Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[MadamDotty]

Aww Jennie, sorry to hear you're feeling low and have struggled with your diet. It's not surprising with all you've been through and are still going through at the moment, and doing two jobs and with your busy lifestyle it's taken a lot out of you, but you know that of course. Just and get some well earned rest when you can and look forward to Saturday, should be a great emotional pick up for you.

Take care & looking forward to seeing you on Saturday, when you have an actual hug to go with the virtual hugs I'm sending right now. :hug99:

xx

 

[jane]

Just a thought Jennie.
your 2 jobs plus the extras you do would be a lot for anyone not on VLCD.
So,do you think it might be worth taking a spare pack or 1/2 pack out with you.If the tired/hungry/emotional bit gets too strong then instead of cheating & feeling guilty etc,have the 'planned emergergency ration'.
Result; cope better on a hard day,no cheating,no guilt & guaranteed ketosis.

More early nights def indicated too.

 

[pandora]

don't really know what the solution is hun, but whatever , i'll allways be here with a listening ear & a hug, storing loads of them up to give you in person on Saturday
xx

 

[Redpam]

Sorry you are feeling so down and tired Jenny.

I was in the same position as you in 1994 and I had 4 young children at the time but it all came right in the end. Dont worry, you wont lose your home you will find a way.

I wont say anything other than love and hugs to you and pamper yourself.

Pam x

 

[cazmaz_irl]

Jennie, all I want to do is send ya a {{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}

see ya Saturday...:hug99:

 

[punkass]

Hi Jennie

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with everything.. think this diet intensifies all bad feelings, so many people end up beating themselves up if they cheat (me included), confidence goes and everyone feels crap. This diet is amazing when its going well, but any hiccup no matter how slight makes you fell guilty.

All i can say is at least your's was a tiny hiccup, i have had 6 weeks of eating and it is such a struggle to get back on it, I knew it would be, enough people told me, I was so disappointed with myself. You have done fantastically well and can almost parachute (that was a bit of a blow, but you've come this far, a stone will be off in a month), keep sight of your goals, remember why you are doing this and most importantly remember you're not hungry. Wish you all the best for it, you are my inspiration, you've come so far and helped so many people on here...

Good luck xxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Well, it's Friday. I went to bed and was asleep before 9.30pm last night - closer to 9 than 9.30 - and woke at 6.30 still feeling tired but not as much. Got to work at 8 having already delivered some festival programmes and posters en route, so that's another thing ticked off my 'to do' list (which, incidentally, IS getting smaller!).

I had a pep talk from a lovely friend last night and have taken her advice and am clearing my diary for the coming weeks so that I get a whole shed load of early nights in. Although I can't Monday and Thursday next week.. but am not adding in any new arrangements.

Have decided to meet the chef on Thursday for a drink. Not excited though, so not sure if it's worth going or not, will tell you on Friday.

Looking forward to tomorrow but also know I have to get through tonight first (after work estate agents, festival folk calling for progs and have to sort out fence and pack for tomorrow and make start on sorting Sarah's room so she has somewhere to sleep when she gets home Monday night!)

Put on my New Look top (the 'snug' one) Zoe reckons its better but still 'snug' so prob won't bring it to Brum which is a shame coz I love it but not point wearing it if too small.. patience is something I need to practice exercising!

No idea what I'll wear tomorrow night as all other tops are too big or too small or I don't have a red or black bra to wear under them and white straps revealed if movement are not a good thing. Will probably pack all my damn clothes and seek advice!

New rule - bed by 10 tonight no matter how much I've got done!

This morning I left a note asking Zoe to do certain houseworky things - hopefully she'll do them as I want the house half decent for agents. Also going to swallow pride and ask neighbours husbands to help sort out kitchen floor for me and ask again if one of them can fix fence this weekend.

Will be contacting a lovely lady from here about an offer she made regarding DIY in my home too. (Will prob have a chat about it tomorrow if time allows).

Must remember to take camera tomorrow and get more batteries for it. Rang hotel and have same room as last time so well chuffed about that. Determined to NOT cheat today.

