Begin at the Beginning
- Thread starter Tilleymonster
- Start date
You are doing really, really well. I wonder what that dress looks like! 
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Day 1. Again.
See this? For goodness sake.
I was so happy about my dress and the loss that I just decided to eat again. All week. I skipped my session, text my counsellor and then had a cry. Now I've decided to sort it out. Again. How many times will I say this. So, my reasoning now is as follows (so as not to dwell on the last week):
- I was happy in my dress and felt beautiful. However, it has been ordered for June, and instead of seeing this as a reason to 'not worry' for a bit I need to get on with it. It's 2 inches smaller than I am now and the last thing I want is nights of guilt and a panic and tears just before or, worst case, AT the fitting.
- I was discussing quitting smoking with my best friend who said 'did you think the reason you get out of breath or feel a bit tired might be because you're still 2 stone overweight?' Ouch. But very true. The weight I am now used to be my 'biggest' weight, not my 'hooray I just lost loads' weight.
- I want to enjoy the summer, and it's fast approaching. I want to be maintaining and enjoy a hen night and BBQs and all other social events. Not leave it so long that I HAVE to go back to abstinence and say no to all these fun things that will involve drinking and eating. Sure, that's other's expecations but it's mine too.
- We have our food tasting booked in for the end of March. I would like to be able to eat at that, not feel that I'm breaking my diet. That gives me 8 weeks. Which is more than enough if I abstain.
My friend was kindly saying about all the strengths I have and that this issue with food is the one weak thing I have, (bar the cigarettes of course). I am having to face something that I find hard, and that doesn't happen often. That's very true. I faced it for a full 6 weeks and felt brilliant, and have since messed about with my emotions and my body and a lot of money, not doing what I decided was my goal and my target. All this is doing is leading to me hating myself and feeling useless and flawed. And only I am doing that.
So there's my update. I'm eating regularly - I've ended up eating the packets so that first one is at 12, second at 4 and then dinner of food and a binge. From today it's breakfast at normal breakfast time, lunch, then my dinner packet and a shake for my dessert. I've really had enough of myself. I'm sure anyone still reading this is the same! I cannot afford to muck about this, this year is not only my 30th year, but when I'll photographed and spoilt the most I've been in my life. It's the first time it'll all be about me (and the OH of course!!!) and I want to have the confidence to revel in it, not just hide away scared and causing my own failure.
See this? For goodness sake.
I was so happy about my dress and the loss that I just decided to eat again. All week. I skipped my session, text my counsellor and then had a cry. Now I've decided to sort it out. Again. How many times will I say this. So, my reasoning now is as follows (so as not to dwell on the last week):
- I was happy in my dress and felt beautiful. However, it has been ordered for June, and instead of seeing this as a reason to 'not worry' for a bit I need to get on with it. It's 2 inches smaller than I am now and the last thing I want is nights of guilt and a panic and tears just before or, worst case, AT the fitting.
- I was discussing quitting smoking with my best friend who said 'did you think the reason you get out of breath or feel a bit tired might be because you're still 2 stone overweight?' Ouch. But very true. The weight I am now used to be my 'biggest' weight, not my 'hooray I just lost loads' weight.
- I want to enjoy the summer, and it's fast approaching. I want to be maintaining and enjoy a hen night and BBQs and all other social events. Not leave it so long that I HAVE to go back to abstinence and say no to all these fun things that will involve drinking and eating. Sure, that's other's expecations but it's mine too.
- We have our food tasting booked in for the end of March. I would like to be able to eat at that, not feel that I'm breaking my diet. That gives me 8 weeks. Which is more than enough if I abstain.
My friend was kindly saying about all the strengths I have and that this issue with food is the one weak thing I have, (bar the cigarettes of course). I am having to face something that I find hard, and that doesn't happen often. That's very true. I faced it for a full 6 weeks and felt brilliant, and have since messed about with my emotions and my body and a lot of money, not doing what I decided was my goal and my target. All this is doing is leading to me hating myself and feeling useless and flawed. And only I am doing that.
