Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary
- Thread starter FatFairNForty(ish)
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HopeSprings
Gold Member
Oh Jennie, I don't think there'll be a woman reading this who doesn't recognise the sheer hell of being in a crap relationship. :sigh: Speaking personally each time it's happened to me I've vowed never to go there again... :sigh:
All that get's wiped away when we meet someone who blows that idea out of the water and we set off again in hope.
I'm reading the book (again) Men are from Mars and I quoted some of it to a girlfriend last night. She said to me, well then how can men and women EVER live together?
I don't profess to know any answers, all I can say is I'm not going to do it again.... and if I ever declare otherwise please stand me up against a wall and shoot me
Good on yer for talking yourself up, I try to do it every day.... if I believe there's a bright new tomorrow there's a chance it could happen.
Blah, blah, blah.... what I'm really trying to say is, chin up and don't let the b@stards grind you down!
Roll on Thursday and weigh in day.... you're doing FAB!!!
All that get's wiped away when we meet someone who blows that idea out of the water and we set off again in hope.
I'm reading the book (again) Men are from Mars and I quoted some of it to a girlfriend last night. She said to me, well then how can men and women EVER live together?
I don't profess to know any answers, all I can say is I'm not going to do it again.... and if I ever declare otherwise please stand me up against a wall and shoot me
Good on yer for talking yourself up, I try to do it every day.... if I believe there's a bright new tomorrow there's a chance it could happen.
Blah, blah, blah.... what I'm really trying to say is, chin up and don't let the b@stards grind you down!
Roll on Thursday and weigh in day.... you're doing FAB!!!
tech1960ps
Full Member
Hi Jennie,
Chin up girl. I do hope your day improves. Just think about riding your nice new bike.
When I used to get frustrated with my x wife I used to pop on my leather's and go for a 30 minute ride, blow the cob webs out, it allowed me to think and get things in perspective.
Chin up girl. I do hope your day improves. Just think about riding your nice new bike.
When I used to get frustrated with my x wife I used to pop on my leather's and go for a 30 minute ride, blow the cob webs out, it allowed me to think and get things in perspective.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Well, bedtime already and what a day! Really restless night with mad dreams about eating loads of yummy food at a carvery, lol Woke up feeling quite full! Bizarre,. I remember foodie dreams last time 'round..
Didn't drink enough water so must do so tomorrow and not have Dr P Zero and Coke Zero I think... just for a day or 2.. as, although I love the stuff, I think it increases my appetite and today I actually felt hungry - which I shouldn't... so... still doing 100% but not feeling like I've lost.. soon be Thursday and the scales don't lie!
Shrek : I tried ages ago to suggest him living here as a lodger but he just sulked for 24hours then pretended nothing was wrong. Still in denial now, although I really cannot believe ANYONE is THAT thick(skinned)... I have spent months being rebuffed and rejected... I guess I have given up trying now, which is a shame, because when I love someone I give 150% and show them how loved they are and would do anything to make them happy... I am a right soppy mare and love romantic notes and gestures... but there's none of that left in me for Shrek,... it's a real shame... but I know I will have to bite the bullet and tell him he to make a choice... live here as a lodger or leave. Sounds so easy doesn't it... but it's not. It should be, but it's not.
I think I will wait until the end of June and then tell him he has a month to decide and then that's it. Being a couple isn't an option any more. I know that as I don't think I feel anything much for him any more and am almost ambivalent... which is really unfair to him.
Work was good today - am trying to sort out the filing system (one I created almost 7 years ago) and it's taking ages to sort it but I will have it done by Friday no sweat!
Got home and British Gas turned up to fix my hot water problem... c0cky so and so! "Don't worry love, will have it sorted in 10 minutes"... oh really? A previous engineer had spent almost 2 hours and failed... but oh no,.. he was going to have it fixed in no time.. so I nipped to the shops and back and asked when I came back if he was done... ermm,, nope... but won't take long... his manager showed up... almost 3 hours later and it was sorted out. I had told them that I have this same problem every spring and that last year it was to do with the "silver box thingy with the pushy bit" and showed them... and whaddya know! It was!! Still... I know nothing (a la Manuel)...
Then I had a go at sorting out the naffed memory stick... ultimately forked out £45 to some US company and managed to recover my files... that saved me at least 60+ hours of work so well worth it and now backed up in triplicate!! Lesson learned! ALWAYS have at least 2 backups of your files!
