FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I'll give it a try but I think 4lbs is too high so will do 3 (which makes 12lbs a month) as that is a weight loss rate I will be very happy with.
Thanks Ann... I'll dig out some graph paper!
Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
- Start date
I'll give it a try but I think 4lbs is too high so will do 3 (which makes 12lbs a month) as that is a weight loss rate I will be very happy with.
Thanks Ann... I'll dig out some graph paper!
Geri
Gold Member
Morning FFF
Am delighted to hear your news on 'that machine'... I have to admit that I have only read this last page - but when I have a spare hour or two I will go and read from page 1 !!
Imagine the difference you can make between now and february - thats a great goal to aim for
Keep shaking girl
Am delighted to hear your news on 'that machine'... I have to admit that I have only read this last page - but when I have a spare hour or two I will go and read from page 1 !!
Imagine the difference you can make between now and february - thats a great goal to aim for
Keep shaking girl
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Thank you ALL so much! I have had a really good sleep and feel SO much better about things!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Tuesday - Thursday
A potted history! (well... as potted as it ever gets with me!...)
Tuesday 5th December .. All morning was spent printing Newsletters at work, the stupid duplicator kept getting jammed and I only had Tuesday to get it all done and laid out as on Wednesday I had a mate coming to help me collate them all (600 copies of A5 and 50 of A3)! With phone calls interuppting me and people popping in I somehow still got it all done and was thrilled to leave almost on time! So it was a dash home, let the dog out, mug of Oriental Chilli Soup, pint of water and a snooze in the chair... then I made dinner for Zoe and her fella (Pork chops, roast parsnips in a mustard dressing, roast potatoes, gravy and sweetcorn).. then off to be weighed. Felt very bloated all day but couldn't figure out why!
Got weighed, and, as you know, it was a shocking 0.8lb loss. It was, however the first time weighed in my jeans and I am due on. Even so, bit of a pi$$er to be honest and.... were I not so damn beligerent a baggage I could easily have hit the hut when I left Ailsa's place!
Ailsa was a diamond - we talked about the conference on Saturday, about "Eric" (she doesn't think much to him at all - can't say I blame her given what I tell her! lol)... , we talked about my loss (or lack thereof)... she measured me again.. took photos... put them on the cd for me.. we talked food... drink... diet... the world! She is a great encourager and good on the sound practical advice! I left still feeling very despondent BUT knowing that it is a momentary blip which will sort itself out so I just need to keep sticking to the plan and all will be well. I was SORELY tempted to grab a maccy D or a cake or SOMETHING on the way home! But I didn't... *sigh... instead I moaned and bitched at Zoe about it and cried on the phone to her... then "Eric" rang and I moaned at him about it all ... bless 'em both... they were both like... well, you've lost loads... don't worry, it's still a loss... don't worry about it... it'll be better next week... etc etc... I knew they were right but I wanted to wallow just a teensy bit! lol
So, wallow I did... got home and wallowed on here awhile and then, because I was VERY tempted by the gorgeous-smelling loaf of bread I bought for Zoe that morning... I took myself off for a very deep bubble bath and book reading session... which I did and then went to bed.
Wednesday - Dec 6th
D-day (Darth Day)... woke up early and went to work in a pretty offish mood.. was made even more grouchy by the fact that someone had moved everything I had laid out! I was a real crabby cow all day in fact... TOTM due, trip to hospital looming, crappy weight loss (despite sticking to it 100%).. Zoe not gone to College, just basically everything feeling pants and poop!
My mate Rachael came in and we had a blast collating the newsletters! We chatted away, I told her all about "Eric" and she thinks he sounds like he does like me but is just rubbish at relationships/committment.... we talked about all kinds of things.. how fed up I was with my job... my weight loss this week (although overall chuffed to bits!)... my family...TOTM,... how I dreaded the hospital stay and the machine... kids (hers - who are THE most adorable children on this planet!!! I LOVE them!)... mine... who I love more than anything! Cars... courts... ex-hubby... ex-fella... animals... you name it, we discussed it!
My knee was giving me massive gip... I twisted it at Ailsa's and it is still (Thursday eve) giving me pain! I basically felt sorry for myself and needed to pick meself up! Spending the morning with Rachael worked wonders... to a point! We had a few interupptions... my boss rang.. then another chap rang and then called in and then called again, twice!.. two of the ministers called in with work to be done.. and an invitation to the staff christmas lunch - last year they forgot to ask me! This year they've asked and I've declined... as much as I would like to sit with (most of)them, I can't face watching them feed on scrummy chrimbo grub... and I won't... lol
Then my boss arrived.. I had just be whinging about him to Rachael... so we exchanged glances and., as you may have read.. he left after she did with the agreement that we are to "have a chat" on Friday after we have dealt with the work he wants to do.. I need to write a list of moans and groans.. MUST make sure they aren't pathetic petty gripes and grumbles.. and that I am fair and not too harsh.. I know I can be when the mood takes me and he doesn't deserve that..!
I labelled the newsletters and wrote appropriate envelopes - I just hope that my boss remembers to take them to his meeting tonight for distribution!! If not then I shall moan BIG STYLE at him on Friday! lol I only had to get them done in time for him to do so!
As I wrote earlier... I got very cross outside the bank and took direct action! lol Got home.. cooked an absolutely scrummilicious smelling chicken curry with basmati (Lordy, I LOVE the smell of that stuff!) rice.. packed my bag.. cried loads.. got humpy... snapped at "Eric" in a stroppy email... TOTM arrived (4 flamin' days early!!!)... and went to the hospital.. in a highly stressed out state..
Thursday 7th December
As you will have read... it went very very differently to the way I envisaged, and, in fact, I have just written a thank you letter to the nurse and a Christmas card too! She made me so happy!
Got home this morning and was totally exhausted! Sent loads of texts, came on here, posted on the sleep apnea forum I'm a member of, rang my mum (she was out) and then crawled into my lovely bed (leccy blanky on!) and fell into a delicously deep sleep.
Woke to the dog barking and got Zoe to let him out (oh, yes.. forgot to say, I was fuming when I realised she had overslept and not gone in to college again today!!!). I got her to getup and let the dog out... twice that happened... I just yelled at her to do it and then I went back to sleep...
Woke up feeling like I had slept the best sleep ever! Got up, came down and hopped on here... pootled around in the kitchen... then went out to get a paper (job supplement today)... got home,. chatted to my sister on msn about last night - she was very pleased for me.. .my mum rang back whilst I was out so I rang her again.. also had to ring to arrange to go and view a car on Saturday morning... (Zoe has fallen in love with a car on sale in Autotrader... *sigh)... so we are driving down to view it (about 5 miles from "Eric" !) on Saturday morning...
Speaking of "Eric".... I told you already about the text message I took umbridge to and my snotty email and his response... well... I was still feeling miffed about it this afternoon and had resolved to not contact him... lol.. I dunno what it is with men! If you leave 'em be they flippin call you - if you show the least bit interest they don't wanna know! Anyway,.. I didn't respond to his email and he rang me this evening!! I was a bit surprised to be honest and basically didn't give him chance to say anything before I gushed my news to him! lol
He was really pleased for me and then told me how bad work is and that they have dropped a massive new job on him and so he has to work all this weekend from home so the kids will not have a great time... PLUS... and I could've guessed this might happen... he tells me how he is now going to be working on the 22nd (when he was supposed to have the kids) so may have to have them on the 23rd! (our first date in 3 weeks!!!)... so you can imagine how pissy I felt on that one! I didn't let on how cross I will be if that is the case.. because it may not happen... but I think he is just laying the groundwork... we shall see...
