Would you date a person...

[ZenDogNine]

I hope I don't get a negative response for this because it's just a thought really.

I am obese (Size 20/22) and my boyfriend is slim and does a lot of exercise/eats healthy. He met and fell in love with me when I was big. But he was happiest with me when I lost 5 stone and was a Size 14/16 (not slim!). Now I am about 17st 7lb again and he still loves me but...

...he misses the 'smaller' me. When I lost 5 stone I smiled more, I laughed more, I was more playful, more interested in sex, less focused on being negative, had more confidence, cared about my own health (ate well, exercised a lot and even did a triathlon) - in short, I was the best version of myself he had ever known and he was crazy about me. He is sad because he has lost that 'me' - not because I was slimmer, looked better etc, but because of all the other stuff. He wants that back because, as much as I get defensive and say 'Oh, but I am the same person so if someone likes me slim and doesn't like me big then they can jog on' - for me, the truth is, I wasn't the same person!

I want him to marry me - but my weight and lifestyle and eating habits mean that he has a greater chance of being forced into dealing with illness and impairment caused by those things. I want a baby and so does he, but our chances are smaller because I am so overweight so I may struggle to conceive, and if I did conceive without issues, my pregnancy is possibly more dangerous for me and my baby because of my weight and that would cause him worry and concern - and if we were really lucky and neither of those were an issue - when the baby is here I would be able to do less with him or her because my weight is limiting because I am simply not as fit or healthy.

I would not date me if I were a man...and I am not sure that I would date a man who was significantly overweight. That does sound very wrong, I know, but being overweight does place stresses on a relationship that would possibly not be there otherwise. I of all people know how harsh that sounds - because I am the significantly overweight person. I really hope this makes sense and I don't sound like a terrible person!

 

[strawberry]

I hope I don't get a negative response for this because it's just a thought really.

I am obese (Size 20/22) and my boyfriend is slim and does a lot of exercise/eats healthy. He met and fell in love with me when I was big. But he was happiest with me when I lost 5 stone and was a Size 14/16 (not slim!). Now I am about 17st 7lb again and he still loves me but...

...he misses the 'smaller' me. When I lost 5 stone I smiled more, I laughed more, I was more playful, more interested in sex, less focused on being negative, had more confidence, cared about my own health (ate well, exercised a lot and even did a triathlon) - in short, I was the best version of myself he had ever known and he was crazy about me. He is sad because he has lost that 'me' - not because I was slimmer, looked better etc, but because of all the other stuff. He wants that back because, as much as I get defensive and say 'Oh, but I am the same person so if someone likes me slim and doesn't like me big then they can jog on' - for me, the truth is, I wasn't the same person!

I want him to marry me - but my weight and lifestyle and eating habits mean that he has a greater chance of being forced into dealing with illness and impairment caused by those things. I want a baby and so does he, but our chances are smaller because I am so overweight so I may struggle to conceive, and if I did conceive without issues, my pregnancy is possibly more dangerous for me and my baby because of my weight and that would cause him worry and concern - and if we were really lucky and neither of those were an issue - when the baby is here I would be able to do less with him or her because my weight is limiting because I am simply not as fit or healthy.

I would not date me if I were a man...and I am not sure that I would date a man who was significantly overweight. That does sound very wrong, I know, but being overweight does place stresses on a relationship that would possibly not be there otherwise. I of all people know how harsh that sounds - because I am the significantly overweight person. I really hope this makes sense and I don't sound like a terrible person!

No negative response from me, I was trying to think of a response to post in here about this but you have basically taken the words out of my mouth.

 

[Llamasoks]

...he misses the 'smaller' me. When I lost 5 stone I smiled more, I laughed more, I was more playful, more interested in sex, less focused on being negative, had more confidence, cared about my own health (ate well, exercised a lot and even did a triathlon) - in short, I was the best version of myself he had ever known and he was crazy about me. He is sad because he has lost that 'me' - not because I was slimmer, looked better etc, but because of all the other stuff. He wants that back because, as much as I get defensive and say 'Oh, but I am the same person so if someone likes me slim and doesn't like me big then they can jog on' - for me, the truth is, I wasn't the same person!

I completely get this, because I'm the same, I miss this version of me, so I'm sure my OH does too.

I'd not date someone who was specifically only interested in me BECAUSE I was skinny, but I do understand not wanting to date someone because you're not sexually attracted to them, realistically you can't help who you're attracted to, likewise, I wouldn't want to date someone with horribly bad skin, but that's my own hang up - would I tell them that, or hurt their feelings? Never in a million years, and as guilty as I'd feel about the lack of sexual attraction if I was genuinely into the person, I'm not going to apologise for how I feel when those feelings happen naturally without my permission!

I think the difference is if someone is interested as you as a person and wont date you specifically because of your eating habits, but would if you were different, that's out of order - especially telling them that, but if you've say only just met or as a blind date, I don't think a person can be blamed for having a preference. I've never been attracted to a blonde man, it doesn't mean I'd not date one purely because of his hair colour, but if someone showed me a picture of someone to "set me up with" my first response would probably be "not really my type".

 

[AskLinda]

One word NO! I don't want to be with anyone that shallow. Love Chezz answer above lol

 

[Stackhead]

No, I wouldn't date someone who had previously rejected me due to weight. I'd constantly be worried about gaining weight and therefore losing him. Not worth it in my opinion.

Generally, everyone has a physical type yes BUT overall most people are attracted to people who like themselves. If you don't like yourself you're going to be negative and down and quite frankly who wants to be around that?

It just so happens being overweight greatly increases the chances of you not liking yourself.