ProPoints Azwethinkweiz (Sarah)s new food diary!

[Wishbird007]

Hun u dont look hideous its all in ur head sweet x x
If u look forward to the food, its good that u r looking forward to sum of it darlin, wear something u feel comfy in n hav a belly laff it will help u on ur way, above all try not to feel selfconcious if poss; cos u look good u just need to try n convince urself hun xx
;-)

 

[Dubchick81]

Not at all hideous hun.. Its not your scene so ur not expected to be excited..
N im sure u hav luvly clothes.. As Liz says wear something u feel comfortable in.. U dress for u... no-one else.. xx

 

[Jaly]

You're gorgeous Sarah! But people will find you even more beautiful once you realise how pretty you are yourself! ;D

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Honestly though. Sometimes I wear something I think might be ok but then I see photos later and realise how big & horrid I look! Embarrassing!!
I'll try my best not to let it show that I'm self conscious!

You are all so kind to me... You all must be racking up some good karma at this stage xx

Oh I've set up my mini marathon on mycharity.ie
http://www.mycharity.ie/event/sarah_bickmores_event/
It's supporting SOSAD, a charity for people affected by suicide. If anyone can spare a few euro that'd be great thanks so much x

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[Jaly]

Haha! Compliments genuinely meant and well deserved! xx You don't look horrid! shhh!

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Well I reckon I do and I can't be told otherwise because my brain won't let me accept any compliments. It just goes "no no no no no no" lol.

I'm off to Dr in Drogheda today. A psychiatrist. Think all he's gonna do is tell me to go back to work. I still haven't heard about getting this CBT and I'm starting to get really anxious because to me it feels like everyone wants me to go back to how I was & pretend I'm ok again. I'm still unwell & I'm still not getting any help, the health system here really sucks...

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[azwethinkweiz]

Yesterdays Diary 1st May

Brekkie:
Half Bagel with choc philly -4pp
3 Go Ahead Forest Fruit Slices -4pp
Apple -0pp

Lunch:
Half skinny cappuccino -1pp
4 cream crackers with low low cheese -6pp
Banana & strawberries -0pp

Dinner:
Homemade bolognaise & pasta -10pp

Snacks:
Mini shortbread -6pp (ooops)
2 marshmallows -1pp
Loop the loop -2pp
Apple -0pp

I used 32pp (again). I'm thinking most I can hope for is STS this week... Feeling quite heavy. I'm not drinking enough. All I had was a cup of tea, a cup of coffee & 1 glass squash!!

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[Baby-belle]

I've started a new diary hun on ww going to try it again so join my diary please

 

[lydia150970]

Well I reckon I do and I can't be told otherwise because my brain won't let me accept any compliments. It just goes "no no no no no no" lol.

I'm off to Dr in Drogheda today. A psychiatrist. Think all he's gonna do is tell me to go back to work. I still haven't heard about getting this CBT and I'm starting to get really anxious because to me it feels like everyone wants me to go back to how I was & pretend I'm ok again. I'm still unwell & I'm still not getting any help, the health system here really sucks...

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Well I think it needs to be a mutal decision if you go back to work, how you feel about going back? Do you think you will cope ok? If not then don't do it, if you think it might help a little then go for it. I think its important that your colleagues are sensitive to the fact that you haven't been well and you should lay down some ground rules with your boss, ie do you want people to ask how you are - if you do then be honest "I'm getting there thank you, have good and bad days thank you for asking" or would you rather people didn't ask. I have no idea about the health system in Ireland but do you have health retreats, i actually think getting away from home for a good 2-3 weeks would do you the world of good, it will allow you to concentrate on getting better and putting yourself first without worrying that you are burden to others (which you are NOT) oh and by the way I agree with others, you're gorgeous!!! You just need to see in the mirror what others see!!

have a good day my lovely x

 

[Dubchick81]

Well I think it needs to be a mutal decision if you go back to work, how you feel about going back? Do you think you will cope ok? If not then don't do it, if you think it might help a little then go for it. I think its important that your colleagues are sensitive to the fact that you haven't been well and you should lay down some ground rules with your boss, ie do you want people to ask how you are - if you do then be honest "I'm getting there thank you, have good and bad days thank you for asking" or would you rather people didn't ask. I have no idea about the health system in Ireland but do you have health retreats, i actually think getting away from home for a good 2-3 weeks would do you the world of good, it will allow you to concentrate on getting better and putting yourself first without worrying that you are burden to others (which you are NOT) oh and by the way I agree with others, you're gorgeous!!! You just need to see in the mirror what others see!!

have a good day my lovely x

Yea we have St. Ita's... My cousin went in there for a few days.. She was feeling really depressed n had already attempted an overdose before...

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Is St. Itas a health retreat? I thought it was a psychiatric unit? We have one of those down the road in Ardee. I definitely don't want to stay there... Plus you have to pay & it's expensive

I was sitting on my tod waiting an hour to see this Dr guy I saw in March and then he isn't there and I had to see someone else and I didn't like her much at all!
It feels like everyone is just going on and on about going back to work and not telling me how to actually handle it or giving me anything that'll help me be better. I'm so frustrated. See... if I go back soon, everyone in my life will presume I'm ok again. Like when you're ill and off work you're all better when you go back. That's a really distressing thought because I'm not better. Being so alone in all of this is horrid. No one wants to talk to me about it, they just ignore me. I hate this.

