Bingeing... Why?!!?

Some lovely positive posts here. Aline and Pomooky, you binged but dusted yourselves down and moved on which is brilliant. Sorry to hear you've been down Micci, but you're back on the site which is great. A big warm welcome to you Shrinking Violet (I love your avatar btw, did you draw it yourself? It's fab anyway.)

I'm feeling really positive today. This is the first day since losing weight that I can actually feel it in my body. I was walking to the shops today and I could feel how much more flexible I was without 33lbs of fat weighing me down. I rooted out all my size 14 jeans and they all fit - some quite loosely. So pleased and it's really motivating me not to binge and keep on track.

Micci and Shrinking Violet - I have been a real hoarder too. I had a short sharp shock however. I used to live in a big three storey four bedroom house and it was stacked to the rafters with books and clothes. I had to leave there though and move into a small two bedroomed flat. In the space of 3 weeks I had to pack everything up and dispose of what I couldn't fit in. The upshot was that I had to get rid of almost all my books and clothes that didn't fit (I could really do with them now lol!) I couldn't afford to be sentimental about keeping anything at all - there just isn't room in my tiny flat. I took 56 bin bags worth to the charity shop! Now all I hoard is food - one habit I haven't broken lol!

I really hope you're all doing well. Just one further thought - has anyone heard from Lesley? I don't think she's been on since her post about falling off the wagon.
 
A_Shrinking_Violet,
Welcome to this thread and thanks for sharing your thoughts:)
I also can't waste food, there are people ont this world hungry because they don't have enough food. This is why I buy small amounts of food each time and I'm always checking the expiring date of my products to make sure I eat them before they expire. I can't cope with food waste, sometimes I even binge on it quicker than I let it rot :confused:

I also agree with the sensible diets approach (slimming world, weight watchers, calorie counting, healthy eating ...), because they put some restrictions but realistic ones. I mean anyone can calorie count to make sure they eat a sensible amount of cals. WW and SW are also programs that people can addapt into a lifestyle, but VLCD's can't be done forever and the body and the mind reach a point where they "rebel" like you said so well.

xx

Micci,
This place is really important for me as well, everyone is insightful and it's conforting to know we're all together with a similar goal: find a way to have an healthier relationship with food and better ways to balance and cope with emotions.

Pomooky,
Emotional eating can appen to anyone, no matter their age, job, country, gender, etc. Look at me, I'm finishing a master degree in the psychology field, I already studied a lot about eating disorders and additions (because food can be an emotional addition as well) and I also have some struggles. I think that's why I love this place. Everyone listen to each other, no matter how they look, their age, their job or where they come from.
Like me, you're also on the normal weight range. I don't know if you ever told someone about your issues in real life. I did but I wasn't taken seriouslly and I heard variations of the following:"but your weight is normal and you look fine". Sometimes, people have an hard time to realise that everyone, no matter their weight (and again: age/gender/etc) can struggle with emotional eating.

xx
 
Hi everyone it's been a while since I've been on this thread, ive been doing pretty well lately but have just eaten a whole bag of chocolate chips and feel rather sick. I know how I will feel when I've pigged out, but I still do it. Why?

Hope everyone is doing well, speak soon.
 
Great thread. I am a terrible binger :( Good to know there are so many others out there that have exactly the same triggers as I do.

I have found the IOWL site but how do you save the podcasts so you can listen to them on a mp3 player? The itunes site only seems to have 4 free podcasts?
 
Thanks for that Micci :)

Don't know if anyone watched The L Word but the woman on these podcasts reminds me of a cross between Alice off of there and Jack Black :D
 
Amanda,
This is a journey, so it may happen to slip once in a while. You've been doing very well, so don't let an isolated event sabotage you.
What was happening these last few days? Was that any different from today? Any stressfull event, boredom, lonelyness?

xx

Lemony,
Welcome to this thread, we're all together fighting these issues
x

Micci,
Thank you for that link, I'm listening to it right now :)
 
I know the feeling. It's hard isn't it? Just think of that weight you've just shifted!

I can't really say much as I am the first one for self-sabotage. Seems I just love to put back on all the pounds I fought to shift. I wish I could understand it.

Take care Pomooky XX
 
Ah Pomooky, how come you get there first with what I'm feeling. Self sabotage is what I am trying to understand and overcome right now.