So there's my update. I'm eating regularly - I've ended up eating the packets so that first one is at 12, second at 4 and then dinner of food and a binge. From today it's breakfast at normal breakfast time, lunch, then my dinner packet and a shake for my dessert. I've really had enough of myself. I'm sure anyone still reading this is the same! I cannot afford to muck about this, this year is not only my 30th year, but when I'll photographed and spoilt the most I've been in my life. It's the first time it'll all be about me (and the OH of course!!!) and I want to have the confidence to revel in it, not just hide away scared and causing my own failure.
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Day 2. 100% day 1 down. Feeling confident. 26th March is the complimentary tasting session with the caterer, so that's 8 weeks to be perfect! It's on! x
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Here it is:Never in my life did I think I'd end up with a dress like this, a proper BRIDAL dress.... FOCUS!!!
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Downloaded, and ready to read through this evening. Thanks Diem x
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Ahhh a good day. Out with my friends last night stuck to water and black coffee. Feeling good. Today I've used a voucher for massage and pedicure, so not my thing, but doing this whole accepting my body and learning to like what I've got. Hurrah! Wedding tomorrow, not mine! Designated driver and everyone we're sitting with are OHs friends and know about my diet. I've got a blue flowery swing style dress to wear and will NOT swap it for trousers and top. Ive done the trousers and top look to death, no more!
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Lovely massage, facial, pedicure and manicure. Really needed and great to be up in the sunshine. Then came home and sorted my wardrobe and the embarrassing large number of clothes that were hiding in the loft. Put 7 binbags in the charity bin. Had to be so ruthless about whether I'd really want something once I like what my body is like. Been a but hungry today, but not too bad, a bit rumbly. Very odd to not settle in with food tonight, but feeling so positive that I don't want to, it feels odd, not disappointing!
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Day 5.
All is well! Had a lovely time at our friends wedding yesterday. Was designated driver, so that solved the drink issue (not that I drink often in any case) BUT I got a lot of stick about my diet and ended up eating. It's the first time I really got pummelled about it. It was a sit down 4 course meal and I had two of my packs before we left to try and tide me over. In any case, no one has really 'turned on me' since starting this diet but the group I was at the table with were really scathing about why I can't just eat healthily, they weren't cruel, but genuinely bemused. I really wasn't ready! Anyway, so to shut everyone up I ate. This consisted of eating the tomatoes off the top of the bruschetta, the chicken and peppers and onions of the main, and 2 spoons of the treacle sponge pudding. Bye bye ketosis. Then in the evening they had chip and bacon butties carried round, so I took two bacon sarnies, ate the bacon from them and left the bread. Can we also get a 'bye bye veggie'.
All was going so well and could be considered 'LighterLife Lite' until the dessert spoonfuls entered my mouth. Anyway, I fretted all night. Danced as much as i possibly could to burn it off, and had my normal porridge sachet this morning. Took a sneaky peek at the home scales expecting something horrendous but they're actually showing a loss... Perhaps the payback is yet to come, or I'm being too harsh on myself? Either way, normally I'd have gone mad for the champagne and free food and feel quite proud of myself. EXCEPT for the eating of meat and not being at all prepared for the peer pressure. OH is trying to get me to just chill out as it was a wedding, not a sudden stop in at a restaurant or a takeaway. Hence I'm calling this day 5, and not starting from 1.
My tummy is not happy though - not sure if that's the meat or the other stuff. Still, another way to lose a bit of weight eh?