I told him about going to view the car Saturday with Zoe and he shocked me by saying to call him and then pop in and say hello!!! (if he's not busy/got kids/gone shopping/working/playing golf/doing something else...)... he was supposed to be on a works thing tomorrow (which was why we weren't able to see one another) and he isn't going now.. he is supposedly working instead..... I hate being so damn cynical but really.. I can't seem to help myself!! He DID say that Dec was going to be a horribly busy month... so I can't moan too much (although I can at the no date thing for a month if that happens!). I told him how utterly stressed out and emotional I was yesterday and he just sort of chuckled and said " I know" ... lol I guess I was MAYBE a bit harsh on him, but then again NO... he COULD have sent me a nicer more thoughtful text.. so hmmph.. lol poor sod... can't seem to do anything right at the moment can he.. lol I just have a feeling... oh heck... I dunno...
Isobel - that analogy is sooo true!
So... came off the phone feeling pretty good... AND I made sure that it was ME who ended the call... not sure why that feels so important, but it does.. perhaps a little bit of control... lol.. he sounds pretty rough , has a cough not dissimilar to a whooping cough sound... still, he can get medicine.. I'm too far away to look after him and don't want to anyway.. well.. not entirely true, but just as well there is the distance perhaps at the moment... still can't see anything beyond Christmas with him to be honest... maybe not even that long now...
Still.. he DID sound genuinely pleased about the machine news and is always very supportive of my weight loss... and he does call me.. (I never call him)... lol Oh GOD!! Why can't I make my silly mind up about him!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrr One call from him and I'm all girly again and pathetic! I am SO gullible! lol It isn't that he's any great oil painting or adonis physically either.. he is though, I sort of think... a lovely man, plus there is a definite fire of attraction between us.. although I am wondering if that will wane as I get lighter... is that terrible of me??? Maybe... oh I don't know... I do know that I am still not interested in other blokes or meeting anyone else... so I guess that means something.. perhaps I am beginning to like myself a little more now than I have in a very long time.. and because I like myself I don't NEED a man as much? Hmm... it's a thought I s'pose...
*cough... ANYWAY... this is way off track.. where was I.. oh yes... tonight! Blimey - caught up at last (only taken me about 2 hours!)... so am catching up on here, just had a yummy mug of chicken & mushroom soup, a mug of bouillon, a choc mint & husk muffin and 2 more pints of water... and am stuffed to busting! Still another muffin to have tonight before bed but that's ok... am going to bed by 10 and have to write my list in a minute of work "issues"... I'm sure when I write it all down it will seem so ridiculous! lol PLUS... now I'm not pre-menstrual and pre-hospital and pre-newsletter(al) I am far calmer! lol
Again, thanks for all your lovely comments, the hugs and phone calls and texts... I can't tell you what a difference they all made and continue to make. Ailsa bless her texted me last night and this morning to find out how it all had gone - I am so lucky to have such a great CDC! Just wait... this time next year I shall be the same size as her too! hee hee... and then maybe we'll be getting into MY old clothes!!
Maybe... in the meantime.. its back to the good ole SS'ing until such time as it is both wise and safe to go onto 790... (I reckon, um... July/August hopefully... but maybe not 'til Sept..) anyway.. long time off and not thinking about it... got my AAM to look forward to from Dec 23-29th!
Music festival work beginning to pick up now too so will be spending loads more time on that... check out the website... Raunds Community Music Festival and, as I am in charge of all matters admin/tickets etc... if you fancy coming along in May drop me a PM.. might be able to wangle some "special" discounts! lol
Will catch up again tomorrow after I get back from work - busy morning as I had today off, but boy did I need it! Hugs to all, and hope you are all having a great evening! (whatever your plan/diet etc!) xx
A potted history! (well... as potted as it ever gets with me!...)
Tuesday 5th December .. All morning was spent printing Newsletters at work, the stupid duplicator kept getting jammed and I only had Tuesday to get it all done and laid out as on Wednesday I had a mate coming to help me collate them all (600 copies of A5 and 50 of A3)! With phone calls interuppting me and people popping in I somehow still got it all done and was thrilled to leave almost on time! So it was a dash home, let the dog out, mug of Oriental Chilli Soup, pint of water and a snooze in the chair... then I made dinner for Zoe and her fella (Pork chops, roast parsnips in a mustard dressing, roast potatoes, gravy and sweetcorn).. then off to be weighed. Felt very bloated all day but couldn't figure out why!
Got weighed, and, as you know, it was a shocking 0.8lb loss. It was, however the first time weighed in my jeans and I am due on. Even so, bit of a pi$$er to be honest and.... were I not so damn beligerent a baggage I could easily have hit the hut when I left Ailsa's place!
Ailsa was a diamond - we talked about the conference on Saturday, about "Eric" (she doesn't think much to him at all - can't say I blame her given what I tell her! lol)... , we talked about my loss (or lack thereof)... she measured me again.. took photos... put them on the cd for me.. we talked food... drink... diet... the world! She is a great encourager and good on the sound practical advice! I left still feeling very despondent BUT knowing that it is a momentary blip which will sort itself out so I just need to keep sticking to the plan and all will be well. I was SORELY tempted to grab a maccy D or a cake or SOMETHING on the way home! But I didn't... *sigh... instead I moaned and bitched at Zoe about it and cried on the phone to her... then "Eric" rang and I moaned at him about it all ... bless 'em both... they were both like... well, you've lost loads... don't worry, it's still a loss... don't worry about it... it'll be better next week... etc etc... I knew they were right but I wanted to wallow just a teensy bit! lol
So, wallow I did... got home and wallowed on here awhile and then, because I was VERY tempted by the gorgeous-smelling loaf of bread I bought for Zoe that morning... I took myself off for a very deep bubble bath and book reading session... which I did and then went to bed.
Wednesday - Dec 6th
D-day (Darth Day)... woke up early and went to work in a pretty offish mood.. was made even more grouchy by the fact that someone had moved everything I had laid out! I was a real crabby cow all day in fact... TOTM due, trip to hospital looming, crappy weight loss (despite sticking to it 100%).. Zoe not gone to College, just basically everything feeling pants and poop!
My mate Rachael came in and we had a blast collating the newsletters! We chatted away, I told her all about "Eric" and she thinks he sounds like he does like me but is just rubbish at relationships/committment.... we talked about all kinds of things.. how fed up I was with my job... my weight loss this week (although overall chuffed to bits!)... my family...TOTM,... how I dreaded the hospital stay and the machine... kids (hers - who are THE most adorable children on this planet!!! I LOVE them!)... mine... who I love more than anything! Cars... courts... ex-hubby... ex-fella... animals... you name it, we discussed it!
My knee was giving me massive gip... I twisted it at Ailsa's and it is still (Thursday eve) giving me pain! I basically felt sorry for myself and needed to pick meself up! Spending the morning with Rachael worked wonders... to a point! We had a few interupptions... my boss rang.. then another chap rang and then called in and then called again, twice!.. two of the ministers called in with work to be done.. and an invitation to the staff christmas lunch - last year they forgot to ask me! This year they've asked and I've declined... as much as I would like to sit with (most of)them, I can't face watching them feed on scrummy chrimbo grub... and I won't... lol
Then my boss arrived.. I had just be whinging about him to Rachael... so we exchanged glances and., as you may have read.. he left after she did with the agreement that we are to "have a chat" on Friday after we have dealt with the work he wants to do.. I need to write a list of moans and groans.. MUST make sure they aren't pathetic petty gripes and grumbles.. and that I am fair and not too harsh.. I know I can be when the mood takes me and he doesn't deserve that..!
