Yesterday: How much came from me ?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by slendablenda, 15 March 2009 Social URL.

  1. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Yesterday - we decided to have Mother's Day a week early to avoid the rush next Sunday.
    I was very anxious about what to wear to go and see my Mum. Appearances are very important to her. Thin people are "good", fat people are "bad".
    She has been very supportive and encouraging while I've been on LL, but is a person who eats very little, weighs herself every day (she's 86), will just eat yogurt for a day if she puts on half a kilo.
    I wanted to dress to please her, so decided on a "grown up" classic outfit - put it on, felt frumpy, so changed into jeans and skinny jumper, felt too casual, so changed into long skirt same as BLs, boots, funky top, the sun came out, felt too hot!! so changed into a mini dress, ribbed tights, suede cowboy boots.
    I felt good, but expected criticism from my mum that the outfit was too young for me.
    No way - she said she didn't recognise my profile as I walked towards her, how great I looked, I'd shed 20 years and wrinkles as well. She couldn't stop telling me how proud she was of me.
    We went into town, we were with my OH too. She wanted to go to Wetherspoons for lunch. I said I'd just have coffee and water and she went into a long schpeel to try and get me to eat something with them. I reminded her I was doing LL for a year and hadn't eaten with her during that time, but she went on and on, wouldn't it be a shame not to eat together etc, etc,.
    Sabotage? I don't know.
    Did I give in -yes. I had crayfish salad which was fine, the dressing was separate.
    I gave it to her!
    Afterwards we walked round the charity shops. I got some clothes (surprise!)
    Enjoyed showing her they were size 8!
    We did have a lovely day, I DID enjoy being with her, I am very proud of her as I'm sure she is of me, but I cannot stop analysing both our behaviour. i KNOW some of my weight issues stem from my relationship with her. But the fantastic change is that I no longer "blame" either of us.
    It's just as it is and it's up to me to deal with it.
    Interestingly I took my camera, but forgot to take any pics.
    Sorry to go on, but I wonder if any of you have had similar issues?
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  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Morning sunshine. :)

    I cannot fault my mom or dad at all - neither of them ever made me feel less then beautiful. (I just never ever believed tham) They were/are wonderful. If anyone in my family did any negative stuff to my pshyce it was my brothers and their friends.

    They don't remember of course, but when you are a little girl, and they call you "tons of fun" all the time, it rather sticks with you. But can't fault mom or dad.

    I suppose the only thing my mom did was made me feel self conscious about wearing shirts tucked in - she always wanted them to hang over my trousers. I don;t know why.

    But I remember clear as day, one time when I was about 13 trying a shirt tucked in my jeans with a belt and I was so happy how it looked, and wondered what all the fuss was about. In my excitement, Iburst from my room and said, "Mom! Look! I have a shirt tucked in with a belt and it looks good!" and I remember her srutinising it and not looking pleased. SO I suppose that started my self consciousness about tucking things in and showing my waist.

    But other then that they never made me feel bad. There is nothing about my weight that I can blame on them. I was relaly very lucky - my folks wanted children so badly and couldn;t have them - so me and my two bros were all adopted (different birth moms) and all they did was love us and encuorage us. I am very very lucky, and have always known that. :)

    Glad you had a good day - I bet you looked beautiful, and I am glad your mum appreciated that. :)

  4. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Hi SB I can really empathise with you in relation to looking for your mums approval.

    I hope that one day my mum will tell me she is proud of me instead of letting me know that I constantly let her down.
    Last edited: 25 March 2009
    Blonde Logic likes this.
  5. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Thanks Ladies

    for your replies -all so different and interesting. Isn't it fascinating the ways in which we use f**d to address so many different issues.
    It definitley fulfills a type of comfort or coping strategy for most of us with weight issues.
    So how do slim people cope? Do they just cope or do they turn to some other method to help them through difficult times?
    The CBT/psychology intrigues me, but I know I'll never totally understand it.........:confused:
  6. Huseyin

    Huseyin Silver Member

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    Lighter Life
    It certainly is SB.

    Yesterday i felt boredom creeping in and i know that is when i eat.

    Slim people cope with it because thy dont use it as an outlet they have another vice. Remember you have been overweight and practised being good at it. Now its time to break the habit and think abou other avenues to vent emotion.

    Remember its only a habit.
  7. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Thanks H

    I wasn't practising - I was an EXPERT !!!
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