AJ's LL Management Journey!

[KD]

Just looking at your diary now You're doing fab!

Just a note about spinach though (being a great spinach fan myself), don't completely discount eating cooked spinach. The problem is people cook it for way too long.

It only takes seconds. Never, ever, ever, use frozen spinach unless it's going in a recipe, but fresh spinach cooked for a few seconds with a bit of [STRIKE]butter[/STRIKE] water , and pepper is lovely.

Raw is lovely too, but your body can't absorb all the iron if you eat it that way. Still...makes a pleasant change doesn't it

 

[AmandaJayne]

Thanks for that advice Karion, I'll try it!

 

[KD]

Well...ya never know. You might still hate it, but worth a try eh

 

[AmandaJayne]

Meeting tomorrow night.

Heating failed at school today. Had to arrange for all the kids to be collected from school. Wore coat all day - freezing! Got a lot done though this afternoon!

Had my pack this morning as usual. I am looking forward to Wednesday when I can start introducing fruit into my food list. I will be using my juicer and smoothie maker for myself for the first time!

At lunchtime I had salad and raita plus my pack and (hot) water with lemon. Didn't finish the salad - threw it away in the bin.

At tea time I had smoked mackeral (again) and the kids had it too. They loved it so we have to have it again tomorrow!

After tea, about half and hour later, I was in the kitchen and felt hungry again. What's this about? I wondered. I'm obviously not hungry so I'd better distract myself with something else.

I am still taking things slowly and carefully, and I am remaining aware of the crooked thoughts which are waiting their moment. They'll just have to wait!

 

[slimbride]

AJ you are doing so well! I'm addicted to your thread - It is so great to have an idea of what management will entail although it seems so far away now!

Im only on day 11 - am trying not to count down too much for fear of freaking out about how long there is to go!

Keep posting!

 

[AmandaJayne]

Thanks for your support Slimbride. I've just got back from the supermarket - been stocking up on strawberries, oranges, kiwis (got to get confirmation that they're ok) and apples so I can get smoothie-making and juicing tomorrow! I've already got a freezer full of the different berries I can have!

I will post later, after my meeting!

 

[AmandaJayne]

Well, it's the start of week 3 tomorrow. Loads more choices! Red meats (lean, all sorts); lots of fresh fruits; tomatoes (fresh, tinned, passata); cooking sauces (vlf or fat free).

At our meeting tonight we talked about the different reasons we can feel compelled to eat when not hungry. We came up with lots including boredom, tiredness, unable to express (anger), habit, social situations, the list went on and on.

We also chatted about strategies to deal with these events. I raised the issue of 'thought records' and I know I've mentioned this before, but the act of writing down and analysing what's bugging me, how I react and how I could react to change my view of the problem, helps to get me focused.

I drove home (it takes half and hour), and took the time to think about what we'd talked about. I came to a realisation about a few things.

The 'crooked thoughts' which I have talked about a lot, will never leave me. If I think they'll magically 'disappear' one day, I am deluded. They won't. They are an integral part of me like my leg or heart.

Knowing this now means that I must always be vigilant, because they will always be vigilant.

There won't be a 'day off' for me.

If I take things one day at a time, or sometimes one hour at a time when the going gets really tough, I can win.

This might sound depressing but actually it is freeing, because I have no illusions about the future now, and knowledge is power!

 

[AmandaJayne]

Wedesday morning, and breakfast was five strawberries whizzed up with fat free yoghurt and skimmed milk. Delicious!

I did notice that through the day I felt the effects of the fruit. I felt a bit bloated, but not as bad as the first day of eating.

Lunch was mixed veg raita and salad. Evening meal was salmon and raita and salad. It does sound boring but actually is enjoyable.

When I got back from work I juiced some apples, heated the juice and added cinnamon - it was wonderful!

My list of approved foods has increased a lot this week, but I have yet to catch up and organise myself to take full advantage yet!

My computer has had a few glitches today but I think I have fixed it, though at what cost I am not sure yet.

