5 days into changing my life. . .

[demonp]

So, its been a long time since i did a diary entry...not really sure why. I think i see it as a bit of a box now where i have entered some of the crap from my head and now i just want to leave it there. Does that make any sense? No,not really. Anyway,last week i lost 7lbs which i was over the moon with-my biggest loss. In total im at 23lbs in 5 weeks-week 6 wi tomorrow. Not expecting a big loss tomorrow especially as is is totm. What really worries me though, is that i am now about half way to my target area and my legs and bum don't really look any different. What if they don't ever get slim? I will still be stuck with the same probs as i have now. No clothes will fit properly so shopping will still be hideous. I will still have to keep my legs covered all the time so still no shorts or above the knee skirts. I know this sounds trivial but i have not worn these things since i was 6 so it is kind of a big deal for me. Plus, i really want to be able to comfortably be able to wear my swimmers in public so that i can take my boys any where. So,i send a message to the diet angels-please can you start taking the fat from my bum and legs-i really don't need it anymore thanks! Have taken the day off work today so after some pampering Im going to attempt to buy a couple of new items of clothes. Im in a cold sweat just thinking about it-i really do hate shopping. I see things that look gorgeous put them on and they transform into the most hideous thing in the world. And then, there is that terrible moment when you are looking through the racks,deep in concentration, when you realise you have wondered into the petite section. You back away quickly hoping no one saw-but them you see her, the mocking shop assistant looking at you, eyebrows raised and a smirk on her face. How i would love to stick a clothes hanger through her perfectly styled hair and hang her up in petites! Right, better start getting myself ready. Wish me luck with my shopping-if you hear that a woman was arrested in a shop in Hampshire today for assaulting a shop assistant, you will know that it didn't go too well! Take care everyone. Happy slimming. Toodles. X x x

 

[LeaE]

So, its been a long time since i did a diary entry...not really sure why. I think i see it as a bit of a box now where i have entered some of the crap from my head and now i just want to leave it there. Does that make any sense? No,not really. Anyway,last week i lost 7lbs which i was over the moon with-my biggest loss. In total im at 23lbs in 5 weeks-week 6 wi tomorrow. Not expecting a big loss tomorrow especially as is is totm. What really worries me though, is that i am now about half way to my target area and my legs and bum don't really look any different. What if they don't ever get slim? I will still be stuck with the same probs as i have now. No clothes will fit properly so shopping will still be hideous. I will still have to keep my legs covered all the time so still no shorts or above the knee skirts. I know this sounds trivial but i have not worn these things since i was 6 so it is kind of a big deal for me. Plus, i really want to be able to comfortably be able to wear my swimmers in public so that i can take my boys any where. So,i send a message to the diet angels-please can you start taking the fat from my bum and legs-i really don't need it anymore thanks! Have taken the day off work today so after some pampering Im going to attempt to buy a couple of new items of clothes. Im in a cold sweat just thinking about it-i really do hate shopping. I see things that look gorgeous put them on and they transform into the most hideous thing in the world. And then, there is that terrible moment when you are looking through the racks,deep in concentration, when you realise you have wondered into the petite section. You back away quickly hoping no one saw-but them you see her, the mocking shop assistant looking at you, eyebrows raised and a smirk on her face. How i would love to stick a clothes hanger through her perfectly styled hair and hang her up in petites! Right, better start getting myself ready. Wish me luck with my shopping-if you hear that a woman was arrested in a shop in Hampshire today for assaulting a shop assistant, you will know that it didn't go too well! Take care everyone. Happy slimming. Toodles. X x x

Ha ha ha I will come bail u out hunny lol xc good luck shopping hope it goes well I'm not quite at the point yet where I will shop still making do with what I have x do u exercise to try and shrink yr problem areas I was told by many my bum and legs won't really slim unless I exercise ! Typical !!!! Good luck for today tc x lea

 

[demonp]

Ha ha ha I will come bail u out hunny lol xc good luck shopping hope it goes well I'm not quite at the point yet where I will shop still making do with what I have x do u exercise to try and shrink yr problem areas I was told by many my bum and legs won't really slim unless I exercise ! Typical !!!! Good luck for today tc x lea

Phew thanks-good to know i would be bailed! To be honest, i have cut down on the exercise i do since starting this diet but i might start to increase it again to try to sort these wobbles out. A few million squats a day should help too! Ohhh, you are nearly at the end of your shift now-sweet dreams! X x

 

[WillpowerWoman]

Hey where in Hampshire you from? Me too

 

