so I missed my seminar - I fell asleep about 10pm last night and didn't wake up until the cat got me up at 6am to let her out. I was absolutely drenched in sweat but shivering so decided it is probably some kind of bug and turned my alarm off. I worked on the theory that if I woke up in time to go then I would but if I didn't then I needed the sleep ... I woke up at 9.30.
I've had a smoothie this morning which has stayed put without putting too much strain on my stomach but I feel rough as all hell still so I'm spending today curled up on the sofa under a blanket with the cat curled up asleep next to me (I'm guessing its cold outside then lol) catching up on old movies.
The good news is I've put on my linen trousers as they aren't so uncomfortable on my stomach as jeans and I dug out French Connection jumper that I've not been able to wear pretty much since I got it in the sale over a year ago - its quite short and clings a bit and I think its probably a size 12-14 but can't remember. Well now I can wear it
I need to put a long sleeved top underneath as it feels more like a cotton jumper than a thick wooly one and I'm freezing today but I'm just happy that I can wear it. Not sure I'd put my jeans on with it just yet as it doesn't cover my belly but skirts and my smarter trousers it works with and as I lose more and get back into my old jeans I know it'll look great with them so there's an incentive
I also read about the Beck Diet Solution on Breda's diary page and I'm tempted to look into that. I'm still researching it but it looks like it basically helps get your brain re-trained so you stop thinking of yourself as a bigger person and behaving in that way. I know that I eat healthily pretty much and I don't have a problem sticking with the diet but I also know how easily I get discouraged with it all and then either don't eat properly (as in not enough) or become almost too angelic on it which doesn't work either. I am absolutely certain that doing Cambridge totally messed up my relationship with food and I still find it difficult to allow myself to eat "normal" food or not feel guilty if I eat something that isn't 100% perfect and its time that stopped. I've spent far too many years being judged on my weight and that slowly creeps into your brain bit by bit over the years - no matter how much I know that the weight gain was due to my thyroid and the docs getting the meds wrong at the same time it means I've been dieting and feeling guilty over food and my figure for far too many years. Definitely time for that to change - I do not want to spend my 40s feeling the same way I did in my 20s and 30s and a BIG part of WWs this time has been me feeling like I'm taking control of my life again. That has slipped a little bit the last couple of weeks and I do believe that sometimes I sabotage my own weight loss by not having my head in the right place and being unable to picture myself getting below a certain point - not sabotage by what I eat but I get to certain spots where I seem to "stick" there and I do believe that sometimes subconsciously its almost a bizarre fear of failing that stops you from going below that level as you cling on to it too much.
I have no idea if any of that makes sense but I am thinking its time to get the psychological side sorted and maybe this book might be a step in the right direction. I know that I always become refocused and better motivated when I've stayed for meetings as my leader does seem to get straight into my brain each week and gets me thinking about what I'm doing and why. Its the BIG difference between doing it this time and what I've done in the past and its why I WILL succeed this time.
Right that's today's positive message over and done with
The diet plan is as follows (no idea what will actually happen though as depends on what my stomach decides)
Breakfast = 3pps
Mullerlight yoghurt (2)
Mandarin segments (0)
Banana (0)
Flax oil (1)
Lunch = 8pps
Potato (2)
Sweetcorn (1)
Low fat feta cheese (5)
Salad (0)
Beetroot (0)
Fruit pastille ice lolly (2)
Dinner = 9 pps
Morrison's creamy vegetable soup (6)
Gluten free crispbreads (3)
General = 3pps
Milk for tea etc (3)
Total = 25/31
I'm not sure the stuff for lunch is the best idea but it needs using up so I'm going to see what happens.
With any luck my stomach will settle today and I'll be back to normal and back at work tomorrow. Keeping everything crossed