The snow outside is falling thick and fast so I think I'll walk to work tomorrow. It usually takes 55 minutes, but I shall have to allow extra time. I hate driving in snow and the last time I did (a couple of weeks ago) the local roads had not been gritted and it was hell crawling along at 10 miles an hour (or less) because it was so slippy.

I have got a piece of tuna out of the freezer for tomorrow, I'll grill it with cajun spices, I think. Should I have another strawberry smoothie for breakfast, or perhaps a nectarine one?

My kids have been thoroughly nasty to each other tonight, and I got totally fed up with them, particularly when my son went outside in the snow, wearing his pyjamas, and came in with a 'snowman' on a plate. I was apparently supposed to be impressed! Hmm.


Tomorrow is another day. It will be an interesting one, but I will get a lot of extra exercise which is a good thing.

Hopefully I can post again tomorrow, if the computer lets me!

 

[gaijingirl]

OMG! I'm drooling at your posts. It seems you're making a brilliant journey of discovery too! You're doing so well - I hope I can do this as well as you. You're an inspiration!

 

[KD]

If I think they'll magically 'disappear' one day, I am deluded. They won't. They are an integral part of me like my leg or heart.

Knowing this now means that I must always be vigilant, because they will always be vigilant.

I agree. It's a lifetime journey. I rather hope that they reduce with time though. Become less of a habit.

 

[AmandaJayne]

Quote: "I rather hope that they reduce with time though. Become less of a habit."

Yes, KD, I hope so too, but only time will tell. Ask me in 20 years!

Gaijingirl, thanks for your comments, too!

Well, this morning the snow was not too bad and I heard that there wouldn't be any more in Central Scotland today so took the car after all. This meant that I could take my daughter and friend to ballet too. More practice for their exam.

I had a nectarine smoothie this morning - it was, if possible, even better than the strawberry one from the day before.

I stayed at work for lunch and took my usual raita with salad. It was much admired because it does look attractive on a plate.

For tea I had fresh tuna steak with salad and raita. I added some bacon too (it's now allowed - I used the lean parts and grilled them).

Still drinking the hot water with lemon juice, and someone at work asked if I could drink coffee or tea yet. I explained that I liked the hot water and lemon, but did drink black coffee occasionally.

I suppose I could return to adding milk to my coffee/tea, but what for? It would probably mean that I would drink less water. I don't want to do that, I can see that water is important, and adding lemon is good too, and refreshing.

I got a leaflet from the leisure centre after work which details the days and times of the spinning classes. 5.30 Wed and 6.00 Thur. The other classes are during the day so no good. I will have to sit down and work out what to do with the kids when I'm at the class. I hope I can work something out.

 

[slinkytobe]

Hi Amanda Jayne,
I have just read this thread and I could almost cry for you - because I'm happy not sad!!! You are doing sooo well. You are right to take it just 1 day at a time.
When I came on here this evening I was really p..... off!!!
I'm on day 32 now and am really bored with the packs. I've got about 8 1/2 stone left to lose (having lost 20lbs) so I am going to be here for ages. I really don't know how I am going to manage. But reading your thread has really given me courage. I will make sure that I keep coming on here, because it gives me great hope. I really do admire you! Well done you must be really proud of yourself!!!
Keep writing... xxx

 

[AmandaJayne]

Well Slinky, it's an honour, it really is. It was reading other peoples' experiences that kept me going too, because YES it gets boring and tedious! Then, you get a second wind and feel renewed with enthusiasm again, particularly after being on Minis.

I've said it before but I'll say it again, this forum is stuffed with people whose life experiences are valuable, and I for one am grateful to them for sharing those experiences with me. I have learned so much from this forum and if I can give something back and help someone else, that's great!

So thanks for your comments, Slinky!