TJ, I'm too good at throwing out the words of wisdom and not doing any of it - but it is a choice we all have. Whether or not to choose ill health, extra weight, strain on the internal organs, joint pain etc over all the good things we could have. But as the wonderful book says, frightening oneself and trying to make enormous shifts alla t once doesn't work.

I'm due a couple of long long train journies to see my mother tomorow and the day after so I plan to take it with me to read in peace, with a notebook and see if I can get my MP3 player to work then I can listen as well and try and get a new perspective over the next couple of days.

PS Wonderful book = Martha Beck, 4 day win
 
One week binge free! three meals a day, life in between! Just keeping it simple and tackling my eating one meal at a time

My annoying phone isn't letting me read rest of posts but hope you are all doing ok

Xx
 
Boooooooooooo!!!!
I was so excited to re start my diet and not binge or purge. I was so excited a.d couldn't wait. Ya complete fail!!! It's been a week, and I couldn't start :( Its do hard to start again. And not give in!!! Ugh man.
Wow so many new faces, a.d posts, I can't even read them all any more
 
TJ,
I don't know what to say, only "me too...", so hugs TJ.

Pomooky,
I self-sabotage myself as well. I know this is bad for me but I still had bad binges the last couple days.
Take care too hun.

Micci,
I also know the dangers of emotional eating cylces and it doesn't make me feel any better physically or emotionally, but I still get stuck into it.
We have to work out things at a deeper level... I so wish I would catch that level... easier said than done.
Enjoy the time with your mother.
xx

Louise,
Congratulations. Reading your post gives me the hopes I need to keep going:)
Well done and thanks for the positive inspiration;)

Mandy,
You'll beat that issue. Let's try the one hour at a time approach. That's what I'm trying today, because the onde day at a time didn't work at all for me.

xx
 
Hi guys just read all the posts ive missed
Glad to hear you are all doing ok with a few wee slip ups but you are all doing well
Me i have been doing really bad last few wks
Only good thing is havent purged just binged and overate
Its like in my head im thinking i just dont care anymore
Im so sick of this food controlling my life and my moods
Im trying to start back to it today
My hos are 1st july and i really wanted to be better for that
But its my own fault another two wks of hiding my fat bits at the pool
Take care guys xxxxx
 
Hi everyone, I seem to have totally lost the plot. Have pretty much been pigging out since Friday, I can't seem to stop myself, even though I gained 3 lb this week. I go on holiday to Cyprus for a week tomorrow, I am expecting a gain when I get back. I have some serious work to do when I get back.

Hope everyone else is doing better than I am at the moment.
 
Hi there everyone.

Well I've had a truly piggy weekend! Blame it on TOTM but that's no good is it, because they are every 4 weeks!

Have been ok since yesterday but damage is already done. I have no excuses - I just have a nasty habit that is proving hard to break.

Lesley - so good to hear you again. Good luck with your new plan and keep in touch!

Micci/Krupskaya - I may get the Beck book but I've read so many self-help books now and they all end up in the trash (I'm too embarrassed to take them to the charity shop!). One even advocated filling the house with junk food so that you never feel it's unavailable and to eat it when you want (Grrr.. that's what I do anyway!).

Aline - hope your masters is going well and you have enough time to get your work ready.

TJ - hope you're still on track and haven't done the same as me (just how many Kit Kats can one eat!??). It's so easy to give in after that first, fateful bite...

Love to everyone Pomooky XXX :)
 
Lesley,
I felt like that the entire weekend. Fortunatelly I'm back to normal eating patterns, I hope it lasts.
What eating plan are you following? I've noticed people do better long-term on plans like sensible and realistc calorie counting, sliming world or weight watchers. Maybe follow one of these could help? Also mindfull eating helps a lot. It takes effort and patiance but it is what take me back on track.
I hope you feel better soon hun
x

Amanda,
Enjoy the holiday, take that time to relax :)

Pomooky,
I also pigged out the entire weekend (TTOM too), but yesterday and today I did well, I really want it to last.
My master goes ok, not well butit could be worse. I'll survive it;)

xx
 
I have days when I binge and days when I do well. I find I binge more when I am lonely/bored and then at times it is uncontrollable.

How do you stop it?
 
Lil_Mrs_Sunshine said:
I have days when I binge and days when I do well. I find I binge more when I am lonely/bored and then at times it is uncontrollable.

How do you stop it?
Click to expand...

Ah, Lil Mrs Sunshine,

that is what we are all trying to work out. some people know they have some issues with loneliness and boredom - I think that then a good idea is to find some thing else you can do to fill those times.

