being fatter makes you less attractive

[chrisguy2008]

As sad as it may be, when you are fat especially on your face it totally changes your appearance. The first thing people think when they see you is that you were fat. We live in such a cruel world. Does anyone notice that when you are fat alot of people dont want to talk or associate with you as though you have some kind of disease or something, also employers think you are lazy. Im a guy and not a bad looking guy, although im married girls have never really shown an interest towards me until last year when i lost 3 stone they were all talking. Correct me if im wrong but i think the reason why alot of girls dont want to go out with fat or overweight men is because they are embaressed and they will feel as though their friends would slag them off. What do you think?

 

[Flabbyfay]

I never ever had a problem until last year i went to work for a large chain of nurseries working with 3 to 5 year olds i was very heavy then (nearly 18 stone) but it never effected my work then our lovely big and bubbly manager left and we got the ***** queen!!!!!! she was in her 50s, slimish, long bleach blonde hair From the moment she met me she hated me I could never figure why ? never once did i dream it was because of my weight but it was. I was told by one member of staff that she had said i look like the fat, lazy type of person who sits at home eating chips out of paper all night In the end i walked out as i couldn't take the bulling no more and the worse thing of all is the company backed her all the way :cry: that was a year ago next month and i haven't been able to work since. I won't walk into another job until i'm thin as i really don't think i can take what i went though again

 

[Russiandoll]

I think that a lot of the time, it was MY thinking that was/is warped ... because I think I'm unattractive, I never meet anyone's eyes, keep my head down, perhaps be a bit defensive etc and then when I don't get positive attention, I assume it's my weight when it's more likely to be my attitude.

Losing weight made me more confident cosequently I smiled more and was more approachable. It only serves to reinforce my belief that it WAS my weight that was the problem.
I remember at one of the minimin's meets, there was one member (who I won't name) who was brimming with confidence; men swarmed around her like bees round a honey-pot (and rightly so - she's gorgeous).

However, I do accept there are people with a 'fattist' attitude who think that ALL overweight people are ugly/lazy/greedy. People like this are as bad as any racist or sexist. They are bigotted and may well hold negative views of other people in society too. The problem is theirs - and not the people they aim their hatred at. It's difficult though because there are laws protecting other sections of society - but not for those who are overweight.
Sorry to hear about your bad experience fay ... that manager sounds like a total b*tch.

 

[Laura 67]

Id just like to say that my heart goes out to all of you people can be so nasty .Just remember though that even if you feel ugly on the outside (and im sure youre not ! ) youre not nearly as ugly as these rotten people are on the inside!!

 

[Deb G]

They've proved that if can affect your chances at job interviews. If there are two people with the same qualifications and experience, they choose the thin one. I think its to do with the perception that fat people are out of control and not able to look after themselves? I suppose these days its also a health risk as fat people are more likely to have fat-related illnesses and therefore be off work more often.

Its certainly something that made ME lose weight. I'm looking at another big promotion this year and I don't want my weight to be a factor, even if they could never actually admit it!

 

[IWILLSUCCEED!]

Fay - I'm so sorry that you had such an awful experience. What a total cow to do that to you. I bet you and everyone else on here is wonderful.
I have to say that I have met some fantastic people on this forum and the fact that we don't fit into some stupid stereotyped image is other people's problem and not ours.
God - if only people looked at themselves a bit more rather than judging other people. They don't take the time to get to know people before they have made a snap judgement about why we are the way we are.
Alls I can say is that I feel priveleged to know you guys - your compassion, honesty, care and love that you give out daily to complete strangers - without judging is humbling and I just wish some of these "fattist" arstards would take the time to see beyond their prejudices.
Sorry for the rant but it makes my blood boil.
Why can't we be happy or be allowed to be happy for WHO we are rather than external appearance?
I thank God that there will always be people who love me for myself regardless of how fat - or thin - I might be.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
Take care all - and don't let the barstewards get you down - they're not worth it.
Tansyx

 

[Deb G]

I think it makes you look older too. Everyone has commented on how much younger I look, and looking back at my 'before' photos, I really DID look older. We've also got a lovely young lass in our developers group, and I couldn't find her 'before' photo in the album cos she looks so much younger now than she did!

 

[Russiandoll]

I think it makes you look older too. Everyone has commented on how much younger I look, and looking back at my 'before' photos, I really DID look older.

I agree - but that's true of both extremes I think. My DH's mother was anorexic-thin when she was alive (around 5st ish) and she looked about 80 when she was, in fact, in her early 60s.

I think losing weight knocks about 10 years off me - and at my age, I could do with all the help I can get!

 

[mintimperial]

I know what you mean... I had major problems with girlfriends until I lost 6 stone on Cambridge...I then realised that actually I was a good looking bloke. problem is being overweight for such a long time programs your brain into a certainway of thinking. Funny, last night I had a major attack of worry because I know I have put 2 stone back on. Im successfully doing Cambridge at the moment, but I've been feeling pretty low. Last night i took everything out on my girlfriend who has done nothing wrong and even told her she should go and find a muscleman and get rid of me!! Really stupid stuff to say, but we ended up having a massive row and all because of the way I was treated as a bigger person. It takes a lot to de-program yourself from that way of thinking! Fat = Unattractive Unfortunately to a certain extent it is true..

