife most people haven't heard of it. You explain it and they are shock and say it's unhealthy. But as soon as you mention Pauline Quirk then they have seen her on that advert and suddenly everything is ok!!! People are really odd aren't they!
 

Jane23

Member
Good luck on your journey i'm on day 2 and trying to keep as busy as possible, knowing that getting the first few days out of the way is the hardest then if its anything like last time it was a breeze.

I never told anyone i was doing LL last time they just thought i was having soup for work at lunch and cutting down. Don't let people put you off everyone has an opinion sometimes negative, i work with mostly men i'm a scientist and they would have pulled the diet to pieces as they did when i did WW, none of them are over weight its simply food in and you burn it off, as if its that simple ha

The oddest thing i encountered some people were negative about my weight loss last time don't let that get you down, they are just frightened of you changing from their big friend.
 

Mr Gilbo

Full Member
Ok. So it is the first day of the plan. The plan I intend to stick to through thick and thin. Unfortunately, the porridge pack was so disgusting that I struggled to force it down. I know the counsellor warned me it was like baby food, but I had seen some feedback on here and the LighterLife forum that is was nice(ish).

I think that it probably is going to be one of the hardest things, that is finding out which packs you like. Kinda think that they should have a taste test of the packs for new members. Especially in January, they must have loads of potential clients. And it would help you figure out what you want to try, without spending so much money just to find the food pack is horrid and a starving dog wouldn't eat it!
 




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