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[Jaly]

Hope you feel better soon hun x

 

[lydia150970]

Is St. Itas a health retreat? I thought it was a psychiatric unit? We have one of those down the road in Ardee. I definitely don't want to stay there... Plus you have to pay & it's expensive

I was sitting on my tod waiting an hour to see this Dr guy I saw in March and then he isn't there and I had to see someone else and I didn't like her much at all!
It feels like everyone is just going on and on about going back to work and not telling me how to actually handle it or giving me anything that'll help me be better. I'm so frustrated. See... if I go back soon, everyone in my life will presume I'm ok again. Like when you're ill and off work you're all better when you go back. That's a really distressing thought because I'm not better. Being so alone in all of this is horrid. No one wants to talk to me about it, they just ignore me. I hate this.

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We are here to talk to you hun, I know its not the same as face to face, but we care and want to help. Where are you in terms of CBT - my best friend is a manager at our local mental health trust and she does all that kind of stuff do you want me to see if she has any contacts in ROI?

You're right you need to be taught coping mechanisms x

 

[azwethinkweiz]

We are here to talk to you hun, I know its not the same as face to face, but we care and want to help. Where are you in terms of CBT - my best friend is a manager at our local mental health trust and she does all that kind of stuff do you want me to see if she has any contacts in ROI?

You're right you need to be taught coping mechanisms x

I've been told I could be waiting a while but can't find out a date or anything and no amount of phone calls I make seem to make a difference! It's like there is no help. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong that I'm not being taken seriously at all. Today the doctor really annoyed me to be honest. I've been upset a lot lately. Seen my sister but we just talked weddings weddings weddings. My mum - I tried to talk to but she didn't wanna know & she either fobs me off or changes the subject.
The truth is I'm really afraid that I'll never be better & I can't understand why this is happening to me.
It would be great if you could mention & see if she knows anything? It's worth a shot even if it's a long one.

Thanks for understanding x

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[starkissedx]

They take ages don't they I have my first appointment for next Thursday. I'm really nervous but hopeful it will help me think differently about things and change my negative thought process. Don't feel pressured to return to work, only go back when your ready xx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Everybody reckons I should go back so I think I'll have to Heather. It sounds like work is ok with a phased return. All they aren't ok with is the "decreased pressure & workload" my doctor mentioned. I just got "it IS a software development position, there are deadlines blah blah". Sigh.
Feeling a bit melancholy about it all. And confused.

Hope your appt goes ok, let me know how you get on won't you? Hopefully you find it helpful Xx

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[azwethinkweiz]

Todays Diary 2nd May '12

Milk -2pp

Brekkie:
Mini Choc Chip Weetabix -4pp

Lunch:
Blue dragon fine noodles -5pp
Bacon medallions -1pp

Dinner:
Homemade chicken fried rice -10pp

Snacks throughout the day:
Choccie biccie -3pp
Loop the loop -2pp
2 marshmallows -1pp
WW yogurt -1pp
Apple -0pp
Strawberries -0pp

Toooo many pp being spent on snacks lol. How can I curb the snacking habit aargh
Still... 29pp used today so not as bad as other days and quite proud because I had an upsetting day and I usually binge like mad! Here's hoping tomorrow is ok too. x

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[Jaly]

Yay! Looks like you had a great day with healthy snacks too! x Here's to today being just as good! xx

 

[azwethinkweiz]

Yay! Looks like you had a great day with healthy snacks too! x Here's to today being just as good! xx

Thanks lovely lady! Probably could've done without the choccie biccie & ice pop etc lol. I am weeeeak

Hoping today is a good day yes. Sneaky weigh in is showing STS. I hope I can stick like that tomorrow morning (official WI) & not suddenly gain lol.

Also... My sister has decided she's taking me out for birthday dinner tomorrow night (my birthday is next tuesday)! Excited but that's two dinners out this weekend then (hen party on saturday night). Hmm. I'll have to try to make wise choices & not drink a lot. Bit worried now as these situations usually start me eating too much all over again.

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[Dubchick81]

Thanks lovely lady! Probably could've done without the choccie biccie & ice pop etc lol. I am weeeeak

Hoping today is a good day yes. Sneaky weigh in is showing STS. I hope I can stick like that tomorrow morning (official WI) & not suddenly gain lol.

Also... My sister has decided she's taking me out for birthday dinner tomorrow night (my birthday is next tuesday)! Excited but that's two dinners out this weekend then (hen party on saturday night). Hmm. I'll have to try to make wise choices & not drink a lot. Bit worried now as these situations usually start me eating too much all over again.

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I'm out this evening for dinner too... Determined to make good choices tho as WI is in the morning...
Was out last Thursday as well for dinner.. God damn.. Soon I change my weigh day to Friday!!!
Oh well.. Hoping the fact I've been OK the rest of the week will go to my advantage..