I labelled the newsletters and wrote appropriate envelopes - I just hope that my boss remembers to take them to his meeting tonight for distribution!! If not then I shall moan BIG STYLE at him on Friday! lol I only had to get them done in time for him to do so!
As I wrote earlier... I got very cross outside the bank and took direct action! lol Got home.. cooked an absolutely scrummilicious smelling chicken curry with basmati (Lordy, I LOVE the smell of that stuff!) rice.. packed my bag.. cried loads.. got humpy... snapped at "Eric" in a stroppy email... TOTM arrived (4 flamin' days early!!!)... and went to the hospital.. in a highly stressed out state..
Thursday 7th December
As you will have read... it went very very differently to the way I envisaged, and, in fact, I have just written a thank you letter to the nurse and a Christmas card too! She made me so happy!
Got home this morning and was totally exhausted! Sent loads of texts, came on here, posted on the sleep apnea forum I'm a member of, rang my mum (she was out) and then crawled into my lovely bed (leccy blanky on!) and fell into a delicously deep sleep.
Woke to the dog barking and got Zoe to let him out (oh, yes.. forgot to say, I was fuming when I realised she had overslept and not gone in to college again today!!!). I got her to getup and let the dog out... twice that happened... I just yelled at her to do it and then I went back to sleep...
Woke up feeling like I had slept the best sleep ever! Got up, came down and hopped on here... pootled around in the kitchen... then went out to get a paper (job supplement today)... got home,. chatted to my sister on msn about last night - she was very pleased for me.. .my mum rang back whilst I was out so I rang her again.. also had to ring to arrange to go and view a car on Saturday morning... (Zoe has fallen in love with a car on sale in Autotrader... *sigh)... so we are driving down to view it (about 5 miles from "Eric" !) on Saturday morning...
Speaking of "Eric".... I told you already about the text message I took umbridge to and my snotty email and his response... well... I was still feeling miffed about it this afternoon and had resolved to not contact him... lol.. I dunno what it is with men! If you leave 'em be they flippin call you - if you show the least bit interest they don't wanna know! Anyway,.. I didn't respond to his email and he rang me this evening!! I was a bit surprised to be honest and basically didn't give him chance to say anything before I gushed my news to him! lol
He was really pleased for me and then told me how bad work is and that they have dropped a massive new job on him and so he has to work all this weekend from home so the kids will not have a great time... PLUS... and I could've guessed this might happen... he tells me how he is now going to be working on the 22nd (when he was supposed to have the kids) so may have to have them on the 23rd! (our first date in 3 weeks!!!)... so you can imagine how pissy I felt on that one! I didn't let on how cross I will be if that is the case.. because it may not happen... but I think he is just laying the groundwork... we shall see...
I told him about going to view the car Saturday with Zoe and he shocked me by saying to call him and then pop in and say hello!!! (if he's not busy/got kids/gone shopping/working/playing golf/doing something else...)... he was supposed to be on a works thing tomorrow (which was why we weren't able to see one another) and he isn't going now.. he is supposedly working instead..... I hate being so damn cynical but really.. I can't seem to help myself!! He DID say that Dec was going to be a horribly busy month... so I can't moan too much (although I can at the no date thing for a month if that happens!). I told him how utterly stressed out and emotional I was yesterday and he just sort of chuckled and said " I know" ...
lol I guess I was MAYBE a bit harsh on him, but then again NO... he COULD have sent me a nicer more thoughtful text.. so hmmph.. lol poor sod... can't seem to do anything right at the moment can he.. lol I just have a feeling... oh heck... I dunno...Isobel - that analogy is sooo true!
So... came off the phone feeling pretty good... AND I made sure that it was ME who ended the call... not sure why that feels so important, but it does.. perhaps a little bit of control... lol.. he sounds pretty rough , has a cough not dissimilar to a whooping cough sound... still, he can get medicine.. I'm too far away to look after him and don't want to anyway.. well.. not entirely true, but just as well there is the distance perhaps at the moment... still can't see anything beyond Christmas with him to be honest... maybe not even that long now...
Still.. he DID sound genuinely pleased about the machine news and is always very supportive of my weight loss... and he does call me.. (I never call him)... lol Oh GOD!! Why can't I make my silly mind up about him!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrr One call from him and I'm all girly again and pathetic! I am SO gullible! lol It isn't that he's any great oil painting or adonis physically either.. he is though, I sort of think... a lovely man, plus there is a definite fire of attraction between us.. although I am wondering if that will wane as I get lighter... is that terrible of me??? Maybe... oh I don't know... I do know that I am still not interested in other blokes or meeting anyone else... so I guess that means something.. perhaps I am beginning to like myself a little more now than I have in a very long time.. and because I like myself I don't NEED a man as much? Hmm... it's a thought I s'pose...
*cough... ANYWAY... this is way off track.. where was I.. oh yes... tonight! Blimey - caught up at last (only taken me about 2 hours!)... so am catching up on here, just had a yummy mug of chicken & mushroom soup, a mug of bouillon, a choc mint & husk muffin and 2 more pints of water... and am stuffed to busting! Still another muffin to have tonight before bed but that's ok... am going to bed by 10 and have to write my list in a minute of work "issues"... I'm sure when I write it all down it will seem so ridiculous! lol PLUS... now I'm not pre-menstrual and pre-hospital and pre-newsletter(al) I am far calmer! lol
Again, thanks for all your lovely comments, the hugs and phone calls and texts... I can't tell you what a difference they all made and continue to make. Ailsa bless her texted me last night and this morning to find out how it all had gone - I am so lucky to have such a great CDC! Just wait... this time next year I shall be the same size as her too! hee hee... and then maybe we'll be getting into MY old clothes!!
Maybe... in the meantime.. its back to the good ole SS'ing until such time as it is both wise and safe to go onto 790... (I reckon, um... July/August hopefully... but maybe not 'til Sept..) anyway.. long time off and not thinking about it... got my AAM to look forward to from Dec 23-29th!
Music festival work beginning to pick up now too so will be spending loads more time on that... check out the website... Raunds Community Music Festival and, as I am in charge of all matters admin/tickets etc... if you fancy coming along in May drop me a PM.. might be able to wangle some "special" discounts! lol
Will catch up again tomorrow after I get back from work - busy morning as I had today off, but boy did I need it! Hugs to all, and hope you are all having a great evening! (whatever your plan/diet etc!) xx
cah-ching
Gold Member
Good for you FFnF,
Sound like you are controlling life and not having it control you.
((hugs))
CC xxxxx
P.S - I've been trying to download your humungous e-mail, but couldn't. Luckily I managed to change the title, but wouldn't have been able to do it without your help .... kind of!
Love again ....
Sound like you are controlling life and not having it control you.
((hugs))
CC xxxxx
P.S - I've been trying to download your humungous e-mail, but couldn't. Luckily I managed to change the title, but wouldn't have been able to do it without your help .... kind of!
Love again ....
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Sound like you are controlling life and not having it control you.
Am definitely trying to! lol
P.S - I've been trying to download your humungous e-mail, but couldn't. Luckily I managed to change the title, but wouldn't have been able to do it without your help .... kind of!
Sorry the email was too big...
Love again ....
night night hon x
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Lol... sorry D-Q... perhaps I should provide free inhalers/oxygen masks to any/all who venture in!? lol
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Thursday Night....
Well.. my night didn't end with my diary!... yesterday the chap who is supposed to come and sort out my garden came and planted up my hedge (privet sticks really) BUT, bless him, he left the gate open at the side of the house,. and... at 11pm.. the dog ran away!!
So... there was Zoe, wrapped up warm... running out of the house with his lead... calling his name (the dog's not the gardner)... we had to leave the gate open and the back door too in case he came back of his own volition (he did this the last time the gardner chappy left the gate open - but THEN it was a) daylight and b) a heck of a lot warmer!!