Last night I did it again, straight home at gone 6, face into fridge, threw out shrivelled up mushrooms and peppers before discovering some abandoned celery. I hate celery. BUT. There it was and so was my jar of red onion marmalade. So.. 2 celery sticks and half a jar later (about 150g) I felt satiated and stupid and angry etc etc etc. As soon as Zoe got home I told her and she got the jar, tipped pepper into it, shook it and threw it in the bin for me. I know it's pathetic, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it!!

She also threw away the bag of cashew nuts that have lain dormant in the fridge door since Christmas. AND , has hidden the other jar of onion marmalade somewhere upstairs to save for Christmas. (It expires May 08).

I love her. We hugged and I thanked her. She knows how I'm struggling at the moment and hasn't moaned a bit about my crabbiness and tears and ear-plug-wearing nights at all. I know she hates being responsible for the dog when the fence is down, but, unless we put up temp fencing tonight then she has a weekend of it ahead of her!

I want to respond to each of you personally but can't right now as I would end up in tears and I need to not blow up this keyboard this morning.

Am off at 11 as have to do a post office and banking run PLUS appt at nurse at 11.45 which hopefully won't overrun so am not late for job 2.

AM getting more frustrated at job 2, but that's coz I'm tired.

NOT going to eat today. Having my soup in a little while, and going to try to drink more at Job 2 if I can as I think that will help. Only downed 2 pints in 5 hours yesterday afternoon. Will try and up it to 3 or 4 today but am bored with water and don't feel able to take in flavours just yet. Need to wait until it's just me and boss.

Not liking the fact that I cannot be contacted at all after midday until 6 because they don't approve of mobiles but I can understand their thinking. So, I have it on vibrate only and try to sneak to loo once mid afternoon. lol very schoolgirlish!

Aha! Sense of humour is returning - so tiredness must be lessening! HurraH!! Hope all are having a lovely day and are looking forward to your weekend. I am!!!

 

[Mich]

Hi Hun!

Glad to hear you got a good nights sleep and are feeling a little brighter today...... glad to hear that diary is cleared too..... at least someone listens to me.... cos my kids sure as hell don't.....

Shame the top still a big snug...... I have a selection of black bras ... I have a 38G (bit tatty but clean...lol), a A 40G strapless but have both black and clear straps, 36F strapless (in black and cream) again with straps if necessary clear only though..... let me know and I'll bring with me....

Can't you just take a bottle of your perfectly clear water to Job No. 2 and a glass...... or 'decan't some into a couple of 1 litre bottles..... sure it's not a problem?

I'm sure Zoe won't mind doing the 'chores' you've left her to do.... and there is nothing wrong with asking for help when necessary.... you just physically cannot do it all (even if you think you can..... )......

Really looking forward to tomorrow..... I've got all my stuff ironed and ready to pack..... meeting Mandy at 12.30 at Bham station and Jem at 1.30pm then trundling to hotel.....

Make sure you have that early night again tonight..... I was in bed for 10pm last night and plan on doing the same tonight.... though was woken by a 'private number' rining my mobile at 4am..... That'll teach me to leave it on at the side of my bed.....

Lots of love and see you tomorrow - drive safe......

 

[mindless]

Hiya FFnF,

I know you are off to meet the gang in Brun so won't read this till you get back, but I only just got back online after several days and have been catching up (suitcase still in the hall and jacket on the bottom of the stairs).

I am so glad you have got your Brum meet this weekend after what sees to have been a major up and down week.

It can seem so lonely when you are in crisis - even though there are loads of people around you - so to be with your mates will be fantastic.

Wish I was meeting up with you lot (although I have to say, you are probably quite scary as a bunch to a shy timid chap like myself).

I have just spent a week in hotels in London where everyone seems to be having a great time and I know that none of them appreciate the turmoil and stress that tackling our lifelong problems causes - so I understand how lonely you can feel.

I ended up going to bed dead early - not because I was knackered like you (and just reading what you do in a normal day makes me shattered) - but because I was out of the way of people having fun and doing what I so desperately wanted to do.