[demonp]

Hey where in Hampshire you from? Me too

Im in between Southampton and Portsmouth-where are you? X

 

[demonp]

Good news-i didn't assault any shop assistants! I went to the other extreme yesterday and found myself looking at maternity clothes by mistake-don't know if that is better or worse than petite? Managed to get a few bits from the outlet village.,including a shift dress from next. Not brave enough to wear it till i have toned my legs up but small steps. Then thought i would go and get some cheap jeans from m&s. Now the 16 john rocha jeans that i have are too big. . .but the m&s 16 were too small! So i didn't buy any out of principle-no way am i going to buy a bigger size after all this s**t! So a mixed shopping trip-not too hideous. Pampering session also a mixed success-girl doing it decided to tell me all about her marriage break up! Not exactly what you want to hear during a facial that you have booked to relax! Anyway, hope she felt better afterwards! Wi tonight-not expecting to lose as totm and had big loss last week. Still feel slightly scared when i look at all those steps we have to get through. I know that i now have less of a journey to go than other-but this has been a 5 year process! Over 8 stone lost, 2 and a bit to go! Then just the small matter of keeping it off! X

 

[WillpowerWoman]

Im in between Southampton and Portsmouth-where are you? X

Southampton

 

[WillpowerWoman]

Good news-i didn't assault any shop assistants! I went to the other extreme yesterday and found myself looking at maternity clothes by mistake-don't know if that is better or worse than petite? Managed to get a few bits from the outlet village.,including a shift dress from next. Not brave enough to wear it till i have toned my legs up but small steps. Then thought i would go and get some cheap jeans from m&s. Now the 16 john rocha jeans that i have are too big. . .but the m&s 16 were too small! So i didn't buy any out of principle-no way am i going to buy a bigger size after all this s**t! So a mixed shopping trip-not too hideous. Pampering session also a mixed success-girl doing it decided to tell me all about her marriage break up! Not exactly what you want to hear during a facial that you have booked to relax! Anyway, hope she felt better afterwards! Wi tonight-not expecting to lose as totm and had big loss last week. Still feel slightly scared when i look at all those steps we have to get through. I know that i now have less of a journey to go than other-but this has been a 5 year process! Over 8 stone lost, 2 and a bit to go! Then just the small matter of keeping it off! X

I once went to but some jeans in new look and the skinny girl at till said to me 'these are maternity jeans do u still want them?!!!' I was so shocked and embarrassed that I said NO! They fit me perfect as well!!! (the shame!)

 

[demonp]

Southampton

Small world-that's where i work! blinkin boiling here today isn't it! Loving it! X

 

[demonp]

I once went to but some jeans in new look and the skinny girl at till said to me 'these are maternity jeans do u still want them?!!!' I was so shocked and embarrassed that I said NO! They fit me perfect as well!!! (the shame!)

I just hope that when i do finally become skinny i never ever make larger people feel awkward like that. I don't think i will because i honestly feel like in my head i will always be the fat girl. Even though i have lost 8 stone it is still only in very rare moments that i feel smaller. When i look in the mirror i still see the same big thighs and bum. . Wonder if, when i reach target, i will suddenly feel different? Does a light switch suddenly go bing? Guess we will wait and see...

 

[WillpowerWoman]

I think in time u will change but u will always be able to empathise with those struggling with there weight

 

[demonp]

I've had THE Wow moment! I now love clothes shopping! Bought a size 16 dress which i really liked but didn't fit-started talking about taking it to tailors to be taken in-then Hubby said-ever thought about just buying a smaller size? How nuts is that? I hadn't even thought that actually it was just too big-so went back, got size 14-fits like a glove! But i have to keep getting him to take photos for me as when i look in the mirror i still see fat girl. Was getting a top in m+s and the assistant said "what size are you after-10?" i really laughed and said no way-14. Guess what-i was a 10! Legs wise Im still 16/18 but Im getting there! Can't stop shopping now-bloody love it. Have never felt like this before. So, if anyone out there is reading this and is currently struggling, keep going-! This feeling is amazing and i still have about 2 stone to lose! It feels like that high that i used to get from buying food-honestly it really does. And i used to hate clothes shopping-seriously-to the extent that i would cry- a lot! I just never did it and just had a few staple baggy clothes. Today i bought a bloody boob tube! Me-a boob tube! And Im already thinking about where i can go tomorrow! This could get expensive! This diet is bloody marvellous! Even if i don't have a loss tomorrow i will be happy. I just feel so strong mentally! Don't get me wrong-my legs are still thunder thighs and i know i need to get my arse into gear on the exercise front-but i can see changes now-this is really happening! Yay, yay, yay-cd all the way. Toodles. X x x