I rang Zoe to see how she was doing... and we agreed that she would come back and I would set off... so.. there I was , 11.30pm hobbling around in the pitch black, complete with torch and lead... calling out into the night "Brandy"... "Brandy".. I must've sounded like a right alchy! lol ... asking anyone I saw if they had seen a dog wandering around.. the problem was, he is a black and tan dog so not very obvious in the dark!! Also, we are only a whisper from farms and fields and honestly he could have been anywhere!
I was not a happy girl.. especially as I had just gone up to bed at the time!
Whilst out Zoe rang me.. he was back! Happy and excited and covered in mud and stinking! Heaven alone knows where he went, so, she locked the gate and I came home. Well.. he was very pleased to see me, and, despite being decidedly miffed with him for legging it, he did make me smile! (I know... despite the sometimes harsh exterior lurks a bliddy great marshmallow).
At last I went to bed and now, at 6am I am wide awake, up, washed, dressed and on here! I'm going to have a read of the threads, write some Chrimbo cards and tart up me cv before heading off early to work to psych meself up for the meeting with my boss.
I also forgot to mention that on Wednesday morning I managed to book front row seats for the next Martyn Joseph gig at The Stables on March 17th! I was soooooo chuffed... they sell out so fast! So lots to look forward to next year, what with the WeMitts meets in Jan (x 2) and in March the WeMitts Brummie meet and then MJ gig... June is my big holiday (which I really can't wait to go on!)... and hopefully in Feb being discharged from sleep probs (fingers crossed).
Friday Dec 8th
And so, the end of the week at last - is it me or has this been a particularly long week? Lol... I know it is exactly the same length as any other, but it has felt a very long week to me.. had a very odd dream last night involving first hub and 2n'd hubs sister? Very strange... especially as I didn't know 2nd hubs sister until after 1st hub died... food was involved too... and masses of washing up! Very odd... I do dream bizarre dreams.. lol... all in full technicolour.. smell-o-vision and surround sound... they're like being in a film sometimes...
Anyway... I've found myself dreaming about 2nd hub a lot of late... I guess it's because it's "that time of year" and subconciously I'm replaying a lot of what happened and revisiting some of the painful times that we (me and my girls) went through. I'm not thinking about it too much when I'm awake, although, clearly the dreams are bringing it to the front of my mind.
Oh well... plus... Zoe told me last night that she dreamt about 2nd hub having died and his "wife" approaching her at his funeral and asking her how she felt about her last words to him? (I cannot type them here as there are certain words used!!).. and Zoe said that she looked square in her eyes and said "GOOD!" and then we (Sarah, Zoe and I) then left the funeral! She is still very very angry and I tried (lord only knows why) to remind her that for the most part he was a wonderful dad to her.. but she wasn't having any of it.. but you know, up until his affair (when his behaviour totally changed) he WAS an excellent dad to my girls... and despite his complete lack of contact since leaving, I know he loved them very very much and would have done anything for them. Of all the outcomes and repercussions of his actions, my biggest sorrow surrounds the loss of contact between him and the girls... they used to be so close.. and now, nothing. He saw Sarah just once after he walked out, and Zoe twice. He didn't bother with Christmas or birthdays once he left, and when you consider that both girls have had their 18th's and he didn't even bother to send a text, well... perhaps you can understand their bitterness. Although I have to say, as he is a man, I guess birthdays don't have significance. I also feel very sad that we can no longer keep in touch with his parents... they are lovely people, but when I last spoke with his mother she went on about how lovely "Laura" is and it made my heart break as once upon a time she was the same about me, and repeatedly told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her son...
*Deep breath & sigh
Still... life moves on... and they are (I hope) happy and his parents well enough (as far as I know)... I shall send them a card for Christmas (his parents and sister) and will send a photo of the girls... perhaps with me in too (?)... and I do wish them all well. It isn't always easy though.
Right., enough of that... time to get on with making my graph, writing Chrimbo cards.. and sorting out my CV so I can fire it off to agencies!
Only 5 days to weigh in ... and counting..
OH,... AND... someone (you know who you are ) very generously sent me some fab chocolate coloured combats they had (which are now too big for them) , in a size 24.. and I dunno why, but I tried them on last night before finally crawling into bed.. and they fitted!!!! I can sit in them and all! lol So, thank you, thank you! Zoe says they look great! They felt it too! When I told her their size she grinned and said,... "Does that mean your dress will fit you already?" I dunno about that.. might try later on ... lol
We've planned to sort out the spare room when I get home from work this afternoon - this will involve lots of putting stuff up in the loft! (thank goodness she is fit and healthy - I am too heavy for the ladder and due to the old foot I can't climb ladders that well). Hopefully that will all be done in the space of an hour or so and then I will clean the room, make up the bed and feel glad that we have one spare bed all set for the end of the month (house gig).
Have a fab Friday all... xx
Well.. my night didn't end with my diary!... yesterday the chap who is supposed to come and sort out my garden came and planted up my hedge (privet sticks really) BUT, bless him, he left the gate open at the side of the house,. and... at 11pm.. the dog ran away!!
So... there was Zoe, wrapped up warm... running out of the house with his lead... calling his name (the dog's not the gardner)... we had to leave the gate open and the back door too in case he came back of his own volition (he did this the last time the gardner chappy left the gate open - but THEN it was a) daylight and b) a heck of a lot warmer!!
I rang Zoe to see how she was doing... and we agreed that she would come back and I would set off... so.. there I was , 11.30pm hobbling around in the pitch black, complete with torch and lead... calling out into the night "Brandy"... "Brandy".. I must've sounded like a right alchy! lol ... asking anyone I saw if they had seen a dog wandering around.. the problem was, he is a black and tan dog so not very obvious in the dark!! Also, we are only a whisper from farms and fields and honestly he could have been anywhere!
I was not a happy girl.. especially as I had just gone up to bed at the time!
Whilst out Zoe rang me.. he was back! Happy and excited and covered in mud and stinking! Heaven alone knows where he went, so, she locked the gate and I came home. Well.. he was very pleased to see me, and, despite being decidedly miffed with him for legging it, he did make me smile! (I know... despite the sometimes harsh exterior lurks a bliddy great marshmallow).
At last I went to bed and now, at 6am I am wide awake, up, washed, dressed and on here! I'm going to have a read of the threads, write some Chrimbo cards and tart up me cv before heading off early to work to psych meself up for the meeting with my boss.
I also forgot to mention that on Wednesday morning I managed to book front row seats for the next Martyn Joseph gig at The Stables on March 17th! I was soooooo chuffed... they sell out so fast! So lots to look forward to next year, what with the WeMitts meets in Jan (x 2) and in March the WeMitts Brummie meet and then MJ gig... June is my big holiday (which I really can't wait to go on!)... and hopefully in Feb being discharged from sleep probs (fingers crossed).
Friday Dec 8th
And so, the end of the week at last - is it me or has this been a particularly long week? Lol... I know it is exactly the same length as any other, but it has felt a very long week to me.. had a very odd dream last night involving first hub and 2n'd hubs sister? Very strange... especially as I didn't know 2nd hubs sister until after 1st hub died... food was involved too... and masses of washing up! Very odd... I do dream bizarre dreams.. lol... all in full technicolour.. smell-o-vision and surround sound... they're like being in a film sometimes...
Anyway... I've found myself dreaming about 2nd hub a lot of late... I guess it's because it's "that time of year" and subconciously I'm replaying a lot of what happened and revisiting some of the painful times that we (me and my girls) went through. I'm not thinking about it too much when I'm awake, although, clearly the dreams are bringing it to the front of my mind.
