Found today a little easier, coming down with monthly pains now and I always get them really terrible. Whenever I get them I want a nice meal and my bed, both of which I can't have due to work and SS lol. This time last month I fainted/collapsed/passed out - whatever happened - in town so I'm gonna take it easy next few days. Specially as I'm just in/going into ketosis again.
Food wise today has been a little easier. But I think I could have made it better for myself. Had breakfast before leaving my house - think I had it at about 7:45, then my lunch at 11:10. I actually looked at the clock at 11:05 and thought yay I haven't felt that hungry, then I couldn't get the bar off my mind and gave in within minutes. I could've really lasted out a bit longer which would have helped the pangs at the end of work. I finish over 6 hours after 11:10 so its a long time to go without anything...in my opinion. I need to get into my spacing them out routine again but I worry that I'll get faint after my morning fag if I don't have a tetra for breakfast before leaving the house.
Anyway, work was difficult as ever. Been put on an evil hard project which is bad enough, plus doing coursework for this horrible course I need to do next week, plus having people non stop talking about food. I don't get why all the girls have the figures they have judging by what food they get through. Fry ups ordered in for breakfast, bagettes and panini's etc at lunch time, and today they kept passing around sweets, flapjack, and those bacon razzle crisps are they called? They're one of my fave's but I never remember the name! Oh and candy sticks and straw sherberts.......GO AWAY
they like all yummy stuff. Its really unfair. They keep making comments like "I can't beleive you eat nothing..." "I dunno how you do it.." they do say I'm doing well but I don't wanna hear anything except the crunching in my mouth of the food they're all enjoying lol.
Its hard to get myself into the right frame of mind after screwing up so many times in 2 days. I don't even think its just that, I think its just "that person" saying he doesn't care about my weight which in a way makes it harder because now its like "well he doesn't care I may as well enjoy myself.." BUT I DON'T actually think this way believe it or not. I don't wanna be fat when he see's me I don't want him to feel my rolls when he gives me a hugg for the first time in ever.. yuck. This meet might not even happen, which will be killer
If he doesn't go to the same gig as me and Soph then I guess that I will have possibly a little more time to lose it all, but his birthday is mid-November and I want it to be around then at the latest really.
I am feeling a bit better about myself body wise, but not heaps better. I'm happier now I have a few tops to wear, Ive never had the luxury of clothes before, I've never bought any, period. I still don't look how I want to look in them, and I still see the middle tyre-a-bulging. I just wish I could work on my face as well as dieting, if my skin was sorted I'd feel much better. Oh and Hair ish's too, and teeth lol...endless list.
Think I'll leave my rant there, congrats to anyone who reads this for not falling asleep!!!!
Take care
ArcMonkXx
P.s. Just battled with 5 peas, picked them up they were cm's away from my mouth then I threw them back into the pan............oh well my mum's bf is gonna eat them..mwaha