Whole life turned upside-down

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by KittenKat, 3 October 2011 Social URL.

  1. KittenKat

    KittenKat Operation Hottie Kidnap

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    OH decided to surprise me on Wednesday evening and tell us that we were over and he wanted to split up. :cry:

    I took an emergency couple of days off work and went to spend the weekend with my parents, thought it was best just to get out of the house and have some space away from him for a couple of days. Got back yesterday and the atmosphere is really tense and horrid.

    Took today off also and went to view an annex, very close to where I work, as it's OH's house and I have to move out. The annex works out a little more than I wanted to pay but far preferable to being in a houseshare I guess.

    Sorry all, just needed to get it off my chest... when someone tells you they no longer love you after 4 years together (would have been our 4 year anniversay in just under 2 weeks) it kinds throws everything all to heck and back. I moved to Bristol to be with him 3 years ago and apart from people at work, I don't know anyone around here. If I could have afforded to I would have upped sticks altogether and gone back to live near my parents in Wales, but I have a reasonable job here and in the current climate really can't just jack that in.

    Sorry, I'll stop depressing everyone now!
     
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  3. Addibelle

    Addibelle A happy downward spiral

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    Aww Im so sorry to hear your horrible news.

    Stay strong. You are doing the right thing and really you are better off without if thats how he feels. Think about if you were married and had to split a mortgage and divorce and everything.

    At least this way you can give yourself some time to grieve but then pick yourself up and keep going.

    And if you cant pick yourself up, there are lots of people here who will do there best to help!

    Hope something better happens for you soon!

    *hugs*
     
  4. Missjlouise

    Missjlouise Silver Member

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    I'm so sorry

    I found out my ex was cheating got made redundant from a job I love and had a break down within a space of 3 months 2 years ago.

    It all seems so daunting now but just take things really slow in your head. Its such a horrible lonely place to be in anyway never mind living that far from family.

    I'm so sorry your going through all of this. I hope you can find it in you to make a fresh start and one day look back and see this as a stepping stone to better your life! Im not saying the pain is easy to get over but you become a stronger and a much better person when you deal with it properly

    If you ever need someone to talk to just drop me a line
     
  5. wenchie

    wenchie Silver Member

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    I didn't want to read and run - I'm sorry that things have worked out this way, it sucks, just completely and utterly sucks and you have all my sympathy right now.

    I'm glad you've probably found somewhere to live, that gets the basics sorted, and remember to really look after yourself right now; you've lost the future you thought you were going to have so there's a grieving process to go through for that and your ex turned out to be not quite the man you thought he was (iyswim? Doesn't mean he was terrible or anything, but just not on the same page you thought he was) and you need to get your head around that, and that stuff all takes time.

    You will get better though, stronger and happier, I promise, but for right now *hugs* (and vent all you need to, it helps and you're not the only one that's been in a similar position).
     
  6. Gumbootlou

    Gumbootlou Full Member

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    Hi,
    I really feel for you. I have been in exactly the same situation. I'd moved to Dudley after Uni instead of going back to North Wales becuase I met a man and fell head over heels and decided to start again down here (he was originally from Dudley) leaving everything I knew behind. One day he came home and said it was over after we'd been living together about 2 years. I didn't really know anyone except for the people I worked with and like you, had my job down here and decided to give it a go an see how I got on on my own. I did move into a sharehouse though as I couldn't afford anything on my own and to be honest, it was a good thing for me as it got me out and about and meeting new people who were friends of my housemates. It took a while but after I got used to being single again I had 3 really good years on my own, made some brilliant friends and realised that my relationship wasn't all I believed it to be.
    I met my husband 11 years ago now and I've never looked back. It's corny but it was love at first sight and we moved in together after 2 weeks!! I know they say everything happens for a reason and in this case I agree. My relationship with my husband is a millions times better than it ever was with my ex and we've been together so long now and it just keeps getting better and better.
    Hang in there and keep your chin up. I'm sure you'll go through some really angry phases for a while like I did but I promise, it won't last too long and you'll soon get your life back on track.
    Good Luck :)
     
  7. xMandyDx

    xMandyDx Determination is Key

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    *hugs*
    I feel awful for you. This happened to me a year and a half ago. Hubby said he wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted to split. So we split. A few months later, we went on a few dates, and ended up back together... but those months were the hardest of my life. I actually left a tampon in for 4 days, totally forgetting it was my time of the month, and only copped on when I got a really bad infection. That's how all over the place my head was. I couldn't sleep/eat/laugh/look after my home or kids properly... it was simply the worst time of my life.
    But by the time we actually got it back together, I was pretty okay with being single. I loved him still so decided to chance it, and today we're happier than ever.

