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aiming for normal!!


well i feel like i blurted out an awful lot of rubbish about me today on this site - im a 20 year old law student from birmingham university, im a size 18 and weigh 17st 5 (started at 17st 8 last week).

Ive been dieting for a week and a half now and i must admit it is very stressful for me. changing a habit of a lifetime is inevitably difficult. Im going on the principle of eating less and eating healthier food - im roughly counting calories and am averaging at about 1500 (appart from todays fiasco). Im letting myself have one meal a week when i have something that i wouldnt normally allow myself (im not digging into fish chips and chocolate here but this allows me to feel like i am not totally restricted).

Exercise wise i am a ski instructor so i get about 10-14 hrs exercise a week at work depending on what shifts i get and i am going to join the gym when i go back to university next week so i can go to break up stints in the library! My main issue, which im not going to bang on about again is the reason that i am so overweight now is because when i was about 15 i began to purge about once a day and made food a very sore point for myself.

Last week i lost 3lb which is alright, not great but acceptable. However today i went wrong (which is why i am here!!) - im blaiming chronic period pain (sorry if too much information there he he) but i went to asda and then ended up sitting in my car scoffing 5 weightwatchers chocolate brownies. bad bad girl. Appart from that today i had 2 slices toast and low fat philadelphia for breakfast, a baked potato with cottage cheese for lunch with 2 apples and for dinner (my naughty meal for this week) I went out with my boyfriend and had vegetable bake (with as little cheese as possible) with 2 glasses of wine (tut tut). So not my greatest of days im afraid. sorry!

Thanks for reading what is occasionaly unintelligable blurb! x
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i. am. shattered. Had a crazy day at work then went to the gym for an hour and a half before doing the 1hr drive home, just got in and am totally whacked. So yesterday was alright food wise, managed to keep to under 1500 cals, which is good!

Today i was being a bit naughty and snacking - ive had 2 slices toast and philadelphia for breakfast, two rice cakes, a bowl of soup and a crusty roll for lunch, a teaspoon of ben and jerries (i needed it and it genuinely was just a teaspoon) then for tea ive just put in a jacket potato and some baked beans and will have a weightwatchers lemon slice. so not too good, not too bad - with the gym as well i think ive done ok. Mind you some people here will read this and think im a complete pig for eating all of that, i genuinely dont know how people do vlcd's and have nothing but awe for you guys!

Oh and at lunch at work i picked up a copy of zest magazine and its really good - i usually find magazines like that have no substance but its actually full of great ideas. all good.

today. was. awful. Here is so far:
-2 slices toast and extra light cream cheese
- 1 Low cal tescos fruit bar
- 1 what-i-thought-was-a-low-cal-bar-from-boots (turns out i read it wrong and it had 190 cals not 100 and said delicious on it, think it was mixed in with the healthy stuff)
- then felt bad so binged on half a carton of vegetable soup, 2 small bread rolls and (unfortunately) 2 scoops of ben and jerries.

I feel like everything ive done means nothing if im going to graze like this. not happy - but im going to ski training for 3 hrs tonight so may undoo some damage, plus im going to have just veggies stir fried for tea but will still be way over 1500 cals. Im so annoyed with myself.
Hi Alice, you are very hard on yourself - 1/2 carton of soup and two small rolls is not really a binge but because you felt it was you went on to eat the ice cream, you need to be a little kinder to yourself :)
Good luck on your journey!
Thanks annie, i know when i think about it that that is what happened but i just need to train my brain to realise this. Not been on for the last few days as watching what i eat is really bringing back bad habits of the purging kind, however on the whole ive managed to resist most of the urges which for me shows amazing improvement. Now for the good bit - in this last week i have lost a completely rediculous 5lb, i dont know how - i reckon its mainly water loss, but im still totally chuffed!!

That has inspired me today so ive had 2 shredded wheat and a huge salad with a weight watchers lemon cake slice and then for dinner ive got a home made veggie lasagne (with very little pasta and cheese) and peas!!! Im feeling great now but had an awful no-confidence cry earlier. Id just been shopping with my best friend who is a small size 8 and i just felt like everyone in the shops we went into was looking at me thinking that a fatty like me wont fit into their clothes so why the hell am i in their shop ruining its beautiful looks. Ben (my boyfriend) was great at putting up with my blubbering but i just dont believe him when he says he likes me how i am as i just cant see why anyone ever would. God i am full of self pitty!! Oh and ive got a new laptop. which is nice!!!
Sorry, not been on here for a bit, dealing with food is currently being a big bad cloud. I can't break the cycle of bingeing and whilst before i didnt really care if i had all the calories that much, but now when im trying to limit my calories and i have a binge im really struggling again not to purge afterwards. I know its a bit silly posting in here and that to be honest any way of loosing weight at the moment for me is a good idea. But for me purging was such a destructive habit i know that all the work i did before was a good thing and that i shouldnt do it, but that is contrasted by my weakness when it comes to food and the fact that im still having far too many calories. I dont know what to do! Its annoying because i want to get down to a healthy weight but doing that is making life so so difficult. x

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