Spent this evening messing about with the files and doing club type accounts and now am off to bed... tired but ok.
Mind is much clearer on longterm plans... when my lovely lodger moves out next summer I am going to sell up and sod off... going to do what I said I would do years ago... go and travel!!
I will have the bike to do it on and the finance to pay my way for a few years... and maybe enough so that when I come home (if I come home) I might have enough to rent somewhere small and cosy.. my ONLY drawback is the dog... he will still be with me next year so that could be a problem ... will cross that bridge if and when I come to it though...
Right... am off to bed to dream of fitting into my bike gear and riding my new bike! I may just get her next Monday and spend the day riding around aimlessly but very happily... or... Tuesday and taking a couple of days off and just sodding off and leave Shrek here with the dog... nah, not fair to do that... the dog would miss me!
Night all... one more sleep 'til weigh in... is it me or has it been a long week!???
Didn't drink enough water so must do so tomorrow and not have Dr P Zero and Coke Zero I think... just for a day or 2.. as, although I love the stuff, I think it increases my appetite and today I actually felt hungry - which I shouldn't... so... still doing 100% but not feeling like I've lost.. soon be Thursday and the scales don't lie!
Shrek : I tried ages ago to suggest him living here as a lodger but he just sulked for 24hours then pretended nothing was wrong. Still in denial now, although I really cannot believe ANYONE is THAT thick(skinned)... I have spent months being rebuffed and rejected... I guess I have given up trying now, which is a shame, because when I love someone I give 150% and show them how loved they are and would do anything to make them happy... I am a right soppy mare and love romantic notes and gestures... but there's none of that left in me for Shrek,... it's a real shame... but I know I will have to bite the bullet and tell him he to make a choice... live here as a lodger or leave. Sounds so easy doesn't it... but it's not. It should be, but it's not.
I think I will wait until the end of June and then tell him he has a month to decide and then that's it. Being a couple isn't an option any more. I know that as I don't think I feel anything much for him any more and am almost ambivalent... which is really unfair to him.
Work was good today - am trying to sort out the filing system (one I created almost 7 years ago) and it's taking ages to sort it but I will have it done by Friday no sweat!
Got home and British Gas turned up to fix my hot water problem... c0cky so and so! "Don't worry love, will have it sorted in 10 minutes"... oh really? A previous engineer had spent almost 2 hours and failed... but oh no,.. he was going to have it fixed in no time.. so I nipped to the shops and back and asked when I came back if he was done... ermm,, nope... but won't take long... his manager showed up... almost 3 hours later and it was sorted out. I had told them that I have this same problem every spring and that last year it was to do with the "silver box thingy with the pushy bit" and showed them... and whaddya know! It was!! Still... I know nothing (a la Manuel)...
Then I had a go at sorting out the naffed memory stick... ultimately forked out £45 to some US company and managed to recover my files... that saved me at least 60+ hours of work so well worth it and now backed up in triplicate!! Lesson learned! ALWAYS have at least 2 backups of your files!
Spent this evening messing about with the files and doing club type accounts and now am off to bed... tired but ok.
Mind is much clearer on longterm plans... when my lovely lodger moves out next summer I am going to sell up and sod off... going to do what I said I would do years ago... go and travel!!
I will have the bike to do it on and the finance to pay my way for a few years... and maybe enough so that when I come home (if I come home) I might have enough to rent somewhere small and cosy.. my ONLY drawback is the dog... he will still be with me next year so that could be a problem ... will cross that bridge if and when I come to it though...
Right... am off to bed to dream of fitting into my bike gear and riding my new bike! I may just get her next Monday and spend the day riding around aimlessly but very happily... or... Tuesday and taking a couple of days off and just sodding off and leave Shrek here with the dog... nah, not fair to do that... the dog would miss me!
Night all... one more sleep 'til weigh in... is it me or has it been a long week!???
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Good morning!
Slept well (hurrah!) and woke without the alarm just minutes before it was set to go off - a good sign as it shows my body is getting back into a good routine.
Decided to crack on with club shop orders and got those ready whilst drying from shower... also managed to sort out some rubbish in my bedroom so am feeling quite upbeat and breezy (not in the flatulance sense!) right now...