    Everything does happen for a reason.
    You may not know what the reason for this is for a long time, but I promise one day you'll look back, smile and say to yourself..."oh so THAT'S why!"
    Until then, chin up, find a new hobby to meet some new friends and make a new life for YOU. x x
     
  8. 888sally888

    888sally888 Full Member

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    You poor thing - thats horrible and I know because the same thing happened with me 11 years ago. My husband of 11 years suddenly announced that he didnt want to be married anymore. My girls were 8 and 10. We moved, I went back to work and he married my best friend. Sounds like a story in "Take a Break" lol.

    Anyway, I brought up my girls who are both now at uni and am totally loved up with a MUCH better man.

    Its hard now but you WILL be ok and life will gradually get better.

    Sending you love x
     
  9. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Some men are tossers! But you will grow stronger and learn how to be without him.... First thing widen your circle of friends. I wish you love luck and happiness! Xxxx

    Oh and cayenne pepper in his undies is called for I reckon!
     
  10. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Normal service has resumed Shirleen !!!!

    Personally I would check if they still sell itching powder in the joke shops and all his clothes would be cpated with it.

    On a more serious note. My ex announced after 20 years of marriage that he wanted a divorce and me out of our beautiful farmhouse as soon as possible. I was devastated.

    In hindsight it was the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I met and married my darling Paul and we have been married 26 years next month. He is my reward in life.

    At the time it is not just the loss of a love you thought was permanent it is a whole new way of life. You lose your lifestyle and your home and the fear is awful.

    It will get better I promise you and the sun will come out again.

    In the meantime buy that itching powder. I put all my ex's clothes in the midden with the cow muck lol.

    By the way he is now so miserable, on his own and no one wants him not even our son.

    Keep your head held high and as Shirleen suggested make more friends, get out and enjoy your life.

    hugs :bighug:
     
  11. Bunnylush

    Bunnylush Gold Member

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    I'm really sorry,you'll be fine chick ,he doesn't deserve you xxx
     
  12. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Sounds like you are actually dealing with it better than you think you are...going to look at a place and spending some time away etc
    Hope you get through this patch to the other side and whatever it may bring xxx
     
  13. Morgawr

    Morgawr Silver Member

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    I am so sorry that this has happened to you and am sending you big hugs :bighug: and to let you know that I am thinking of you
     
  14. Pearly0505

    Pearly0505 Full Member

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    HUGS
    Ive just moved back to Bristol after a year and a half away and feeling a bit out of the loop. If you need any local support give me a shout! More than happy to help and support if you need it.
    Hope things settle down for you soon.
     
  15. KittenKat

    KittenKat Operation Hottie Kidnap

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    Hi all

    Thank you all sooo much for your kind words, they brought a very rare smile to my face.

    KK
     
  16. Bunnylush

    Bunnylush Gold Member

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    That's a lovely offer there,new start ,new friends x
     
  17. KittenKat

    KittenKat Operation Hottie Kidnap

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    It was an awesome offer and she's been an absolute star this afternnon lending me a shoulder :)
     
  18. Bunnylush

    Bunnylush Gold Member

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    Aww that's lovely x
     
  19. tallsarah

    tallsarah Silver Member

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    Already you are finding the positives, a new friend, just one of many to look forward to.
     
  20. KittenKat

    KittenKat Operation Hottie Kidnap

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    Well, fingers crossed I will be signing a tenancy agreement for somewhere to live tomorrow... that's one thing off my mind at least!

    And I have family and friends lined up with an extra car and van for next weekend for the big move. Means I can move stuff in bit at a time next week in the evenings, and then it'll just be the big stuff to move in next Saturday.

    Have a doctors appointment this afternoon as since this happened I've barely slept each night (abut an hour a night) and have barely eaten (anything I have tends to make a re-appearance). Yesterday I was a right mess, shaking, dizzy, passing out, so I think it's time to admit defeat and see what the doctor says. May not give me anything or refer me for counselling, but we'll see.

    Have group tonight but not sure whether I'll go or not - not sure I can put a brave face on really and walk in with the ex, but we'll see.

    Huge thanks for your supportive comments and even huger thanks to Pearly who has just been so awesome over the last few days!
     
  21. Pearly0505

    Pearly0505 Full Member

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    im so glad things are slotting into place slowly but surely.
    and your more than welcome my dear =] =] :grouphugg::girlpower:
     
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