hello guys. sorry to put my tuppence' worth in really late, ha. my mum has always been the same. she's always been complimentary of me, proud of me, left me with no doubt at all that she loves me more than life (she has a heart valve and lost two babies before having me, and then nearly died. she REALLY wanted a baby) however...
she always, from the age of about 8-9 that i can remember started telling me to be careful. and telling me i was eating too much. i needed to watch my weight. this got worse as i got older and i got fatter.
we were looking at old photos recently and i'm there in my swimming costume with a towel around me and she said 'look at you, with your towel around you because you thought you were fat' and my only response was 'that's only because you told me i was' and the look of shock on her face!! i don't think she ever realised she was doing it. she was doing it because she was looking after my health and didn't want me to have to go through what i am now, but it gave me a big complex about it and i started sneaking food and feeling guilty about wanting it.
then when she came to visit me last week she said 'oh my god. you look so different. i can really really tell. usually you tell me you've lost weight and i can't tell but this time i really really can. you're doing really well'.
and i told her that it's probably because this time she's told me she can see a difference. all the other times i've told her i've lost a stone or so, and i have, and she said 'well i can't see any difference' it just upset me and made me give up. because i just didn't see the point in struggling if she couldn't tell. and she went very very quiet and apologised.
also, she has a bird-like build. she has always always been thin. and now she's in her late 40s she has put on a little weight and is really struggling for the first time ever. she's a size 14 at the mo, but that does look a little overweight on her. and i think that now, and only now, does she really appreciate all the problems i've been going through.
also, because i'm now losing lots of weight and she isn't i get to preach at her when she breaks her diet
so yeah. sorry for the huge rant. but it really cut a chord with me that a lot of us seem to have been through something similar. it has always really hurt me when my mum commented on my weight. and it was something she could never let go of until fairly recently when i finally went mad and shouted at her. and now i'm getting thin for myself, truly myself and not to impress my mum (silly as that sounds, i think it's always been true) and it's finally bloody working!! ha.
abz xx