Shrek was already up and ... watching telly... he was almost apoplectic yesterday when it wasn't working... I felt sorry for him in a way, he cuts a pretty pathetic figure at the moment in his dressing gown and slippers... looks all his years and then some... it's not been good for him, living with me, and I know it's taken it's toll... and I feel bad about that. I think he realises that it really is just a matter of somewhere to live now. Then again, I don't know.. he's such a closed book I can never tell and, I've given up trying to.
This morning I'm a tad unfocused at work but once off here (oh how addictive it is!) I shall sit and plan my work and the rest of my day... I know that once I get home, weather permitting, I shall do the garden - something that Shrek has never done, I shall do the nasty job of de-pooing the back lawn (well, it's sort of a lawn) cut the grass, then do the front and trim the hedge and then, energy and weather permitting, I shall also try and sort out the now dead plant that hangs listlessly over the back fence... Hate how it all looks since the neighbours at the back of my house decided to murder it all on their side and didn't consider the impact on my side... already had to take a whole load to the dump. Still, I understand why they did it... it was ruining their garage roof, but, what was once a lovely green view is now a white tarpaulin that looks horrendous! (Will take pics to show you what I mean)... really used to love my back garden but it looks dreadful now. Oh, and the pond pump has packed up too! lol
Fish are still surviving though so am hoping it will be ok..
Argh - the kids have all arrived for the nursery - where I work there is only a partition wall between myself and a hall full of screaming toddlers... it used to be a nice noise... laughing etc but they have a different bunch this term and there are 2 boys who think it wonderful to yell and scream all day and bang on the adjoining wall as much as possible.. lol
I am sure if I wanted to I could make a fuss, but hey, they're little and having fun, but moreover... it's soon going to be half term! lol
Right - must get off now and do some accounts and probably more file sorting...
Hope all have a great day!
Weigh in tomorrow! Can't wait but hope my drinking of coke zero and Dr P zero haven't had a bad impact!
Oh... just thought,... must vacuum and polish this afternoon as the dust is making me chesty (and not in an ooo-er missus way!)
Thanks for letting me offload about Shrek.. will try to limit myself to one gripe a day... LMAO! Later! xxx
Slept well (hurrah!) and woke without the alarm just minutes before it was set to go off - a good sign as it shows my body is getting back into a good routine.
Decided to crack on with club shop orders and got those ready whilst drying from shower... also managed to sort out some rubbish in my bedroom so am feeling quite upbeat and breezy (not in the flatulance sense!) right now...
Shrek was already up and ... watching telly... he was almost apoplectic yesterday when it wasn't working... I felt sorry for him in a way, he cuts a pretty pathetic figure at the moment in his dressing gown and slippers... looks all his years and then some... it's not been good for him, living with me, and I know it's taken it's toll... and I feel bad about that. I think he realises that it really is just a matter of somewhere to live now. Then again, I don't know.. he's such a closed book I can never tell and, I've given up trying to.
This morning I'm a tad unfocused at work but once off here (oh how addictive it is!) I shall sit and plan my work and the rest of my day... I know that once I get home, weather permitting, I shall do the garden - something that Shrek has never done, I shall do the nasty job of de-pooing the back lawn (well, it's sort of a lawn) cut the grass, then do the front and trim the hedge and then, energy and weather permitting, I shall also try and sort out the now dead plant that hangs listlessly over the back fence... Hate how it all looks since the neighbours at the back of my house decided to murder it all on their side and didn't consider the impact on my side... already had to take a whole load to the dump. Still, I understand why they did it... it was ruining their garage roof, but, what was once a lovely green view is now a white tarpaulin that looks horrendous! (Will take pics to show you what I mean)... really used to love my back garden but it looks dreadful now. Oh, and the pond pump has packed up too! lol
Fish are still surviving though so am hoping it will be ok..
Argh - the kids have all arrived for the nursery - where I work there is only a partition wall between myself and a hall full of screaming toddlers... it used to be a nice noise... laughing etc but they have a different bunch this term and there are 2 boys who think it wonderful to yell and scream all day and bang on the adjoining wall as much as possible.. lol
I am sure if I wanted to I could make a fuss, but hey, they're little and having fun, but moreover... it's soon going to be half term! lol
Right - must get off now and do some accounts and probably more file sorting...
Hope all have a great day!
Weigh in tomorrow! Can't wait but hope my drinking of coke zero and Dr P zero haven't had a bad impact!
