Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Sorry for being absent again - but had even more sad news. My wonderful, funny mate of over 20 years, died on Monday night. 44 years old. Massive heart attack. Leaves a lovely wife, son and daughter. Wife has a stroke 3 years ago and is left with major speech and mobility problems which meant the son had to do all the phone calls. Horrendous. Am so sad right now. I know that when the funerals have passed - Lucy's is next Wednesday, don't know about D's yet... I know once they are done, and the reality has really hit home that the tears will become less frequent. Right now though, I just hurt. Physically. Deep inside. I cannot imagine the rallies without him - we always pitch our tents next to one another... can't imagine not hearing his laughter or feeling his hugs... just can't. Don't want to either.

Sorry - am a miserable cow. Just wanted to touch base and update.
 
You've been through so much this year already Jennie. It's heart-breaking to read that another of your dear friends has died so soon after Lucy.

Sending much love and strength to you xx
 
I was talking about grief on another forum the other day, and you're right.. it HURTS.. physically, mentally.. everything.. How do we continue when theres such a massive part of us missing? But i take comfort in the pain, knowing how much they were loved and the difference they made to our lives, and every life they touched.. They'll be waiting for us on the other side to kick our bums and say "hey!! i saw you crying when you should be happy for the times we shared and the memories we have!"..
I hope their funerals go as they deserve..

love you doll xxxx
 
Oh noooooooooo how terribly sad..... words of comfort are hard to find because right now it makes no sense.

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you..... tears help to wash away sadness... I know this from losing 5 of my family members in the space of 12 months... the youngest 2 months before his 21st birthday......

(((((hugs)))))) xxxx
 
so much to catch up with - just had a fortnight away with mum to Egypt... incredible experience... real mixed bag of feelings though.. home with the determination to lose my excess weight again...and to really REALLY sort out my entire life... so.. it started today... calorie counting... thinking... making space for things that bring me peace... and lots of planning... many many things to do ... and setting myself a timelimit and goals is going to be tough., but it's something I MUST do, for me..

I'm waffling, I know... sorry...
 
Welcome home, Jennie.

Dont we all? Waffle I mean.

Good luck with the weight shifting. I am on what I am determined will be my last weight loss journey. Where I stop is a subject of much discussion with my DH and myself. He says he thinks it is only possible for me to lose 2st or so and I want to lose 6st. :sigh: So who knows who is right.

((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
 
Redpam said:
Welcome home, Jennie.

Dont we all? Waffle I mean.

Good luck with the weight shifting. I am on what I am determined will be my last weight loss journey. Where I stop is a subject of much discussion with my DH and myself. He says he thinks it is only possible for me to lose 2st or so and I want to lose 6st. :sigh: So who knows who is right.

((((hugs))))

Pam xxx
Click to expand...

Thanks Pam

For what it's worth - you are both right... you can lose 2st, and do it 3 times so you can lose the 6!
xxxx
 
More moaning I'm afraid... been soo poorly since coming home it's just not even remotely funny!
What started off as a dreadful earachy headachey sore throaty thing soon progressed to a full blown chest infection with rotten hacking dry cough... and then to total breathlessness.. more coughing and no sleep... to.. breathlessness, swollen and red face, feckin' cough, no sleep and now... irritability beyond measure!!! Blah blah blah... moan moan moan... oh yea... and... just to add insult to injury... the antibiotics (whilst nicely turning my brown coughing produce to a paler shade of green) mean I am not allowed in sunlight!! So.. best bloomin weather all year and I can't go out in it as me face ends up looking like a bloody great tomato!!!

Some days you just HAVE to rant!! Wellll... I can't breathe properly so typing will just have to do!
 
Morning, Jennie

With how you are feeling, I am not surprised you feel like moaning. As for the sun, could you not slap on some factor 50 or something? When I had had the radio therapy for BC that is what they said I had to do ( and for a year I got it on prescription). Just a thought.

Hope you feel better soon.

Pam xxx
 
Redpam said:
Morning, Jennie

With how you are feeling, I am not surprised you feel like moaning. As for the sun, could you not slap on some factor 50 or something? When I had had the radio therapy for BC that is what they said I had to do ( and for a year I got it on prescription). Just a thought.

Hope you feel better soon.

Pam xxx
Click to expand...

Not sure... instructions specifically say not to be in sunlight.. something to do with the way the drugs affect something or other in the skin and how it produces something... as you can tell... I haven't a clue! lol Might just ring the chemists and beg... but.. as my face is already red from a reaction to one of the many tablets now taking I don't honestly think I could cope with further probs for the sake of some of this utterly beautiful, wonderful, soul-refreshing, nature kissing, energising sunshine...

Hmm... not convincing myself too well now... will check with the "experts" and see what they say... xxx
 
Well, here I am again...

Day 1 of Cambridge. Having regained almost two thirds of what I lost it is time to bite the bullet and get into the zone again and re-gain control of my life, my weight, my health and my happiness.

I have all the sachets ready to take, a litre of water here at work with me and will be looking forward to making a choc mint muffin for lunch the second I get home!

Already got a headache but I think that's anxiety and stress as have not been a well puppy for weeks now, but, second lot of anti-b's now finished with and feeling a lot better.

I feel such a failure for having regained so much weight and slipping, well, hurtling really, back into my old bad eating habits. I can't wait to be slim again and have energy again and be able to wear clothes that actually make me look better rather than like a bag lady. (No offence to bag ladies)..

So, I shall probably be on here a lot more again now, back in the midst of those who undoubtedly helped me do it the first time around.

Never ever thought I would put it back on - and hadn't really realised how bad it was until I saw some photos of myself... mega shock... you'd think by now they would've invented a sodding camera that, well, not lies exactly, but perhaps bends the truth somewhat.. perhaps a rose-tinted lense..? Anyway, am in the orifice and ought to crack on with some work! Will no doubt be on later bemoaning the fact that I feel sick etc... I know from experience that these first 3-4 days are the worst.. so., paracetomol at the ready...

Once more unto the breach, dear friends...
 
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