Oh well... plus... Zoe told me last night that she dreamt about 2nd hub having died and his "wife" approaching her at his funeral and asking her how she felt about her last words to him? (I cannot type them here as there are certain words used!!).. and Zoe said that she looked square in her eyes and said "GOOD!" and then we (Sarah, Zoe and I) then left the funeral! She is still very very angry and I tried (lord only knows why) to remind her that for the most part he was a wonderful dad to her.. but she wasn't having any of it.. but you know, up until his affair (when his behaviour totally changed) he WAS an excellent dad to my girls... and despite his complete lack of contact since leaving, I know he loved them very very much and would have done anything for them. Of all the outcomes and repercussions of his actions, my biggest sorrow surrounds the loss of contact between him and the girls... they used to be so close.. and now, nothing. He saw Sarah just once after he walked out, and Zoe twice. He didn't bother with Christmas or birthdays once he left, and when you consider that both girls have had their 18th's and he didn't even bother to send a text, well... perhaps you can understand their bitterness. Although I have to say, as he is a man, I guess birthdays don't have significance. I also feel very sad that we can no longer keep in touch with his parents... they are lovely people, but when I last spoke with his mother she went on about how lovely "Laura" is and it made my heart break as once upon a time she was the same about me, and repeatedly told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her son...
*Deep breath & sigh
Still... life moves on... and they are (I hope) happy and his parents well enough (as far as I know)... I shall send them a card for Christmas (his parents and sister) and will send a photo of the girls... perhaps with me in too (?)... and I do wish them all well. It isn't always easy though.
Right., enough of that... time to get on with making my graph, writing Chrimbo cards.. and sorting out my CV so I can fire it off to agencies!
Only 5 days to weigh in ... and counting..
OH,... AND... someone (you know who you are
) very generously sent me some fab chocolate coloured combats they had (which are now too big for them) , in a size 24.. and I dunno why, but I tried them on last night before finally crawling into bed.. and they fitted!!!! I can sit in them and all! lol So, thank you, thank you! Zoe says they look great! They felt it too! When I told her their size she grinned and said,... "Does that mean your dress will fit you already?" I dunno about that.. might try later on ... lol We've planned to sort out the spare room when I get home from work this afternoon - this will involve lots of putting stuff up in the loft! (thank goodness she is fit and healthy - I am too heavy for the ladder and due to the old foot I can't climb ladders that well). Hopefully that will all be done in the space of an hour or so and then I will clean the room, make up the bed and feel glad that we have one spare bed all set for the end of the month (house gig).
Have a fab Friday all... xx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Friday night
Didn't have that chat with the boss, as always, he turned up late and then spent all morning dicatating letters and emails! By the time he was ready to talk about my concerns it was too late and we were being interuppted by lots of callers and it was already half an hour after I had said I wanted to leave - and I'm blowed if I'm going to have that kind of talk with him on my own time!
Got and application form for a job this afternoon and am filling that in tonight.
Not heard from "Eric" today.
Zoe and I went to look at a car this afternoon - it's a lovely car but a bit flash for a first car I think, but it's her money, her decision! It's a white Mazda and she fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. So, we are going to test drive it tomorrow.. and if we can sort out the insurance then will pick it up in the week (I need to arrange a lift there!)... she hasn't passed her test yet! I also have to talk to her instructor and get the money back for 4 lessons as she paid for 20 and had 16 and then switched instructor! Kids! lol
We haven't done the room yet - to be honest, I feel wiped out tonight - must be the early start. lol We ought to do the spare room but I really can't be bothered... should have been out with my sister tonight but thanks to stoopid knee t'aint happening! lol
Still... my foot is finally feeling a lot better now so that's good!
Stuck the diet - had a yummy chicken & mushroom soup earlier and just contemplating making a muffin... then another one later in the evening.. will maybe write some Christmas cards later.. I did my weight loss chart and drew the 4lb line, but how depressing... only lost more than that 4 times! So... might do a new one with 2lbs as the line.. lol (cop out eh!?) but if it supposed to motivate me it ain't gonna work if I can't make it to the line! lol
No idea what to do this weekend as originally I had plans to organise a christmas "do" as per Lucy's suggestion - then, last Sat she told me she was out at her mates at a party! So.. I cancelled it all... and now she's asked if I want to go to the wine bar tomorrow night after all!? Dunno what I want right now.
I'm in a very peculiar frame of mind... can't explain it really... so shan't try! lol Seem to see slim women everywhere I look and the clothes shops have beautiful clothes hanging on their size 8 mannequins... still.... this time next year... (shan't be an 8 but shall be about a 12 I hope!).
So... hanging on in there - despite the fact that I have a packet of my very very very favourite biscuits ever sitting in my kitchen (they are a present for my mate with the complicated love life!). So, think I need to shove them in the christmas present wardrobe! (out of the way).
Might just do the good old deep bubble bath thing tonight and turn on me leccy blanky and snuggle down for an early night with my book... I'm getting into it now!
Right - well, have a fun Friday night folks, and a great weekend! Hope you can stay strong and stick to whatever plan it is you are on! Toodle pip for now..! Jennie xx
Didn't have that chat with the boss, as always, he turned up late and then spent all morning dicatating letters and emails! By the time he was ready to talk about my concerns it was too late and we were being interuppted by lots of callers and it was already half an hour after I had said I wanted to leave - and I'm blowed if I'm going to have that kind of talk with him on my own time!
Got and application form for a job this afternoon and am filling that in tonight.
Not heard from "Eric" today.
Zoe and I went to look at a car this afternoon - it's a lovely car but a bit flash for a first car I think, but it's her money, her decision! It's a white Mazda and she fell in love with it as soon as she saw it. So, we are going to test drive it tomorrow.. and if we can sort out the insurance then will pick it up in the week (I need to arrange a lift there!)... she hasn't passed her test yet! I also have to talk to her instructor and get the money back for 4 lessons as she paid for 20 and had 16 and then switched instructor! Kids! lol
We haven't done the room yet - to be honest, I feel wiped out tonight - must be the early start. lol We ought to do the spare room but I really can't be bothered... should have been out with my sister tonight but thanks to stoopid knee t'aint happening! lol
Still... my foot is finally feeling a lot better now so that's good!
Stuck the diet - had a yummy chicken & mushroom soup earlier and just contemplating making a muffin... then another one later in the evening.. will maybe write some Christmas cards later.. I did my weight loss chart and drew the 4lb line, but how depressing... only lost more than that 4 times! So... might do a new one with 2lbs as the line.. lol (cop out eh!?) but if it supposed to motivate me it ain't gonna work if I can't make it to the line! lol
No idea what to do this weekend as originally I had plans to organise a christmas "do" as per Lucy's suggestion - then, last Sat she told me she was out at her mates at a party! So.. I cancelled it all... and now she's asked if I want to go to the wine bar tomorrow night after all!? Dunno what I want right now.
I'm in a very peculiar frame of mind... can't explain it really... so shan't try! lol Seem to see slim women everywhere I look and the clothes shops have beautiful clothes hanging on their size 8 mannequins... still.... this time next year... (shan't be an 8 but shall be about a 12 I hope!).
So... hanging on in there - despite the fact that I have a packet of my very very very favourite biscuits ever sitting in my kitchen (they are a present for my mate with the complicated love life!). So, think I need to shove them in the christmas present wardrobe! (out of the way).
Might just do the good old deep bubble bath thing tonight and turn on me leccy blanky and snuggle down for an early night with my book... I'm getting into it now!
