Before and during LL

[melarnz]

I thought I would start a new diary (again!!) to help me on my way. I climbed off the wagon and fell flat on my face last week.

Since I have filled my face with high fat, convenience foods and sweets. The result of this is the feeling that I can't cope. I have 2 girls under 5, I work 30 hours a week, I go to the gym 4 times a week, I run a house, I'm planning a wedding and am studying to do an English degree.

Since coming off healthy eating and coming off packs I feel tired all the time. I really don't cope well when I'm tired, so im snappy, depressed, I feel drained all the time and feel like there is a cloud hanging over my head I can't shake. I can't sleep and this makes me feel worse!!

The reason I am writing this is proof, you are what you eat!! Is my birthday this weekend. I was quite happy to let it go by un-noticed and do my packs and maybe have a lie in. However, my family and friends kept on and on about what I was doing so I td them we would go for a meal just to shut them up!! Since then, because I had planned a 'cheat' I've been awful.

It just goes to proove, you are what you eat! SO in order to help my future goal, I thought I would start my diary before I start back on the packs. By putting my most intimate thoughts down on how I am feeling, I can then read them back as an incentive to stay on plan.

My dad gave me loads of exante packs to use so it would work out much cheaper for me. But I really want to go back to the group. When I 'mentioned' it in passing, my hubbies face told me everything I needed to know. He is so fed up with ne changing diets and plans and eating and not eating, that he doesn't think I can do it. He said he doesn't care what I do, just chose one (or not) but stick to it. I can see his point, but it made me feel like acomplete failure (to be honest, I am).

How can I justify spending £70 per week on packs when I have 3 months worth under my kitchen table!! We are supposed to. E saving up for our wedding, and that is pretty much 1 grand in3 months!!

I think I need to just get this weekend out of the way, then start my packs again. Set myself some new realistic mini targets and e sure I have some non food treats along the way.

I am looking forward to this weekend, I just wish, I wasn't so ashamed of myself and how big I have got. I'm sure 2 stone is a massive difference and everyone will notice and think i have failed.

Ho hum....life plods on, and it's time to start the days rut all over again.

 

[melarnz]

I don't feel much better after my 5am rant this morning. I'm knackered, the kids are grouchy and I am counting the time that they go to bed.

I have just had a quick flick through my wardrobe and found a tent-like top for tomorrow night (my birthday drinks) and some very tight skinny jeans which are definately not skinny. It's gutting really, I shrunk out of them once, and now they are too tight really. I wanted to wear flat shoes for comfort, but it will definately look too frumpy, so I'm gonna have to go for sky scraper wedges just to elongate myself a bit!!

I'm really looking forward to starting the packs on Monday!

 

[Lind]

Don't feel grumpy and guilty about the coming weekend. Enjoy it, and know that Monday morning is the start of your new clean slate. You can do it, you know you can so all it will be is just a matter of getting yourself back into ketosis and you know you will be fine then.

Have a lovely weekend and good luck for Monday!

 

[melarnz]

Thanks linda

justbthe thought of having to get ready depresses me. I'm still exhausted, my 1yr old chucked my iPhone into the swimming pool today, so gutted about that. My eldest has decided that she was going to use today to flex her independence and push her boundaries. My father in law came down for a visit which meant I lost hubby to the pub for the couple of hours I was supposed to be catching up on some zzzzzz's. As a consequence I'm very tempted to tell everyone to go out and have a drink on me whilst I find somewhere quiet and secluded to spend some time literally doing nothing in silence and maybe have a good cry!

 

[Iwillgetthere]

Mel you are being way too hard on yourself luv. You had a slip - not failed. You are only a failure when you give up and there is not a chance you are going to give up. Go out and enjoy yourself and start afresh tomorrow morning. Mel you were and still are my inspiration. When i was thinking about joining LL yours was the very first thread I read and it made up my mind that LL does work and that I was joining. You will do it and you will get to the weight you want to be. You have inspired too many people. Dont you dare give up. Good luck getting stuck back in again - oh and happy birthday luv

 

[melarnz]

Wow!!! thank you!!

I came on here to have another rant - but how can I after that!! The tide has turned and now you are inspiring me - you have returned the favour xx lol

(although I must say, it is sods law I have a poorly 4yr old who wants her mummy on the only morning hubby offered to get up with the kids lol. 530am. Oh well just means I have longer to enjoy my birthday)

 

[Iwillgetthere]

Oh my goodness cant believe you said im inspiring you now. Thank you soooooooo much.

Nothing worse than one of your little ones being ill. Daddy's are great but why is it when a child is sick they always want their mummy. Aaaaaah bless. Tomorrow is start of new week and is your new start. You have so much planned that you need to stick to your packs for (ie wedding lol) so just grab the bull by the horns and get stuck back in again x

 

[Lind]

Hope your birthday was lovely!!