 

[Goombagirl]

Hi AJ, Just wanted to say (like so many others) that I think this thread is great! I have been reading it avidly as I thought before I started LL that management was the key. What you have been writing has confirmed this. I'm really interested to hear what choices you make and read about your thought processes - it will be incredibly helpful for when I get to that stage. I'm really pleased for you because you're doing so well and you deserve to as you're approaching the task of eating again with such a positive attitude. Keep it up and enjoy your healthy meals!
One question I have is how much does it cost on management? I gather the price decreases as the intake of foodpacks goes down but how does that work out in practice? Just curious really - it won't affect my decision either way!
Keep writing - you're brilliant!

 

[AmandaJayne]

Hia Goombagirl,

First and second week is three packs daily for £49.50. Third to eighth week is two packs daily for £33.00; weeks nine to twelve is one pack daily for £16.50.

Thanks for your comments Goomba, everybody's experiences are different but yes, it is incredibly helpful to learn in advance how the management programme works. Perhaps it may allay any fears or concerns people may have when they are ready to 'move on' to the next stage of LL.

Today I started with another nectarine smoothie! Because I was on strike (local council dispute), I walked into town to do some shopping and got the bus back. I met my colleagues as usual in the pub for lunch and had a chicken salad. This time I asked them to leave off the coleslaw and cheese! I ate most of the salad (that was on my list) and some of the chicken.

Went back home and ironed the two sets of new curtains I'd bought this morning (90x90), and put them up. I am still reading through my Lighterlife magazine, there is no much in it!

I will have a 'snack' of raita and salad for tea because I had my main meal at lunchtime today. My husband is looking forward to me eating the same as the rest of the family - so am I. I will make him my hot apple cinnamon juice later - it's to die for!

I was thinking about the future again today, and have decided to look into what's involved in becoming a teacher. I reckon in a couple of years I will be ready to move on and take the plunge. In two years I can do a lot of preparation to pave the way and make this journey easier. I currently work as a Classroom Assistant and love it, but it's only recently that I have seriously thought about changing careers.

Is it a weight issue? Is it because I am 'slimmer'
and feel more confident now? Well, yes to both of those questions but more importantly, the CBT and TA that I have been doing a meetings have caused changes to all areas of my life, not just weight. The inner voices which tell me I am rubbish are just not being listened to now. Well, let me qualify that. I HEAR them, but I just don't believe them any more.

I don't believe it on an unconscious level, for example if I said to you "swans can't swim" you would reply "yes they can" because it is patently obvious that what I said was wrong! The voices say things to me, but now I automatically disagree for the same reason - I KNOW that what they are saying is wrong.

To digress, this morning I was walking along by the canal and saw a pair of swans waddling along the canal - it was iced over and they were being very careful not to slip over! This pair have been nesting here for years - I always look forward to spring when they have a fresh flock of cygnets.

Speak to you all tomorrow!

 

[New-Me]

AJ you are such an inspiration - I love this thread. Am sitting watching TV on Frid night - (used to quite happily snack on Frid nights), feeling shattered after long week at work, but have just read your thread and am feeling so much more positive and brighter now.

thank you AJ & everyone else for keeping me going.

P.S am finding it really hard not to weigh myself every few days - anyone else the same?

 

[Joolz]

Oh yes the temptation to weigh is always there but I like to resist and get a "surprise" once a week. AJ I have found this thread really useful as I hope to be heading to management in about a stone's time...its good to hear how it is going for you. Well done.

 

[AmandaJayne]

Update from Friday evening. I had a small bowl of stewed pears for supper. I'd bought a load of pears a couple of months ago and stewed them and froze them for when I could eat them again. I love pears like this because they keep their shape when cooked.

Saturday -

Hot apple cinnamon juice and a pack for breakfast, first thing.

I was sitting in the cafe this morning, waiting for my daughter and her friends come back from ballet and I was musing about how I would have behaved 'BLL' (Before LighterLife). I have a black coffee and glass of water now, but then I would have had a piece of cake and sandwich and a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. I would have pretended to myself that it was my 'lunch', even though it was only 11.15.

This afternoon I went with the family for Wetherspoons for lunch and chose the side salad (without the dressing). It was nice to join in and eat again with the family.