Right - well, have a fun Friday night folks, and a great weekend! Hope you can stay strong and stick to whatever plan it is you are on! Toodle pip for now..! Jennie xx
kati
Gold Member
wow fantastic that the 24's fit you!!!! sounds like you're going geat with the diet. Those biscuits aren't going to help though, you should make Zoe and her friends eat them instead of keeping them in a cupboard. you can always buy more when you are finished dieting. Believe me they will be a big temptation when you find yourself struggling.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Hi Nikki... thanks for that hon.. I shoved the biscuits in the cupboard and have managed to avoid going anywhere remotely near! lol
What a day today has been! I'm pooped and it's only 10.30pm! Think I might get into me lovely warm bed and read again.. how boring am I ?? lol
Last night I was in a very odd frame of mind and then I got a call, out of the blue, from a mate of mine called Simon. (Yes, that's his real name... can't think of a pseudonym!).. so.. anyway.. he calls and asks if I would go with him to a wedding in January - on the 20th! well... as it happens I don't have any plans so I said yes, I'd love to (thinking.. already got a dress!!! LOL)... then he tells me it's in Berkshire! (blimmin MILES away!) and that he will book me into the hotel where the reception is.. I'm well chuffed and start daydreaming about whether the dress will be ok or not.. will it fit.. is it suitable for a wedding.. should I start looking for a hat! (eek!)... one of his mates (a policeman) is tying the knot and he got invited (plus guest) and he thought of me! How cool is that!?
I am well chuffed... haven't seem him in a couple of months so that's brilliant - he will be so shocked at my weight loss too! LOL hee hee hee.. bonus!
Later on he texts me to say he could only get a double room!! Hmmmm... I don't care really, he's like a brother to me.. we've been mates for a few years now.. so I'm not all that fussed but I took a note of the booking ref and will call the hotel and see if they can change it for twins ... lol Well,..he's bound to get very drunk and I shall be sober! lol
I have to say, I am really looking forward to it.. and I asked him if there would be loads of fit coppers in uniform there.. ROFL.. he said probably yeah.. so I yelped with pleasure at the very thought! LOL Tee hee...
So... beginning of Jan is the Toon, 2 weeks later wedding, following weekend is Portsmouth!!! Then , thank goodness.. nothing planned for Feb,.. BUT in March.. I have the Brum meet on the 10th, a gig on the 17th and a gig I am organising (charity one) on the 24th!!! April is clear so far, but I just got a card from some friends who have bought a hotel in North Wales and am sorely tempted to go there for a long weekend (they own fishing rights to a stretch of the river that runs behind their hotel!!)... then in May it will be Music Festival madness so no going anywhere (just as well as really, from April it will be crazy!)... and so we will be in June before we know it and my caribbean adventure with my sister in Tobago for 3 weeks!! I will need the rest of the year off to recover! Some time in all this I have to get a new job, sort out my house, keep losing weight (that's the easy part) and remain relatively sane! Hmmm... should be interesting! lol
I have to say.. I am really looking forward to 2007... and having done all that lot in the first half, I hope to enjoy the summer months at home.. (another WeMitt meet up in July/Aug perhaps ) and reaching my goal weight by my birthday in November.. but I guess time will tell!
Made a total pain of myself at the Dr's yesterday again . I have rung them every day to see if I can get the gym referral.. if not I think I shall sell my engagement rings and subscribe for a year! I want this SO much now... I just can't tell you!
So... anyway.. that was last night.. today.. well... I thought Zoe was staying at her fella's last night so I was wandering around the house this morning with nowt on and she suddenly appeared on the landing! lol I don't mind HER seeing me, but imagine if it had been her fella!!! My goodness... its been a long time since I did CPR training! lol and anyway... not sure it would have been a good thing to do nekkid anyhow!!! ROFL... anyway.. we both got ready and I took her to test drive the car we looked at yesterday afternoon..
It was lovely.. I drove it (she's too young to test drive it) and it was a dream to drive... she decided to buy it.. so .. we paid the deposit and are going to collect it next Saturday morning... ! We came home and she got online and insured it.. and joined the AA. She also paid off her holiday so now she is pretty skint but over the moon.. she has a job interview later in the week and is so looking forward to earning her own cash.
She is very excited about the car.. I don't blame her either ... it's a beauty!
I managed to chat to Sarah today too, which was lovely.. and to her boyfriend! That was odd... he came on the webcam and said hello to me and Zoe.. he seems nice enough.. hard to tell via the net...
She seems very happy though and he appears to be treating her well and as long as he does that then I am happy for her..
I still haven't mentioned the surprise gig to her, she thinks we are going to visit her nana and grandad on the 29th.. heh heh heh.. lol WRONG! It's all booked now and I am getting anxious as I haven't got enough people to pay for it all as yet.. but I've still got a couple to ask.. we shall see what happens!
I got her Christmas present form Zoe and I today.. a scanner/printer... and a suitcase! lol (so she can get her presents home! and she wants me to take her to the cash n carry to get more loo rolls! lol HOW she thinks she will get them all on the coach is beyond me!! But still... lol)
I felt very proud of my girls tonight as I was chatting to my friends in Wales.. telling them what life is doing here right now.. it was nice.
Anyway... what else.. oh yes... my mother is visiting my grandmother this weekend (I refused to go as mum was so obnoxious about my not eating - dunno if you can remember back to the start of my journey - but I wanted to do this a month earlier but hey ho... better late than never!)..
So.. umm.. car all sorted., I went through some post.. caught up with some emails.. and made a few calls... watched some crappy telly and now am on here before having a shower and getting into bed!
Must remember to listen to Bob Harris tonight on Radio 2 around midnight.. the wonderful Brian Houston is on live, he is fabbbbbbulous! If you get chance do listen, he is one of the loveliest people I have ever met!
I sorted out one of the kitchen cupboards too.. our new crockery arrived on Friday and , having washed it, I wanted to put it all away.. so out with the old mis-matched muddled sets and in with the new.. I love it and so does Zoe! Sarah liked it when I showed her on the cam too.. so a big hit taste wise on that one! It's the first full dinner service I have ever bought.. my current stuff is a mixture of 3 old sets.. one was a wedding present 20 years ago.. Hornsea pottery "Fleur".. I still have lots of it but really felt like a change - y'know?
I have been stupid with money recently though and really need to rein things in , in a BIG way.. or I'll be in trouble with the mortgage in the new year!! So.. after all these meets are done (as I have already booked and paid for the hotels etc..) then I shall become Mrs Scrooge!
Still... I don't drink booze, I don't smoke and I don't ...well anyway... even the free stuff I don't get to do!!
oooh QI is on, must dash... it's about the only thing I DO want to watch tonight! Shower will have to wait! lol
Will catch up tomorrow - hope you're all having a great weekend!
As for the diet... boringly predictable.. sticking to it 100%! Roll on Tuesday and my next weigh in!! (It'd better be good this time!! I can only give meself a pep talk once a fortnight!!!! lol ) Bye for now xxxxx
oooh... almost forgot to say! "Eric" called me this morning and we had a lovely long chat! Thinking the 23rd may still be on... BUT... me and the girls are joining a team from Church and nipping down to cook at Whitechapel Hostel in London that morning... still... I told him I shall be home in the afternoon... lol Can't believe I made arrangements to do something that day even when I knew it is supposed to be our version of Chrimbo... perhaps because I'm finally NOT gonna put my life on hold for possibilities instead of definites!????