 

[slendablenda]

Happy birthday Mel. I hope you have had a great day and lots of attention.
You have made so many points in the last few days on here.
You are not a failure. You are still well down on when you started LL aren't you?
Sounds like your kids are being fractious - are they picking up on your mood - cross with yourself?
Sounds like you have taken on a lot at the moment. Build up to your wedding will be likely to add more pressure.
Great that your Dad gave you the Exante packs. Why didn't he want them? Did he give up?
You have been so successful on LL. For me it is the couselling/CBT/group work that made it different from other "diets".
I remember that when you were losing weight you felt as though you could take on the world.
You know LL works for you. If you go back you can justify it as an investment in your future.
It's great that you have rightly inspired other people in their LL journeys. Your honesty is refreshing.
You know you have the strength to do it.
Get back on your horse and drink your packs!
Call it a birthday present to yourself.
Good luck Mel xxx

 

[melarnz]

Thanks girls.

I have had a lovely day. I got a pandora bracelet from hubby with 3 charms. Each one representing him and my 2 children. It is such a personal gift I love stuff like that.

Tomorrow is my start to getting me back. A serious effort into trying to find the happy person I have buried beneath tons of comfort food.

No doubt I'll be on here A LOT !!

Good night guys - thanks again xx.

 

[melarnz]

OK!!!!!

The sun is shining, its a new day!! I have no known hurdles until my holiday in August and I have a wedding dress to shrink into.

Positive thoughts, and thinking about the benefits (mental and physical) of getting to target.

I have set my goals, 4 stone doesnt seem that bad! Ive already lost 6 so im well over half way to target!

Lets go!!!

 

[melarnz]

Half way through day 1 - everything is good!

Im hungry but not feeling sick or headachy with it (yet). im keeping myself busy and and trying not to think about food.

i am 2 packs down and have 2 to go.

 

[melarnz]

I want to eat.... So I'm going to bed!!!!

 

[daisydoll]

happy belated birthday!

i bought a new pandora charm every time i lost 4lb whilst doing LL - good incentive!

good luck with packs - i'm doing 4 weeks to lose a stone which has crept back on for my holiday so i empathise with how you are feeling.

on day 6 now tho - and is much easier now in ketosis

hope you sleep well, good idea to take your mind off stuff

daisy x

 

[melarnz]

Wow what a good nights sleep. I think hubby was was disappointed when I said I was having an early night...and it meant an early night lol. He went to have a bath and I was asleep before my head hit the pillow!!! Bliss!!

Hopefully it will help with today!

 

[melarnz]

Hi Slenda - sorry i have not had a chance to reply properly before now! here goes xx

You are still well down on when you started LL aren't you?
yes - i am still 6 stone down on where i started.

Sounds like your kids are being fractious - are they picking up on your mood - cross with yourself?
possibly - they are really good kids usually, and i generally have the patience to deal with any minor issues. but when im tired little things seem like momentous issues and i lose patience quicker. poor kids!

Great that your Dad gave you the Exante packs. Why didn't he want them? Did he give up?
he saw how much weight i lost, and thought it would be easy not to eat. i dont think he even lasted 1 day! i asked him if i could but them off him as he was not using them and he gave them to me. im still using up old LL packs from mine and my sisters stash, but i havent got many left. so it will be onto exante soon. i cant justify going back to LL with sooo many packs just going to waste. Soooo i have a new plan. In september my LL is starting a bootcamp session for people who want a tough weigh in. we will be doing an hours worth of excercise before the weigh in and then the normal stuff afterwards. but instead of her saying there there its okay if you put on, she is gonna be harder on you.

if i get to september and i still have a bit to lose, i will go back to that, as my exante packs will be pretty much done and i could benefit from some tough love lol

BUT - im hoping i will be near enough there by then. 4 stone in 3 months does not sound completely unrealistic. but we will se where i am.

 

[Iwillgetthere]

Mel i'mloving the sound of the LL Boot Camp. I think harsh is what we need sometimes.

Well done on startin again. Another couple of days and you will be not be feeling hungry - and wait to you see how much the scales have dropped too

 

[melarnz]

I'm struggling today !!! So I have busted out the boullion and weighed myself.

I have lost 3lbs since Monday morning. Not bad! But thought it might be more in the 1st few days. However, that's 2 weeks weight loss on some diets, so it's all good!

 

[Iwillgetthere]

Mel 3lb since Monday is fantastic. Its only day 3. You gotta stay positive. You have a wedding dress to fit into

 

[melarnz]

I have been on eBay today to see if I can buy a cheap size 12 dress to aspire to fit into. Once I can fit into that, then I can start dress hunting for the real thing lol