Oh... just thought,... must vacuum and polish this afternoon as the dust is making me chesty (and not in an ooo-er missus way!)
Thanks for letting me offload about Shrek.. will try to limit myself to one gripe a day... LMAO! Later! xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Oh yes - LOVE Lands End... wasn't it such a great day!
I think you are ever so lucky having the torch start there... excellent starting point... I did suggest they may like to include my place on their route but am still awaiting their response... am guessing it's a no... lol lol
tech1960ps
Full Member
Travelling on your bike , that would be fun. :jelous:Around Europe maybe or just the uk ?
Sorry to hear how bad it is between you and Shrek. You would be better off getting rid of him now rather then later:sigh:,it would be better for both of you in the long run. Good luck with tomorrows weigh in.
Sorry to hear how bad it is between you and Shrek. You would be better off getting rid of him now rather then later:sigh:,it would be better for both of you in the long run. Good luck with tomorrows weigh in.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
MOAN ALERT !!! Am seething, been at work, come home and worked on club stuff and am so tired. Expressed my tiredness and thought, ok, perhaps Shrek'll offer to do the garden. Wrong!! He just got his laptop out and played his stupid war and shooting games. So, now I'm even more wiped out as I've now done the gardening!!!
Daren't speak to him for fear of what I might say, so, running a big deep bubble bath and turning in for the night. Sometimes it's best to just s.t.f.u!!!!!
Here endeth today's rant ...!
Daren't speak to him for fear of what I might say, so, running a big deep bubble bath and turning in for the night. Sometimes it's best to just s.t.f.u!!!!!
Here endeth today's rant ...!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
tech1960ps said:Travelling on your bike , that would be fun. :jelous:Around Europe maybe or just the uk ?
Sorry to hear how bad it is between you and Shrek. You would be better off getting rid of him now rather then later:sigh:,it would be better for both of you in the long run. Good luck with tomorrows weigh in.
I agree but it's a bit more complicated than that. I don't want to hurt him, but I feel like I am every day just by being here. Whilst I'm not in love with him anymore I do care for him, BUT, he is a grown man and he isn't my responsibility and I ought to be able to just give it to him straight.. To be honest I'm worried he might do something crazy and hurt himself. He's threatened it before( in deed not direct words). Argh! Well, will have time to think whilst I soak...
And yes, did think about touring Europe on bike ... Lots of things I want to do but none of them will happen if I stay here with him.. Says it all really .
Redpam
Living the Life
Jennie, I am so sorry you have such an awful dilemma with Shrek. I have been there and it is an awful position to be in.
Selling up and travelling around on your bike sounds a great idea. You have nothing to lose and would have such a great time doing it. New people, new experiences - wonderful. If you get fed up somewhere you just get on your bike and move on.
Good luck with weigh in tomorrow. When you did the diet last time didn't you drink calorie free fizzy pineapple from Asda? That never hurt your losses.
Pam xxx
Selling up and travelling around on your bike sounds a great idea. You have nothing to lose and would have such a great time doing it. New people, new experiences - wonderful. If you get fed up somewhere you just get on your bike and move on.
Good luck with weigh in tomorrow. When you did the diet last time didn't you drink calorie free fizzy pineapple from Asda? That never hurt your losses.
Pam xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Thanks Pam and welcome home!
I drank loads of Asda appleade but they don't flippin sell it anymore - and yep, it never hurt so am hoping that the Dr P Zero and the COke Zero won't either.
Am nervously excited about weigh in as no idea what the scales will say, although they WILL show some kind of loss - they have to! The only thing that may affect it is that my monthly nightmare is due so will have to wait and see.
I do feel guilty for slagging off Shrek so much... :sigh: he's not all bad... he is a really nice guy... and he does try... just too little too late really. Have decided to sit him down at beginning of July and give him choice to stay as a lodger or move out by August. No "I don't knows" accepted. Have heard enough of those to last me a lifetime. So much so I was thinking of renaming him Mavis!
Had a dreadful night last night... serves me right for going to bed with a cob on ... lol (Mood for those who think I wear bread in my hair!!)