Even ended up last night breaking the diet and had some prawns (starter) and Liver with cabbage (detest Liver but stupid head said it was good for me so if I was going to cheat - do it with something good for you???????).

Felt sick at the end and was so tempted to ......... well you know - but decided in the end to take my punishment.

I don't know how you had the strength to lob all that stuff out - they don't make medals suitable for the dogged determination you ooze out through your diary.

So hope your weekend is fun and the girls have their 'group hug' effect on you.

Right - off to my soda water and a hot bath - my feet are killing me - Tube Train Depots are at least 1/2 a mile from the nearest station so I have walked, must be, 2-3 miles everyday in my gravity overladen feet in worn shoes (yep - blisters rule) - and I gotta do this every soddin week from now on.

Keep postin and I will try and get my laptop re-configured (IT did something to help me and have now blocked me from logging onto mail and forum sites as well as the rude stuff - perhaps they thought I was getting rude mails or something like that!) so I can log on during the week.

Keep smiling (saw your photies on the before/after thread - what a smile)

cheers

 

[juju_doll]

Hey Jennie, well done for keeping strong today, it really is a hard time at the moment, I think it is the halfway misery zone! Have a great time in Brum tomorrow and a safe journey.
Julia x

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Brummie meet up

was going to call this "B-Day" but it wouldn't have quite the right ring to it...

I can't believe it's arrived so soon! Been up 2 hours, washing done and me showered and hair washed so I can spend another hour straightening it when dry (so that hopefully it won't take that long again tonight!). Spent last night trying on all the tops I posess and asking Zoe's opinion. So, have 3 packed, 2 pink, one red and.. I'm heading into town at 9 to see if I can find a nice 'safe' black one I won't feel conspicuous in. Even though I know lots of those who are going to be there I must confess to feeling nervously excited now as there are lots more I haven't!

I was asleep last night before 11 so feeling a bit better but am sure adrenalin will kick in later and keep me on my feet all night!

Thanks for all the comments on here, I will admit to crying as I read them all again this morning - I wish I wasn't so freakin emotional right now! I do NOT want to cry this afternoon!!!!!

Going to put on some 70's cds for a while to get into the mood for tonight's partying.... but quietly as Zoe and her fella will be asleep until midday.

I love my ear-plugs! I slept like a log (again).. boy I didn't realise how much I needed sleep! Might even have a nap before heading for Brum later.

Thanks for the offers of bras Mich, only one of those will be anywhere near fitting me (the first one) t'others will be too big and too small. I might pop into bra shop this morning and see if they have anything. Not in the mood to shop though. Not in the mood for anything really - which is weird.

Still having funny moments (funny peculiar, not ha ha).. about what I look like and how I feel and food etcetc

Didn't cheat last night. Won't cheat this weekend either, I know that. Missing the gym and convinced my body is already revolting (in the rebellious as well as physical sense) at the lack of exercise and toning regimes! So.. will have to tackle that next week. I have tried calling the trainer at the gym several times but he never returns my calls, and, as I can't physically get there whilst he is there I have no choice but to write to him and hand deliver the note to the gym (another job to be done).. might write whilst in Brum and deliver on way home tomorrow afternoon. Shall think about that one.

Hate my arms - batwings are yukky. When I put my arm over my head this morning as I lay in bed the frickin wing covered me eyes - so I suppose they have a purpose - sheilding eyes from sunlight? Not even remotely funny though - they really are getting gross and I hate them. Summer tops are not going to look good, but then, I still wore them when I weighed 25 stone and they didn't look good then either. So. I guess I'll just have to grit my teeth and not flap my arms around too much!

Ewww.. dog has the most disgusting wind at the moment.. he 'lets one go' and wanders off! They are real breath-stealers too! No more low-fat Bakers Complete for him!!!

Will respond better to all your lovely comments another day when the waterworks are less likely to flow. (good job tears aren't on a water meter eh? ) lol Hope you have a good weekend. I'm gonna do me best to! Today is gonna be great! toodlers for now xx

 

[westiegirl]

Jennie, (((((still more hugs))))). You can collect them later OK?