Still like him lots though... muppet me!! (I have resembled Miss Piggy for a looooong time!)... right deffo going.. missed half of QI already!! Arggh!!! xx
What a day today has been! I'm pooped and it's only 10.30pm! Think I might get into me lovely warm bed and read again.. how boring am I ?? lol
Last night I was in a very odd frame of mind and then I got a call, out of the blue, from a mate of mine called Simon. (Yes, that's his real name... can't think of a pseudonym!).. so.. anyway.. he calls and asks if I would go with him to a wedding in January - on the 20th! well... as it happens I don't have any plans so I said yes, I'd love to (thinking.. already got a dress!!! LOL)... then he tells me it's in Berkshire! (blimmin MILES away!) and that he will book me into the hotel where the reception is.. I'm well chuffed and start daydreaming about whether the dress will be ok or not.. will it fit.. is it suitable for a wedding.. should I start looking for a hat! (eek!)... one of his mates (a policeman) is tying the knot and he got invited (plus guest) and he thought of me! How cool is that!?
I am well chuffed... haven't seem him in a couple of months so that's brilliant - he will be so shocked at my weight loss too! LOL hee hee hee.. bonus!
Later on he texts me to say he could only get a double room!! Hmmmm... I don't care really, he's like a brother to me.. we've been mates for a few years now.. so I'm not all that fussed but I took a note of the booking ref and will call the hotel and see if they can change it for twins ... lol Well,..he's bound to get very drunk and I shall be sober! lol
I have to say, I am really looking forward to it.. and I asked him if there would be loads of fit coppers in uniform there.. ROFL.. he said probably yeah.. so I yelped with pleasure at the very thought! LOL Tee hee...
So... beginning of Jan is the Toon, 2 weeks later wedding, following weekend is Portsmouth!!! Then , thank goodness.. nothing planned for Feb,.. BUT in March.. I have the Brum meet on the 10th, a gig on the 17th and a gig I am organising (charity one) on the 24th!!! April is clear so far, but I just got a card from some friends who have bought a hotel in North Wales and am sorely tempted to go there for a long weekend (they own fishing rights to a stretch of the river that runs behind their hotel!!)... then in May it will be Music Festival madness so no going anywhere (just as well as really, from April it will be crazy!)... and so we will be in June before we know it and my caribbean adventure with my sister in Tobago for 3 weeks!! I will need the rest of the year off to recover! Some time in all this I have to get a new job, sort out my house, keep losing weight (that's the easy part) and remain relatively sane! Hmmm... should be interesting! lol
I have to say.. I am really looking forward to 2007... and having done all that lot in the first half, I hope to enjoy the summer months at home.. (another WeMitt meet up in July/Aug perhaps
) and reaching my goal weight by my birthday in November.. but I guess time will tell!Made a total pain of myself at the Dr's yesterday again
. I have rung them every day to see if I can get the gym referral.. if not I think I shall sell my engagement rings and subscribe for a year! I want this SO much now... I just can't tell you! So... anyway.. that was last night.. today.. well... I thought Zoe was staying at her fella's last night
so I was wandering around the house this morning with nowt on and she suddenly appeared on the landing! lol I don't mind HER seeing me, but imagine if it had been her fella!!! My goodness... its been a long time since I did CPR training! lol and anyway... not sure it would have been a good thing to do nekkid anyhow!!! ROFL... anyway.. we both got ready and I took her to test drive the car we looked at yesterday afternoon.. It was lovely.. I drove it (she's too young to test drive it) and it was a dream to drive... she decided to buy it.. so .. we paid the deposit and are going to collect it next Saturday morning... ! We came home and she got online and insured it.. and joined the AA. She also paid off her holiday so now she is pretty skint but over the moon.. she has a job interview later in the week and is so looking forward to earning her own cash.
She is very excited about the car.. I don't blame her either ... it's a beauty!
I managed to chat to Sarah today too, which was lovely.. and to her boyfriend! That was odd... he came on the webcam and said hello to me and Zoe.. he seems nice enough.. hard to tell via the net...
She seems very happy though and he appears to be treating her well and as long as he does that then I am happy for her..
I still haven't mentioned the surprise gig to her, she thinks we are going to visit her nana and grandad on the 29th.. heh heh heh.. lol WRONG! It's all booked now and I am getting anxious as I haven't got enough people to pay for it all as yet.. but I've still got a couple to ask.. we shall see what happens!
I got her Christmas present form Zoe and I today.. a scanner/printer... and a suitcase! lol (so she can get her presents home! and she wants me to take her to the cash n carry to get more loo rolls! lol HOW she thinks she will get them all on the coach is beyond me!! But still... lol)
I felt very proud of my girls tonight as I was chatting to my friends in Wales.. telling them what life is doing here right now.. it was nice.
Anyway... what else.. oh yes... my mother is visiting my grandmother this weekend (I refused to go as mum was so obnoxious about my not eating - dunno if you can remember back to the start of my journey - but I wanted to do this a month earlier but hey ho... better late than never!)..
So.. umm.. car all sorted., I went through some post.. caught up with some emails.. and made a few calls... watched some crappy telly and now am on here before having a shower and getting into bed!
Must remember to listen to Bob Harris tonight on Radio 2 around midnight.. the wonderful Brian Houston is on live, he is fabbbbbbulous! If you get chance do listen, he is one of the loveliest people I have ever met!
I sorted out one of the kitchen cupboards too.. our new crockery arrived on Friday and , having washed it, I wanted to put it all away.. so out with the old mis-matched muddled sets and in with the new.. I love it and so does Zoe! Sarah liked it when I showed her on the cam too.. so a big hit taste wise on that one! It's the first full dinner service I have ever bought.. my current stuff is a mixture of 3 old sets.. one was a wedding present 20 years ago.. Hornsea pottery "Fleur".. I still have lots of it but really felt like a change - y'know?
I have been stupid with money recently though and really need to rein things in , in a BIG way.. or I'll be in trouble with the mortgage in the new year!! So.. after all these meets are done (as I have already booked and paid for the hotels etc..) then I shall become Mrs Scrooge!
Still... I don't drink booze, I don't smoke and I don't ...well anyway... even the free stuff I don't get to do!!
oooh QI is on, must dash... it's about the only thing I DO want to watch tonight! Shower will have to wait! lol
Will catch up tomorrow - hope you're all having a great weekend!
As for the diet... boringly predictable.. sticking to it 100%!
Roll on Tuesday and my next weigh in!! (It'd better be good this time!! I can only give meself a pep talk once a fortnight!!!! lol ) Bye for now xxxxxoooh... almost forgot to say! "Eric" called me this morning and we had a lovely long chat!
Thinking the 23rd may still be on... BUT... me and the girls are joining a team from Church and nipping down to cook at Whitechapel Hostel in London that morning... still... I told him I shall be home in the afternoon... lol Can't believe I made arrangements to do something that day even when I knew it is supposed to be our version of Chrimbo... perhaps because I'm finally NOT gonna put my life on hold for possibilities instead of definites!????Still like him lots though... muppet me!! (I have resembled Miss Piggy for a looooong time!)... right deffo going.. missed half of QI already!! Arggh!!! xx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Sunday 10th December
Well, its 2.30pm and I'm wondering which job to do next!?
So far today I've drunk about 3 pints of water and 2 mugs of bouillon.. must have a soup and/or muffin in a minute.. apart from that I've been so very very tempted by food all week & weekend! What is wrong with me???
So this morning.. I got up, showered and went off to church. It was the junior church (kiddies) nativity show and they were brilliant.. there's something very lovely about this service.. I love it.. after church there is the christmas lunch today but I opted out, first time in 5 years... but just the smell of it all had me feeling so terribly hungry for food... so.. I said my goodbyes, handed out my cards and then drove off to the local lakes... took a lovely long stroll around the lakes for about an hour... it was very cold and windy, but so peaceful .. and no food in sight! (although I did spot a food van with "lakeside cafe" emblazoned on its side.. ) I walked in the opposite direction. It was nice but tiring and very very cold and windy. It was good though as I sat for some of the time and had a long think about things. It is 2 years this Tuesday since my ex-husband left me. I feel very odd.
