5 days into changing my life. . .

[therealbbe]

Hi all. Firstly, thank you all for your words of support. I lost 4lbs this week- totalling 11 in 2 weeks. Not really the greatest loss but a loss all the same. What i don't like is what this diet is doing to my emotions. I am down, ratty and knackered. As i am already on anti depressants i need to be really careful. Im going into this week with a positive mind and putting this bad week down to totm...but i will be reviewing carefully at the end do the week 3. I have so much respect for all you lovely ladies doing this diet-it is bloody hard! Thanks again for all the support. X

Whoohoooooo!!! Well done huni that is a great loss. I would love to give you a hug and sending positives vibes your way for a wonderful week ahead please be careful and safe lovely. Your health is so important congrats again xxxxxx

 

[Newtocd]

I really admire the honesty in your entries and totally relate. I not only love food but I think food loves me back! If you have managed 2 weeks you will
Manage another 2 and before u know it one month and fingers crossed one stone down. I haven't yet started but as I said your entry is honest and inspiring. Xx

 

[demonp]

I really admire the honesty in your entries and totally relate. I not only love food but I think food loves me back! If you have managed 2 weeks you will
Manage another 2 and before u know it one month and fingers crossed one stone down. I haven't yet started but as I said your entry is honest and inspiring. Xx

Thanks Newtocd. Its funny how we personify food isn't it? We all know that it it really is just a source of energy. . .but it seems like so much more-a friend when you feel down, a celebration when you feel good. I envy people who see it as nothing more than an object on their plate. The person who invents a way of removing all emotions from food successfully will be very rich indeed! Then none of up will need these diets because we will be in control of our heads. Best of luck for when you do start. You are in the best possible place on this forum-the support is incredible!
Xxx

 

[demonp]

Whoohoooooo!!! Well done huni that is a great loss. I would love to give you a hug and sending positives vibes your way for a wonderful week ahead please be careful and safe lovely. Your health is so important congrats again xxxxxx

Thank you-hug much appreciated! Have a day at home today as little one is poorly so will use it as a day to try to sort my head out-is that possible in a day? Good luck to you my little fairy dust sprinkler-or should we just call you Tinkerbell? X x x

 

[demonp]

post deleted-it's in the past

 

[demonp]

Post deleted-i don't want to dwell on the past- i have a new future

 

[Rkmriddell]

Wow, it's crazy when you look back as you can really find some starting points for the issues can't you. Your story is heartbreaking but whilst you can't change your past you can change your future - for you and your son.x

 

[demonp]

post deleted- no point dwelling

 

[demonp]

Delete the post= delete the negativity

 

[Rkmriddell]

You can only do the best you can do with your kids hun. As long as you're teaching them the best relationship you can with food daily then that's all you, and i as this is one of my biggest issues, can do. You've done amazing to get to where you have got to and be as strong as you are and you will be at goal in no time. Your son will only ever know you for the strong, slim and healthy woman that you are becoming and you should be incredibly proud of that x

 

[therealbbe]

Thank you-hug much appreciated! Have a day at home today as little one is poorly so will use it as a day to try to sort my head out-is that possible in a day? Good luck to you my little fairy dust sprinkler-or should we just call you Tinkerbell? X x x

Hahahahah tinker bell I wish!! Hope you have lovely relaxing day and hope little one gets well soon xxxx

 

[therealbbe]

Ok-so everyone says that proper weight loss is only achieved if you identify why you have the relationship with food and what are the triggers. So, Im going to do something I've not done before and put in writing events from past that have involved food-trust me-if you have read this far you might want to move onto someone else's diary at this point as this one is going to get very self indulgent.
So age 6/7 become aware that my mum is always on a diet- F Plan seemed to be one of choice. Made aware that being fat is BAD! Mum makes comments about my big tummy-seed of paranoia planted. Comments of how i have inherited family big bum-seed growing. No longer want people to see me unless fully clothed-start to make excuses to avoid swimming lessons-Im still in primary school for goodness sake. (i have a 5 year old now and the thought of him having these insecuritys brings tears to my eyes). Start trying to diet-copy what my mum is eating. We never had any junk or processed food in the house-only at Christmas when we had loads of crisps, sweets etc. I always remember the Christmas shop as being a real excitement-bingo-first association of naughty food with good times. Once i had learnt to ride my bike my dad would very occasionally send of off to the village shop to buy as much chocolate as i could with could with £5. Then i would come back and we would...binge. Always felt so exciting and so like we were being naughty together. If was never a father who showed love or affection so this was as close as i got-food bringing us together. He was,and still is obsessed by his weight. He has always weighed himself and written it down every day. I remember all the nasty things he said about my mums weight but by now i felt that they were probably aimed at me to. Looking back at the very few photos that i allowed to be taken of me at this time-i was absolutely not overweight,only in my head. From 6-30 years old there are so few photos of me-i hated having them and would get so cross-now, typically i regret that. By 9 i would come home alone as both parents were at work and siblings were away at boarding school. Cue my discovery of the bread bin, butter and honey! A comforting welcome home. By now, i would never wear shorts. Not worn them since that age. The next bit gets difficult so i think Im going to have a cup of mint tea first. X