Afterwards I went shopping and bought some new bra/knicker sets for my husband! I found out that I am a size 36DD now! I got a trashy looking set in red/black/with a bit of cream; a black set with red embroidery (more classy); and a cream and black set (very classy). The knickers really set them off, but I don't expect to be wearing them for very long!

I also bought a size 14 trousers and size 14 white top which buttons down the front and doesn't gape at all even when I sit down. The size 14 skirt I tried on was too big at the waist! I've realised that my waist is small compared to my hips, so I usually try 14's and 12's on to see which fits my hips best.

I still feel weird wearing this size stuff. I got them from Per Una at M&S and I remember clearly not even looking at their stuff because it wouldn't go near me.

I bought a sports bra too, but it had to be 36D because I couldn't find one in DD anywhere. Everything is squashed but as long as they don't move too much I can cope.

Last of all I bought a new swimming costume. I have been looking for a couple of weeks but nothing I tried on has fitted properly - either too high leg (I'm too saggy to wear anything like that), or too brief on top (I hate showing a cleavage).

There is a specialist shop in town so I went there as a last resort and finally got what I needed - at a price - £59. Still, it means I can go swimming now and not feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

Tea time came and I had dry-fried chicken breast (without skin) with peppers and curry sauce (low fat) and spinach/salad. The rest of the family added vegetable rice to theirs too.

I had pack number two half an hour ago, and am up to date on the water/lemon juice.

Yesterday I moment of anxiety after I had eaten the stewed pears. I felt really full and fat and wondered if I had overdone it. What if I start putting on weight? I thought to myself. I am not at my goal weight yet. What if I can't cope with it? I don't want to stop losing?

Well, I have to come to terms with the fact that I WILL stop losing soon enough, and it is important that I learn to eat enough to remain a healthy weight and not lose the plot if I put on.

Oh, another thing that happened this week was that I started sleepwalking again. It is a weird thing because I am sort of awake but not. I got up because I thought we were being burgled (a common theme). I went downstairs and found my car keys - it was important that I put them in a safe place so the burglers could not find them. Well, come the morning neither could I! I had to use the spares.

Later that day I finally located them behind the sofa! I have done some very odd things in the past when in this state, but interestingly, when doing LL 100% foodpacks, I never had a wakeful moment. I never got up to go to the loo during the night once, I always slept like baby.

Anyway, talking about loos, I can hear one calling now. I gotta go!

 

[AmandaJayne]

Lazing on a Sunday afternoon - that was me today.

Reading the Sunday papers and watching Columbo, in front of the fire.

Breakfast was strawberry smoothie. Mmmm. I made my husband a banana and strawberry smoothie, which he had in bed. I had a sip. When you add banana it's divine (but it's not on my list yet).

A quick update from my comments yesterday about sexy bra and knickers. Yes, he picked out the trashy set as being his favourite - so I wore them to bed that night! And no, he asked me to keep the knickers on and and we 'worked round them!'.

Anyway, lunch was a mixed salad, and tea was grilled chicken breast, with a mixed salad and raita. Mmm. It's half past eight and I am feeling peckish so I will have some stewed pears.

I have just discovered that I will have to miss the next two meetings - my daughter has events at school which I have to attend. I will be able to pick up my packs, but that's all. I enjoy the meetings because invariably there are people there who are ahead of me, and some who got to goal last year and still pop in, and their experiences are invaluable.

I have got a 'health and fitness' day as part of our council's in-service days at work and I have elected to go to the gym and have a swim (hence the costume I bought yesterday). It is on Wednesday and I am looking forward to getting down and dirty with those machines ... then joining all the OAP's in the swimming pool. Hope I don't disgrace myself by splashing too much!

Oh, loads of water with lemon juice again today.

 

[dawntinkler34]

Hi every one,

i'm four weeks in to LL and am thinking about planning for the future, can anyone tell me how much management costs as i need to know my budget and how much overtime i need to work!!!

Thanks