Aaarrgghh I'm struggling!!

[crunchyfrog]

Just need to vent some shameful frustration!!

I'm finding it such a struggle to keep going. I am due to keep to it for another two weeks. I don't know what it is but those two weeks feel like an eternity away. I've lost so much so far and every day seems to be harder and harder.

I've had the bath, long walk, water, tried everything to keep my mind occupied, rewarding with non food related things but oh goodness is it hard to keep motivated.

I've got the best goal to aim for, my wedding on 16th October and yet I still find ways to sabotage my success. Go figure eh!

I have the most beautiful dress and go for another fitting in the begining of September so why is it I still manage to have this self destructive behaviour?

Last night I had a huge bowl of thai noodles and curry. I was watching my OH slurp up his delicious Thai take away and all the smells and sounds of him eating were literally driving me mad. So I had a breakfast bowl filled with pad thai and rice.

It was the worst kind of thing to have so packed full of carbs. So what did I do to compensate? I've never said this to anyone and I've done it a few times before in the past and lately it seems at least twice a week. It's commonly called purging. God I cant believe I've just said that. But yes I just had to rid myself of what I had just consumed. I could not see any other way to remedy the situation. I feel I'm just losing a grip. I've got two weeks left of this. Why do I feel the need to do this? Arrgh it's so frustrating. :ashamed0005::sigh2:

 

[captaincollins]

Oh hun I feel for you - if you are really struggling why not think about adding a meal in the evening when you eat with hubby? thats what I did as I missed eating with him......I am having basically a protein meal in the evening when I want one, its better then falling off the wagon completely and it keeps you in control of the situation.

Keep going and good luck xx

 

[babystar31]

I think when it gets to the point that you are doing things like that to get rid of what youve ate, you really need to think about what this means to u. Your putting yourself and your body thru hell. There are better options like AAM or even going on to another diet. Do whats best for you xx

 

[Starlight]

It sounds like TS is too extreme for you at the moment, Id agree with the others, either change to working solutions or go back to trying WW x

 

[cannyscot]

I think the advice to add a meal is good. It's better than cheating. I'm a self sabateur so I sympathise. You have lost a lot of weight and you still have a number of weeks till your wedding so you can still have a good loss with add a meal. At 5ft 4 -same as me! -You must be looking a lot slimmer now ! Try and remember that !

 

[crunchyfrog]

Thanks everyone for your sound advice. I think you're right, I need to break this cycle and identify the triggers. It seems that the nights are the worse for me so I think I will add a meal for the next two weeks.

I keep thinking I've only until the end of August to get these last pounds off but I should be looking at this in a different way. I've two weeks to another fitting but two months till the big day. And then its not if it ends there, after all I never ever want to get to the weight I was. So two weeks, two months, two years its immaterial it really is for ever.

Thanks for helping me put it into perspective. xxx

Wow that feels so much better, phew!

 

[Yambabe]

You've taken the first steps towards sorting yourself out by recognising that there is a problem.

Trust me, purging is a road you definitely don't want to be going down though!

So yeah I agree with the others, go onto WS for a while. And give your OH a slap from me for eating a takeaway in front of you ffs where is your support and encouragement?

Also stop looking so far ahead. Never mind 2 more weeks, just stick with it til it's time for your next pack/meal. Then after you've had it you only need to look as far forward as the one after that. Keep this in mind and remember that YOU need to be in control. So if you want to come off the diet at the next mealtime you can, but by the time you get there you probably won't want to.........

If you're going to eat, plan well ahead. Weigh it, measure it, calorie-count it and carb-count it. No impulsive or compulsive eating for you missy, cos you are in control right?

You've done so well, but often it's the last push and then the refeed/maintenance that is so difficult for so many people. Draw on the strength that you have already shown to get this far, we know you can do it!

 

[Dietkitty]

Oh Frog! This behaviour is the worst diet behaviour you could ever have and you know it. You're on your way to an eating disorder. If 20 years ago I could have physically been sick I would have been bulimic and probably dead by now. This is NOT the answer.
That may seem tough but someone needs to say it. And I will even if no-one else will!!
It's only 2 months of your life to abstain and look the way you want to on the biggest day of your life. Is a bowl of noodles and curry worth sabotaging that? It may only be one day but it's one that will stay with you for the rest of your life.
One meal to the next is the way to go but you need to recogise the difference between hunger and just wanting it. This is sooo hard but the biggest gift you will ever give to yourself.
I'm re-starting tomorrow after my holiday. It will be tough but I've already learnt the difference between hunger, craving, being full and being thirsty. This diet is as much about abstinence as it is about education.
Sorry to be harsh but in your position this is what I would need!
Good luck, you can do this if you really want to. Think of the photos that will be around for the next 50 years!
xx

 

[Lisaberry]

I really feel for you. That's how it started with me and the next thing I knew I was spending £20 a day, stopping in a carpark to stuff it down then going straight up for a 'shower' when I got in. At the time I thought it was the answer to all my dieting problems.
Luckily I got pregnant and managed to kick the habit but it didn't stop my need to over eat- hence why I'm here now.

AAM sounds like a good solution ( along with hubby not having take aways around you - mine wouldn't dare)

It was good that you admitted it, good luck!

 

[Quak]

Ditto the advice given above, it does not sound like you are in the right zone for doing TFR so give yourself a break and eat sensibly one meal a day with your packs, but for goodness sake (and yours) don't get into the habit of making yourself sick, you will end up even more unhappy and ill and with your wedding coming up that is the last thing you want. We are all here to listen if you need to unload and we will help if we can but you need to take control of this situation quickly.
Bren xx

 

[crunchyfrog]

Thanks guys, words cannot express how good it feels to have this kind of support. Everyone around me thinks I'm super human for doing this diet and in a way that adds pressure.

So coming on here makes me feel normal again. The trouble with TFS is that sometimes it is very isolating as eating is such a sociable event and topic!

I've decided to add a meal and feel a lot better for it. I had some ham and high fibre crackers (which are suitable for atkins) it was one large slice and three crackers, although they are more like mdf! It was very satisfying sitting down and having the ritual of a meal. I didnt feel guilty afterwards and I woke up this morning feeling more positive.

The gremlin was still there in the back of my head saying I could have some chocolate if I could get rid but I fought it back and had more water and a black coffee. Before I knew it, it was time for bed.

I'm going to go back to meal to meal then day to day. Thinking two weeks two months ahead is having a negative effect on me you're right.

Thanks again everyone for your understanding. xx