I'm still finding out all the things that caused me to gain weight in my teens! Aside from genetics, I mean. I'm sort of angry that it's taken an entire decade of adulthood for me to finally see with any clarity what's been happening with me emotionally.
Oh, man, when I look back. Everything in my family was repressed. I was taught to swallow my feelings, never ever show them. Whether it be exuberance, enthusiasm, sorrow or anger- hide it. I mean it's CLASSIC eating-your-feelings stuff. I ate til it hurt, because there was- and sometimes still is- what feels like a hole inside. My CBT therapist said that trying to fill it with food won't work, because the hole isn't hunger and food isn't emotions. But it does work, briefly. Of course it does, that's why emotional overeaters do it. If I stuff myself to bursting point, it kills the emotional pain.
There are times, even now, when saying how I really feel is very, very difficult. I feel like I have an emotional stammer! I try to speak it, but have to take several run-ups before I get it out properly. Particularly admitting when I'm wrong, I find that so hard.
And I went through my entire twenties not realising there was a problem, staying varying degrees of obese, and unhappy, and thinking this was adulthood! What a numpty.