Can tell I'm losing weight though as my nightshirt actually fell over my lardyar$e and beyond rather than having to be hoicked down. I get fully dressed before bed these days... nightshirt and jimmy's... don't like Shrek to see me nekkid or even partially clothed... and I NEVER look at him if he's getting dressed etc... such a bizarre feeling... to have gone from love to this... :sigh:
Going to try on my biking trousers tonight and, if they fit, am going to get my bike on Sunday afternoon. I've decided. No more umming-an- ahhing... it's got to be done!!
Diet-wise - well... still plodding on, this feels like it's been a really long week... but am so tired and cold that I know it's working., lol... I ought to be on step 4 apparantly but hey, SSing works its magic and so I am gritting teeth and getting on with it.
Must admit, may well resort to more bubble baths with early nights as that was quite nice last night... and now I have the hot water sorted out it's possible!! Looking forward to the times when I don't get the awful bath tsunami experience any more... I remember last time how excited I was to lay in the bath with forming a sodding dam!! lol
Patience Jennie!! Patience!! I will be there by September time I reckon... if not then definitely by my birthday in November..
Hope all have a great day and will update after weigh-in! xxx
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Well, stone me (not literally thanks all the same) but... weigh in numero trois (that's my attempt at foreign for 3) and another 6lbs gone!!! Making a jaw-dropping total of (drum roll if you please) 21lbs in 17 days!! Un-flippin-believable!!!
Well - hurrah for Dr P zero and Coke Zero says I !! lol
And to celebrate.... a big hot steaming mug of spicy tomato soup!!
A stone and a half gone already - I am one extremely happy bunny!!!
PLUS... just another 4lbs and I crash through into the next stone down ... i.e.. if I now weigh 28 stone 4, and lose 5 lbs, I would be 27 stone 13... (NB I don't weigh that much but used an extreme as my example)... one day I will divulge my weight but not yet... when I've lost about 5 stone I might say... lol lol )
So - hurrah hurrah hurrah!! Quick trip to Tesco on way home and fridge fully stocked with bottled water, Dr P Zero, Tesco Diet Cream Soda (no citric acid).. and Coke Zero...
Sadly Shrek took almost an hour to enquire about the weigh in but then he was concentrating... on Antiques Roadshow.
Still, never mind, my girls are thrilled and very supportive... supposed to be camping tomorrow... but hail stones and thunder here at the moment... yuck!!
Well - hurrah for Dr P zero and Coke Zero says I !! lol
And to celebrate.... a big hot steaming mug of spicy tomato soup!!
A stone and a half gone already - I am one extremely happy bunny!!!
PLUS... just another 4lbs and I crash through into the next stone down ... i.e.. if I now weigh 28 stone 4, and lose 5 lbs, I would be 27 stone 13... (NB I don't weigh that much but used an extreme as my example)... one day I will divulge my weight but not yet... when I've lost about 5 stone I might say... lol lol )
So - hurrah hurrah hurrah!! Quick trip to Tesco on way home and fridge fully stocked with bottled water, Dr P Zero, Tesco Diet Cream Soda (no citric acid).. and Coke Zero...
Sadly Shrek took almost an hour to enquire about the weigh in but then he was concentrating... on Antiques Roadshow.
Still, never mind, my girls are thrilled and very supportive... supposed to be camping tomorrow... but hail stones and thunder here at the moment... yuck!!
HopeSprings
Gold Member
YAY I was here like a rat up a drainpipe to give you my heartiest of congratulations!! That is the best news I've had all day (shows what a crap day I've had ) what a fabulous result!!
You're just rockin'
I'm sooooooooo pleased that the diet Dr P did no harm.... I've got bottles of the stuff on my shelf. Now I'm going to consider Tesco diet cream soda too... thanks for that!
Go to the top of the class
Brilliant!
That is the best news I've had all day (shows what a crap day I've had ) what a fabulous result!! You're just rockin'
I'm sooooooooo pleased that the diet Dr P did no harm.... I've got bottles of the stuff on my shelf. Now I'm going to consider Tesco diet cream soda too... thanks for that!
Go to the top of the class
Brilliant!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Thank you .... am still beaming here ... not entirely sure about the Tesco Diet soda but it has no citric acid so thought it worth a try - will check the other stuff that's in it and make a more informed decision later and will let you know... it has got phosphoric acid so am wondering if drunk with water if that will cause any funny flames and mild explosions! lol
tech1960ps
Full Member
Way to go Jennie !!! Brilliant result Keep going.
Keep going.