During the service I thought I was going to faint... but I think it was just one of those moments... memories snuck up and bit me on the ar$e... all the Christmas lunches that we (me, hubby and the girls) have been to over the years... and this year none of us going... strange feeling.. last year I went with the girls.. Oh well. Times change and I don't want to be that size again so its best missed for a year.. and next year I shall be very careful still... I should hopefully be on maintenance by then.
So, walked around the lakes, then it began to rain, just as I got back to the car, so that was ok. Got home and cooked a shepherds pie for Zoe and her fella, and a portion for the freezer.. that done and all cleared up, I got the vacuum out and did the kitchen and living room, hall and cloakroom. Wondering whether or not to wash the floors too.. decided NOT.. am tired now and my foot is beginning to hurt loads too.
So.. came on here and caught up with some of the threads I'm subscribed to and now updating this, my diary!
I think I shall have a muffin now and sit and fall asleep in the chair for a while... I have my book so will see if I can get any of that read before my eyelids take control!
Oh, also did my washing and dried some of it. So, I guess I have earned a rest!
Pub Quiz tonight.. I'm going to get there early tonight... I like the chap who runs it.. and I happen to know he is on his own... well.. at least he isn't married or living with anyone.. he has no idea I like him and that's ok.
However, I am still thinking of "Eric"... *sigh
I dunno... ... you know, all I want is a good man to love me and treat me right. I don't like this time of year on my own.. but hey ho.. not the first time and more likely than not, won't be my last!
Going to have a muffin and put the telly on... might even whack on a dvd., but not a soppy one or will be in tears! blah! Wish I didn't want food so much right now...
Well, its 2.30pm and I'm wondering which job to do next!?
So far today I've drunk about 3 pints of water and 2 mugs of bouillon.. must have a soup and/or muffin in a minute.. apart from that I've been so very very tempted by food all week & weekend! What is wrong with me???
So this morning.. I got up, showered and went off to church. It was the junior church (kiddies) nativity show and they were brilliant.. there's something very lovely about this service.. I love it.. after church there is the christmas lunch today but I opted out, first time in 5 years... but just the smell of it all had me feeling so terribly hungry for food... so.. I said my goodbyes, handed out my cards and then drove off to the local lakes... took a lovely long stroll around the lakes for about an hour... it was very cold and windy, but so peaceful .. and no food in sight! (although I did spot a food van with "lakeside cafe" emblazoned on its side.. ) I walked in the opposite direction. It was nice but tiring and very very cold and windy. It was good though as I sat for some of the time and had a long think about things. It is 2 years this Tuesday since my ex-husband left me. I feel very odd.
During the service I thought I was going to faint... but I think it was just one of those moments... memories snuck up and bit me on the ar$e... all the Christmas lunches that we (me, hubby and the girls) have been to over the years... and this year none of us going... strange feeling.. last year I went with the girls.. Oh well. Times change and I don't want to be that size again so its best missed for a year.. and next year I shall be very careful still... I should hopefully be on maintenance by then.
So, walked around the lakes, then it began to rain, just as I got back to the car, so that was ok. Got home and cooked a shepherds pie for Zoe and her fella, and a portion for the freezer.. that done and all cleared up, I got the vacuum out and did the kitchen and living room, hall and cloakroom. Wondering whether or not to wash the floors too.. decided NOT.. am tired now and my foot is beginning to hurt loads too.
So.. came on here and caught up with some of the threads I'm subscribed to and now updating this, my diary!
I think I shall have a muffin now and sit and fall asleep in the chair for a while... I have my book so will see if I can get any of that read before my eyelids take control!
Oh, also did my washing and dried some of it. So, I guess I have earned a rest!
Pub Quiz tonight.. I'm going to get there early tonight... I like the chap who runs it.. and I happen to know he is on his own... well.. at least he isn't married or living with anyone.. he has no idea I like him and that's ok.
However, I am still thinking of "Eric"... *sigh
I dunno... ... you know, all I want is a good man to love me and treat me right. I don't like this time of year on my own.. but hey ho.. not the first time and more likely than not, won't be my last!
Going to have a muffin and put the telly on... might even whack on a dvd., but not a soppy one or will be in tears! blah! Wish I didn't want food so much right now...
((((((hugs)))))))
I don't know how you do it. You're always so busy.
You've done fantastically to fight the food this weekend, you should be so proud of yourself, even feeling as emotional as you have about past memories, you've still beaten it.
Keep going hun, keep batting the memories back if they seem like they're about to bite you again. You're moving forward to where you want to and deserve to be, try to keep your focus, you'll doing so well
Kitty xxx
I don't know how you do it. You're always so busy.
You've done fantastically to fight the food this weekend, you should be so proud of yourself, even feeling as emotional as you have about past memories, you've still beaten it.
Keep going hun, keep batting the memories back if they seem like they're about to bite you again. You're moving forward to where you want to and deserve to be, try to keep your focus, you'll doing so well
Kitty xxx
mustdoit
susan
i feel exactly the same ....just want someone to love !!! although i have 3 lovely boys and a busy household and loads of great friends ........i have picked food wise a bit today standing out in the cold and rain watching them play footie .......feeling sorry for myself !! I hate sundays
cah-ching
Gold Member
Hi there FFnF
Firstly and most importantly, I'm pleased yours Sunday was so productive. Church sounded wonderful and the stroll divine, one day I may even pop down to yours and take a stroll there with you.
Well done for resisting the temptation of the week and weekend, that's better than I have done!
So onto Eric .... actually I'll PM you about that.
Your husband, life, love and the relationships we form throughout life are organic. We as human beings have an amazing ability to adapt - you are an excellent example of that; your perseverance with Cambridge is testament to your adaptability. I'm sorry your husband has created this void, this semi-bereavement in your life. It can't be nice for you especially over the next 8 weeks (I'm including Valentines Day as well). However I know you can do this.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
· Think about how you've grown as a person since he left,
· Think about the steps you've made in your life
· Think about the weight you've lost and how gorgeous you are .....
· Think about the resilience and bravery you've demonstrated in the face of adversity and uncertainty
What I would love you to do is celebrate the four points I’m mentioned above on Tuesday (the two year anniversary of him leaving); turn a negative into a positive; your melancholy into celebration.
Hope you enjoyed the remainder of your day.
Much love – as you well know J
TAKE Care
CC x
Firstly and most importantly, I'm pleased yours Sunday was so productive. Church sounded wonderful and the stroll divine, one day I may even pop down to yours and take a stroll there with you.
Well done for resisting the temptation of the week and weekend, that's better than I have done!
So onto Eric .... actually I'll PM you about that.
Your husband, life, love and the relationships we form throughout life are organic. We as human beings have an amazing ability to adapt - you are an excellent example of that; your perseverance with Cambridge is testament to your adaptability. I'm sorry your husband has created this void, this semi-bereavement in your life. It can't be nice for you especially over the next 8 weeks (I'm including Valentines Day as well). However I know you can do this.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
· Think about how you've grown as a person since he left,
· Think about the steps you've made in your life
· Think about the weight you've lost and how gorgeous you are .....
· Think about the resilience and bravery you've demonstrated in the face of adversity and uncertainty
What I would love you to do is celebrate the four points I’m mentioned above on Tuesday (the two year anniversary of him leaving); turn a negative into a positive; your melancholy into celebration.
Hope you enjoyed the remainder of your day.
Much love – as you well know J
TAKE Care
CC x