It's so annoying when people get into your head though. 'Why can't you just eat healthily?' they asked. Well, yes, great point, and as we're all acquaintances I'm not sure you really want the answer to that question. So simple for some people. and I hope it is so simple for me too as the coming months roll by. but it's not now. i've already though, hey, perhaps I should stop this diet, save some pennies and do something like Slimming World. But why? Why stop this really? it's not really even about the money, i'ts the fear - that in a couple of months I could be slim, and have succeeded, that then I have to maintain it and will know this time when it's all going wrong. I don't know, how weird that people sway my brain so easily. Building a little wall and carrying on. So much easier as the daffodils come out and I know I can start gardening again soon and get outside in the garden with a book...
All is well! Had a lovely time at our friends wedding yesterday. Was designated driver, so that solved the drink issue (not that I drink often in any case) BUT I got a lot of stick about my diet and ended up eating. It's the first time I really got pummelled about it. It was a sit down 4 course meal and I had two of my packs before we left to try and tide me over. In any case, no one has really 'turned on me' since starting this diet but the group I was at the table with were really scathing about why I can't just eat healthily, they weren't cruel, but genuinely bemused. I really wasn't ready! Anyway, so to shut everyone up I ate. This consisted of eating the tomatoes off the top of the bruschetta, the chicken and peppers and onions of the main, and 2 spoons of the treacle sponge pudding. Bye bye ketosis. Then in the evening they had chip and bacon butties carried round, so I took two bacon sarnies, ate the bacon from them and left the bread. Can we also get a 'bye bye veggie'.
All was going so well and could be considered 'LighterLife Lite' until the dessert spoonfuls entered my mouth. Anyway, I fretted all night. Danced as much as i possibly could to burn it off, and had my normal porridge sachet this morning. Took a sneaky peek at the home scales expecting something horrendous but they're actually showing a loss... Perhaps the payback is yet to come, or I'm being too harsh on myself? Either way, normally I'd have gone mad for the champagne and free food and feel quite proud of myself. EXCEPT for the eating of meat and not being at all prepared for the peer pressure. OH is trying to get me to just chill out as it was a wedding, not a sudden stop in at a restaurant or a takeaway. Hence I'm calling this day 5, and not starting from 1.
My tummy is not happy though - not sure if that's the meat or the other stuff. Still, another way to lose a bit of weight eh?
It's so annoying when people get into your head though. 'Why can't you just eat healthily?' they asked. Well, yes, great point, and as we're all acquaintances I'm not sure you really want the answer to that question. So simple for some people. and I hope it is so simple for me too as the coming months roll by. but it's not now. i've already though, hey, perhaps I should stop this diet, save some pennies and do something like Slimming World. But why? Why stop this really? it's not really even about the money, i'ts the fear - that in a couple of months I could be slim, and have succeeded, that then I have to maintain it and will know this time when it's all going wrong. I don't know, how weird that people sway my brain so easily. Building a little wall and carrying on. So much easier as the daffodils come out and I know I can start gardening again soon and get outside in the garden with a book...
Tilleymonster
Full Member
Hi Diem, yes I have! It's making me giggle a bit as I go through - an alter to myself? However, I can see a lot about what he's trying to explain, and how to view food. As with all these things, my mind is very clever at overrulling good advice and what i know is best. Already today I can tell I ate something as despite having two packets as normal by now, my stomach is rumbling like crazy and I'm feel so lethargic!
Tilleymonster
Full Member
I'm now starting Lite. I feel it's time. I've got my recipe book out from first time around and went on a vegetable shop yesterday. I am going to learn to embrace preparing a meal for myself whilst sticking to the counselling and packs workgin through this next two stone. I know it might slow my loss. But when I did Ll the first time around it was Lite because I was 12.10 starting. It only took me 7 weeks to be 10 stone, and I had a very lovely spring cooking for myself and my partner and didn't deviate once. I'm now thinking that this is a natural next step to curb the hunger and the extremes of either doing the packs, or bingeing. Let's see if it works. Already that totally changes my evenings, home, walk dogs, prepare meal from recipe book, eat lovely meal (with real effort to sit down and eat it and enjoy). I like this idea a lot.