Awwwwwww huni hugggzzzzzzz I do relate but not as early as that. It is amazing how parents my mum was the same I always remember on Friday Chinese but me my brother and sister would have to share one between us all and box of French fancys we would get one eachband they would get the rest anyway when I got older the first thing I bought was Chinese to myself and box of French fancys that is where I started I was slim during my childhood as I did gymnastics xxxxx

 

[demonp]

Awwwwwww huni hugggzzzzzzz I do relate but not as early as that. It is amazing how parents my mum was the same I always remember on Friday Chinese but me my brother and sister would have to share one between us all and box of French fancys we would get one eachband they would get the rest anyway when I got older the first thing I bought was Chinese to myself and box of French fancys that is where I started I was slim during my childhood as I did gymnastics xxxxx

Its crazy isn't it? Half the reason of and hubby put on so much weight was because we lived off m+s food just because we could. Had over been allowed that sort of thing before so went crazy. So desperate not to do the same to my kids. . .can only try. Hmmm French fancy. . .you think we could get away with blending one up in a shake? ; x

 

[demonp]

You can only do the best you can do with your kids hun. As long as you're teaching them the best relationship you can with food daily then that's all you, and i as this is one of my biggest issues, can do. You've done amazing to get to where you have got to and be as strong as you are and you will be at goal in no time. Your son will only ever know you for the strong, slim and healthy woman that you are becoming and you should be incredibly proud of that x

You have just given of a real boost-if ever there was a reason to stick with this diet it is so that they only have positive memories of me. At the moment they don't really notice that i am not eating but in a year my oldest would so i need to do it now. Always-you have said just what was needed. Thank you. X

 

[LeaE]

Aahhhh my ickle pip I just want to pick u up and cuddle u better xxx that was so painful for me to read as I felt so much for u xxxxxxx yr doing so well so far u have come already and look at u still plodding on x well done u sugar I'm always here if u need me xxxxxxxx
But miss pip ! What was that post about ! About being alone and everyone been so positive on this diet and not struggling !! Have u been reading my diary lmao xxxx everyone struggles with this diet everyone ! But what they struggle with and how they deal with it is v different x if ppl didn't struggle with this or food then they most defo would not be on this site would they ! I for one have had the most unhealthy approach to food and I'm not stupid enough to think its over now I will have that battle forever x just need to be the winner of the war x also do remember some ppl aren't as honest as others and don't admit to bad days or weakness x so someone may write in their diary that cd is all rainbows and sunshine and sometimes it is for some but I'm betting for most it isn't so yr not alone ! This duets hard dam hard but ya know what yr a strong brilliant woman and u and the supportive folk on here will get u through this and if ever u want to feel someone's struggling sometimes like u come catch up with me ! I had a right emotional self hatred day last night and even now I don't know how I didn't pack in ! Dump my bf and lock the door on the world x n prob it's because I have a friend like u keeping me on track who I don't want to let down xxx <3

 

[demonp]

Oh thank you hun. To be really honest, i had already decided that Im going to try to take those entries off. Until today, i had not been able to read through what i wrote.I have never written or really spoke about my childhood before and i think that it was important that i did.-but that was my past. I have learnt from it now and now its time to delete it and live in the present and future.and the future is looking a whole lot slimmer. i think that i was just having a bit of a down day when i said i felt alone. Trust me, you and the other guys are really great and i feel stronger than i ever have on a diet with you lot by my side. As always,thank you! X x x