 

[louisa26]

for being nearly 30stones now (was 31 when i started cd) i have always been told i have a pretty FACE (make ur own choice from the pic LOL). i dont think i am ugly but did and still do find it hard to speak to guys in general because of the way I look not the way they look.

i met my ex bf on the net as i wasnt and still not really into clubbing or pubs or anything. and i met andrew (my hubby) on the net as well. his a yr younger than me (he was 23 when i met him and had never had a gf) and is very shy with people and altho he did go out with his friends to pubs i can only imagine him sitting in the corner but like u say, to other women he probably didnt seem like someone they would want to approach and say hi and with his shyness he wouldnt never of done it either.
his around 20stones himself but holds it all on his tummy which in my eyes is lucky and of course he has a round face.
i know my friends wouldnt look at him and fancy him but i just think of it as, that is why i have him and they dont because his my type and not THEIRS, and i know half of my friend's partners i wouldnt dream of liking because their not MY type.
but i would never dream of laughing at their choice of partner because he was fat, thin, spotty, short, tall, disabled etc there are just far too many people in the world and no one is normal because there is no such thing as normal...
plus if their personally is nice and their nice to me i couldnt give a monkeys what they looked like (sorry think i waffled there)

 

[NewLife4Me]

What a great post!!!
It works both ways chrisguy2008 - guys don't want to be seen with fat girls either!!

 

[misscheeky]

what a brill thread!

I think what people are sayin is so true especially about the work thing. My bf is skinny not skinny skinny but now big by any means. when we 1st started going out i was at least 4stone lighter. weve been together ages and he would say he doesnt matter if im fat or skinny he would still love me. He is the best bf i nthe world. When I met his friends for the 1st time i reckon they were a bit put out that i was on the big side (tossers) also reckon his familly think he can do much better than a fat girl but what the hell we still together and people said it wudnt last.

I also think been fat does change your way of thinking like if someone looks at me or sumthing but they could just be looking at my wee girl (cuz shes gorg) i instanly think there looking at me and give them a dirty look oops!!!

 

[annie_d]

Hmmmm Chris, I'm not sure. My husband is fat but has just lost 2 stone and is now 20 stone. When we met he was 17 stone. I think in this country it is more acceptable for men to be big i.e. fat than it is for women. Certainly women become invisible when they are fat. When i was 10 stone, cars stopped to let me past, i was served more quickly and in a friendlier manner in shops etc etc. Putting on weight halted all that but in an odd (weird) way i preferred it. I wasn't being judged on my appearance alone. Now i am losing weight again i feel myself becoming more "visible" to men and i am not altogether comfortable with that. Hiding behind the fat can be a safe way of living

 

[cah-ching]

As sad as it may be, when you are fat especially on your face it totally changes your appearance. The first thing people think when they see you is that you were fat. We live in such a cruel world. Does anyone notice that when you are fat alot of people dont want to talk or associate with you as though you have some kind of disease or something, also employers think you are lazy. Im a guy and not a bad looking guy, although im married girls have never really shown an interest towards me until last year when i lost 3 stone they were all talking. Correct me if im wrong but i think the reason why alot of girls dont want to go out with fat or overweight men is because they are embaressed and they will feel as though their friends would slag them off. What do you think?

Hi Chris,

The same (if not exponentially more so) goes for men and how they view fat women. In fact a woman doesn't even need to be 3 stones overweight to be considered fat and unattractive by men.

As for me ..... well last year I CHOSE to date someone who would be deemed fat an unattractive (25 Stones, 52" Waist) .... may be I'm in the minority.

xx

 

[JustJo]

Yes, I agree with this to a certain extent. Until I fell pregnant with my daughter, I was slim - never skinny, but a size 12. I always had men interested in me, and never struggled to 'pull', as it were. I had my daughter at aged 22, and had gained five stone. I spent almost the whole of my twenties overweight, and although I was still fairly confident, I certainly didn't get much male attention. I was married though, so it wasn't a 'problem' as such. I split with my hubby and got down to a size 16 - I actually looked okay at this size, as i've always carried my weight well. Again I began to get more male attention, and began seeing my current partner. I went back up to a size 22, but thankfully, my OH didn't even seem to notice - I guess that's love's rose-tinted glasses though! I know I got treated differently elsewhere though.

Anyhow, in July 2005 I reached my goal with CD, and have been a size 10-12 ever since. Again, I now get lots of male attention, which is always an ego-boost, even if I don't want to do anything about it! I work in an environment where no-one has ever known me at a larger weight, but i'm sure I would be treated a little differently if I was bigger. Funnily enough, my OH's affection has never changed with my weight loss, but that pleases me as I know he loves me for 'me'... if that makes sense.

Ironically, my ex-husband who also always struggled with his weight has gained loads since we split - probably around the 5 1/2 - 6 stone that I lost. It actually saddens me a bit to see him like that, as he's the father of my children at the end of the day, and i'd prefer to see him fit and healthy for them.

I can understand the 'attractiveness' issue, because, if i'm honest, I think most men and women look more attractive at a slimmer weight - not a size 0, or even a size 8, but once people get to 3 tone overweight or more, it does tend to have an affect on their attractiveness... IMO.

It's a shame that our character's are judged by our weight though, as that's just ridiculous. I guess just it's another stereotype though, and they're hard to combat.


Jo x

 

[Rising_Sun]

I'm feeling all the posts. I wonder though, if there isn't a part of us 'fat' people that half expects negative reactions from the people we meet, leading us to put up our defences and 'leave me alone vibes'. In other words, maybe we have little mannerisms we may or may not be aware of that keep others at arms length. The bigger I've become, the more I've 'acted' aloof. People tell my partner & sisters that I'm such an ice queen but really that's just me blanking them out before they blank me out.

I dunno. What do others think?