I am looking forward to it so much. I am up and showered and just waiting for the conditioning treatment on my hair to work before I rinse it off. I tell ya, the straight perm I have had is absolutely fantastic. It shaves hours off my day! I used to have to spend hours straightening my hair only for it to frizz within 10 minutes of leaving the house! Perhaps you should look into it?

Anyway I'll see you later (it's really good to say that and actually mean it in the physical term!). Have a good journey.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

BACK FROM BRUM!

Just got home, shattered but happy. Very good time yesterday afternoon and last night too. Will say more later, but for now I need to sleep and rest my feet! It was wonderful to see old friends and new alike. Fab time in Flares for most of us, but with such a large group some stayed in hotel and made their own entertainment, others did a few pubs before joining 4 of us in flares for the rest of the night. Feet sore, losing voice, cheesy grins. All signs of a great weekend! I love these meet ups and we are already discussing another one in Brum and Kat's going to sort one out for the Toon! (which I hope to get to!!!) Hope all get home safe and sound today - I dropped Mich and her sis and mate off on my way home, Caroline was off to the airport, Anne and Shazza left this morning, and others had trains to catch and Karen, Cheryl and Debbi all had very long car journeys. So.. as I say.. will have to wait until sleep revives the memory banks and the camera is unpacked and Mich's disposable cam is developed -oh my goodness there are some VERY interesting photos on THAT!! lol Brum was packed with oompah-loompahs, elvis's, officers and gentleman and an array of 'talent' and 'eye candy' lol. Needless to say.. a pretty good time was had by all. (I hope!) xx

 

[jane]

Glad you had such a good time Jennie.
looking foreward to seeing some of the photos

 

[Mich]

Lovely to see you Jennie..... thanks so much for the life home it was very much appreciated.... don't think I could have faced the 2 hour coach trip.... Thanks to for my lovely birthday pressie it's fab and I may light it later... I have a complete 'portable....lol' camera and not a clue what is one it..... I might not be able to take it to the local Tesco to develop as I know lots of people there..... Thighs are v sore..... a 16 stone podium dancer is not pretty....LOL!!! I just thought I was 2 8 stone dancers....LOLOL!!

Speak soon - your looking ace btw......

Love

 

[MadamDotty]

Hi Jennie

Just having a quick catch up before dinner, just wanted to say how wonderful it was to finally meet you yesterday, you are as lovely as I thought you'd be from your diary. Flares was fab, so glad you *twisted my arm* & made me come with you my feet are still killing me though, I ended up driving home in my socks!

Catch you later
xxxxx

 

[Karen1972]

Jennie - just wanted to say how brilliant it was to finally meet you!!!! Look forward to seeing you again the very near future.... And you are gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[IreneH]

And your top was beautiful. And I loved seeing you again
Irene xx

 

[Summerskye]

Just a quick hi from me too. So lovely to see you again .. and you looked gorgeous last night. What a beauty you are turning into!! Quite stunning!

Love

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

The meet was fantastic, so much better than I could ever have hoped for. It was so lovely to meet up with familiar faces and lots and lots of new ones too!

My feet are killing me, well, my foot, but then I knew it would so shouldn't complain.

This weekend boosted my determination - for lots of reasons. I wish that we could all just hit this diet running and lose the weight and then get on with it but life just isn't that straightforward is it!

The weekend also boosted my confidence, being in a group gave me lots more chutzpah. Especially towards men and last night in the pub I was far more relaxed there and that was great and I had a much better time than of late.

I am so tempted to try and arrange to get to Dublin! I could fly out on the Sat morning and back on the Sunday but it will be a mad dash and I will be tired. Still... think I will have a look at flights and hotels now....

I love flying but hated the embarassment of the extender belt and overhanging the arm rests.!! Not anymore! Even with so much still to lose I am confident that it will be a far more comfortable experience this time around!

I overslept this morning so have stayed at home, which actually will do me some good, will be going to job 2 this afternoon as usual.

I hope to get a fairly early night tonight as I had very little sleep this weekend - but I have to say, I had the best time in months and am SO looking forward to the next one! In fact, I'm going to suggest a date on the thread later today when I have had a good look in the diary!