 

[therealbbe]

Oh thank you hun. To be really honest, i had already decided that Im going to try to take those entries off. Until today, i had not been able to read through what i wrote.I have never written or really spoke about my childhood before and i think that it was important that i did.-but that was my past. I have learnt from it now and now its time to delete it and live in the present and future.and the future is looking a whole lot slimmer. i think that i was just having a bit of a down day when i said i felt alone. Trust me, you and the other guys are really great and i feel stronger than i ever have on a diet with you lot by my side. As always,thank you! X x x

Pip I agree with Leanne completely I am not living in a world where I **** rainbows by any means. I had days where I am a wreck and looking at my past I would say don't delete it as its a reminder of why your here and how far you have come!! To overcome the hurdles you have is like climbing mount Everett!!! Be proud to place ya flag and say today I have beaten you and tomorrow I will continue ok I might slide down hill at some point but I will put my pick axe in and climb back up!!! You are an amazing strong woman we all are every day we beat the demon inside and I continually fight with it on a daily basis but god enough is enough i am on the top at the moment and there had better be some damn fine food to entice me down!!! Thank you pip for making me evaluate again why I am doing this!!! Thank you all for my strength to know I can do this and will continue xxxxxxxx

 

[demonp]

Pip I agree with Leanne completely I am not living in a world where I **** rainbows by any means. I had days where I am a wreck and looking at my past I would say don't delete it as its a reminder of why your here and how far you have come!! To overcome the hurdles you have is like climbing mount Everett!!! Be proud to place ya flag and say today I have beaten you and tomorrow I will continue ok I might slide down hill at some point but I will put my pick axe in and climb back up!!! You are an amazing strong woman we all are every day we beat the demon inside and I continually fight with it on a daily basis but god enough is enough i am on the top at the moment and there had better be some damn fine food to entice me down!!! Thank you pip for making me evaluate again why I am doing this!!! Thank you all for my strength to know I can do this and will continue xxxxxxxx

Thank you so much for your support and reality check. Reading the messages from you both made me cry-happy tears though! It amazes me that so much kindness and understanding can come from relative strangers. I really do think that you are slimming angels sent to help me through this diet. I just hope that i can help you as much. Cheers chicks, you have helped me more than you will ever know. Right-back to that mountain! X x x

 

[therealbbe]

Thank you so much for your support and reality check. Reading the messages from you both made me cry-happy tears though! It amazes me that so much kindness and understanding can come from relative strangers. I really do think that you are slimming angels sent to help me through this diet. I just hope that i can help you as much. Cheers chicks, you have helped me more than you will ever know. Right-back to that mountain! X x x

Awwwwwww pip you are helping more than you realise I went shopping with daughter size 6 (she is 15 and 5ft 4) and mother today skinny size 12 5ft 7 she is very glamourous she is 67!!! I am 42 and frumpy as hell. Anyway the best part of my day my gorgeous girlies was looking in the mirror in the changing rooms i didnt try anything on but it reminded of why i am doing this because if i came off and scoffed that person would be a lot bigger than they are now!!! I for one am glad I have finally come to understand that big person in the mirror is ME!!!! Not for long but at the moment coz I gonna kick her ass all the way to skinnyville "all aboard the nutty train the skinnyville" xxxxxxx

 

[demonp]

Awwwwwww pip you are helping more than you realise I went shopping with daughter size 6 (she is 15 and 5ft 4) and mother today skinny size 12 5ft 7 she is very glamourous she is 67!!! I am 42 and frumpy as hell. Anyway the best part of my day my gorgeous girlies was looking in the mirror in the changing rooms i didnt try anything on but it reminded of why i am doing this because if i came off and scoffed that person would be a lot bigger than they are now!!! I for one am glad I have finally come to understand that big person in the mirror is ME!!!! Not for long but at the moment coz I gonna kick her ass all the way to skinnyville "all aboard the nutty train the skinnyville" xxxxxxx

Oh, is there a buffet cart on the nutty train?just kidding! I so know what you mean. I have gone to extreme lengths to avoid full mirrors for a long time. Top half ones i can cope with. But now Im looking in them whenever i can so that i can accept what i am and appreciate where Im heading on that nutty train. Lets hope its sunny in skinnyville! X x x