Skinny girl
Full Member
Sorry I have been so absent for you. I think the Lite option is the right one for you now, as I have said in the past it gives you the best of both worlds. Better losses than WW/sw etc and the mix of packs and a meal. I am planning on 2 more weigh ins and then switch to 3 packs and a meal, am so scared as you know and I keep putting it off but I have to eat soon. I just want to see 10 stone something on the scales before I do that though! I hate the peer pressure from others but sounds like you did well at the wedding not to just think stuff this and eat all the pudding. Keep it up lovely and you will soon be at goal xx
Hey Tilley...
I have just read through your thread and have some advice to offer if you're still around as one or two things have struck me about your journey so far...
I did Cambridge Diet along with calorie counting and reduced my weight from 15 stone 2 to 9 stone 2 in err about 16 months with rather a few stop starts.
Anyway, I shall wait to see if you return before I waffle on : )
I have just read through your thread and have some advice to offer if you're still around as one or two things have struck me about your journey so far...
I did Cambridge Diet along with calorie counting and reduced my weight from 15 stone 2 to 9 stone 2 in err about 16 months with rather a few stop starts.
Anyway, I shall wait to see if you return before I waffle on : )
Tilleymonster
Full Member
I'm back. Hallllooooooooooooooooooooo ladies. xxx
Ok, so... I have dilly-dallied and put on over a stone.
I did my 'normal', ignored my counsellor's contact, ignored texts from lovely friends at LL and buried myself in a pit of 'oh Weight Watchers will work', or 'i dont need this, I'll do it all alone' blahdeblah. Having now managed to get nowhere alone I've made it up with my counsellor and my friends. Well, I say 'made it up' they were welcoming and had no doubt I'd come back to finish what I started. I've left myself with 7 weeks until my first dress fitting. The one where my measurements at 12 stone 12 were taken, and then reduced by a couple of inches as I was so sure I'd be slimmer. I'm planning on working my BUTT off to do this towards that date but push the date back if needed to get into the 11 stones. So here I am, weighed in at 14.4 last week, though had massively bad bloated period (so much worse monthlies when I'm eating so many carbs and sugar). Now on Day 4 and doing okay.
I'm just so sick of myself that even writing this makes me worry you're all rolling your eyes that here I go again.
I want to harness the first ever time I did this went I stopped off at shops after a weigh in and bought size 12 clothes in bright gorgeous colours.
Why am I doing this...again:
- I do NOT want to have to organise my clothes the night before work because I know that everything in my wardrobe doesn't really fit and have to pick out the few odd things that do.
- I do NOT want this depression in my life anymore. This self-doubt about who I am based on how I look. It's obvious I can't get down with the idea that personality conquers looks as I feel anti-social and ashamed of so much about me when I'm large.
- I do NOT want to keep on at my OH about how sick I feel as I lay in bed after a binge.
- I do NOT want to keep thinking my parents are judging what I did with their beautiful daughter by swallowing tubs of lard
- I do NOT want to be a fat bride (it's good that that's come in later than these other things right? Means this is more than a fad for the wedding?)
- I do NOT want it to be a big deal that I have the confidence to walk across the office without my coat/cardigan on
- I do NOT want to have my pants roll down under my stomach lol!
I DO want to feel like me. Like there is nothing weighing on my mind (pardon the pun). If anything can get rid of this critical voice in my head that's so focused on deriding me it has to be the weight, it solves so many of those snarky comments I give myself.
I DO want to solve this riddle about myself. This behaviour that goes round and around has become tedious even to me. So, I want to fix it and to do that I have to face it and stop running away.
I DO want to be a success at this. It means an awful lot. I don't want to keep a diary about bingeing, I want to keep a diary about how great life is, and so I have to make space to allow great thoughts to be in my mind without covering my thoughts and feelings in a mire of food. Not that food is bad, of course, but no more smearing myself in the bingeing ---to what end? So I can feel sad and then 'right'? Because I've always been a depressive and at one time I drank regularly so having given that up now I eat instead so I have some vice to wallow in?