 

[WillpowerWoman]

I've had THE Wow moment! I now love clothes shopping! Bought a size 16 dress which i really liked but didn't fit-started talking about taking it to tailors to be taken in-then Hubby said-ever thought about just buying a smaller size? How nuts is that? I hadn't even thought that actually it was just too big-so went back, got size 14-fits like a glove! But i have to keep getting him to take photos for me as when i look in the mirror i still see fat girl. Was getting a top in m+s and the assistant said "what size are you after-10?" i really laughed and said no way-14. Guess what-i was a 10! Legs wise Im still 16/18 but Im getting there! Can't stop shopping now-bloody love it. Have never felt like this before. So, if anyone out there is reading this and is currently struggling, keep going-! This feeling is amazing and i still have about 2 stone to lose! It feels like that high that i used to get from buying food-honestly it really does. And i used to hate clothes shopping-seriously-to the extent that i would cry- a lot! I just never did it and just had a few staple baggy clothes. Today i bought a bloody boob tube! Me-a boob tube! And Im already thinking about where i can go tomorrow! This could get expensive! This diet is bloody marvellous! Even if i don't have a loss tomorrow i will be happy. I just feel so strong mentally! Don't get me wrong-my legs are still thunder thighs and i know i need to get my arse into gear on the exercise front-but i can see changes now-this is really happening! Yay, yay, yay-cd all the way. Toodles. X x x

Fantastic, what a lovely inspirational post

 

[Newtocd]

I've had THE Wow moment! I now love clothes shopping! Bought a size 16 dress which i really liked but didn't fit-started talking about taking it to tailors to be taken in-then Hubby said-ever thought about just buying a smaller size? How nuts is that? I hadn't even thought that actually it was just too big-so went back, got size 14-fits like a glove! But i have to keep getting him to take photos for me as when i look in the mirror i still see fat girl. Was getting a top in m+s and the assistant said "what size are you after-10?" i really laughed and said no way-14. Guess what-i was a 10! Legs wise Im still 16/18 but Im getting there! Can't stop shopping now-bloody love it. Have never felt like this before. So, if anyone out there is reading this and is currently struggling, keep going-! This feeling is amazing and i still have about 2 stone to lose! It feels like that high that i used to get from buying food-honestly it really does. And i used to hate clothes shopping-seriously-to the extent that i would cry- a lot! I just never did it and just had a few staple baggy clothes. Today i bought a bloody boob tube! Me-a boob tube! And Im already thinking about where i can go tomorrow! This could get expensive! This diet is bloody marvellous! Even if i don't have a loss tomorrow i will be happy. I just feel so strong mentally! Don't get me wrong-my legs are still thunder thighs and i know i need to get my arse into gear on the exercise front-but i can see changes now-this is really happening! Yay, yay, yay-cd all the way. Toodles. X x x

Well done you just what I needed to read first thing in the morning. Only a few weeks ago you were talking about your size 16 n now already size 14.... Amazing x

 

[demonp]

Thank you for your comments-i really do think it is important to share both our highs and lows-not just for us but for others. I have just read another post from someone who slipped off cd for one day and is now going through hell getting back into ketosis. Whilst i really feel for her, reading it really helped me as I've got a big jubilee party on Monday and had been thinking maybe one glass of champagne would be ok. Having read her post, i now realise that it just wouldn't be worth it. I have years ahead of me when i have got to target and maintained that i can have that champagne. Im sure queenie will forgive me if i just have sparkling water instead! So, Im going armed with my water, chicken,prawns and smoked salmon and of course my flag! I just lost a pound this week which Im ok with. I still haven't stepped up ex exercise so kind of expected a low one. As far as Im concerned a loss is a loss and it took me into the 12s! I honestly can't remember the last time i was there. It just doesn't feel real. But i am right on the edge at 12.13 so one little slip and i could fall back into the 13s. Its been a tough week too with school parties, then birth tea party for my youngest and then his proper party today and then the jubilee weekend now. But-it is just food. It will always be there. I don't need to eat it now-it will still be waiting for me when i am at target. I hope you all have a fab weekend what ever you do. Keep strong... And remember- god save our slimming tummies! X x x

 

[demonp]