Plan ahead for what you would do at times when you can predict a binge. Really go into it in your mind - see yourself being bored/lonely and doing the activity you could do as an alternative. The stronger you can fix this alternative in your mind the better it will work. Even if it doesn't work sometimes, when it all goes pear shaped, go back to this visualisation and see yourself doing the last half hour or so as you would have liked. You can do this 're-do' in bed as you go to sleep. Its also a good way to stop the internal beating up that most of us (well .. I do :) ) do after an uncontrollable binge.

I went into counselling and discovered that I was in fact eating to fill a gap that was there because I didn't want to accept some very unpleasant feelings - but I have many layers as to why I get hit by the binge - I have family difficulties and felt I had to be big and strong to cope with them, another reason to eat to get big.

More recently I've been reading a book by Martha Beck (sorry to go on about this but it really is working for me) called the 4 Day Win. She points out that to our pre-historic ansecstors lack of food and increased activity were indicators of some sort of disaster. At the most primitive levels of our brain we respond to going on a diet and upping the exercise rate as BAD. The hunter gatherer would then EAT in these circumstances as goodness knows where the next meal was coming from, and the instinct over rides anything else. So its our hunter gatherer part reacting to stress.

Experiments have been done that are not duplicatable now for ethical reasons that showed how screwed up previously sane and healthy young men became when on a limited calory diet.

Over the last couple of days I've had more time to myself and have been doing some exercises from this book. This is how I did one on the nice empty peaceful train.

The author suggests that two parts of ourselves are in conflict over this binging activity. So I imagined, as she suggested, holding in one hand the controlling dictator part of myself who is so very worried about my health and overeating that she does everything she can to stop me eating. I imagined her as dressed in a military uniform with a whip, very angry and stressed, tightly pulled back hair - fierce looking.

And in my other hand I imagined a more primitive me. The author suggests calling this part my 'Wild Child' but that didn't work for me, I just had an image of myself looking inocent and worried, cowed by the dictator me. When the dictator part of myslef gets distracted by stress and anger and other emotions I find difficult to deal with she can no longer control the primitive side of me, and that part of me eats like crazy, not knowing when she will get another chance.

When I saw both these aspects of myself I understood they both had my best interests at heart. I could be detached from them both and be in a watcher position. As suggested I sent them both love and acceptance with the Buddhist meditation 'May you be well, may you be happy, may all things go well for you'.

Being in this detached watcher position is the best place to be in so as not to get caught up in the grip of emotional eating. I followed up with doing drawings - not good ones to show people but yet another way of making concrete the experience.

So far, its been working for me but its a journey as Aline pointed out, not a quick fix. I thought I had stopped binging when I went into counselling, it did seem that one of the big messages I was ending myslef was that I needed to ask for help.

My big fat body said 'Look how difficult my life is, I'm so stressed that I've gone from a size 14 to a size 20 in a year' and when I did go and ask for help and say I couldn't manage on my own I stopped for a couple of months and lost a stone but there were more issues to sort that showed themselves later.

I doubt I've got it sussed yet but feel like I'm on the way again and will get over the next hiccup.

By the way, there is a hell of a lot more to this book than the little bits I mention.

Phew - that was such a litle question you asked and I've written reams in answer that may not be relevant at all.

I wish you all the best in your journey to healing, do stay around on this thread, there are some lovely people here - hope every one else is doing OK, or getting over their TOTM and other stresses that got in the way of their goals.

Micci xxx
 
Lil_Mrs_Sunshine,
Micci already said everything and much more than I could suggest.
I just would like to add that I found it's very useful to stop believing that this is "uncontrollable", because when we believe our emotional eating is uncontrollable we are setting our mind in a way that will turn into auto-sabotage. We have to empower ouselves, we have to believe we control our behaviour;)

Micci,
Thank your for your informative post:)
Glad to know that you're on the way again and the counselling as well as the Martha Beck book seem to be very usefull and insightful for you during this process;)

Today I had a slip (stress was the trigger) and I binged on cookies and soy yogurt. It wasn't too bad because I stoped. In an ideal situation I wouldn't binge, but I know this is a process and the fact that I stoped at a time was better than nothing.

xx
 
Hi Aline,

That's a really good fundamental point. Not to get caught up in the 'I can't do this' mind set. Thanks.

Sorry you had the stresses that pushed you towards a binge and congratulations on reaching the state of mindfulness that let you stop.
 
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