I DO want to feel my age. And dress for my age.
I DO want to love myself. From no longer biting my nails, to keeping my hair nice, to saying what I think, and to having the energy and balls to make my life count, every minute.
Hmmm. So, Little thoughts about giving in, but nothing major. I've done this in the same way I did all my studying -- excellent at the pressure of exams and terrible at the slow and steady of coursework. Heaven forbid I just do this in good time, much more 'exciting' to have a goal that's very close and have to try and get there.
Onwards.
Ok, so... I have dilly-dallied and put on over a stone.
I did my 'normal', ignored my counsellor's contact, ignored texts from lovely friends at LL and buried myself in a pit of 'oh Weight Watchers will work', or 'i dont need this, I'll do it all alone' blahdeblah. Having now managed to get nowhere alone I've made it up with my counsellor and my friends. Well, I say 'made it up' they were welcoming and had no doubt I'd come back to finish what I started. I've left myself with 7 weeks until my first dress fitting. The one where my measurements at 12 stone 12 were taken, and then reduced by a couple of inches as I was so sure I'd be slimmer. I'm planning on working my BUTT off to do this towards that date but push the date back if needed to get into the 11 stones. So here I am, weighed in at 14.4 last week, though had massively bad bloated period (so much worse monthlies when I'm eating so many carbs and sugar). Now on Day 4 and doing okay.
I'm just so sick of myself that even writing this makes me worry you're all rolling your eyes that here I go again.
I want to harness the first ever time I did this went I stopped off at shops after a weigh in and bought size 12 clothes in bright gorgeous colours.
Why am I doing this...again:
- I do NOT want to have to organise my clothes the night before work because I know that everything in my wardrobe doesn't really fit and have to pick out the few odd things that do.
- I do NOT want this depression in my life anymore. This self-doubt about who I am based on how I look. It's obvious I can't get down with the idea that personality conquers looks as I feel anti-social and ashamed of so much about me when I'm large.
- I do NOT want to keep on at my OH about how sick I feel as I lay in bed after a binge.
- I do NOT want to keep thinking my parents are judging what I did with their beautiful daughter by swallowing tubs of lard
- I do NOT want to be a fat bride (it's good that that's come in later than these other things right? Means this is more than a fad for the wedding?)
- I do NOT want it to be a big deal that I have the confidence to walk across the office without my coat/cardigan on
- I do NOT want to have my pants roll down under my stomach lol!
I DO want to feel like me. Like there is nothing weighing on my mind (pardon the pun). If anything can get rid of this critical voice in my head that's so focused on deriding me it has to be the weight, it solves so many of those snarky comments I give myself.
I DO want to solve this riddle about myself. This behaviour that goes round and around has become tedious even to me. So, I want to fix it and to do that I have to face it and stop running away.
I DO want to be a success at this. It means an awful lot. I don't want to keep a diary about bingeing, I want to keep a diary about how great life is, and so I have to make space to allow great thoughts to be in my mind without covering my thoughts and feelings in a mire of food. Not that food is bad, of course, but no more smearing myself in the bingeing ---to what end? So I can feel sad and then 'right'? Because I've always been a depressive and at one time I drank regularly so having given that up now I eat instead so I have some vice to wallow in?
I DO want to feel my age. And dress for my age.
I DO want to love myself. From no longer biting my nails, to keeping my hair nice, to saying what I think, and to having the energy and balls to make my life count, every minute.
Hmmm. So, Little thoughts about giving in, but nothing major. I've done this in the same way I did all my studying -- excellent at the pressure of exams and terrible at the slow and steady of coursework. Heaven forbid I just do this in good time, much more 'exciting' to have a goal that's very close and have to try and get there.
Onwards.