So, i survived the bank hol weekend, and not one bit of naughtiness passed my lips- not even a glass of bubbly! i stuck to the proteins- that's a total of 4 parties in 1 weekend! And it bloody worked as i lost 4lbs this week! V happy. So that takes me to 12.9. I honestly can't remember the last time i weighed that. 2 more stone to go! I saw a photo of myself just after i had had my first son- when i weighed in the 20's at the weekend- i just didn't recognise myself! mind you, i don't recognise myself when i see photos of me taken now- just who am i? I still find it weird when people say-you don't want to lose too much more'- actually people- i really do- 2 stone to be exact! My arse and thighs are still a long way off being able to be exposed! BUT- i did manage to wear a pair of Hunter wellies this weekend...there wasn't room for trousers in there too but....they did go over my calves...just! few more weeks and i should be there!
I did make the decesion to delete all my posts about my childhood and what led to my weight problems. Why? well, i know it's selfish but just writing it all down really helped me, but having it out there for the world to see made me feel exposed- that is sh*t that I have never spoken about and it made me feel uncomfortable. as far as i am concerned it is in the past- i have accepted it- it happened but it does not need to affect my life anymore. I do appreciate that this is a little selfish but this diary is for me- if people choose to read it on the way then that's great, and if it can offer any inspiration to others then fab- but really it is my silent shrink!
If anyone is reading this, and is trying to decide whether or not to do Cambridge, all i can say is JUST DO IT! It is the best diet that i have ever done- i feel in control for the first in a very long time. I no longer have a battle with myself every day and do you know what, i think i might actually like myself! This diet gives you great results and the time to explore your demons and get to the bottom of why you eat the way you do. It really isn't a hard diet to do as long as you keep it in perspective- you will be doing it for a very short percentage of your life....but it will have such a massive impact on your remaining life. Some days at the beginning are a struggle but you overcome them- it really doesn't last long. Trust me, i have tried every diet under the sun- i honestly feel great on this one. My consultant is crap- she literally is just a supplier but the support on this site is all you need. In the same way that i knew when i gave up smoking 10 years ago that i would never have another cigarette, i know now that i will never put all of that weight back on. I get it now. Food is quite literally just a source of energy- it really doesn't make bad days better, de stress you or make you happy- in fact, if anything, it does the opposite. it takes control of your head so that you eat mindlessly then hate yourself afterwards when you realise that it is still a bad day but now it is worse because you have just eaten a packet of biscuits. So, take control of your life...get shaking (man that's corny!!!!). XX

 

[demonp]

Mark this week as the week that the tummy monster won! For whatever reason, over the weekend i decided that it would be ok to have little mouthfuls of this and that-3chocolate buttons- fork of mac cheese, few forks of chocolate cake, slurp of chocolate milkshake. See as i write it down i can see how bad it is, but as i was eating it it seemed so small-and they were small bits but it all adds up! And this morning, the stick says i am out of ketosis! What an idiot! Was it worth it for those small amounts-no! Now i just need to think about what made me slip. I have wi tonight, a day early, and i was right on the edge of the 12s and will be gutted if i have slipped back to the 13. But, i am where i am and will not let it deter me. Will do 100% this week with no meat etc and get back on it. The monster might have won that weekend but no more! X

 

[demonp]

Ha-the tummy monster didn't win as i still lost 2lbs-yay. Still out of ketosis though-worried that it is the smoked salmon which consultant said is fine but i have my doubts. It is so oily surely it can't be allowed? think i will stop eating it just in case. Being out of ketosis is making me so hungry! Just glad i still lost this week-although i did wear my lightest clothes! 12.7 now-actually can't remember when i was last that weight. Just can't get motivated to do exercise. I know i need to as i need to tone but Im just too tired. Each weekend i think next week i will go back to the gym. . .but I've not been for about a month! Bad. Maybe next week! just want to get to target now so i can start buying clothes-daren't get anymore now as it will be waste of money. Been on it 2 months now- would have liked to have been closer to target by now- 2 more stone to go. Really missing my food now. Want to go out for a really nice meal. Hurry up fat-disappear! X x x

 

[LeaE]

Omg not heard from u in ages how are u xxxxxxxx missed u loads x

 

[LeaE]

Aahhhh it may be this diet but omg I'm a bit emotional catching up on yr diet diary x when we 1st started it felt a lifetime ago and to catch up and read where u have got to just makes me so proud of u x omg clothes wise that's amazing like really really amazing and I can't describe in words how happy I am for u x u really haven't got long to go now and that is just fab light at the end of the tunnel wow wow wow xxxxxxx good god I'm so happy to see yr doing great and the tummy monster has been defeated x